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To the Sea

Folding Stuff

In the small hours               

“I’ll never get to sleep now.” Ann thought huddling under the covers.  “If he had been with me I would still be warm” she then hated herself for even entertaining such an idea.  She reminded herself of the last conversation they had had.  Roger was so pompous and she never got the answers to her questions – well not directly.  His body language spoke volumes and he did not look her in the eye when asked where he had been when she had telephoned his office.

Ann sat up,  punched her pillow into shape and leant back.  She contemplated reading for a while, this usually sent her to sleep.  She stretched across to turn on the bedside lamp and picked up the paperback she had dropped on to the floor earlier.  Finding her place she started to read but her mind wandered and the words on the page were meaningless.  Her stomach started to cramp – she had not eaten for almost twelve hours and that was only toast.  Should she go into the kitchen and eat some cereal or would that wake her up even more?   Throwing her book down she looked at the clock.  It was only three o’clock.  She was never going to sleep now and anger took over from self-pity as she got up and put on her dressing gown.  She would have to catch the bus to work in only five hours. How would she face the outside world?

As Ann made her way to the kitchen she started to think about life on her own.  All the annoying things Roger did would not worry her any more.  Let another woman have the aggravation of cleaning up after him, of listening to his ridiculous soapbox speeches on the rights and wrongs of the world and of putting up with his kids when they came to stay.   In the kitchen she filled a bowl with cereal, warmed up some milk and poured it on, then shuffled back to bed.  Roger hated her taking food to bed – so what, why should she care any more? 

Eating was automatic but taste went unnoticed as Ann’s mind drifted back to Roger’s last words.  “If you don’t trust me, there’s no point in this relationship any more.”  He had then thrown his key on the table and left without even turning back to look at her.  She had cried for hours.  She now felt drained of emotions.  She snuggled down and tried to comfort herself with the thought that all around the world people were suffering from real cold and real hunger.  All her problems were self-imposed.  What now though?  Could she survive without love, without someone caring about her?  What if she was ill or even dying?   Lonely people were always dying on their own; nobody knowing or caring until the papers or milk delivered piled up enough to cause concern.  She had family but seldom contacted them these days.  Maybe it was time to do just that.  Suddenly Ann heard a noise that brought her out of her melancholy.  It was just a small noise, just a clink not a bang or thump.  She held her breath and listened.  Nothing. 

“Just my imagination” she thought aloud, slightly relaxing.  Then there was another but louder clink.  It came from the window.  Was someone trying to break in?  Shivering, she slowly got out of bed and approached the window.  Pulling back a corner of the curtain she peered out. 

“Sorry Ann but the doorbell doesn’t work and  I’ve got no key, remember.  Please love let me in.”  Roger called up to her.

For a moment Ann stared down at Roger, then dropped the curtain.  She paced the bedroom.  Her mind confused, she then sat back on the bed.  With her arms crossed tightly into her numb slender body, she rocked back and forth.  There was another clink on the window and she heard Roger’s raised voice.

“Ann we need to talk, Ann please.”

She put her hands up to cover her ears.   After a few minutes she began to feel stupid – what must she look like?  She stood up, went back to the window and pulled back the curtains.

“Ann darling it’s freezing out here – have a heart, please open the door.” He pleaded.

Her flat was on the first floor and as she looked out she saw lights come on in surrounding buildings.  She knew Roger would hate to cause any commotion, he  would be acutely embarrassed.  She fixed her gaze on him and watched as he thrust his hands into his pockets and hunched up his shoulders against the cold.  He was glancing around at the increasing lighted windows around him.  He then looked up at her.  He did not look so pompous now – just another human being in need of comfort, her comfort.

Ann finally nodded to Roger and, smoothing back her tussled hair, she made her way to the front door.  Not the time for arguments or questions, there’ll be another time for all that;  now was the time for making up and keeping warm in the most delicious way.  It was only four o’clock in the morning after all.