this is work in progress or homilies or miscellaneous items

that don't warrant a page by themselves

or seem to fit better here

pending poems  index

chronological order is from the bottom to the top of the page

audio files can be complemented by listening to them  with the eyes closed !

having difficulties with taking 1/8th of a capsule of the candex enzymes is diagnostic of severe biofilm/microbiome problems !

keeping your insulin resistance down is very important in both forms of diabetes

this means a low AGE approach to cooking and I would also avoid smoked fish !

roasting is a high AGE style of cooking !

the  BCD  has several references to/on this !

the digestion slows down during sleep, especially beyond the first hour and can create ideal brewing/fermentation conditions for biofilm/microbiome, so an adequate time needs to be left between eating and going to sleep, how long depends on the food in the meal like some fruits like cooked/pasturized kiwifruit can be eaten quite close to bed, but vegetables and meat cannot !

using enzymes speeds the digestion process so will help create more predictable blood sugar peaks !

I did not hiss at PABA being in a b-multi, but stated it's a biofilm/microbiome feeder, otherwise it's a useful b-vit !

I am actually suspicious you are not an intrinsic type one diabetic but a self created through doing everything opposite to what is needed to ameliorate  the problems

way too florid !

waking up with a 2am blood sugar peak may in fact be a biofilm toxin peak and hence insulin resistance peak and insulin production trough !

b-vit supplementation needs may vary person to person and the stage of recovery they are at !

be wary of feeding biofilm/microbiome with them, it helps to space from meals, but needs to balanced with the need for them to have some food in the stomach to buffer them !

dairy,  especially the whey portion has some difficult to digest proteins, you can try enzymes like the houston  afp-pep !

medicine is a nightmare of wrong mindedness when it comes to diet !

I think you have a deeper issue than just dairy, this is what I have to do  dietwise !

-----------------

there are two sources of digestive difficulty with milk/dairy, branched chain amino acids and probably some other proteins  as well as lactose

aged cheeses have these proteins broken down by enzymes released by the biofilm culture and so from that point of view are more digestible !

lactose tolerance after breast feeding is very much a question of race/genetics

jeff foster,  pseudo - rumi  : o)(

jeff  foster,  pseudo - rumi  : o)(

jeff foster,  pseudo - rumi !

lol, the amazing spider  woman  !?

you blink and ten years have past ! :o)

yeah, an  awful  food additive that feeds malign stomach flora, illegal on the scd and  bcd  diets !

francesmcgee  replies

I didn't know about that, but I get a lot of phlegm when I have it

I thought it was just dairy products that caused it, but when I switched to cream without it, the phlegm stopped

my  reply

yeah, basically any thickener is trouble !

it's an adulteration of the real product with something that causes digestive difficulties !

yeah, an  awful  food additive that feeds malign stomach flora, illegal on the scd and  bcd  diets !

basically i am saying that words done  well  have their own life and can take you further !

that's really  slick  :o)(

wansong's commentary on case  49  of the book of serenity  (fragment)

the huayan school says,  'inner reality is complete, words are partial; when words are born, inner reality is lost'

this is   'mystery upon mystery, ever more wondrous,'   'integration and harmonious communion,'   the impartial, non-leaking bloodline

my

inner reality is incomplete, words are impartial !

when words

are

born

inner

reality

is

wansong's commentary on case  49  of the book of serenity  (fragment)

the huayan school says,  'inner reality is complete, words are partial; when words are born, inner reality is lost'

this is   'mystery upon mystery, ever more wondrous,'   'integration and harmonious communion,'   the impartial, non-leaking bloodline

my

inner reality is incomplete, words are impartial !

i don't have any experience of fresh tumeric ! could be not very digestible ! ?

the neck problems may improve as your neck muscle tone improves, you probably have a lot of loose joints and may need more muscle to hold the head up !

i have tinnitus and it sucks ! :o()

you will have to experiment with  iodine  for the fatigue, iodine tincture is an old fashioned remedy and should be available from a pharmacy  (lol the american word for what i know as chemist !)  at minimal cost

OatGerm  writes

Living in the moment is a myth? I may be deceived but I believe I have achieved this. What do you mean by a myth?

my  reply

then you have achieved an illusion ! what do you think I mean by myth ! ?

you waste your time on games instead of doing any real inquiry or reading ! :o()

you got sucker trapped man ! :o()

the evening before last I walked along buttons beach in ulverstone at/on dusk and out at sea were clouds and rain and the most marvelous blue/black/dark purple light and I could just stay and stand and stare ..............

basically stepping outside the universe is stepping into infinity and obviously that has happened !

this experience is very special and  99.99%  of  “spiritual”  people including most zen teachers don't get it and they will be very negative on you as they are inauthentic and you are authentic,  it burns them so they return the favour :o)

always the problem is what happens afterwards, but the weirdest thing is no-one understands you, especially those in zen or neo advaita or whatever because they have never been there, just manufactured their claims to enlightenment and believed in them!

see it's something that actually happens, it's not just a memory but one gets filled with infinity and there's no way that can be disguised

the whole event is just a blink or a flashback as you say, but the import is that contact and filling....................

one is not superior or better than those who haven't had that contact, the import is that filling and touching and the development of the ability to see it and maintain that contact in later years without that single traumatic event which can only happen once or twice in a lifetime, I think if it really happens and is not lost it won't happen again, you've seen what's what and that event is no longer necessary  again !

it's very disrupting, I quit work and traveled through various zen centers in the usa looking for some-one who might understand me and that/this/what happened and ended up at the springwater center with toni packer who was really the only person I ever found who understood  (she died recently)  :o(

the evening before last I walked along buttons beach in ulverstone at/on dusk and out at sea were clouds and rain and the most marvelous blue/black/dark purple light and I could just stay and stand and stare ..............

Thxyz   writes

A long time ago, I had an experience. It was like stepping out of this universe. Later I couldn't decide if this was mystical, religious or a mental problem. I'm mentally stable, so it occurred to me it was   “ perhaps something like an acid flashback ”

It happened actually not when reading Zen, but Heidegger. Somewhere where he defines human being as self-interpreting, basically as the being who asks questions about being, I asked myself  “ Who is asking questions? ”  ‑  kept asking myself that  ‑  who is the asker of all these philosophical questions? I drank lots of coffee and stayed awake all night, pondering. After that, something amazing happened. Something I can't place on the horizontal line between my birth and my future death.

