Shirt & Zygon Curry...

...The Glorious Twelfth - LIVE

Guest starring: Tanner & Macbeth

(AS SEEN ON TV)

BBC Tickets had announced an intriguing event, a pilot entertainment show on classic series that was starting with the 50th Anniversary of WHO, in which they encouraged attending fans to cosplay. Both Shirt and Zygon Curry applied for tickets (Chalky was on holiday on the date in question), but neither was successful. However, a few days before the event, Zygon Curry texted Shirt to say that a friend had given him his tickets, and inviting him to join him and two others at said event, which was to take place at Elstree Studios. Both were mediumly excited by the prospect, but a day later, Zygon Curry texted again:

‘We’re going to have to go earlier, it’s going to be very popular. Explain later’.

A quick jaunt online, and all became clear – the entertainment pilot was a cover story, in fact Shirt & Zygon Curry had tickets to the live announcement of the Twelfth Doctor, being transmitted simultaneously to the whole of the UK and USA. It was therefore agreed that although entry to the site was not until 5pm, they would meet at Elstree station at 2pm.

Shirt’s carefully planned route went without problem, but due to much of his travels being underground, he finally emerged into the light to many texts from Zygon Curry. The last when it finally arrived, asked if Shirt had reached Hendon yet, and looking out of the window, Shirt saw that they were just pulling in at that moment, and Zygon Curry was standing on the platform. Shirt therefore banged hard on the window, and soon the two were sitting opposite each other for the final ten minutes of the train journey. Neither were cosplaying, but Zygon Curry had a Seventh Doctor umbrella and Tenth Doctor Converses, whilst Shirt had a small badge (purchased the day before) with the legend ‘I’m The New Doctor’.

Alighting at Elstree & Borehamwood Station, Zygon Curry hurried Shirt past other fans, in order to be further up the queue (this proved to be irrelevant as it turned out). On exiting the station, they saw uber-fan Mr. Quarrelstick (see D&S...Carri-on-(all)-nite!!) standing at a nearby bus-stop with a friend dressed as Mr. Saxon.

“How are you getting there ?”, asked Mr. Quarrelstick.

“We’re walking”, replied Zygon Curry, “it’s only ten minutes”.

The uber-fan and Mr. Saxon therefore gave up waiting for a bus and joined Shirt and Zygon Curry in a brisk walk down the High Street, then a sharp turn left to where the queuing area had been set up.

Whilst they walked, Mr. Quarrelstick revealed that he is to be in a new fan-film and Zygon Curry annoyed Mr. Quarrelstick by revealing that he and Shirt intended to join Tanner the third member of their group, who had texted to say that he was two-thirds of the way along the first queuing area.

“But he’s got our tickets”, put forward Zygon Curry.

“Well he can give you your tickets, and you can join the back of the queue with us”, countered Mr. Quarrelstick.

True to his word, Zygon Curry did join Tanner (quickly followed by Shirt), slipping under the plastic tape that formed the barrier. Mr. Quarrelstick and Mr. Saxon went to the back of the queue, where the former removed his shirt to reveal a ‘Bert from “Sesame Street” T-shirt with the legend ‘Grumpy’, whilst glaring ‘daggers’ at Shirt and Zygon Curry. After around fifteen minutes, Zygon Curry finally got round to introducing Tanner and Shirt to each other, Shirt complimenting Tanner on his ‘Van Gogh TARDIS exploding’ T-shirt.

The fans next to the friends then opened a large box to reveal DW cupcakes made with the new Lakeland bakeware, which excited Zygon Curry so much that he wasn’t sure what to do first, eat one (as offered by the fans) or take photos of them.

Shirt meanwhile was marvelling at the variety of cosplay costumes, being able to see versions of all eleven Doctors, including a long red-haired Davison and several Tennants.

Photos were then taken of the gang, with Shirt having to take at least four of Zygon Curry until there was one that he approved of.

An ice-cream van having identified a captive customer-base had pulled up, and was doing such a roaring trade that it had to drive away to restock, returning fifteen minutes later.

After a short while, one of Zygon Curry’s friends sidled up with his ‘inside track’ on the next Doctor. The front-runners were currently Daniel ‘BT adverts’ Rigby and Peter Capaldi.

“Rigby’s supposed to be in a play today, but the website says that his understudy is going on instead”, said the friend in a voice deep with meaning.

Shirt found himself getting very disappointed at the seemingly strong prospect of a new Doctor not that dissimilar to the current one.

“What about Capaldi ?”, asked Zygon Curry.

“I can tell you for a fact that it’s not Capaldi !”, said the friend in a tone that seemed convincing.

