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BEST-SELLING AUTHOR JANET ELAINE SMITH PRESENTS FICTION, FUN AND FACTS

Monday Knight's Adventures



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Yes, I'm available too. Add me to your site
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Then link back to http://meetmondayknight.tripod.com

You just never know where she'll turn up next!

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MONDAY'S MAILBOX
Yes, Monday Knight is now getting e-mail, almost daily. She has been offered two guaranteed credit cards, 4 games to download "because we can tell you like to play," a lowering of her student loan interest rates (like a gal who looks like Monday Knight needs an education!), and someone who wants to send out her newsletter--for a fee, of course!
 
Why, as her creator, you would think the gal thought I was her personal secretary or something!
 
Who knows what someone will send her next? If you want to write her, you can do so at janetelainesmith@yahoo.com and mark the subject line as "Monday Knight" and I will make sure she gets it.
 
Hope your mailbox is full of fun, too!

Airplane Taking Off

Monday Knight is out of the hospital and back to her knock-'em-dead gorgeous self. But even she didn't know what was waiting for her just around the corner. And it all began in--of all places--Grand Forks, ND.
You see, *NSYNC was scheduled to perform at the local Alerus Center on March 29, 2002. Their opening act was Smash Mouth. Well, Monday was in luck, because her creator, Janet Elaine Smith, and her husband, Ivan went to one of their favorite hangouts, Branigan's, for dinner. (Well, in ND we call it supper, but you get the idea.) The hostess greeted them with "I can seat you in the dining room tonight, if you'd prefer. It's kind of smoky and loud in the lounge tonight." We said it didn't really matter; the chairs in the lounge are much more comfortable.
When our waitress, Tiphani, came over, she said in a near-whisper, "The band that is opening for *NSYNC is sitting over there." She nodded her head in the direction of the tables on the other side of the fireplace. "Their name is Smash Mouth."
It wasn't as loud as we had expected. In fact, they were quite well-behaved, although they were obviously having a good time. Before long, Lisa, a young girl who has sort of adopted us as her second parents, came bouncing in. "I saw your car parked out front, so I stopped." Ivan told her that the opening act for *NSYNC was sitting over there, and Lisa's mouth dropped open as she gasped then asked, "Oh, my God! You mean Smash Mouth is HERE?" There was only a momentary pause before she said, "Do you think I could go over and talk to them?" Ivan said he didn't know why not, and we asked Tiphani, and she said "Go ahead."
Well, Lisa was in a teenager's heaven as she talked to them, then she hopped back over and asked if we had a pen so she could get an autograph. "Oh, and some paper, too?" In a flash she was gone. They not only signed two paper autographs, which they gave to me for my daughter and her roommate, but they signed a plate for Lisa. Lisa, who has worked as a waitress, said when she saw the size of the tip they had sitting on the table, she was sure they wouldn't complain about one missing plate.
Well, by now intrigued myself, I went over to join them, carrying a copy of Monday Knight with me. I said, "Do you talk to old ma's who don't even know who you are?" One of them grinned and said, "We all have old ma's and most of them wish they didn't know us!" I showed one of them my book and said, "I'm nowhere near as famous as you guys are, but I am at least a little bit famous. This is my latest book." One of them took it and began to read the back cover. "This is so cool!" he said, while I just stood there and grinned. "Would you like it?" I asked. "Wow! Yeah! I can read it first, then we will pass it around. We are touring with *NYSNC and now we can say in our opening act that we met somebody famous in Grand Forks, North Dakota!" Then THEY asked ME for MY autograph!
So if you see Smash Mouth and *NSYNC coming to your town and you get a chance to talk to them, ask them if Monday Knight is enjoying the tour.

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Tickle me with your mouse and I'll take you to my boutique

Fabulous New Enterprise! Monday Knight has just announced her first entrepreneural effort.
Yes, Monday Knight's
Rodeo Drive Boutique
will soon be open for
you to purchase all of
her favorite luxury items--
at a price you can afford.
Watch for the Grand
Opening!

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BETTER THAN FRANK GIFFORD AND FOOTBALL!

It's finally here! My "funnest" book yet. Sometimes the things that seem the most common can evoke the most unusual pictures in our minds. Such was the case when "Monday Knight" (click on cover to order--->) popped into my head when I thought about the old well-worn poem which begins "Monday's child is fair of face..."

 
And this is just the beginning. There will eventually be seven books, one for each day of the week.
 
