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Chapter Title: Again
Author: Chad
E-mail: chad_m_@hotmail.com
Rated: R
Disclaimer: Characters are not mine, but the story is.
Summary: After all the heartache and four years of marriage, Buffy and Angel’s relationship finally comes to and end when he cheats on her. B/A, B/S, and A/C.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Again*
~Lenny Kravitz~
//I've been searching for you
I heard a cry within my soul
I never had a yearning quite like this before
Now that you are walking right through my door//
‘You’re finally free of me, Angel,’ Buffy thought silently as she gazed around the Hyperion Hotel lobby, tears glistening in her eyes, and with her suitcases waiting silently by her feet.
Fours years she had been living within these walls. She was happy then, smiling and laughing without a care in the world, with Angel as her husband and Connor as her stepson. That was four years ago. But now, the hotel just seemed dark and dreary, laughter only an echo in the halls from a time long ago.
“You don’t have to do this, Buffy,” Willow begged with Connor in her arms, the boy staring at the two of them with curious brown eyes.
Buffy looked away guiltily and then forced a smile on her face. “I have to,” the blond whispered shakily.
“Buffy . . . “
“Please, Willow,” the ex-Slayer begged, “Don’t make this any harder than it has to be. I beg you,” she pleaded quietly.
“Where you going, Momma?” Connor asked curiously.
Buffy’s face fell and she shoved on some sunglasses to hide her grief and pain. The five year old was smarter than any other child she had ever come across with. And it would sadden him if she was miserable and gloomy. Just like his father . . . at least how his father used to be.
Buffy held out her arms and Connor happily went to her. She hugged him close, not wanting to let the child go. For four years she had been his mother, waking up in the middle of the night to change his diapers or feed him, singing him a lullaby as he went to sleep. She couldn’t leave him . . . but she had to.
For a year now, she had stayed, acting oblivious to all that was happening around her for the sake of Connor. But she couldn’t do it anymore.
//All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again//
“I’m going away for a little while,” Buffy answered softly.
“Why?” Connor asked.
‘Because my heart is broken and bleeding.’ “Because I have to be somewhere else,” she answered cheerily as Willow gave her a look.
“Can’t I come with you?” he asked.
Buffy pulled away to look at his face. So much like his father’s. “You have to stay here with Daddy,” she chocked, yet still keeping the facade of a person with great much joy and glee.
Connor frowned and hugged her tighter, resting his head on her shoulder. “I don’t want you to go, Momma,” he said softly.
Buffy’s heart broke even more as the tears finally escaped from her eyes. “Honey, I have to,” she said, “You’re gonna get a new Mommy soon. I promise,” she said hoarsely, trying not to cry even harder from the sheer truth in her words.
Connor held onto her tighter. “I don’t want a new Mommy. I want you,” the little boy cried.
Buffy swallowed and pulled the boy’s face towards her. “I’ll always be with you, Connor. I love you . . . you’ll always be my little angel.” With that said, she kissed his forehead and handed him over to Willow who was quietly crying.
She gave her best friend a hug and quickly ran for the door, trying without much success not to look back. But in the end, she did. And a lump formed in her throat when Connor stared after her with wide eyed.
“Momma?” he questioned, his lower lip quivering.
‘Good-bye, Connor,’ she thought silently, “Good-bye, Angel . . . “ she added, ignoring Connor’s screams for her.
//A sacred gift of heaven
For better worse wherever
And I would never let somebody break you down
Or take your crown, never//
The radio blared out as Angel hit the radio's OFF button with a fury. He gazed around his office, taking in the clean walls, and the glass stain windows, and the bookshelf of his most favored collections.
After Angel’s Investigation reached the top four years ago, he had moved his business in a new location in hopes to keep work away from his family. He had bought a building a few miles away from the hotel.
He sighed and rubbed his temples.
Something just didn’t feel right . . .
He grabbed the phone and dialed his home phone number, hoping to catch Buffy and have a quiet dinner in that new restaurant overlooking the city.
No one answered the phone, and Angel frowned before hanging it up. He clasped his hands together, his brows furrowed together in a worried scowl.
He suddenly felt strong arms wrap around him from behind his chair. He gazed up, hoping to see his blond haired goddess that was his wife . . . but instead, it was a beautiful brunette with a hundred watt smile . . . that didn‘t compare to Buffy‘s thousand watt.
//All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again//
"Hi Angel," she greeted huskily, as she kissed his cheek.
He pulled her arms away in disgust as he felt his heart begin to pound and his head spin dizzily. Deep in his soul, he could feel that something was wrong . . . there was something missing. The bond between him and Buffy pulled at him hard, urging him to get to the hotel.
Angel’s frown deepened in confusion. The brunette then wrapped her arms around him once more, hoping to catch his attention. But it didn’t. Angel didn’t even blink.
"Honey . . . " she pouted sweetly.
Angel gently pulled away from her and looked out of his window, concern etching on his handsome face. She sat provocatively on the chair he had occupied, her dress hiking up a bit. In the past, he would have thought it was sexy, but right now was just the wrong moment.
“Angel?” she asked.
