NoVeMBeR /02

Saturday, November 23rd

Hehehe, yesturday was awesome!! We Cut Corey's hair, and Janel and I didn't screw up. phew! It looks good! But I don't think he likes it =S. I still need to take a shower. haha I am going back to Tim's probably later so I can see Ash. But yes, I miss Kalen. I wish he would have came to the party =(. I have hardly seen him lately =(. I feel like He is embrassed to be seen around me. My ear hurts a bit because Corey kept putting me in a head lock. Argh I'll show him. haha when Click went to see Janel and Christa drew on his face haha, and I tried to draw on his face while he was up, but he was sort of strugling. Ahh we taped ourselves on the video camera, and eww I hate myself, I am ugly, I talk werid and eww just the expressions on my face. ewww I fucking hate myself. i jsut want to leave this world and like overdose or like hang myself. Now I know why I am so hated. No one loves me. They just plain hate me. I am going to go now. ttyl bye bye *hugs*

--uGLY aNDRea

Saturday, November 23rd

I am back, I am so fucking bored. I got a feeling Christa and Ashley are against me and they are plotting againsted me. I just want to die right now. I feel like popping some pills and overdosing. Or hang my self. But I need to find some rope. I am not really in a good mood. I am slowy going to my depressing stages. I am being isolated at the moment. Today feels likes a Boring Old Lazy Sunday. Or one of thoses days nothing happens till night time. I am so stressed and I need a smoke. =|. I wish I could see Kalen. He could make me happy. Just seeing him puts a smile on my face. Kalen is my world. I wish he didn't have to be at his dad's this weekend.

My brother and I have been doing nothing. I want to go out. Just not with the same ppl I hang out with. We do the same thing. I am not saying it's boring but we have just basically been doing what I do. Sit around doing nothing. I am going to get dress soon haha, and ya find something to so. *thinks* My brother and I are thinking what to do right now. I'll think of something eventully haha in like 5 hours.

Yes, I want to cut my hair. But I can't, I will lose 5$. Argh I am watching Power Hour, and it's great jsut listening to all thses old bands. Make me feel I was in my sister's times...that would be cool. And living with my dad and sister, it would be great. My dad is so awesome. My mom is too but, she doens't understand me. She ahtes the way I dress and I can't express my feelings to her. With my dad I can tell him anything. He doesn't care, except sometimes things I don is not good enough for him =(. OMG ='( I miss Kalen so much. It's not fair that I don't see him that much. I feel like no on has time for me. My mommy never had time for me. And when I jsut want to be alone, everyone is there. The only person I wouldn't mind is Kalen. I could spend like 20 hours talking to him, he understands me so much, and I wouldn't get tired of him. Altho I believe he would get really tired of me, haha. I am still really stumbed on what to get him. I want to get him something special. Just not really sure.

Yes anyways I am going to go now. I will probably write back and tell you what I did, if i even thought of anything to do.

ttyl bye bye *hugs to all*

--uGLY aNDRea

November 23rd -- 10:30

I have returned. Jay, Dan and Kevin + friends came over. We went out and hung out. It was pretty cool. I ran into Daniel and I gave Daniel a hug since I haven't seen him in so long! I am really tried but I donn't want to go to bed because I still want to watch Much Loud. OMG!!! I want to the Mu Dv Ay Ne CD ='(. I love Not Falling. It such a great song. I wish I had a whole list of songs I could d/l. I might just go to my dad's and get a few songs. I just want to hear the song Not Falling. *tear* My tummy hurts. Boo urns. yay! I finally painted my finger nails. But I dind't paint them black this time. I painted it midnight forest. Pretty. Tomorrow is going to be another boring day. I just might want to relax. Sometimes I get sick and tired going out. People don't let me relax. All they do is call on me and make me walk around. It get's annoying. *yawns* ARGH!! I am really really really really super really tired!! hahaha. Damn you!! Why wont Much Loud come one right now!! Well I am going to bed. ttyl bye bye THIS TIME!! haha *hugs to all*