"Monday's child is fair of face." Monday Knight had heard
it from the day she was born. Her whole life revolved
around it; today she was the leading model in the world.
But in the twinkling of an eye it was all gone; thanks to
one drunk driver.

Dr. Stephen White, world's most noted plastic surgeon,
was her only hope. Clad in anonymity, he vows to do
the impossible when she shows him a picture of Monday
Knight and says that is who she wants to be.

Personal struggles seem insurmountable, but Dr. White's
sense of humor supercedes, and among wigs, lingerie and
dandelions, he sets out to win her over. All he has to do
is convince her he truly loves her; it is not just pity.
 

SEE MONDAY KNIGHT'S OWN WEB SITE NOW AT

For a free autographed bookmark of Monday Knight,
send an SASE to Janet Elaine Smith, P.O. Box 126,
East Grand Forks, MN. 56721

MONDAY'S MOONLIGHT MADNESS
Stars and nebula

My Thrill on Plausawa Hill


They had come from all over, by plane, by bus, by car.   I was happy
to see them here, on top of this hill in my small New Hampshire
town.   They had come to watch the night sky - a rare alignment of
planets and the stars that surrounded them. 

Plausawa Hill was just a mile from my house.  Small, but treeless on
top and nothing to obstruct our view but a communications tower.  The
tower had a red light on top so places could see it.   From the
distance, the eerie sound of yipping coyotes floated up to us.

I could just make out my friends in the cool darkness.  Dorothy was
there, and Jay, Maureen from a distant land, Heide, and finally
Kristin.  How I convinced these ladies to abandon their web sites for
one night and come to this obscure place, I'll never know.  Maybe it
was my magnetic personality.  Then I noticed someone new - a blonde
woman with a bandaged face and hands.  Yikes.  Anyway, it was time to
begin.

"Are we all here?"  I asked.

"No," answered Maureen.  "Julie's late.  Should be here anytime.  She
doesn't like aeroplanes, so she's teleporting herself."

"Oh.  Oh.  Then while we're waiting I guess we can..."

Off in the tangled brush appeared an odd, yellowish glow.  Then a
popping sound, and a thin figure emerged.  Julie had arrived.  A few
of us plunged in to help her out. 

"Blimey," she said.  "I've forgotten my glasses."   Then another glow
around her eyes, and with a smaller pop, wire glasses appeared,
slightly crooked on her nose.  "Oh, good.  Never mind."

While Julie chatted to the others, I leaned over to Dorothy.  "Who's
that?" I whispered, looking over at the bandaged blonde woman. 

"Oh," she said, "that's Monday Knight.  She's a character from a
book."

I nodded but said nothing.  This was turning into quite a night.

"All right then," I began and the chattering faded.  "First, we need
to get our bearings.  Does everyone know how to find North?"    

Silence.  Then a few arms pointed in different directions. 

"Well, what you do is find the Big Dipper - look straight up and
you'll see it.  This time of year it appears upside down."

The ladies soon found the Dipper and I explained how the end of it
points to the North Star.  "That's Polaris - the North Star.  Now
that we know North, who can point West?"

Some arms pointed East, other South.  Monday Knight, of all people,
pointed West.  "Very good, er, Monday.   Now before we look for those
planets all lined up, I should explain the Zodiac.  The Zodiac is
made of 12 constellations that form a line, more or less.  This is
where you find the planets.  Jupiter is now in Gemini, and the other
four, Mercury, Venus, Mars and Saturn are in Taurus.   Going east to
west, we can see Virgo, Leo and Cancer, with Gemini close to the
horizon.  Can anyone find Jupiter?  Look for a bright, steady light."

"I see it, I see it!" said Kristin.  "It's right there."  And it
was.   The others followed suit.  "I see it, too."  "Oh, it IS
bright!"   "Yup, there it is."        

"Now for an even brighter planet, look for Venus."  Venus was even
easier to find, since it was low in the sky and almost as bright as
the Moon.  The other planets were nearby, I told them.  You just had
to let your eyes adjust, and they would appear.   Only one of us had
problems.

"I can't see them," said Julie.

"Sure you can," I said. 

"I'm cold."

"Look, Mercury is right there, just right of Venus.  See it now?"

"I need a fag."

Jay broke in.  "Don, it's amazing to see all those planets at once. 
What else can you tell us about the spring sky?"

"Ah, Jay.  Thanks for asking.   Well, the brightest star, the first
one you see when it gets dark, is called Arcturus, located in the
Herdsman.  He's supposed to be a shepherd, sitting and smoking a
pipe.  Arcturus has an orange hue - can anyone see it?"

