Skaro – 389 AW
“Now I’ll show you how it’s really done you annoying tin plated morons.” The Doctor smiled coldly and pulled the lever on the Omega device. “Your mutant cycle has been renewed. Now you shall evolve from hate filled blobs into something people can look at and keep their lunch down. Your fates are sealed.”
The weaponless Daleks glided too and fro, unable to do anything to stop their sworn enemy in his hour of triumph.
The Doctor watched as the Dalek casings opened and tall humanoid figures emerged. “Leave this city, all of you. It will be destroyed along with any of you who remain.” He glared as they all ran towards the exits. “Gullible, totally gullible. The Dalek mind was always so easy to manipulate.”
“For once Doctor I’m in complete agreement with you.”
The Doctor’s smile faded. “The Master. I might have known you’d be skulking around, failing to emerge from my shadow as usual…quite pathetic really.”
The Master aimed his tissue compression eliminator at his sworn enemy. “Actually I’m here to kill you. I find myself somewhat perplexed by your actions. Then it came to me, you’re trying to take control of the Universe yourself. I cannot allow you to stand in my way, especially now that you are a rival.”
“A rival?” The Doctor laughed. “I’ve always been your superior. Everything you’ve done I’ve always done better. You’re nothing to me now, not even a useful tool to divert any attention away from myself.”
“You’re hardly going to fool anyone for long, faking your own death like that. Far too showy, they always check to see if there’s a body.”
“That has been taken care of. The one person in this whole cosmos who shares some of my DNA.”
“Your former best friend, the American girl?”
The Doctor nodded. “I spared her lover and their child. I’m not without some mercy.”
“Spare me your justification Doctor. You always loved the sound of your own voice too much. The High Council already know of your actions. They sent an agent to kill you.”
“You?” The Doctor asked.
“Me.” The Master confirmed and fired.
The Doctor laughed. “You think your toys can stop me?” He took out a laser pistol and fired it at the Master’s arm.
“Nggh.” The Master felt red burning pain in his arm as the laser bolt shot straight through and out the other side. “Curse you Doctor.”
The Doctor smiled at his rival’s pain. “You’re making more noise than your brat did.”
“My brat?”
“Your daughter, well one of them anyway. Don’t worry I didn’t kill her, not even once.”
“Your mistake.” Geokai threw vinegar into the Doctor’s eyes, before kicking him hard in the dangly parts. “Don’t mess with me or my sister.”
The Master stood over his fallen nemesis. “Unfortunately they want you alive; I was so looking forward to killing you.”
“He’s not worth it.” Geokai kicked the Doctor again. “To think I had all the trading cards too. I should go and see how Claire is doing. I don’t think Haana’s new persona is compatable, apparently she’s straight now. At least everyone thinks so.”
The Master kissed Geokai on the cheek. “Take care, my daughter.” He looked down at the Doctor. “She is feisty isn’t she? To think they gave me a full pardon before I agreed to capture you.”
“Was it worth this?” The Doctor pulled out two thin stiletto daggers and stabbed his nemesis in the kneecaps with them. He felt the sensations as the twin steel tips were driven through skin, flesh and bone. Then he picked himself up and stood over his bearded rival. “Don’t get up.” He laughed and walked back towards the TARDIS.


Space, unknown time zone
Mondas, once Earth’s twin planet, it was now a region of asteroids and mechanical debris. In several sections however life was renewing itself. Several surviving Cybermen had survived the destruction and rebuilt their bodies to suit their new environment. They were akin to floating heads with four metal arms that grasped on to useful materials, which they took back to the processing plant to fashion new materials to make ships and weapons.
The TARDIS launched a small dark gold object towards the heart of the surviving Cybermen. Within seconds a new black hole formed, sucking all remains of the species into it. The TARDIS easily resisted the gravity field before lazily slipping back out of reality.
Omega tried to break free through the black hole but his essence was consumed by the Doctor’s superior will.
The Doctor smiled, killing your lifelong hero was kind of fun.


Kroton homeworld, star date 41145.3
The Kroton Assembly was in uproar.
The Kroton Magnus stood up. “We need more high-brains to operate our machinery.”
The room became an uproar, as the anti-outsider faction threw lead weights at the pro-outsider lobby, shattering their crystalline structures.
“If I may make a statement?” The Doctor coughed politely. “I propose that all Krotons who can survive the Telluric acid I’ve just flooded the city with, can be lucky to call themselves lucky.”
There were no survivors.