As if a vertical disruption

All I remember is I felt like  “ Finally I'm home ”  ‑  as if I came back home after 10,000 years of looking for it. Everything was clear

After that - nothing like this. Everything back to normal subjectivity. I even went to Japan and lived in a Zen temple. I was sitting with knee pain and tears were flowing on my cheeks as I was resisting the urge to move. The abbot shouted if we did. Later he told me  “ You have to sit with the determination to die! ”  ‑  and made fun of my indecisiveness, alluding that with my lack of determination, I can only count on there being many lifetimes to attain enlightenment!

After that, I decided Zen is not for me, and I went to on to Shinran and the Japanese Pure Land school. It was good for some time, but I keep coming back to Zen

I've met many Zennists online that teach this or that, but you don't reveal too much. At least you don't sell yourself short. I don't mean to say your cryptic. You're definitely not a Voynich

I'm reading a lot of your work these days. Going through the history of your blog, your posts. Trying to find useful pointers.

Sorry for the verbose message. I hope it's not too annoying. I'll try to not bother you with long-winded rambling in the future. I don't have a specific question, but if you have any comment on what is written above, I will attentively read and reflect upon.

my

basically stepping outside the universe is stepping into infinity and obviously that has happened !

this experience is very special and  99.99%  of  “spiritual”  people including most zen teachers don't get it and they will be very negative on you as they are inauthentic and you are authentic,  it burns them so they return the favour :o)

always the problem is what happens afterwards, but the weirdest thing is no-one understands you, especially those in zen or neo advaita or whatever because they have never been there, just manufactured their claims to enlightenment and believed in them!

see it's something that actually happens, it's not just a memory but one gets filled with infinity and there's no way that can be disguised

the whole event is just a blink or a flashback as you say, but the import is that contact and filling....................

one is not superior or better than those who haven't had that contact, the import is that filling and touching and the development of the ability to see it and maintain that contact in later years without that single traumatic event which can only happen once or twice in a lifetime, I think if it really happens and is not lost it won't happen again, you've seen what's what and that event is no longer necessary  again !

it's very disrupting, I quit work and traveled through various zen centers in the usa looking for some-one who might understand me and that/this/what happened and ended up at the springwater center with toni packer who was really the only person I ever found who understood  (she died recently)  :o(

the evening before last I walked along buttons beach in ulverstone at/on dusk and out at sea were clouds and rain and the most marvelous blue/black/dark purple light and I could just stay and stand and stare ..............

it's not a good idea to quit smoking cold turkey and  you  could have done some damage that may take months to come right or some of the damage may even be permanent ?!

stopping smoking or drinking you should slowly taper down, the body may have done many years of adjustment to the toxic insult and takes time to adjust back !

----------------

over time, the body makes huge changes at the level of gene expression to try and minimize the damage of an extreme toxic stress like smoking

these changes are massive and you have quite a different biochemistry with them

if you quit cold turkey, you suddenly move the body into a different biochemical state with what are now all the wrong gene expressions !

people move gradually into smoking however many they do aday, and they should move gradually out of that when they start to stop smoking !

a good marc chargall  page  !

dogen and  bankei  may differ, but what they are talking about doesn't, some quantum creative space that originality and knowledge spontaneously arise from : o)(

with work of course and of course sometimes, no work at all :o)(

that's how you can tell people  (the reddit zen snots)  who don't have an original bone in their body have been walking in the wrong direction all their life and seem to end up here as unlistening retards whom you can't tell anything !

progesterone an  antidote  for alzheimers ?!

you use this stuff like a shield,  (ed. zen and religious clichés)  the real skill is speaking about yourself in a useful way

you use this stuff like a shield,  (ed. zen clichés)  the real skill is speaking about yourself in a useful way

----------------

“ essence of mind ”  is the absence of ourselves !

that's really what that skill I was talking about is !

it's just along slow process !

you use this stuff like a shield,  the real skill is speaking about yourself in a useful way

you use this stuff like a shield, the real skill is speaking about yourself in a useful way

there is some authentic stuff in some of the old zen masters, tibetan buddhism just is nothing but rubbish !

well, pederasty and rubbish :o()(

there is some authentic stuff in some of the old zen masters, tibetan buddhism just is nothing but rubbish !

well you don't say anything do you,  (ed. ghostmitten)  the real zen is developing the skill of disclosing yourself in a skilled way so one benefits from the growth of that understanding !

you falsely abstract to avoid what is really quite personal !

the dalai lama is just a boy plucked off a farm, he and the ruling clique really got the worst possible outcome from china, there were other options

the Tibetan plateau is short of iodine which is why Tibetan Buddhism is so mentally retarded !

i only use fresh herbs and spices because i found the anti-oxidants used to preserve paprika  (for example)  interfered with sleep !

i use a lot of fresh chilli, all the different types :o)

my  reply  to ghostmitten on reddit zen !

what's the point of all this involvement, returning through the same circle's arc all the time is returning through the same circle's arc all the time :o)(

creativity is what sorts the sheep from the goats, show us some original thinking !

lives are very different, you don't want my life and I don't want yours :o)(

lotus/half lotus screws the knees and hips, you really want to just sit comfortably or lie in bed in the morning ! :o)

when I was sitting with zen I sat seiza with a big cushion on its edge under me, seemed to work quite well !

plenty of joint zen wreckage out there and for what?

i'm enlightened,  you have the usual  arrogance  of the idiots that pollute zen with your ignorant self assertion !

i'm enlightened you have the usual arrogance of the idiots that pollute zen with your ignorant self assertion !

living in the moment is a myth and actually shows an immature understanding !

there's no relief from life ups and down and it's chances and mischances/misfortunes !

I worked in electronics for years and was developing a new technology in weighing with good commercial prospects, but I was unmarried, no children so walked away from it trying to understand or look for meaning in my life..........

the famous zen layman  “ layman pang ”  lost all his money and his children died

.................. it's just along weird road not at all like the books claim.............