//I've searched through time, I've always known
That you where there, upon your throne
A lonely queen, without her king
I've longed for you, my love forever//
He had kept his affair with her for an entire year now. He wasn’t sure if Buffy knew, but his wife wasn’t an idiot. He knew, had always known, that she suspected something, but didn’t dare say anything. Why? He wasn’t sure.
Angel didn’t even know how it began. Just one day he decided to screw with life and just go for it. She was there . . . and Buffy wasn’t. He had always had an attraction to her, knew that that same attraction was returned. He just let go of his worries and went of it, not caring . . . he didn’t feel that way anymore . . .
He grabbed his coat and then proceeded to leave his office.
"Wait! Where are you going?" she cried out, jumping out of the cushioned seat and pulling him back in.
Angel glared at her, his eyes filled with annoyance and uncertainty. Something was off . . . and he needed to go to the hotel.
"Home," was his answer.
"Home? To HER?“ she scoffed, “Don’t insult me like this, Angel. I’ve known you for years now. You lost your love for her long ago. Move on . . to me,” she said with a sexy and seductive smile that had always impressed him . . . but not anymore.
He shook his head and headed towards the door.
"Angel! You step out of this building and you will NEVER EVER see me again! Do you understand?" she yelled after him.
He gave her a hard stare. "Good-bye, Cordelia," he told her as the door closed behind him, the only thoughts running in his mind was; 'Buffy . . . now there won't be anymore lies, no more disregard,' he thought as he headed on home.
//All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again//
"Buffy?" Angel asked as he looked around the hotel lobby as he took off his coat and placed it in one of the hooks on the coat rack by the door.
But no one came bounding down the steps in excitement, golden hair bouncing, hazel eyes beaming. And no one greeted him. He frowned and walked further into the lobby, not able to hear any noise that someone was there.
“Hello? Anyone home?” he called out.
“Hi . . . “
“Willow . . . “ he said hesitantly as he took in her form, sitting quietly on the bottom steps, looking at him without an expression on her face.
“Connor’s sleeping upstairs,” she told him. “He’s a bit upset. He’ll be okay.”
Angel nodded with a frown. “Where’s Buffy?” he asked curiously as he placed his keys on the counter.
The red head got up and grabbed her purse, slowly walking towards the other door. “She’s gone,” she told him in a whisper before she stepped out into the night.
//All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again//
Angel stared after Willow in shock. Buffy was gone? ‘No . . . she couldn’t,’ he thought silently before running up the stairs, panic seizing his heart as his blood rushed through his veins.
He entered their bedroom. Completely empty. He shoved the door to the closet open. All her clothes were gone. Half of the hangers empty, the floor devoid of any of her sandals or high heels.
He ran his fingers through his hair, his breath coming in hollow gasps as he raked his brain. She was gone . . . and it was all his fault. He groaned and closed his eyes, rubbing his palms against his eyes. He couldn’t breath . . .
His eyes snapped open, and that was when he saw the envelope with the words 'Angel' written on it placed neatly on the bedside table right by the lamp. He noticed the Claddagh ring placed neatly by it and tears began to well up in his eyes as his heart pounded against his chest.
He sat down on the cushioned bed and opened the letter with slightly trembling fingers. He gulped down the lump in his throat and began to read.
//All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again//
Angel,
For years, I’ve always thought that it would forever
be you and me. I had always believed that our love
was stronger than it used to be. But once again, fate
had been cruel to us.
Your love for me died long ago.I never realized it ‘til
now. Maybe I did, but I just ignored it.
You didn't think I wouldn't notice the late hours in the
office, the lipstick marks on your collar, the expensive
perfume I smell on your clothes,the phone calls in the
middle of the night. I’m sorry to inform you of this . . .
but I did notice. I’m not the naive school
girl you knew nine years ago. I know what's happening . . .
I know what’s going on with Cordelia.
I’ve tried to ignore it, but I just can’t pretend any
longer. I can see what’s happening, and I can’t take it . . .
and I certainly don’t deserve it either.
I guess it’s true with what they say. That if you truly love
a person, you would let them go. Well . . . I’m letting you go,
Angel. Just like the way you did on Graduation day. I wish you
will return to me in time, so I can be assured that you really do
love me. But we both know that that’s only wishful thinking.
I wish all my best to you and Cordelia. And please,
whatever happens . . . don’t let Connor forget who I am. I beg
you.
Good-bye Angel,
Buffy
//I wonder if I'll ever see you again
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
I wonder if I'll ever see you again//
He blinked back the tears, and chuckled before looking around the bedroom in utter denial. She couldn’t be gone. This had to be some kind of a joke. She just couldn’t get up and leave. Connor was still here. She wouldn’t leave her stepson for the world. She wouldn’t leave HIM for the world.
“C’mon, Buffy,” he chuckled again, gazing around the room, hoping she would pop back inside and surprise him with her presence. The two of them would laugh and he’d beg for forgiveness and never leave her side ever again.
But after waiting for nearly an hour, he realized it was futile.
Buffy was gone.
"No . . . " he whispered, as the sudden pain surged through his insides, eating him alive. The guilt and the loneliness causing him to grasp and realize his own stupidity and foolishness.
He had let the love of his life go . . .
Buffy was gone . . . and his life was just falling apart.
//I wonder if I'll ever see you again
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
I wonder if I'll ever see you again//
Continue to Chapter 2: I Turn To You
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