--uGLY aNDRea

Sunday, November 24th

It's 10:43 AM and I am still a bit hungie (hungry)! I was supposed to have a doughnut but no my brother is an ass and ate the rest of them and then he left the box there. =| ARGH FUCK KILL! I am pissed. Yes I am watching Home Fries. It's on T.V. My tummy has been hurting since yesturday. All the muscles hurt ='( This blows. And so does my back. I am trying to massage my back too. But I am a gimp. bah. Well it's the morning so I will write back later. If I get the computer. ttyl bye bye *hugs to all*

--uGLY aNDRea

Monday, November 25th

Today is another boring stuf plain old day, for little depressing me. I have reliazed I am becoming more and more Anti-social sometimes. I don't really like going out and I am starting to hate the phone. All I really can rely is my music. It gets me throught. And ofcourse Kalen. I dunno, it's weird, when I was with Ano, I didn't really express myself, and he really didn't know who I was. When ever I was depressed, it was really hard to talk to him. I would always go to Kalen, because Kalen helped me out. One time, I was getting really mad at Ano, because he never had time for me.(And he still didn't the last month we were together) and I was tlaking to him on the phone, and I was going to ask if he wanted to do something today, and right when I was going to he is like I got to go, my friends are here. Ano never had time for me in the end, only his friends. but ya anyways I hang up the phone after he got off the phone too, and I just threw the phone spazed out, went to my room crying and slitting my rist. Then I need fresh air to calm down. And I called Kalen up and we went and did something. When I got back home, I was really happy, talking to Kalen how I was pissed. And Ano and I never had that kind of bond. And another thing was, Ano was a punk, and I was a metalhead. Our diffrences were so different. I always had to listen to punk, nad I could never listen to my music, so to him he thinks that music is nothing to me. Altho music is my life, I would die with out it. I would go insane, altho I am starting to think I am becoming a lunitic. Anyways ya it was werid. Kalen and I get along great, the 1st time I went out with him, we were madly inlove and I never got mad at him, he understood me so much and I thoguht nothing could break us apart. But then Tasha stoll him away from me. whcih I will never forgive ehr, because she should learn to back off. But now I am back with Kalen, which means no worries =).

Another person I can taalk to is Carl. It's rpetty cool. But it would be weird us hanging out if Ano was there. bah. But ya talking to Carl is pretty cool. He is my internet buddy and I can talk to him about my problems too. And it really helkps altho he thinks he isn't much help. And Carl understands me alot. He says I am a girl mini version of him in grade 10. hehe odd.

Argh, I am right now listening to Guns 'n' Roses - Paradise City. It's almost over ='(. Everytime I listen to Guns 'n' Roses, it reminds me of Kalen. Because the first time I talked to him was on the net, and we were talking about bands and he told me he was listening to Guns 'n' Roses - Sweet Child of Mine. and then he said on MSN OOOH! sweet child on mine. And it just makes me remember the first time I talked to him =). I miss Kalen. Him and his stupid essay =S BOO URNS!! haha But I get to spend time with him after school Wednsday, yay! =D. I can't wait. And Saturday it's Janel's b-day and I burnt her a CD. You don't have to bring gifts, but I would feel bad, even if I dind't bring a card. But I made her a card too. yay! Well I don't knwo what else to tlak about and it's 8:50 PM. So I am going to go. ttyl bye bye *hugs to all*

--uGLY aNDRea

Tuesday, November 26th

Today is another fucking boring didly day. My foot hurts like hell =|. I just ate 2 mini pizzas and a glasses of chocolate milk. My mommy called and told me I have to be home around 7:00PM. She has something special for my brother and I. I'm scared lol. She is going to take me away. Yes right now I am talking to Carl on MSN. yay! And I am watching T.V. I am going to go for now. I am going to write later to tell you what the "surprise" was, hehe.

ttyl bye bye *hugs to all*

--uGLY aNDRea

9:16 PM

OMG MY FUCKING GOD!!!! THE SURPRISE WAS KORN TICKETS!!!! HOLLY SHIT..Walley had an early christmas gift for my brother and I. and he said he had to pull a few strings and pulls out 2 tickets. Give me one and I look and it say KoRn, and I scream ran downstairs to show my friends and I was on the floor so fucking happy and then I was like crying because I was so happy. I am so hyped up for it. My cheeks hurt!!! I am soooo fucking happy=) x million. *breaths* Well Ash and I made cookies. Corey was so fucking loud and hyper. And when they left I got in shit. =| boo urns!! fack. I am going to go. Altho I don't think I will be able to sleep tonight. haha ttyl bye bye *hugs to all*