The conversation also brought out the interesting fact that Peter Capaldi was Barry Letts’ son-in-law. (A piece of trivia that Shirt took with a ‘pinch of salt’.)

Fed up with standing in the same place for a long time, Zygon Curry went off to speak to friends further up the queue, managing to trip over the plastic tape as he attempted to step over it. Whilst there, Mr. Quarrelstick decided to get his revenge by offering £10 to the ‘knowledgeable fan’ to slap Zygon Curry, which he did (but did not receive the money). On his return, in his efforts not to trip again, Zygon Curry succeeded in knocking his Seventh Doctor umbrella to the hard floor, causing some of the red paint on the handle to flake off, much to his consternation which continued for several minutes.

Time moving slowly, Shirt took the opportunity to eat his packed lunch, cross-legged on the floor.

The queue slowly got longer and longer, but there was still no sign of Macbeth, the fourth member of their group.

Having had a drink, it was inevitable that Shirt would need ‘the facilities’ and so ducked under the tape, and managed to sneak in to use the ones in a nearby fast-food restaurant without having to buy anything (passing a remarkably good Valeyard costume and woman dressed as a Dalek on the way).

Back in the queue, Shirt was just in time to see the sight of the afternoon, someone dressed as the Master, carrying three large ice-cream cones from the van.

Macbeth had got in touch, and Zygon Curry texted her directions of how to get from the station to the queue.

Mr. Quarrelstick was still glaring at the friends whenever they looked in his direction.

The sun was now beating down, meaning that all the cosplaying fans in heavy frockcoats and long woollen scarves were looking slightly the worse for wear.

Finally Macbeth arrived (her ACE bomber jacket and braided hair putting the others to shame), seemingly having acted as a Pied Piper for fans, leading them from the station, even to the extent of nearly leading them into the road in front of car.

“Just think I could have died without finding out who the Twelfth Doctor is”, mused Macbeth.

“I think you might want to look at your priorities again”, countered Tanner.

Having squeezed under the tape (the next group of fans looking put out), introductions were made, and more time was wasted. Then the first stewards moved along the queue, which now stretched up the side road, having completely filled the queuing area. The fans in front spoke to them, and confirmed that those in costume would get better seats.

This led Zygon Curry to decide to change his T-shirt from a LOTR/Disney-themed one to a Doctor Who crossover one. He initially attempted to do so next to the queue, but mock concern over his naked chest expressed by the other three and ‘the knowledgeable fan’, meant that he moved a short distance away, changing behind a car.

On Zygon Curry’s return, Shirt was initially confused by the two figures on the new T-shirt, one of whom seemed to be the Eleventh Doctor but suddenly noticed that the TARDIS was a pineapple and said ‘Psychic Detective’ on it.

“It’s a Doctor Who/Psych crossover T-shirt”, squealed Macbeth, just beating Shirt to the punch, as he realised that the two figures were ‘Psych’s Shawn and Gus (the former dressed as Eleven).

A few minutes later there was a bit of fun when a wasp caused both Zygon Curry and Macbeth to hop around like five year olds.

Macbeth also revealed that she had recently been at a party at the National Theatre with Shirt's current object of lust, Louise Brealey.

“I'm not sure why she was there”, said Macbeth.

Needless to say, Shirt knew all about Ms. Brealey's current associations with the NT.

Time was limping towards 5pm, and stewards began mingling behind the gates, and the queue was encouraged to concertina together.

Eventually, the gates opened a crack, a little like the scene in “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory”, and fans began entering single file. As they passed the those queuing next to them, several fans admired Zygon Curry’s T-shirt.

Finally, they reached the gates, Tanner produced the tickets from a pocket on his knee, and Macbeth separated them from their staple. Stickers stuck to each one, and they entered the complex, being directed around to the left. Next they were given a list of studio rules to read, and a plastic bag to put their mobile phones in, as these would not be allowed in the studio. Zygon Curry insisted on tweeting right up until they reached the security check, and Macbeth sealed the bag.

Having negotiated the airport-style security and deposited their phones with the security staff, they moved off into a canteen area, with Shirt immediately wandering off to ‘use the facilities’ again.

Zygon Curry then also made his way to the toilets, but on his return, he had realised that something was missing – the rare nut that he usually wore on a string around his neck. It was not caught up with his previous T-shirt, and although none of the others could remember seeing around his neck earlier, Zygon Curry decided to persuade security to let him back out to the queuing area where he checked both where they had been standing and where he had changed his T-shirt, without success.

Everyone checked their tickets which started from 60, and Tanner found that his sticker had the most appropriate ‘63’ on it.

