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and "Fred"|
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Dufus |
Mary |
Shirt |
Having sampled the delights (ooh er, missus) of Ms. Sutton and Ms. Bowerman, the previous day, the chance to meet Ms. Mary Tamm, the first incarnation of the time-lady known as Romana for short, beckoned to our chums. Enigma had to work, Chris was unable to afford the train fare for another jaunt, and Chalky needed to accompany his church congregation on his organ (Actually, it was a piano, but that wouldn’t have allowed a cheap organ joke to be made). So therefore, it was left up to Dufus and Shirt to hold the group’s honour (and to try to get some of Chalky’s "Key to Time" videos signed).
The jaunt began from Dufus’ home (always a mistake), where after finally locating his keys, the two set off. However, they were already halfway along Dufus’ road, before Dufus realised that he had forgotten his travelcard, which he needed to renew at the station. Leaving Shirt sheltering under his broken umbrella in the torrential rain that had appeared out of nowhere, Dufus "sprinted" back to the house, in a very convincing Barry from Eastenders impression. Returning looking like a drowned puppy, the two continued to the station to find that they had just missed a train, and therefore, had to wait over twenty-five minutes for the next one.
Just under two hours later, the two friends arrived at Seventh Galaxy to find a queue of a similar length to the previous day, but this time they would be at the back of it, not the middle. Entering the shop, Dufus then spent ten minutes deciding which Harlequin Miniatures Box Set, he would like from Chalky for Christmas, whilst Shirt selected a "Robots of Death" triple-pack to add to the CD he was already getting from the generous Chalky. Purchasing pictures of Ms. Tamm, Shirt decided to buy one for Enigma as he already had a signed picture of Mary (and had agreed to bring Enigma’s "Companions" book, but forgot), and so picked the smaller, less seductive (and coincidentally cheapest) photo, to the surprise of Big Ted who attempted to persuade him to buy one of the larger sexy ones. Dufus had no such compunctions, buying a large sexy one for himself. Leaving the shop, the two passed Ms. Tamm, her hair pulled up onto her head. Joining the back of the queue, the two attempted to avoid being asked by passers-by, "Who is it, dear ?".
The signing began on time (I’ll repeat that, ON TIME !!!!), and the queue moved quickly, leading our
compadres to think that there was a strict number of items policy. However, on reaching the front of the queue, it seemed that everyone was getting everything they had brought signed, as Ms. Tamm’s hands moved as a blur, signing items like a robotic machine. In fact, when the two commented on her speed later, she put it down to her "big hands" (but we are getting ahead of ourselves). At the door, they were relieved of their coats and bags by Poppy, who promised to look after them, before "amusingly" pretending to run off with them. Dufus reached Ms. Tamm first, and dutifully got all his "Key to Time" videos signed, as well as "Companions", "The Seventies" & one of Chalky’s covers. After a quick pose with a falsely smiling Ms. Tamm, for Shirt to take a photo, he managed to carry all his items to the door, without dropping them. Shirt proffered Enigma’s photo to Mary, asking "Can you sign it to Enigma ?". "Enigma ? That’s not you, is it ?", enquired the time-lady. "Only at weekends !", answered Shirt, plagiarising a joke (as usual), last used by Chalky at Weston-Super-Mare (see C, D & S….Do Like to Be Beside The Seaside). Ms. Tamm laughed politely, and signed one of Chalky’s covers. Four "Key to Time" covers, the Poster Book, "Companions", a final cover for Chalky, and another forced pose later, the two left Seventh Galaxy for the last time in this millennium (if you’re a pedant), winding their merry way home.