I have thought about the problem people like you face, you really cannot go the destructive road that enables enlightenment

imo you are far better to take the    wisdom   approach which is to understand life and its substrate better, its not as destructive and in theory should improve things like business and life judgment and really if you are tipped into wanting the deeper aspect then you can do that !

the path to enlightenment is absolutely bloody murderous, you don't want to go here and in reality  99.9999%  don't !

an interesting  account  of using orange glasses three hours before bed to promote melatonin and better sleep !

cutting  weight  seems to cause health problems in later years !

I never met anyone in zen with a good enough understanding to do koans properly !

I have seen people screwed up by teachers who think they know the answers and the student getting messed by taking that on board then getting thoroughly dyssynchronous with reality !

there's no such thing as koan study really, it's more solving puzzles that enlarge your understanding and actually other people only mess the process, best done by yourself which is really a conversation with the participants or person in the koan, poem, homily or author .......... whatever !

real understanding is extraordinarily rare so the real import is to take you out of the unavoidable mess or wrong minded contemporary stupidity/idiocy/nuttiness to going across the centuries to some-one who actually understood what it was about and this may be sa'di or wang wei or even on a good day some zen type who knew what they were talking about and it continually amazes me to find there were actually some amidst all the wrong minded blather of what has been passed along as worthy of being koans :o()

I never met anyone in zen with a good enough understanding to do koans properly !

I have seen people screwed up by teachers who think they know the answers and the student getting messed by taking that on board then getting thoroughly dyssynchronous with reality !

there's no such thing as koan study really, it's more solving puzzles that enlarge your understanding and actually other people only mess the process, best done by yourself which is really a conversation with the participants or person in the koan, poem, homily or author .......... whatever !

to be honest this  stuff  looks completely insane !

monkeys bowing to colors and stupid fools, what the hell is it about except a psychosis?

to be honest this  stuff  looks completely insane !

I think neo-advaita is non dual but feeling stronger ties to nisargadatta and ramana !

now I look up was monism means, neo-advaita is super strongly monistic !

I often see zen get turned into some form of monism which is heterodox !

maybe karl renz is one of the better neo-advaita teachers?

i think amoda maa jeevan has some  sense  and says a few things the reddit snotbags would do well to listen to !

it's quite a laid back style but has all the usual nonsense going on

neo-advaita and non duality have absolutely killed zen because their appointment system for teachers is much better, its basically self appointed based on some awakening experience, so a fair portion have had some genuine awakening experience, only they get confused so the paradigm becomes garbage in the same way zen has !

in general I would say the teachers in neo advaita/non duality have much more talent than the abysmal depths of stupidity that zen teachers seem to excel in through their transmission system appointments !

so zen has become a dead horse :o()

anyway if you have some talent, some degree of  “awakening”  why would you bother with zen with its off putting hierarchy, taint of sex maniac roshi sleez bags and japanese militarism, minimal audiences, joint damaging meditation postures.............. the list goes on ! ..........

yeah zen is half tao/dao, but actually the zen in the west has transmigrated pretty much into Buddhism which is an error for it and it is paying the price !

when you have been around awhile you see the knee, back and hip damage from sitting  (ed. zen mediation)  and the cardiovascular issues from the restricted circulation !

one of the traps of zen is what is called  voynich !

that is,bullshit crafted to look like sense, you see it everywhere, business, advertising, government, politics , one's spouse , children  ............  :o)

you  seemed to have picked up a bunch of voynich and think it's the real zen !

lol, sell your shares, your brain's gone soft :o()

one of the traps of zen is what is called  voynich !

that is,bullshit crafted to look like sense, you see it everywhere, business, advertising, government, politics , one's spouse :o)

you  seemed to have picked up a bunch of voynich and think it's the real zen !

lol, sell your shares, your brain's gone soft :o()

vt97john  asks

What did I bring up that's not zen?

my

when I first started zen I did think abit like you, but there's nothing to knock that bullshit out of you better than/ like hunting !

I do abit and there's no way it's nice, I use solid copper bullets and not lead, try and get single shot kills and pretty well only shoot what I can eat, but really that's about it !

the founder of zen, the sixth patriarch spent a large portion of his life as a hunter and it's important to understand that !

if you are looking for role models in business/politics the best I can think of are Wei Ying-wu and Wallace stevens !

and the tang dynasty poet/artist wang wei who seemed to have survived a revolt working for both sides :o) !

wang wei had a brother who was a zen or Buddhist hermit and wang wei himself actually wrote a memorial inscription for the sixth patriarch, I often wonder if the  “prefect wei”  mentioned in the platform sutra was in fact a relative of wang wei because he through his poetry seemed extraordinarily advanced in what zen is about at a very young age !

I would suggest you search these people because you have a question, if you don't you will see where you are at, wanting some macdonald's version of zen which is what you have already picked up !

i really suggest you search the lives of Wei Ying-wu and Wallace stevens, otherwise you are going to be vulnerable to a well crafted line of voynich ! :o )(

it would also start you thinking in a more general way about what zen is :o)

I think you  (ed.  ghostmitten)  are in denial about what zen is and your lack of experience and knowledge about it, you have tried to counter and spoil what I wrote simply because you can see its truth and how outside your experience it is...............

I don't suppose you will ever change

* shakes head *

I think you are in denial about what zen is and your lack of experience and knowledge about it, you have tried to counter and spoil what I wrote simply because you can see its truth and how outside your experience it is...............

