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Wednesday, November 27th
Today is another dpressing day for lil Andrea. I fucking hate my life =(. I might be getting into a fight at school. And I couldn't go and spend time with Kalen today because he had to go grocery shopping. It sucks because I hardly get to see him. I feel so unloved and ignored by everyone, besdeis Ash. Ash and I hung out around 4:30, had a smoke, went to the Chiniess store and then ran into a friend of hers and had a smoke with him. Then Ash and I went to her house for like a few secound and then we headed to Mother Teresa. We talked and shit which was pretty cool. We talked about shit and uhh shit haha. Then Ash and I went back to her house and we jsut ast listening to music and doing stupid shit. Watching stupid shit ahha. Then I went home and ate and sat around watching t.v and computer which to write in my diary. Suzanne and her bf Shaun broke up =S. I was like awww, I am so sorry. =( She is pretty sad and I could imaging how sasd I would be too. If Kalen and I broke up I would be pretty sad =(. I would cry.
Argh. I fuukcing hate my school.. It blows...someone get me out of there.
I am right now listening to Soulfly - Pain. It's a really really really good song. I like it. All I know it's goign to be stuck in my head for a while haha. I wish Kalen wuld come online. II want to talk to him. But I dont thin khe is going to come online. This blows. I feel like he is embrassed to be seen around me at school. I was talking to him or trying. And he wouldn't really talk to me, then he went outside. I feel like our relationship has been going no where so far. There seems to be no time for me. =(. I am going to wait another week and tell him how I feel. That's if we acctully start seeing each other more. If we don't then I will. I miss him alot =(. I am hungie again. O poo. I hate my life. The only thing I have realize is, I wanted to kill myself if I get into another fight ebcause I am sick of this shit, and I try so hard to look beyond that shit, and then beyond that shit is even more shit. I fucking hate is, my school is all against me. Everyone is...HOLLY SHIT KALEN JUST CAME ONLINE, haha =)=)=)=). Ya my school is against me and so is the government and the world is...espescially. The only thing that made me happy was hanging out with Ash just me and her. We acctully had a serious talk!! haha but ya I was like all depressed and then she just made me happy anda thoguht about this is the kind of shit I am supposed to look beyond. And I am not going to kil myself...I am just going to keep thinking about Ash and I tlaking and get her to make me happy, as in just me and her...all the other ppl sometimes seem to piss me off..I dunno, if I am alone with someone, everything is more calmer for me if I am depressed, and I liek that beteter then dancing around, enless I am in a good mood. But I am going to go now
ttyl bye bye *hugs to all*
--uGLY aNDRea
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Saturday, November 30th
Argh...Today is a boring day so far..hhaha it's 11:30AM..bah! I get to see Kalen today. Hopefuly. My mom is blaming me for her break up with Walley...she blames me for everything. That's more shit on my back..because she is a fucking bitch. I hete this. She just likes to make me misreable. Fuck her. I am sick of it. I am just going to ignore her, and if she asks me to do something I will do it. and ignore her. I am sick and tired of this shit. She is jealous of my dad, because the fact my dad understands me and he knows who I am. My mom doesn't even know my favorite bands. She knows nothing about me. But yet I have lived with her my whole life. I have only lived at my dad for like 5 months and my dad knows so much more then my mom does. And my mom isn't fun. She is too busy sitting on the couch "relaxing" and kicking me out of the house for sex with her bf. She doesn't care about my feelings. I am jsut going to be anti-social to her. Fuck her. if she doesn't want to know anythihng about me, then I will just ignore her and know nothing about her....predictable...
Anyways ya. going to Amber was a waste of my fucking time. I am nevre going to see her agian god. I went down there with Ash, and Ambers friends where there, and all Amber did was ignore me. Argh fuck her too. I hate this life. I need to hire a hit man too kill me. haha. I need money fist. I am going to go now. ttyl bye bye *hugs to all*
--uGLY aNDRea
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