The canteen clock finally reached 6pm, and unbidden almost the entire room stood up and crammed themselves into the spMacbeth by the doors at the far end of the room. Finally a steward managed to make himself heard over the noise of the throng (the PA system not working yet):

“We’ll be calling by numbers, so please go and sit down until your number is called”.

Half the mass did so, but the gang remained near the door, being aware that they were likely to be one of the first batches to be called.

“1-50”, called the steward, but the gang stayed firm, knowing that ’50-100’ would be next.

Therefore, five minutes later, Zygon Curry and Macbeth were two of the first people through the door of the second batch, Shirt followed on, but Tanner got lost in the excitement, finally rejoining the others once they got outside. The gang were filmed walking across the zebra crossing into the studios, and in the distance fans without tickets crammed another set of gates.

Another long corridor (‘These all look the same’, thought Shirt), and eventually they were climbing the stairs to the entrance to the appropriate studio.

On entering, those in costume were being directed to specific seats, but the stewards seemed underwhelmed by Macbeth’s costume. They were therefore directed to the studio floor, and the fourth row of seating. However, on sitting down, the gang realised that although they were very close to the interviewing sofa, given the lack of rake to the seating, all they could see was three rows of the backs of other fans’ heads.

“I’m going to get us moved”, said an adamant Zygon Curry. He therefore retraced their steps, and after a short discussion with a steward, gesturing to Macbeth several times, managed to get four seats in the raised part of the seating, in a central location. Quickly following him, the other three took their new seats (which would turn out to make stars of them all).

“Hello”, said Mr. Quarrelstick, turning round in his seat in the row in front, evidently believing that justice had been served, in that Zygon Curry and Shirt’s pushing-in had not benefited them to his detriment.

The studio slowly filled up, and Shirt became increasingly aware of a couple of young female fans behind him, who seemed to be moaning constantly.

A couple of their party had gone to the toilet, and so a newly arrived attendee asked if one of the seats was free, receiving a snappy ‘No’.

On the return of who was presumably their mother, one of them could not contain her ire.

“He wanted to know if your seat was taken. He’s got his own seat, he shouldn’t try to steal other people’s seats !”

Shirt thought about turning round, and pointing out that he almost certainly didn’t have his own seat, hence his desperately looking for one, and therefore politely asking after a seemingly empty one. But then, the fan spotted something else:

“They’ve got their phones”, she cried, jabbing her finger towards some people in the ‘Production Seats’, “why should they have theirs, when ours were confiscated !”

Macbeth and Zygon Curry decided to swap seats, so that Macbeth could be on the aisle so as not to aggravate an injured knee. Shirt sighed theatrically.

“Now if we're on the telly, it won't look like she's my girlfriend !!!”, he muttered.

Macbeth then decided to sit on the top of her folded up seat, to rest her knee, causing the two girls behind to moan (quietly) about not being able to see.

“I’ll sit down properly when it’s beginning”, hissed Macbeth, wishing that she had brought her baseball bat.

In an attempt to calm things down, the mother asked who was likely to be involved in the show.

“The New Doctor, Matt Smith & Steven Moffat”, replied the girl.

“Steven Who ?”, asked the mother, clearly demonstrating only limited knowledge of the show.

Macbeth and Zygon Curry decided to visit the toilets at the very last minute, attempting to peek into the ‘Green Room’ on the way, but of the Doc12 there was no sign.

Studio doors closed, and just under twenty minutes to go, and the warm-up man came on. Forced jollity ensued, in which he explained at length how everything would work, and that shouting out predictions or standing up when the new Doctor came out were forbidden. Mentioning that “all phones should be switched off” started the two moaners off again. He also bantered with the woman dressed as a Dalek, and a young fan on the front row. Then he introduced Zoe Ball, whose identity he seemed to think would be a surprise, and who came out and proceeded to engage in almost identical banter with the Dalek Lady and the young fan. Zoe then annoyed Zygon Curry by using the phrase ‘Whovians’ (see his blog for a proper rant on this), before returning back-stage.

Regular time-checks, and the atmosphere was growing by the second.

“If it’s Daniel Rigby, I’m walking out !”, declared Mr. Quarrelstick, “and if it’s Miranda Hart, I’m definitely gone. It’s Capaldi that I’m hoping for”.

With two minutes to go, the warm-up man decided to do the ‘turn round and shake the person behind you’s hand’ nonsense, leaving only seconds for everyone to get settled again before the studio went live (which didn’t stop Zygon Curry whispering to Macbeth much to Mr. Quarrelstick’s annoyance).