I don't suppose you will ever change

* shakes head *

“ but to be something other than what you are, you have to jump through a bunch of hoops ”

yeah well  said  and in dogen's terms  “orthodox”

since we are scions of infinity and not infinity itself, then you need to embrace the outer edges of what we are to move productively into  “ what we are not ”

mystical christianity gets this right and modern zen and neo-advaita/ non duality don't !

you can see it clearly in some of the old zen stories if you look, unfortunately chinese and japanese culture doesn't permit public expressions of the personal in the way western society does so people have the wrong impression of a false abstractness about zen !

when i was six or seven  (or perhaps younger?)  i had a completely spontaneous awakening or dai kensho or vision of god if you will, a literal opening of the skies and really i knew as much then as i do now ! :o)(

my  reply  to

your  circadian  rhythm sounds out of wack, it's a great help to understand the way the body clock synchronises off blue light and how red light looks like dark !

yeah you could have low thyroid  function !

dingus_explorer  replies

I'll ask my parents and doctor about this, thanks for responding

my

I think your most urgent need is for better sleep so you can problem solve your issues better, parents and doctors go by their own lights which can be surprisingly skew from our real best interests

the MRM brand I have found is the best  melatonin  and will help as a temporary measure!

one can battle these  full of themselves  idiots  on reddit forever, or put them on one's no reply list :o)(

one can battle these full of themselves  idiots  on reddit forever, or put them on one's no reply list :o)(

the main  case  is good, the rest is rubbish !

an interesting  mix  of half nonsense, half sense and it's very hard to pull them part :o)(

enlightenment is permanent, but you need to steer right to take advantage of it or bring some fruition from it so to speak,  brad warner is a good example of a person who has steered wrong and he has ended up shaking a sheep rattle !

actually I think George  bowman  has sorta steered wrong to !

an interesting  mix  of half nonsense, half sense and it's very hard to pull them part :o)(

enlightenment is permanent, but you need to steer right to take advantage of it or bring some fruition from it so to speak,  brad warner is a good example of a person who has steered wrong and he has ended up shaking a sheep rattle !

actually I think George bowman has sorta steered wrong to !

“ can one know that they are enlightened? ”

my

I would ask, what is the point of being enlightened,? since everyone seems to miss that point !

it needs to be complete and satisfying and give life meaning in itself or you will be just batting endless broken clichés back and forth on /r/zen forever :o)

“ can one know that they are enlightened? ”

my

I would ask, what is the point of being enlightened,? since everyone seems to miss that point !

it needs to be complete and satisfying and give life meaning in itself or you will be just batting endless broken clichés on /r/zen forever :o)

“ can one know that they are enlightened? ”

my

I would ask, what is the point of being enlightened,? since everyone seems to miss that point !

it needs to be complete and satisfying and give life meaning in itself or you will be just batting forth endless broken clichés on /r/zen forever :o)

people with a fast metabolism don't even have to think about needing to lose weight !

if you are overweight, try speeding it up, you may well be low  thyroid  !

this is a good  start  for the sir henry neville versus shakespeare question !

well for anyone reading this anyway who might think that knowing the real author affects your reading of the work and matters !

I think unfortunately  /r/zen  is the way of the future, the real life zen scene has collapsed because of the very poor quality of the teachers/sex maniacs and it's displacement by neo-advaita/nonduality

if I try to find one simple theme about the problems of both real life and /r/zen it's a combination of intellectual laziness and deliberate self blinkering ........!

I think I can honestly say in all my years working on this I was not like that, well yes intellectually lazy until I learnt the horrible price one pays for that!..................

anyway, both real life zen and /r/zen perform a useful social function by taking the toads out of circulation and leaving a larger, freer world bereft of them, so who want to take them out of prison ?

they can't be pulled away from their cells anyway !

is this the real  problem ?

George bowman says in the sesshin talk   “ everyone has her own light ”

“ Our quite  beloved  teacher Soen Sa Nim  (ed. Zen Master Seung Sahn) ”

my

that's a total fib, they loathed each other !

btw ewk is quite schizophrenic and very damaging to reply to I have decided, very very very schiz, takes nothing on board, a sort of denial of anyone else having any reality at all............ and I think that's what's damaging

I have a little file of people I don't reply to on reddit,  in my little file of the mad   I have come across over the years, death threats or the gulf war vet who recently tried to get my web site taken down.........

George bowman says in the sesshin talk   “ everyone has her own light ”

“ Our quite beloved teacher Soen Sa Nim  (ed. Zen Master Seung Sahn) ”

my

that's a total fib, they loathed each other !

btw ewk is quite schizophrenic and very damaging to reply to I have decided, very very very schiz, takes nothing on board, a sort of denial of anyone else having any reality at all............ and I think that's what's damaging

I have a little file of people I don't reply to on reddit,  in my little file of the mad   I have come across over the years, death threats or the gulf war vet who recently tried to get my web site taken down.........

don't get the tattoo  finished,  new research is showing all sorts of long term health problems with tattoos !

the inks can be carcinogenic and have toxic metals in and also be nanoparticles !

the black is pure nanoparticle !

basically the tattoo is formed by an allergenic response so that is also a problem !

just leave it and don't attempt to remove it as that frees the inks into the blood stream !

don't get the tattoo finished, new research is showing all sorts of long term health problems with tattoos !

the inks can be carcinogenic and have toxic metals in and also be nanoparticles !

the black is pure nanoparticle !

basically the tattoo is formed by an allergenic response so that is also a problem !

just leave it and don't attempt to remove it as that frees the inks into the blood stream !

And he said  investigators  had so far found no  “anomalies”  in the train's brake system and that Mr Rockefeller had been on the second day of a normal shift pattern

“ There's every indication that he would have had time to get full restorative sleep ”,    Mr Weener said

my  comment

he would have been in outer space from the change in hours when he started the shift, that sort of hour phase change takes two weeks to come right !

-------------------

[..]  Rockefeller had switched just weeks earlier from the night shift to the day shift,  “so he did have a change in his hours and his circadian rhythms with regard to sleep”

[..]  aged 46 and married with no children, has worked for the railroad for 15 years and has been an engineer for 10

[...]  his work routine had recently changed. He had begun running that route on November 17, two weeks before the wreck

i was so cocky when i did  this,  but i think i have damaged my knee from doing it too often, have i torn something?

i was so cocky when i did  this,  but i think i have damaged my knee from doing it too often, torn something?

some-one    please   tell brad warner he's got  alzheimers  ! :o()

some-one tell brad warner he's got  alzheimers  ! :o()

solitude is the cornerstone !

it's just rubbish,  words  put together to make the suckers think it has meaning, just about all of zen is like that !

jcbahr  replies

But words do mean something. We can't help it.

