Feedback: always welcome at jb7811@bellsouth.net Please??
Disclaimer: They do not now, nor have they ever belonged to me. Used and abused without permission.
Thanks to Mouse and Nicole for beta, the ladies of the Craft for being who they are, and especially to nancy for taking time from her own muses to offer some incredibly helpful suggestions.
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Give me hope, give me something to believe in
This jaded heart was never enough
--Sparkle & Shine by Econoline Crush
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The fucker's getting on the plane after all. I don't think I really believed he'd do it. After seventeen years together, he's suddenly going to grow a backbone that takes him clear to Cali-fuckin-fornia? Away from me? Unbelievable.
But then, that's Billy, always full of surprises. Okay, maybe not always, almost never, but on occasion he still surprises me. And if he's not back here within a month, I'll be surprised. And if he's not back in six months, I'll be shocked. If it's an entire year...I don't know. Can't quite imagine that possibility. I don't think... He wouldn't really...ah, fuck it. He'll be back.
He *will* be back. He's just playing the go-off-and-sulk game again. This time he picked a corner to hide in that's farther away than usual. I can play this game. I can outwait him. I've done it plenty of times. He always comes back, always comes back to me.
Gotta say one thing for Billy. Once he makes up his mind, things just start going his way. He didn't make more than three phone calls until he had a place to crash. I never did like Trevor anyway. Fucking cunt. And he *knows* people in L.A. Big fuckin' deal, he wouldn't know shit if he hadn't left BC like the ratfuck that he is to get outta--
Oh yeah, Billy, I see you. I know that you know I'm watching. I don't give a shit. I *want* you to know that I'm here. I want you to know that you can come back-- now, tomorrow, anytime--and we'll be just the same. You and me again... still.
Just the same...except that now I know exactly what I been missing all these years. All these years of playing and fucking around and now that I *know* that part of him, he's leaving and taking it with him. He taking...he's taking part of me with him and I hate it.
It'd be easy to get angry--years of practice at simmering rage--and I will, but not today. It hurts too much. I didn't expect that but then, I didn't expect he'd really leave either.
The End.