PEOPLE AGAINST SARAH JACOBS/ELE KEATS! (p.a.s.e for short)








Well, as the title of the page suggests, this site is dedicated to the heinous offense that is Sarah Jacobs from the movie "Newsies." Now perhaps this seems brutal. But I ask you-- ARE YOU MAD? Have you even watched the movie, man? Her whole presence in the movie just brings it down. Now, if Ele ever happens to stroll on the web and happens to bump into this lil page here, (Yeah right. I'll buy her dinner if she does. I hope she likes McDonald's cuz I'm just a poor college kid) I just have one thing to say to her: no personal offense to ya, but have you ever watched yourself in "Newsies?" I'm sure Ele will have to agree with me. Now maybe she was just starstruck or something working with Christian Bale or any of the other strapping young bucks in the movie (I know I would've been drooling every time I saw Gabe Damon or Trey Paker dance and sing on by). Maybe that explains her lackluster performance. If you need more convincing that I'm right (and really, how much more do you need if you've seen the film and have the knowledge that I'm always right?) well let's go on bit by bit.


Exhibit A: Ok, let's just dive right in. That montonous voice that is devoid of any type of emotion at all. Case in point- Place: The Jacobs' apartment, dinnertime. Jack is explaining that you can sell more papes when the headline's good. Sarah/Ele's line: "So what makes a headline good?" It came out sounding more like a statement than a question. She could've been asking the time for all the emotion she put into that line! And I have a hunch that she'd probably walk by a dead body or witness the trolley strikers beating in skulls with about as much emotion. "Oh look. Blood. Doo de doo." But I suppose we should give her some credit for at least cracking a smile when Jack went on to seduce her saying, "Ya know, catchy words like 'murder' or 'corpse.' Lessee 'lovenest, 'nude.'" (or something to that effect. Whenever I try to recall something line for line it escapes me. Tho, ask me any other time and it flies right out with no hesitation.)


Exhibit B: Place: The Bedroom/Sewing Room (whatever the hell it was) of Sarah. Sarah is getting into a drawer and pulls out a hotdog wrapped in Denton's article that Les had stashed there for safe keeping. She turns to Les and asks, "Les, what is this?" Hmm..I dunno but to me it looks LIKE A GOSHDURN HOTDOG!!! Can she ask a more stupid question? (Don't answer that. I think we all know the answer.) And the way she says it too..devoid of all emotion. I'm almost beginning to worry a bout her. Perhaps she was dropped as a child and the part of her brain that controls emotions got all squished and messed up. Maybe it's just me but I wanted to jump in the screen and smack her. Or at least have the satisfaction of Davey smacking her or Les looking at her like she was slow in the head and say, "Jeepers Sarah. It's a hotdog. Crimny."


Exhibit C: Place: On the roof of the Jacobs' apartment building. Jack is telling Sarah about Santa Fe (or Cellophane if you like) and how whether he stays or whether he goes has never mattered to anybody. So here Jack is, pouring out his soul to little Sarah and what does she come up with? "I should get ready for work." "I should get ready for work." WHAT THE?!?! First off, the way she says that line in a half laughing half embarassed way is distracting. Is she laughing at Jack? Is she flattered by what he's saying? WE DON'T KNOW BECAUSE SHE CAN'T LET ANY TYPE OF FEELINGS ENTER HER VOICE!! Secondly, now I don't know about you, but if some hot-to-trot boy is sitting on the roof telling me that, basically, he really digs me and wants it to matter to me if he left I'd be pretty damn flattered. And I'd like to think that I'd come up with something better to say than I had to get ready for work. Maybe like THANK YOU? Or how about "YES! YES! IT MATTERS TO ME! I LOVE YOU, YOU BIG STUD!" But not our Sarah. Oh no, not that sly dog. Nah, she says, "I should get ready for work." Nothing gets by her, eh?


Exhibit D: Now here is the one that takes the cake; the one that I think epitomizes Sarah as a whole. The Scene: Sarah and Les are walking down the street and the Delancey brothers sieze them. Ok, first off--how can Sarah not even notice that Oscar is following her? He's practically stepping on the hem of her skirt, he's following that close. Then he bumps into her and she just dismisses him. Now I understand that she probably doesn't know who he is. We'll let her slide with that one. Then Morris grabs her and drags her into the alley. And what does she do?? NOTHING!! That's what. Now, I understand it was 1899 and all, and most women probably weren't raised to fight. And I suppose we have to give her some credit for her half-hearted punch (of course, she smacked the wall first so I doubt it did Morris any pain). But if it was me out there and the Delancey brothers were throwing my little brother around and then came for me I don't think I'd just sit there and wail and wait for a Big Strong Man to come and save me. I'd be punching and biting and kicking where it counts! (no more pelvic thrusts for the Delancy brothers without some pain for a few days, if you know what I mean and I think you do. Heehee!) Not Sarah though. She just wails and is "Oh, woe as me. I will just wait here and shout until my knight in shining armour saves me. Or until the Delancey's beat me so I'll shut up and quit my infernal void-of-emotions whining." I mean, take another look at that scene and tell me you don't just wanna jump in there and tell her to get off her ass and FIGHT!

Grrrr..Ok. That's it for my rants for now. But I hope I've convinced you that I'm not wrong and that I say "DOWN WITH SARAH JACOBS!" with pride and no remorse.

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