Shakespeare is more meaningful to us than Lorem Ipsum.

my

the real original poem by osip Mandelstam is meaningful and the garbage poem quoted that starts the thread in the above link is voynich!

  voynich  means text crafted to appear like it could mean somethng but in fact is meaningless garbage !

it's typical of you people that none of you have searched either osip mandelstam or his poem the seashell/shell !

once you look at the real thing then what is voynich becomes apparent, this lack of looking around makes fools of you !

btw shakespeare was an underworld heavy and sir henry Neville really wrote those works, but you won't research that either will you !?

it's just rubbish,  words  put together to make the suckers think it has meaning, just about all of zen is like that !

at least on  reddit  you can post a contrary opinion without being banned !

imo the huge number of vaccines American children receive coupled with the anti-sun propaganda is exciting an immune response that destroys the pancreatic beta cells, and as these hyper vaccinated, lily skinned generations grow older, not having diabetes will be rare !

norbertdupener   replies

And what peer reviewed research is your opinion based upon?

my

lol, like it's not happening ! ? wake up man, I am not anti‑vaccine, just way too many badly designed ones and schedules and lack of tests!

one of the problems with research in this area is that there is a trillion dollar liability in the shadows to be born by the government and vaccine making companies, research stands up in court so it doesn't get funded !

people like you and your closed box medicalized world view are the problem, well eat the consequences man !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

---------------

well, look at the trouble they are having with the AIDS vaccine where it had to be withdrawn because it made people more likely to get aids !

basically there's another ten years of research into the basic biology to go for an aids vaccine, tho a lot of progress seems to being be made very recently!

I don't actually blame the manufacturers, there's billions of government funding needed, but you know, it went on things like the war in Iraq !

you only have to do a bit of research on the web to see the rough edges on a lot of these vaccines, but the effect of the hyper intense barrage children receive these days is conspicuous by the absence of long term studies on effects !

--------------------------

dupener, you seem to have comprehension difficulties, not much I can do about that can I?

you have a need to see in black and white !

the  bullshit 

the

  reality  ! : o )(

never seen a zen or any  monk  or nun that wouldn't have been better being a garbage man/woman !

never seen a zen or any  monk  that wouldn't have been better being a garbage man !

never seen a zen  monk  that wouldn't have been better being a garbage man !

that poem is a totally crap  translation  of one of the world's most famous, the seashell by osip mandelstham, personally murdered by stalin !

zen is so full of this thieving plagiarism !

you all say  “no words”  but what you mean is steal and make false claims to look good !

I have never seen anything that so clearly shows what fucking arseholes you guys are !

delete this huh, the truth shows you pathetic intellectual property stealers up !

that poem is a totally crap  translation  of one of the world's most famous, the seashell by osip mandelstam, personally murdered by stalin !

zen is so full of this thieving plagiarism !

you all say  “no words”  but what you mean is steal and make false claims to look good !

they must have been observing you and likely have some contact with someone you know !

they will likely hit you  again  when they get info about some new possessions !

really with guns if you don't get killed or injured you have done well and we all know the venezuela has one of the highest homicide rates in the world !

you need a security camera or something because the problem is they are not identified and you have been an easy pickings for them !

if theft is endemic then it really pays to keep possessions only to essentials !

Darkxyz's  reply

Yeah, very likely, talking about the whole thing, the thieves even opened the door to let our indoors dog out to the backyard, so we are sure someone who knew about that thing let them know. So it wasn't just a random thing, but somebody tip them about it. Who? I have no idea. but thinking about that, some   “friend”  doing that to me, brings me almost to tears. And not knowing who. But is just a theory at the moment... [..]

at least on  reddit  you can post a contrary opinion without being banned !

imo the huge number of vaccines American children receive coupled with the anti-sun propaganda is exciting an immune response that destroys the pancreatic beta cells, and as these hyper vaccinated, lily skinned generations grow older, not having diabetes will be rare !

the problem is hiv/aids  inducts  a form of dementia that subtly affects their judgment in a way that is not readily discernible ! :o() !!!!!

another plus for  HRT,  estrogen  restores  synaptic health and also improves working memory

you  could also try a bit of lithium  carbonate  in your drinking water !

-------------

the lithium water dose is extremely low, equating to what's in the public water supply in areas famous for the benefits of having lithium in the water !

when medicine talks about lithium, they are talking about it's use for mania at toxically high doses

doctors and medicine are malign proxies for our own research, work and experimentation !

i'm not being unfriendly but i have seen so many people in your situation and i know what happens...............

-------------------------

i actually think you could get a beneficial synergy between the lithium water and the Effexor and you may be able to reduce the Effexor dose  (ed. 300mg compared to the usual maximum dose of 225)  which is unsustainable !

really the amount of lithium carbonate in the water as per my page is not different from what some towns have in their public water !

Effexor has horrible withdrawal symptoms so any reduction in dose has to be done in small steps!

this is in no way medical advice, just my opinion and i am sure you will ignore this :o)(

HopelessSemantic  replies

I know all about the withdrawal symptoms. Dropping my dose is what sent me into my current state, and if I do miss a pill, I get very sick the next day. My doctor has suggested stepping down before, but it hasn't worked in the times I've tried in the past, even under doctor supervision

my

well that would be a good test of something else that might be helpful to you, to be able to lower the Effexor dose in  (very very small steps)  without withdrawal symptoms

I think a bit of fat in the diet does  suppress  appetite !

I find connective tissue that has been well cooked also helps !

extremely filling !

either keep it to yourself  (ed. that one is a LaVeyan satanist)  or don't go to a Christian school !

the moment you mention Satanism it's like a  flag  making yourself fair game for some pretty extreme behavior !

------------------

fair game    is not a value judgment, but an approach taken in a certain context !

when I make a comment on reddit I make myself fair game to people too lazy to research words and phrases they don't understand !

“fair game”  does not mean that it is  “fair”,  comprendé ?

