Turkey
Beam Me UP
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in their marriage was her husband's habit of farting
loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and
the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every
morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was
making her sick.
He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She
told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow
his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out!
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner
and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she has
put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts
and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs
where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed
covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his boxers and emptied
the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Sometime later she heard her
husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood
curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the
bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears
in her eyes!
After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back
pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in
his bloodstained underwear with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she
asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey you were right. All these
years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you! "What do you mean?"
asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up
farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But, by the grace of
God and some Vaseline I think I got most
of them back in!"