"Is that the one?" asked Heide.  She pointed at a likely candidate. 

"Yes, well done!  And there are many others I can tell you about."

"My neck hurts," said Julie.

"You know, mine does too.  One of my star books recommends lying down
so you can look straight up.  That's why I brought this along."  I
walked over to a rolled-up wool blanket I'd set aside earlier.   I
quickly unfurled it; several helping hands helped me smooth it over
the level ground.

Julie wasn't impressed.  "It's not big enough.  We won't all fit."

"Sure we will.  Look, I'll lie in the middle and everyone else can
pile on."  The group soon caught on and in seconds I was being
prodded and squashed by several female body parts; arms, legs, and in
one case, a nice rear end.  Altogether, the sensation was not
unpleasant.  In the dark, two fragrant heads found their way to my
shoulders.  The thought occurred to me - I should do this more often.

We chattered about the other sights in the sky - the Milky Way,
unseen now, but out in full force by summer; The Seven Sisters,
comets, shooting stars.  As I mentioned the last one, a brilliant one
shot across the sky and burned out overhead, like a stray firework. 
We all saw it, and it was spectacular.           

Sadly, it was getting late and time to go.   It had gotten very cold
now and besides, people had long ways to travel.  Julie wrapped
herself in the blanket and waited until all else had left.  Something
about the transporting - she didn't want an audience. 

After seeing my guests off, I went back to her.  "Okay, you can do
your thing now.  I won't look."

"All right.  Byee."  Then I waited.  No pop.  More seconds went by
and still no pop.  I turned around.  "What's wrong?"

"Grrrr - won't work.  Bugger it."

I smiled.  "That's okay.  I'll give you a lift to the airport."

We walked together down the rocky dirt path, tall pines above and the
spring stars sparkling between them.  Julie tripped over a root and I
caught her, then held her hand tightly as we continued down the
slope.

"Nice night," I said.

"Yes," she said.  "Bloody nice."

   
(Written by Don Kelly, a member of The Writer's Life e-group)

Angel Falls, Venezuela, SA
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ANOTHER MONDAY SIGHTING
 

Many years ago, as a young woman, Janet Elaine Smith flew away to Venezuela as a missionary. "You arent even old enough to vote!" her mother protested loudly. But, she was undaunted. And she practically became a national before long. Such habits as carrying her accordion on her head and pointing with her pursed lips were as common place as ordering a coke had been.

Life was perhaps strange, to some peoples way of thinking. She lived in the plains, which the Venezuelans called the llanos, and learned to eat iguana and goat meat. She traveled to the desert, where one woman had painted tulips all around the mud house after Janet left a magazine there. She went to the little towns in the mountains and up to the coast on the peninsula, where she actually swam to Aruba (with a boat load of fishermen by her side).
But the ultimate experience came when a missionary pilot asked her to accompany him down the Amazon to view Angel Falls. As the plane wove it way through the air, following the twists and turns of the mighty river, they seemed suspended in space as they watched the steam rising from the mighty falls. The highest water falls in the world. Even above the roar of the engines, the water sounded like thunder booming in the wilderness. The rain forest. Nobody had even heard the term then. It was not in danger. But it was an experience one never forgets.

And now it is Monday Knights turn. Yes, it is almost as if she has been cloned. We all know she is still on tour with Smash Mouth. But then why, oh why, do people keep saying they have seen her on the Amazon? It is as mystifying as the Elvis sightings. Could it really be? Is Monday Knight somewhere deep in the jungles of Venezuela, following in the steps of her mentor and creator? How did she get there? Will she ever make it out?

For any of you who check the ratings of your favorite author on amazon.com, you will no doubt have done this. Do a search for the author by name. When their books show up on the screen, get them listed by "Bestselling" category. For Monday Knight, this was a fun thing to do. You see, Monday Knight had hardly been born or seen the light of day when Smash Mouth discovered her. If you had checked the listings for Janet Elaine Smith on that fateful Thursday, you would have seen poor Monday dragging along as No. 8 on the list of Janets 8 books. But, wait! Another day has passed! Do it againthe day after she left with Smash Mouth! Hark! Is that? Can it be? Yes, my faithful readers, Monday Knight has suddenly risen to the No. 1 spot on the list on amazon.com. Monday Knight successfully climbed the Amazon and made it all the way to the top!
Gotcha!!!

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A great book is like a great mind; it keeps on giving
over and over and over again!
Check Janet's books out here.