------------------------------------------------------------

a definition of  “fair game”

a person or thing that is considered a reasonable target for criticism, exploitation, or attack

“ when it came to practical jokes, he regarded anybody as fair game ”

-------------------

it's all about context !

a person or group may be fair game for another person or group, like you regard me as fair game to harass  (ed. a reddit thread!)  into giving you an understanding of the meaning !

in no way does it imply that the group or person targeting the other person or group as  “fair game”  is in the right !

it is simply a description of a type of behavior all too prevalent I am afraid !

LaVeyan satanism is just some sort of sex  club 

if you have wondered

it's not just to wet us !

dogs shake their bodies 4 or 5 times a second and get  rid  of 70% of the water on their bodies in four seconds !

dogs shake their bodies 4 or 5 times a second and get  rid  of 70% of the water on their bodies in four seconds !

a  tale  of a  tub

RAD  (reactive attachment disorder)  is one of those destructive nonsense designations !

-------------------

basically RAD is a pre neurobiology brain paradigm

autistic spectrum and structural brain differences are the new paradigm !

it's all basically developmental disorder and it has to occur as a part of a systemic condition, RAD cannot exist because it requires a single sharp structural deficit that cannot exist in reality !

from what I am saying, if you had close contact with the  child /adolescent you would see the other structural features of her being on autistic spectrum simply because these events cannot occur in isolation !

RAD  (reactive attachment disorder)  is one of those destructive nonsense designations !

women are really really  different,  it's a great help to try and understand the way they work !

“ the female of the species is deadlier than the male ! ”

women are really really different, it's a great help to try and understand the way they work !

“ the female of the species is deadlier than the male ! ”

“ [Serious]  How do I release anger that's  built  up? ”

we are quite a violent species and it was abit of an eye opener for me when I took up hunting to see how natural it was

I really recommend hunting (with lead free ammunition!), I think people who do bow hunting have a higher need to kill violently .........

imo it should be a requirement to go on a guided hunt to get a gun licence, once you see what guns are for, our natural instincts to put game on the table and what the effect of a bullet is , there would be alot less of the problem of them being used on people !

a good stoush on the net does wonders too :o)

“ [Serious]  How do I release anger that's  built  up? ”

we are quite a violent species and it was abit of an eye opener for me when I took up hunting to see how natural it was

I really recommend hunting (with lead free ammunition!), I think people who do bow hunting may have a higher need to kill violently .........

imo it should be a requirement to go on a guided hunt to get a gun licence, once you see what guns are for and our natural instincts to put game on the table, there would be alot less of the problem of them being used on people !

a good stoush on the net does wonders too :o)

if she was male I think you would call it aspergers syndrome !

there are many families with children with similar  behavior  issues, though not such a direct threat to life !

since her skin is dark, does she get any vitamin D?

-----------------

it's amazing the moment you mention aspergers or autism on reddit in come the karma point minuses !

Offthrowaway14  wrote  and then deleted both this post and his nick   (ed. reddit!)

I just frequently get this feeling of being sick of everything that happens. To avoid misrepresenting this whole post, I'm 17. So many different things come to mind when you hear someone's a teenager, and I'm not looking to be respected by anyone here, I just want to vent about some stuff.

Right now I'm sitting at a computer in a shitty apartment in a bad neighborhood at 10 PM listening to music trying to think about how I got to this point. I'm a highschool dropout with no GED and no Highschool credits past my Sophomore year, and I'm living with my mom who is on the border between extremely childlike and mentally unhinged. Not even more than 3 years ago I was living in my parent's house worth more than $500,000 in the best neighborhood in the area. I was going to the best public High school in the state, ranked around #20 or so in the country. When I took the PSAT my freshmen year my score was in the top 1% of the juniors in the best school in the state.

I know sitting back and thinking about how my life was a few years ago doesn't help me at all, and I'm sure it's just immaturity thinking that I deserved any of that. I know I'll get judged by people who have it worse than me, because I'm well aware that I was very well off when I was younger. I know I've been judged by people who read about me talking negatively about my mom who I live with, because of the stereotypes that I deal with daily about how I must just be a lazy teenage jerk. But I just can't get it out of my head, how unfair it all seems to be.

What did I do to deserve this. I dealt with my dysfunctional parents, both incredibly childish and selfish, from the day I was old enough to understand how it wasn't normal. I dealt with having to rely on my mom who was only competent enough to manage money if she had double what she needed to blow on mistakes, I dealt with my dad who cared about nobody but himself. I fucking tried, and I feel like I should've done better. I dealt with it every day, getting sucked into having a similar broken personality as a kid just from living in that type of environment. When I was around 13 I, like a lot of kids, got interested in the concept of psychiatric medication. I was just a generally shy kid, not trying to blame that on anyone else, or delve into some deep psychological reason for why I was that way. I didn't understand the repercussions that came with being seen as "Mentally ill" to those who are too ignorant to understand things like that. So I went to my doctor with my mom, and listed off some basic shy kid symptoms, hoping to get some kind of magic pill to fix that. My doctor didn't even want to give me anything, and it was apparent. So my mom started lying about symptoms. She told me afterwards that  "Well, he wasn't going to give it to you, so what's it hurt if I lied?".  I got some standard generic SSRI prescription that never really changed anything, and my life went on with me trying to understand the situation as best as a 13 year old can.

More months of the standard arguing between parents, them making the same empty threats to each other that they had been doing since I was born, that they had been doing since they got married 30 something years ago. I was getting older, and was getting sick of things. I knew that it wasn't normal, and that I didn't just have to deal with it. So I got involved in the arguments, yelling back. It came to be a prettty standard thing after a while, the arguments turned into 3 people screaming instead of the standard 2. I'm not pretending that I'm in the right in every situation I was in when I was younger, and I can barely remember the specifics of a lot of things. If I remember correctly, I hit a door one time, and my dad tried to upset my mom by calling the police.

So they come, my mom immediately, trying to be on my side, yells about "He's got mental issues! It's not his fault!". I know I can't really blame her for that, it wasn't malice, and she was just trying to do the best thing. But that one night completely changed my future. Once the police gave her (what was in her mind) the opportunity to send me to a hospital for a psychiatric evaluation in lieu of some kind of stern talking to in the back of a police cruiser, she jumped for it.

