Glass Joe
From: Paris France
Age: 38
Weight: 110
1-99 1ko

Glass Joe is by far the strongest guy in the game *snicker* *giggle*  Okay, he is like the weakest.  He has one win and 99 losses.  He also has a glass jaw  If you can't beat him, then by all means, you suck (unless you've never played the game in your life; then you just kinda suck).

Von Kaiser
From: Berlin, Germany
Age: 42
Weight: 144
23-13 10ko

He is the second guy in the game.  Pretty easy.  Not much to say about hin because he is pretty sucky.

Piston Honda
From: Tokyo, Japan
Age: 28
Weight: 174
26-1 18ko

He is the Minor Circuit Champion.  He also appears later to try to beat you again.  This character including others are ones that cannot be beaten by running out of time. Piston Honda always bribes referee Mario before the matches or something. Referee Mario should go back to unclogging toilets, or at least go back to kicking Bowser's ass.

Gabby Jay
From: Paris, France
Age: 54
Weight: 110
1-98 1ko

He is just like Glass Joe, except his only win is from beating glass joe.  Better beware of this golden champ.  With ninety of his strongest hits to you after you have been tied up motionless, you will surely be down for the two count. That will then make his record even with Glass Joe after you lay the smack down on him.

King Hippo
From: Hippo Island, S. Pacific
Age: ??
Weight: ??
18-9 18ko

His defense is pretty good, and two of his strong punches will knock you down.  There is only one way to deflect his energy.  When you find this out, then he will be easy as heck.  Pretty soon, he will be down for the ten count on the first knockdown.  Some say that he is too fat to get back up, but actually, he is playing a quick game of Street Fighter II on his Gameboy Advance and he has to beat Vega before he bothers to get up.   True Story.   ...     Okay, maybe not.

Don Flamenco
From: Madrid, Spain
Age: 23
Weight: 152
22-3 9ko

He is easy.  Very easy.  Of course, you come across him again in the game.  Then he is pretty darn tough.  Why is he so easy to begin with and all the sudden, he can train and become one of the best?  Pretty stupid if you ask me. Another thing is stupid is that he sucks, you beat him, he gets better and goes up in the ranking, yet he has the same record. His record should change at least.

Great Tiger
From: Bombay, India
Age: 29
Weight: 132
24-5 3ko

The great tiger is a magician.  He knows like magic and stuff.  With his Tiger Punch, he will fly all around the room and return in the exact same place he started just to hit you.  Then he does it again.  What a dummy.  People who know magic really suck.

Chad Stump
From: Hippo Island (His House)
Age: 21
Weight: FAT
"4:20 Yoko" (Weed-smoking Yokospanky)

This person always says "Your Mom!".  On top of that, he likes both ICP and Eminem.  What a poser!  Well, actually Chad has lost a lot of weight since he was a teen (he replaced his need for food with the need for drugs).  Oh well.  He will always be fat in my book. Some things never change.

Bald Bull
From: Istanbul, Turkey
Age: 35
Weight: 298
34-4 29ko

If you compare this dude with the rest, damn he's freaking huge.  This guy has been here since the arcade Punch-Out.  This guy was even in Super Punch-Out (the SNES game, not the second arcade game).  Throughout the years, his experience hasn't changed.  He isn't the best and he still has the Bull Charge which is still bull sh.. I mean, uh, Bull Charge.  He entered the boxing ring when his brother Mr. Clean decided to go and do dishes and floors for a living.

Mr. Sandman
From: Philadelphia, PA
Age: 31
Weight: 284
27-2 21ko

Same with this guy.  He's been there since the beginning.  When he started, he was the champ!  Now other champs such as Super Macho Man, Tyson, Mr. Dream, The Bruiser twins and many others got to be better.  Boy does Sandman suck in Super Punch-out.  Well, if they make another Punch-out game, you will know that Bald Bull and Mr. Sandman will be in it (and will probably suck a lot more).

Master Phred
From: Coli (Colorado) State
Age: 19
Weight: 190
99-2 87ko

Everybody, please bow down to the greatest person of all time.  Master Phred is by far the coolest guy on this game.  He can KO Nick Bruiser easily (in 8.11 seconds to be exact!).  Without Game Genie, Master Phred cannot be beaten!  .......  Just kidding. He sucks.  Anyway, it doesn't even look like me.  The only thing that matches me is the style of goatee, and that really doesn't match me either.  Isn't my goatie coo' though?  ..   No?   NO?!?!?!?!  I SHALL KILL YOU!!!!!   Just kidding, I won't kill you, I'll just take your eyeballs out of your skull with an ice cream scoop when you are asleep and then place them in a gumball machine.  If you haven't seen me on the game, that's because I am a very hard to get secret character.  Really secret.  Shhhhhh.

Soda Popinski
From: Moscow, U.S.S.R
Age: 35
Weight: 237
33-2 24ko

This guy is the bomb diggity.  He has a cool name, and, he.. well,... he's just cool.  He was one of my favorites.  If I could be one boxer in the world, then I would be Strauss Corfam 'cause he's the mighty-bomb-jack-shiznit, but that's another story.  Back to Soda Popinski.  When he was in school, his nickname was "Boner Brain".  I wonder how he got that nickname...

