Dufus & Shirt…

….Sch…Sch… (You know WHO)

Given the speed with which they had been rushed through, the month before, Dufus and Shirt were keen to meet the lovely India Fisher again. Seventh Galaxy had arranged a swift return from Ms. Fisher to promote the first CD in the third Large Endings' McGann season, and so it was that Shirt offered his hospitality to Dufus once more. The signing was also to feature Benjamin Cook, the author of the newly released guide to the Large Endings' releases, as well as Rob Shearman, author of the new CD, as well as other Large Endings' staff members. The late announcement of Shirt's beloved Ms. Bryant, meant that it was a definite trip.

Dufus arrived on the Saturday morning, and after a brief stop for coffee, the two made their way to the railway station, Dufus taking great care not to fall over on the platform this time. The two made good time, and they were soon at the shopping centre and walking past the shortest queue for some time. Entering the shop, there was much toing-and-froing, as the two selected items for themselves and as presents for others.

"Is there much different in this updated Merchandise Guide", Dufus asked Big Ted.

"Yes", he replied, knowing a sure sale when he sees one.

Dufus obliged by buying said tome. It also became clear at this point that Dufus was unable to say the title of the new audio - Scherzo.

"I've already paid for Sch…Sch…", he attempted to tell Big Ted, until being told to ask Rob how it was pronounced.

Picking up their purchases and copies of the "Large Endings' CD Magazine", they left the shop.

Having checked that they weren't on the video of the previous month's event, Dufus and Shirt joined the queue. Sitting looking at Shirt's bag of purchases, Dufus noticed a book.

"Ooh, ‘Short Trips: Steel Skies’, I forgot to buy that!", he exclaimed.

"It's your Christmas present, you picked it about five minutes ago", replied an incredulous Shirt.

Dufus then displayed a complete lack of being unable to complete a sentence, getting halfway through each one, before forgetting how it ended, or in some cases even began. Shirt didn't care, he never listens to anything Dufus says, and was too busy reading the three "Steel Skies" stories that featured Peri before he gave the book to Dufus. Having realised that they had forgot to set their videos for a Basil Rathbone Sherlock Holmes film, both 'phoned home and their mothers, to get this done.

At 12.30pm, the queue started moving, surprisingly quickly, and before they knew it, Dufus and Shirt were at the front of the queue. Having been gestured forward, they were told that in order to get Ms. Bryant's autograph, they had to buy one of her raffle tickets, but that all other guests were as many items as you like. Nodding assent, and stowing his Colin Baker-style multicoloured umbrella behind one of the entrance guarding Daleks, Shirt led the way into the shop. Somehow, Dufus managed to retake the lead during this manoeuvre, and was first to Ms. Bryant. The raffle tickets being £2 each, both Dufus and Shirt bought two, and got "Zagreus" signed by the lovely Nicola. Dufus also got his "Large Endings: Inside Story" book signed, but had to pass it to Nicola due to her continuing back problems. Next up with Steve Johnson who had designed the cover for "Scherzo", who happily signed Shirt and Dufus' covers, as well as one for Chalky (Dufus' Christmas present to him).

Rob Shearman was next, and greeted Shirt warmly, stating that it was a long time since he had last seen him. Pleasantries about "Jubilee" and "Deadline" exchanged, Rob signed Shirt's "Scherzo" and "Audio Script Book 3" (a present from Dufus). Moving on, Jason Haigh-Ellery put his mark in the boys' "Inside Story"'s and on "Scherzo". India was next and was amazed at the number of covers that Dufus put down for her to sign, happily signing them all. She was ecstatic when Dufus produced his "Tractor Girls" programme (see CDS…Go On A Mad Tractor Dash). Nick Briggs, who was sitting next to India, piped up that he had been in a play with India's female co-star, in which he looked up her skirt, but everyone simply ignored him. Dufus moved on, but not before attempting to take two photos of India, falling over on both occasions that he squatted down (He later admitted to being distracted by Ms. Fisher's ample bosom). Shirt then put down an even larger pile of covers, which India again happily signed, as well as Shirt's "Tractor Girls" programme and flyer. Shirt became aware that the woman behind him was getting a bit impatient, and so moved on to Nick Briggs.

Mr. Briggs was also surprised by the number of covers given to him by Dufus, but again Shirt trumped him with more. All Dalek related covers signed, the two moved on to Gary Russell, the woman behind Shirt becoming even more impatient. Two more large piles of covers were proffered and signed. Deciding to get Mr. Russell in his "Audio Script Book 3", Shirt reached into his bag to get it, but found he had been beaten by the irate woman behind, who had started to get her items signed.

Leaving the shop, and after Shirt had gone back for his umbrella, the two friends wandered around Barking for a short time, looking for a frame for the picture that Shirt had bought Tigger for Christmas, and to stock up on sweets for a trip to the cinema that night. Returning to Seventh Galaxy, the Christmas Party was in full swing. Grabbing a plate of food, they attempted to mingle with the guests, who sensibly were in a large group. Misses Fisher and Bryant were engaged in conversation, and Shirt found herself transfixed by the sight of his top two WHO babes together (Just like in his dreams - except they were clothed). Finally, they managed to capture Gary Russell, and spoke about how previous audios had been received.

"Please don't mention 'He Jests At Scars' !", thought Shirt, worried that he might give his real opinion to its author.

Gary also revealed various snippets of information, which due to the confidential manner in which they were revealed, we are unable to repeat. Gary finally managed to escape, and after a retrospective of the year with Little Ted, the two left the shop.

The return to Shirt's home was a long one, due to the crowds Christmas shopping, and several detours to find a specific book for Chalky's Christmas present from Shirt. However, finally the two arrived at Shirt's abode, almost exactly at the time that they were due to be meeting Chalky and Tigger several miles away. Cue quick present wrapping. Just as they were about to leave, the 'phone rang.

"Where are you ?", asked Chalky.

"We're just coming", said Dufus, lying through his teeth.

The journey to Chalky's house took longer than expected due to traffic, and on arrival found Chalky and Tigger just on their way out to the cinema. Due to not wanting to mess about, the four went in two cars, arriving just in time for the start of the 3 1/2 hours of visual treat that was "LOTR: Return of the King".

The film completed, and Dufus nearly falling asleep due to having been up for over eighteen hours, the party retired to Chalky's where presents including LEGO, "Clerks" Inaction Figures & DVDs, pictures, board games, videos and books were exchanged. At 12.30am, it was decided that enough was enough, and all returned to their night-time accommodation. The next morning, Dufus slept late, before leaving Shirt's to visit other London-based friends, prior to wending his way back up to the Midlands.

[PL]