I don't even know if I'll post this at this point, this long wall of text isn't interesting to anyone but me, but it is nice to try to get some things out. It is a throwaway I guess.

I know that there will be a lot of doubt onto how exactly I could get hospitalized without actually having some kind of legitimate issue. And I get judged from everyone who I tell this to, "There's no way you aren't telling me everything, you must've done xxxxx or xxxx!". But adolescent psychiatric hospitals are filled with some of the most attention seeking, stupid kids you will ever meet. It is obviously horrible to say that, but it helps to dispel the ideas of what these places are. It is standard for a kid to be committed for nothing more than "He/she is on meds, and caused a fight/ran away/cut themselves/threatened themselves". Some do have legitimate issues, and for those kids these places are pretty great. So I'm just sitting there, between all these other stupid kids, trying to just deal with it. My mom is there, being sad yet at the same time proud of herself for "being a good mother", concerned about how this situation is making her feel. Casually talking about the living situation in the place, I mention that my roommate to-be on the psych ward is schizophrenic.

And to my ignorant mother, that was enough to set off screaming warning bells about "I saw on tv a schizophrenic murdered someone!", and many against-medical-advice discharge papers later, I was out in about 4 hours after I was admitted.

So I tried going on with normal life, but in my family's mind, I was now the "Psychiatric hospital crazy" child. Threatening to "send you back to the hospital!" at every normal 13 year old behavior problem, yelling about how "You should be back on medication!" ended in me having enough mental issues that those claims ended up not being that far from the truth. The short version is, I ended up having some standard "angsty depression/suicidal early teenage years" times. So I ended up thinking, around age 15, maybe the hospital would've helped after all, believing that maybe I am crazy, I should just trust these people, and let them help me. So I told my mom about my issues and she got overly dramatic as expected, and I went again.

Nobody really tells you what psychiatric medications can do to you. It's not all the standard "Oh I just don't feel emotions anymore". I went into the hospital sad. I came out with Welbutrin and a few other medications that I can't remember. Weeks later, I was, for the first time in my life being "reckless". The hospital didn't help me, it helped the stupid 13 year old girls that tried overdosing on Tylenol because they didnt get enough christmas gifts, but not me. Now my thoughts were constantly racing. At the time I didn't understand that the poor impulse control and incomprehensible mess that was my brain was a result of the cocktail of drugs that I thought were supposed to help me. It got to be too much, so in my broken stream of thoughts I decide to take a family car and drive myself into a wall. After the initial surge of adrenaline/thinking I was smart enough to make a decision that important, I guess you could say I just "pussied out". So I went back home. And the police are there. And now I've been hospitalized twice, and I'm getting even worse? Better go back to the psychiatric ward again.

But this time, I'm not just sitting there calmly like last time, being the model crazy patient and answering questions politely. My memory literally would last for 3 seconds at a time, for the two weeks I was in the psych ward this time. I could be in a conversation with someone and just completely forget what we're talking about. At the time all I know is they're talking about sending me to "Residential treatment". Long term care, basically. So I accepted it, buying into the doctors idea that "I must really be crazy, why else would i be here?". Not realizing that they're looking at a piece of paper that says "Multiple hospitalizations and history of medications, possible manic state." and basing their care choices off that. I mean, nobody could be hospitalized twice and medicated and not be crazy right? So I decided I would go to long term care and get help. I was put into a white windowless van with 2 large black men and drove about an hour out of the city. To this   place.  For over 2 months. These kids had extreme behavioral issues. Constant physical fighting between "residents". Constant physical abuse from the employees. A constant feeling of just wanting to die, of how did I get to this point in my life, of thinking "Of all the moments in my life that I will experience before I die, why this one? Why am I here, in this place, dealing with these awful people?". Of hearing the constant jokes from the orderlies that I, and 2 or 3 of the other residents out of the 60 or so the place contained, "Don't even belong here really, I guess your insurance must be paying a lot."

I was 15. I saw a kid get pushed into a closet with a "Mental-health associate", and heard him screaming for minutes afterwards. I was told by another MHA to beat a small 13 year old boy because "He was annoying". We had weekly visitations on the weekend for an hour. Every time my mom would come I would beg to leave. But "The doctors say it's for the best." I never did anything wrong the entire time I was there. They had a point system, of 100 points every day that can be deducted for misbehaving. The entire 2+ months I was there, 0 "points" were lost. But I "belonged there".

Eventually I got out. It was only a few months, but I have more memories of that time than I do from the rest of the 17 years I've been alive. My parents had already filed bankruptcy at this point, and were struggling to rent a house that cost 3x what they were able to afford. Then we moved again to a house less than half the monthly rent. Despite the fact that I was "crazy", I heard every single detail of their financial situation and the constant mistakes they would make, the not understanding that they cannot afford to go out to eat every night when they can't pay their rent.

About 3 months ago, after the constant arguing about finances and dysfunction, I was able to convince my mom to leave my dad. Despite the fact that he wasn't making much money at the time either, she makes even less. And she has even less of an idea of how to manage her finances. So now we have this apartment, in a horrible area, and she still doesn't understand not to spend money that she doesn't have.

I try not to stress about her poor decisions. But what am I going to do with my life? I wanted to go to medical school when I was in school, but now I haven't been in school for years, and I have less than 5 months before I turn 18.

I don't know if anyone will read this. And I wouldn't expect you to, it's a long, slow story that would only interest someone who had a stake in it. But I just had to type it all. I know I'm almost through it, I'm almost on my own. I have a great girlfriend who I've been with for almost a year now, and we're planning on starting our own life together relatively soon. But I just can't get over the idea, the concept that I had to be the one that this happened to. I have to be the one that can't tell his life story to people without being judged, I am the one that has to try to create something resembling a normal functional life from this wreckage. I am the one that can't even go a god damn day without wondering "Maybe I really am crazy. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I could've done better."