--uGLY aNDRea

Wednesday, November 27th

Today is another dpressing day for lil Andrea. I fucking hate my life =(. I might be getting into a fight at school. And I couldn't go and spend time with Kalen today because he had to go grocery shopping. It sucks because I hardly get to see him. I feel so unloved and ignored by everyone, besdeis Ash. Ash and I hung out around 4:30, had a smoke, went to the Chiniess store and then ran into a friend of hers and had a smoke with him. Then Ash and I went to her house for like a few secound and then we headed to Mother Teresa. We talked and shit which was pretty cool. We talked about shit and uhh shit haha. Then Ash and I went back to her house and we jsut ast listening to music and doing stupid shit. Watching stupid shit ahha. Then I went home and ate and sat around watching t.v and computer which to write in my diary. Suzanne and her bf Shaun broke up =S. I was like awww, I am so sorry. =( She is pretty sad and I could imaging how sasd I would be too. If Kalen and I broke up I would be pretty sad =(. I would cry.

Argh. I fuukcing hate my school.. It blows...someone get me out of there.

I am right now listening to Soulfly - Pain. It's a really really really good song. I like it. All I know it's goign to be stuck in my head for a while haha. I wish Kalen wuld come online. II want to talk to him. But I dont thin khe is going to come online. This blows. I feel like he is embrassed to be seen around me at school. I was talking to him or trying. And he wouldn't really talk to me, then he went outside. I feel like our relationship has been going no where so far. There seems to be no time for me. =(. I am going to wait another week and tell him how I feel. That's if we acctully start seeing each other more. If we don't then I will. I miss him alot =(. I am hungie again. O poo. I hate my life. The only thing I have realize is, I wanted to kill myself if I get into another fight ebcause I am sick of this shit, and I try so hard to look beyond that shit, and then beyond that shit is even more shit. I fucking hate is, my school is all against me. Everyone is...HOLLY SHIT KALEN JUST CAME ONLINE, haha =)=)=)=). Ya my school is against me and so is the government and the world is...espescially. The only thing that made me happy was hanging out with Ash just me and her. We acctully had a serious talk!! haha but ya I was like all depressed and then she just made me happy anda thoguht about this is the kind of shit I am supposed to look beyond. And I am not going to kil myself...I am just going to keep thinking about Ash and I tlaking and get her to make me happy, as in just me and her...all the other ppl sometimes seem to piss me off..I dunno, if I am alone with someone, everything is more calmer for me if I am depressed, and I liek that beteter then dancing around, enless I am in a good mood. But I am going to go now

ttyl bye bye *hugs to all*

--uGLY aNDRea

Saturday, November 30th

Argh...Today is a boring day so far..hhaha it's 11:30AM..bah! I get to see Kalen today. Hopefuly. My mom is blaming me for her break up with Walley...she blames me for everything. That's more shit on my back..because she is a fucking bitch. I hete this. She just likes to make me misreable. Fuck her. I am sick of it. I am just going to ignore her, and if she asks me to do something I will do it. and ignore her. I am sick and tired of this shit. She is jealous of my dad, because the fact my dad understands me and he knows who I am. My mom doesn't even know my favorite bands. She knows nothing about me. But yet I have lived with her my whole life. I have only lived at my dad for like 5 months and my dad knows so much more then my mom does. And my mom isn't fun. She is too busy sitting on the couch "relaxing" and kicking me out of the house for sex with her bf. She doesn't care about my feelings. I am jsut going to be anti-social to her. Fuck her. if she doesn't want to know anythihng about me, then I will just ignore her and know nothing about her....predictable...

Anyways ya. going to Amber was a waste of my fucking time. I am nevre going to see her agian god. I went down there with Ash, and Ambers friends where there, and all Amber did was ignore me. Argh fuck her too. I hate this life. I need to hire a hit man too kill me. haha. I need money fist. I am going to go now. ttyl bye bye *hugs to all*

--uGLY aNDRea