Vodka Drunkenski
From: Moscow, Russia
Age: 35
Weight: 237
33-2 24ko

Yes siree, it's Soda Popinski again!  This time, he's off the sodie pop and back to boozin' again!  He gets so drunk that he can't even find his way back to the center of the ring.  Drunk people are cool.  Well, kind of.  They are cool if you can talk them into giving you a hundred bucks (I've done it before!).

Jack Hick
From: Farmhill, CO
Age: 48
Weight: 220
49-5 35ko

This hillbilly is mighty tough!  He has been lifting bundles of hay since he was three years old!  His yodeling sounds like a stray cat in heat.  He lived on a farm for all his life.  One day, he decided to be a boxer or something.  Yuppers, he is your typical redneck hick.  Not much to say about him except that he is a hidden character in the game.

Earl Boyde
From: Redfeathers, CO
Age: 33
Weight: 139
10-46 4ko

Wow!  Another redneck!  This redneck loves to go hunting in Redfeathers (he claims that it is his backyard).  For some reason, when he says "boy", he kinda sounds like he says "bo".  He goes camping every week (except for winter, in which he only goes twice a week).  Yes, this character used to have a webpage called "Redneck Earl's backyard" on the Character Asylum homepage (the site was taken down due to infringing Chuck E. Cheese material... true story).  And Earl Boyde is another secret *giggle* character in the game.

Magic Ninja
From: Detriot, MI
Age: 93
Weight: 160
33-5 16ko

Magic magic ninja what! Magic magic ninja what!...   Huh?   Oh, sorry.  If you have seen Insane Clown Posse's "Big Money Hustlas" movie, then you would know what I am talking about (it's a phrase used in the movie when they summon two magic ninjas with one of those radio controllers that control those remote-control toy trucks).  Anyhow, this ninja has came back from the dead.  How?? He knows magic, ya numbnut!  You can do anything with magic!  You might know his son, Great Tiger, who recently took up boxing.  And now Magic Ninja has returned to the boxing ring again to show that he's still the champ!   ....   What?  He never was the champ???  Scratch that last comment then...

Jeko Knight
From: Colorado
Age: ??
Weight: ???
7-0 7ko

This mysterious character wears a mysterious mask!  ...  Why does he wear the mask, you might say?  Because he is mysterical! (duh!)  It's a mystery why he wears a mask and also has those big crooked Horns on the top of his head (he's probably horny  ...  get it? horn-y?  Shut up).  Even though he is not a character on the Phred's Cool Punch-out hack, he has now came to life with a different hack. Uh... I mean, uh that he is a secret character in the game!  All these characters exist in the game for real!  (I don't think they are buying it now, Phred.  Way to go!)

Bobby Amaya
From: Firestone, CO
Age: 18
Weight: 139
16-5 10ko

This guy in real life has matching eyes.  They are kinda big.  This guy once worked at the infamous Dacono Food Pride.  He is a very super duper pooper scooper hard to find character in the game.  How hard to find you ask?  Have you found him yet?   No???      Point proven. NEXT!

Super Macho Man
From: Hollywood, CA
Age: 27
Weight: 242
35-0 29ko

This is the World Circuit Champ.  At the beginning, he makes his muscular breasts shake.  When I was in second grade, this was the funniest thing since mashed bread.  His super spin is a cool move.  Also when I was little, I tried to imitate his spin to see how many times I could spin.  I always spun too fast and would land face first into the mud.  I was pretty stupid when I was a little kid.  One time I was in a fist fight when I was little and I used the super spin on my opponent and I gave him a huge black eye.  My friends were laughing at me because I actually used the super-spin move in a real fist fight.

Mike Tyson
Nickname: Kid Dynamite
From: Catskill. NY
Age: 21
Weight: 220
31-0 27ko

The undefeated champ at the time, Mike Tyson is the boss of Mike Tyson's Punch out.  At the beginning, he can kill you with one hit.  Damn, he's good.  For some reason, he is harder on a computer emulator program (such as NESticle) than he is with the actual game cartridge and system. Anyways, he remained boss of the game until he decided to sleep with this one white chick.  After that, he was sent to jail and could only sleep with his prisonmate named Bubba.

Mr. Dream
Nickname: The Legendary
From: Dreamland
Age: ??
Weight: 235
99-0 99ko

After Mike Tyson was arrested, Nintendo needed a new champ for their re-release.  I guess that Nintendo shunned on the fact that they had a boxing game about a criminal.  Fortunately, they magically stumbled upon this dude.  I guess nobody knew about this dude even with his 99-0 record.  Well, magically, he fights just like Tyson.  I bet you Tyson could have whooped this Dream guy.  Or the other way around.

Strauss Corfam
Nickname: The Ultimate
From: Hell 666
Age: ??
Weight: 500
77-0 69ko

The magical demon that Satan rose from hell decided to take up boxing.  He kicks some real ass.  This guy is the most hardest character to find.  He is one tough mo-fo if ya ask me.  If you want to know how to get to him, check out the Secrets section of the NES Punch-out page. :)