#68

“Afraid to go on”

I am helpless in this life.  I cannot survive.
After my first love left me, I cannot revive.
Now my second love has someone to care upon.
I have nothing left.  I am afraid to go on.

I have nothing in this life that’s worth living for.
I do not want to suffer the pain any more.
I lost my will to live more than three years ago.
I am never happy.  I let my sadness show.

In my life, I’ve gotten very suicidal.
With all my pain, I cannot bare to live at all.
I am afraid to go on knowing my future.
I can’t even help myself.  I’ll be dead for sure.

I cannot support myself.  I have no future.
With all of my suffering, there’s only one cure.
I know the only cure and suicide is it.
I always admit it, but can I commit it?

Nobody cares about me.  No one will miss me.
Pretty soon, I’ll be in heaven and I’ll be free.
If I go to hell, then it doesn’t matter much.
Compared to my pitiful life, hell is not much.

I can’t make it on my own.  I’m not capable.
I feel too much pain.  My life is not livable.
How am I alive right now?  It’s my family.
After they are gone, nobody will support me.

Right now, I need a girlfriend.  But no girl wants me.
I am very desperate, but no girl will help me.
I think about love every single day and night.
I’m in the darkness.  I need to walk in the light.

Everyday of my life, I need to love someone.
I try to find someone, but I have found no one.
Every girl that I have asked out has turned me down.
I hate living life.  Nobody wants me around.

I am in love with a girl.  I really need her.
I will not live if I don’t have a chance with her.
I know that I have no chance to look out upon.
That’s why I am scared.  I am afraid to go on.
And I cannot wait until I’m finally gone.