Opening montage viewed on large screen, the camera sped across the audience, and Zoe Ball was introduced, followed by a second montage. Next were the first interviews, with Peter Davison and Liza Tarbuck instantly recognisable, but half the audience seemed to be muttering ‘who’s he’ about Daniel Roche (greatly grown star of ‘Outnumbered’). Third filmed insert (Matt Smith), and guests shuffled out, being replMacbethd by Bernard Cribbins and a not-immediately recognisable Rufus Hound. Bernard was his usual good value, but Rufus seemed to be having a geekish-nightmare, seemingly unable to get any facts right, and looked relieved when the Steven Moffatt filmed insert meant that he could get off the stage.

This completed, and with Ms. Ball centre-stage, the atmosphere in the studio could be cut with a sonic lance as she declared, “Please welcome the Twelfth Doctor, a hero for a whole new generation, it’s..........PETER CAPALDI !!!”.

The gang and Mr. Quarrelstick burst out into sustained applause, along with the whole of the room, the atmosphere having reached fever pitch, Shirt feeling exhilarated at the earlier predictions being proved false.

When the applause finally died down, the Twelfth Doctor sat down for his first TV interview, whilst the whole room looked on enraptured.

All too soon, all the guests were lining up, Peter Davison hugging his new incarnation, and the confetti cannon exploded, showering the stage as well as much of the four rows on the studio floor.

As the live broadcast ceased, some fans in the front row of the studio floor, managed to surge forward to get Peter Capaldi’s autograph, but stewards were preventing anyone from the upper part of the studio going down there. Therefore the gang traipsed out in an excited state (the moaners behind, now complaining about the choice of the ‘old’ Capaldi), as stewards attempted to bundle the new Doctor away, whilst he insisted on signing “a few more autographs”.

Outside, a large queue had formed at the gates, and suddenly stewards walked past with two large cardboard boxes, which proved to contain the confiscated phones. The ‘genius’ idea then was a form of ‘Mobile Phone Bingo’, in which stewards called out the numbers on the bags and owners pushed their way through the throng with the matching slip to reclaim their property. Macbeth who had the slip, initially refused to join the queue, but eventually did so, moving to the right when it became clear that phones #1-100 were at the right, and #100-200 at the left.

Shirt got over-excited when he thought that they had called their number #26, but it was in fact #36, and Macbeth encouraged him to wait outside the gates, where she would bring him his phone. The staff seemed to be paying scant notice to the slips, meaning that some may have managed to get a ‘free upgrade’.

Milling around outside, the ‘knowledgeable fan’ appeared and admitted to Zygon Curry and Shirt that he had known that it was Capaldi for a week, but having ruined the surprise for himself did not wish to do so for others. (The story about Daniel Rigby was true also).

Macbeth and Tanner rejoined them, and getting his phone back and turning it back on again, Shirt was shocked that a text from Chalky who had been watching at home indicated that the four of them had been in the opening shot of the programme. The ‘knowledgeable fan’ then reappeared with more ‘inside info’ on where Peter Capaldi would be leaving the studio. Cue a frantic run up the High Street (Macbeth complaining about her knee), and down a nearby street, around the back of several stores, coming out in a road a little bit further up. Believing them to be lost, he phoned his friend who was ‘in the know’, and they all ran back down the High Street, before realising that they had been in the right road all along, but had simply turned left rather than right. As they arrived, another small throng of fans was leaving. It seemed that everyone was leaving by car, hence not stopping for autographs – Peter Davison having already gone. They waited to see Liza Tarbuck & Rufus Hound leave, before deciding to retire to a nearby hostelry.

Crossing the High Street without paying full attention, the gang caused a car to have to pull up sharply. Macbeth also stumbled halfway across, just in front of the car. On reaching the other pavement, the ‘knowledgeable fan’ had a revelation:

“Did you see who that was ? It was Capaldi ! We were nearly run over by the Twelfth Doctor”.

There was then a brief gap in proceedings whilst everyone texted or tweeted this information.

Entering the Pub, Zygon Curry ran into some friends who had not been lucky enough to get into the studio and had had to watch it in the canteen with complaining staff.

Shirt had a quick drink, but had to make his apologies due to having to work early the next morning, and having a two-hour journey home. He had also not slept very well the previous night, being “over-excited”.

He therefore bade goodbye to Zygon Curry, Tanner and Macbeth, wending his way home slowly, musing on being a part of ‘Doctor Who’ history (and a worldwide star to boot !!).

[For Zygon Curry's personal take on the same events, visit: http://www.zygoncurry.com/spicy/tag/elstree/]

[PL]