Earth, 23rd November 2004
An empty street soon stirred with the arrival of the TARDIS. From it emerged the Doctor, dressed in a black velvet three-piece suit and carrying a ladies parasol with concealed blade.
“Give us yer money, mister.” Debbie held a half brick in her hand. It wasn’t much, but it usually worked.
The Doctor smiled coldly at the young homeless girl. “You can attract more flies with honey than half a brick. Tell me, when was the last time you had a meal, hmmm?”
“Just give me your wallet.”
The Doctor folded his arms. “No. Now why don’t you put that thing down, it makes you look terribly undignified. What is it? Speed? Brown? Special K? Vraxoin? No, that hasn’t reached this planet yet. I’m the Doctor; I’m not going to tell you to drop that thing again.” He grabbed the girl’s wrist and twisted it around hard and sharp until she screamed in pain and dropped the makeshift weapon. “I did warn you. Now come along, I’ve got a lot to do and there’s a burger van nearby.”


Gallifrey, the Hour of Quiggle
The news was not good, Romana’s assured landslide victory over Harkenonabit was turned on its head and everyone suspected the ballot was rigged. Haana sat up in bed, surrounded by an unnecessary amount of soft toys and rest of the room was taken up with flowers and pictures of t.A.T.u. Her memories were still vague and disjointed. She remembered living with a woman for a while and there was a child involved too, she suspected that her previous self was either male or some sort of unreasonably ferocious über-lesbian from the planet Lesbosia. The picture of two women in wedding dresses kissing tended to indicate the later option was the one to put her money on. It wasn’t that she didn’t oppose the idea of a same-sex relationship, rather that she would rather avoid any sort of sex relationship right now. She didn’t want to upset the other woman in the wedding photograph, the one whose very soul radiated contentment more vigorously than any supernova ever could.
“Ah, you’re awake.”
“Tall, thin man with a weird moustache. Are you one of the Village People?”
The Master laughed. “I see you still have a sense of humour. I need your help, to track down the Doctor.”
“I won’t help you kill him.”
“He killed you.”
“That’s different, he’s obviously mentally unbalanced. We have to help him.”
“I agree. However stopping him must take priority. I will use any and all means necessary to ensure the survival of innocent people.”
“Are you feeling alright?” Haana was genuinely concerned. What she remembered of weird, dark and psycho was not good. In fact it was down right naughty, especially the crimes against fashion.
“I have a slight headache, are all those…things really necessary?” The colours of the soft toys were an affront to any sentient being with eyes.
“Of course, some of them are from your daughters. How is Leokai?”
“Leokai is resting; I’m informed that she will recover. Geokai aided me in an initial attempt to capture the Doctor. She is quite resourceful.”
“She shouldn’t be doing that, she’s got a daughter to look after.”
“I know. That is why I have come to ask you to help me seek the Doctor. You have a part of him inside of you. I need your assistance to aid me.”
Haana already knew what the Master wanted; from the second he entered the room. She thought up a billion reasons to go and stay. In the end she knew what she had to do. “Ok, but we’re not friends. This isn’t going to be a 2-hour yawn fest where we realise each other’s strengths and develop a friendship. You’re a psycho; if you weren’t the father of two of my best friends I’d kick you’re ass all the way to Shada right now.”
The Master nodded. “I shall make preparations. You can inform your…other half if you like.”


Earth
The Doctor looked at his pitiful new companion. “Is the ketchup ok?”
“Whatever.”
“I don’t suppose you’d like to shoot a few people dead, just if you want to.” The Doctor handed the skinny girl a large handgun. “These people have no future; you’d be doing them a service really. Who cares about inner city violence anyway? It probably won’t even make the news unless you kill more than twenty or thirty people.”


Gallifrey
Former President Romana paced around her new, smaller office. “A cardinalship? That’s all I got for three life times of service. At least I get a mini bar.” She opened it up and took it for a test drive.
The Master smiled, warmly. “I have obtained the services of Lady Haana.”
Romana finished off a double lemonade. “Already? She must be really messed up.”
“I think she requires some time away to contemplate matters of a personal nature.”
“Perhaps.” Romana made two more drinks and passed one to the Master. “It can be done, a new lifecycle. It’s not easy of course and more than likely to fail. However the Codex of Omega clearly indicates a method for retro-engineering a new imprimatur.”
“A new lifecycle? To be free to make my own choices once more?” The Master stroked his chin thoughtfully.


Earth
The Doctor rolled his eyes. “You call that a spree? Three adults, no children and twenty seven pigeons?”
“I really hate pigeons. I like kids, not my own, I was glad to put them in a home. However it’s refreshing to have a child about to entertain you.”
“I was thinking the same thing, but you’re useless.” The Doctor smiled. “That said...you can still be of some use. I want you two kill two people; they’re not very important really. Tell me, have you ever heard of the Arch Duke Ferdinand of Austro-Hungary or his wife, the Duchess?”