---------------------

Downvoted already. I'm assuming the vote fuzzing doesn't occur immediately when no upvotes have been given, so my assumption is it's real. Not a surprise to me honestly. People hear what I say and assume I'm a mean person, or that I'm trying to place blame on other people. Think that if it makes you feel better, or if it's easier to just hear "SSRIs, mental illness, psychiatric hospital", and lump me in with every stereotype you know about those things. Go ahead. I don't fucking care at this point, if there's anything that I've learned from my life is that what other people think about me based on their small biased "insight" into my personality is their own problem.

my  reply

Offthrowaway14, I replied to your post, but you had deleted both the post and your id, I liked what you wrote and you come across as intelligent and articulate !

the  reply  is below

yeah reddit is bad for that,  (ed. downvoting/negative karma!)  there are some real flacky nits on it who still can't get over that life is not a comfy sitcom !

you are asking why did it all happen to you, really you are on autistic spectrum and being on autistic spectrum means you plunge through all the extremes and in this case it happened to be the mental health system

I've seen worse actually, a girl who got put into the system as child, completely sane, very intelligent and butchered with anti-psychotics that ruined her health and now at about 28? she's bloated and immobile

you want to read around abit, like the poet charles bukowski and his life, the general populace are morons with stupid cruel and crucifying attitudes, steer by their lights .................

people with drug addiction problems really react negatively to what I write !

they feel challenged i guess !

people with drug addiction problems really react negatively to what I write !

my last  reply  to ewk !

let's see how long you last !

mr. suicidal schizophrenic !

--------------------

I could have put it differently but really it was more a note to myself not to reply to him again, nothing penetrates and all I can do is wait and see what happens to him or more likely the ways will part, but I am not replying any more to him!

my last reply to ewk !

lets see how long you last !

mr. suicidal schizophrenic !

I worked for years in quality assurance, it's basically attention to detail and process improvement, for most people intelligence is way underutilized in jobs and this taps into that as well as upgrading skills and giving a dignity to working !

selenium levels in some areas of the usa are quite high and it's likely you went from high selenium levels in food to low selenium levels when you went to live in denmark which has selenium deficient soils !

see you are all assuming that there's some deeper sense and it's not just garbage !

took me years to get past this, that most of this stuff is straight  garbage

you are no different from christians or any other religion standing around and pretending the most arrant nonsense is meaningful !

ewk I am going to give you some advice which I rarely do but I have seen a few things over the years...............

your view is so constricted that there's a good possibility that you will commit suicide at some point.........

you have no feeling for  “ what is beyond ”  so to speak

I really would suggest you try and get some time in areas of natural beauty by yourself and let it soak in abit like han shan :o)(

that's the real  “ no name ”  :o)

that's what enlightenment is about  dummy ! :o)

it's not some even field of everyone being equally guided or misguided !

that's what enlightenment is about dummy ! :o)

it's not some even field of everyone being equally guided or misguided !

we have a circadian rhythm for  meals 

the problem  (ed. of net zen)  is not literacy, but misaligned literacy and the right alignment can only come from solitary retreat experience !

some sense of what it is about in other words !

thanks for  posting  that ewk, I could sorta guess at what the problem was, but you crystalize it and make it very clear :o)

-----------------

ewk, try reading some han shan or is he not zen in your opinion?

the problem  (ed. of net zen)  is not literacy, but misaligned literacy and the right alignment can only come from solitary retreat experience !

some sense of what it is about in other words !

thanks for  posting  that ewk, I could sorta guess at what the problem was, but you crystalize it and make it very clear :o)

the problem  (ed. of net zen)  is not literacy, but misaligned literacy and the right alignment can only come from solitary retreat experience !

some sense of what it is about in other words !

the problem  (ed. of net zen)  is not literacy, but misaligned literacy and the right alignment can only come from solitary retreat experience !

the importance of solitary retreats in zen

any sort of retreat ?

the manic nuttiness of net zen communities and their obsessive fixation with throwing nonsensical writing/writings about as tho this is in some way zen or indeed means anything at all, can to my mind only come from an absence of retreating experience

the importance of solitary retreats in zen

any sort of retreat  ?  the manic nuttiness of net zen communities and their obsessive fixation with throwing nonsensical writing/writings about as tho this is in some way zen or indeed means anything at all, can to my mind only come from an absence of retreating experience

the importance of solitary retreats in zen

any sort of retreat ? the manic nuttiness of net zen and it's obsessive fixation with throwing nonsensical writing/writings about as tho this is in some way zen, can to my mind only come from an absence of retreating experience

hongzhi zhengjue was a silent illumination  heretic  !

god, so much rubbish !

some of the vocabulary about zen on reddit is actually peculiar to reddit, like  “ family ”,  too much time reading the wrong bad translations I am afraid

I think a lot of people talking zen on reddit have every little real life experience of it, not that I am a fan of real life zen but what happens here seems excessively masturbatory !

where reddit shines is it does not censor !

i have never had any amalgam fillings, but had fairly hefty doses of fluoride as a child !

my parents had lots of fillings !

if you have any, just wait until they get loose enough to be prised out with a minimium of drilling !

i think the amount of mercury leaching from them is sorta comparable to mercury intake from fish

i think people vary in their genetic ablity to tolerate mercury !

my hair mercury levels are reasonably high because of the fish i eat, tho i eat less now !

the worlds oldest  living  man !?

i quite like  him,  not the usual urbanised centenarian nit with their pap bullshit about god and how he has helped them lived so long !

actually there's a  study  suggesting gut feelings are the best predictor of how the relationship will go !

health is a significant factor,  you may have to do the carrying !

from what you  wrote  I would say you are already in the process of terminating it !

it's very important to stay friends, you both know each other very well and can be quite helpful!

just make little hints, he will need time to adjust, a big traumatic drop of the news is going to be just that ! :o)(

yeah,  83ug/dl of lead in the blood is off the charts !

most people who use guns are in complete  denial  about the problems of lead

I only use lead free solid copper bullets !

those glass ionomer  temporary  fillings are actually better than anything else you can put in because they have fluoride in and keep the site sterile !

they only replace them because they can wear quite quickly in certain positions !

don't let them use any mercury amalgam ! (grey metal !) in the replacement

i think  reddit  is a juggernaut of endless need  :o(

it's an STD  world  isn't it?

i think reddit is ajuggernaut of endless need :o(