Gallifrey
Haana did not feel comfortable, for several reasons. Mainly because her new persona was still settling in, also she was separated from her child and partner; finally she was standing inside the Master’s TARDIS. It was not the most hospitable of machines, unless you were a Goth or a manic-depressive with a masochistic predisposition to nilhism.
The Master examined the instruments carefully. “The Doctor is on Earth, but I can’t get an accurate temporal fix. She’s blocking me somehow.”
Haana sighed. “You need to use an imparallaxifier.”
The Master switched the imparallaxifier on. “Ah, got you Doctor. Somewhere near the French/Belgian border in the local year 1917.”
Haana’s mood brightened. “I like France; it has an ethos, a fragrance, a bouquet if you will.”
The Master shook his head and mumbled. “I knew being around the Doctor affected the mind, but this is just criminal. Besides it’s the Belgian side of the border.” He looked at his companion. “Listen to me, child. The whole world is at war, sides have been chosen, alliances stand or fall upon a knife-edge. We must not make any false move that might change the course of history. Do nothing and say nothing.”
Haana glared at the Master. “Listen to me, weirdo. I’m not some giddy graduate. I’m a seasoned adventurer and I’ve faced far more than you think. I’ve saved the day more times than I care to name right now and do you think my bottom looks big in this dress?”
The Master sighed. “You’ll have to change out of that for a start. You’ll be my military attaché. I’ll be a British officer.”
Haana frowned at the thought of having to wear trousers. Then she thought about the Master’s oredictable lack of imagination when it came to aliases. “Let me guess, Colonel Masters?”
“That is an acceptable rank for someone of my nobility. You are a lady by birthright, from Bermuda, but you grew up in America. There is no other way to explain your voice.”
Haana scowled. “There is nothing wrong with being a red blooded yank.”
“There is if you expect to pass as a lieutenant in the British army. Female attachés are not unheard of, mostly they disguise themselves as male but only a blind idiot could be fooled by such bad attempts to sound masculine.”
“Yeah, like Geokai’s first incarnation. Look, I’m not wearing trousers any more than absolutely necessary. I love wearing dresses too much.”
“You can wear one at the evening meal if you insist. As an officer you have to wear formal dress for such occasions. I think some sort of gown would be appropriate.”
“Whatever, now how do you expect them to deal with your voice? You don’t sound very English, more Scottish if you ask me.”
“True, I shall portray an officer from a highland regiment.”
“What? How come you get to wear a skirt and I don’t?”
“I do not dictate the fashions of your planet. I merely make sure I wear the right thing at the right time.”
“That’s why I’m a trend setter and you’re a sheep. Sometimes fashion is so unfair, I have the perfect legs for a skirt.”


Earth, June 28th 1914
The streets of Sarajevo were noisy and full of sightseers. Many had turned out to greet the Archduke and his wife, while others used this chance to kill him. Already the Doctor had stopped seven rival attempts, killing six of them before they had time to react and preventing another from throwing a bomb by deactivating it beforehand afterwards. Now it was the turn of his agent, suitably dressed as a political agent.
Debbie wasn’t sure why she had to dress as a guy, the beard made her face itch. Still she got right up to the car and shot the old bloke and his bint, killing them both. Then she tried to make her way back to the TARDIS but she was shot in the back and trampled to death by horses.
The Doctor made sure someone else was found and made accountable when her agent’s features artificial Balkan were destroyed utterly. Hypnosis was easy on the weak of mind. Now the First World War had begun, one of the biggest slaughters in Earth’s history. To think that Earth should have had a future to rival that of the Draconians in just fifty years made her chuckle now.

Earth, September 19th 1917
Group Captain Hargrove banged his fists on the desk. “You’re not seriously suggesting that I accept this nonsense? We don’t have darkies in this army.”
The Master glared harshly at the arrogant young man. “I am your superior officer, Captain. I appoint whom I want to my staff as I see fit. Lady Sinclair is an exceptional infiltration operative and she possesses an intellect almost the equal of my own. She may have been raised in America but she’s as loyal to Blighty as you or me. I will not allow any resource to be wasted if it could bring about victory. That is what we’re both here for, or did you just forget the lessons of the Somme?”
“The men won’t accept her, besides there’s her safety to think of.”
“Lady Sinclair will be restricted to the hospital wing and her room when not assisting me. She has full medical training, let me assure you she will earn her keep.”
“Very well, but I do so under protest. I shall be sending a letter to Field Marshal Haig himself.”
“Take a look at that letter from the war office again, Captain. Note the second name, the one under the Prime Minister’s. Don’t worry Captain, I’m sure General Plumer will be quite sympathetic to one of his captains enquiring about a colonel he just briefed this morning.”
“I see.” Captain Hardgrave saluted, the wind taken out of his sails. “The time is ten minutes past three; I Group Captain Michael Andrew Hargrove formally hand over command of this position to Colonel Roger Anthony Eric Masters.”
The Master saluted. “I acknowledge command of this position. Turn in for a few hours Group Captain; it’s going to be a long day tomorrow.”
Once the idiot in the uniform left Haana went into the office. “Racist and sexist in one package, how efficient. He may as well have been Hitler.”
“That war has yet to occur. This is 1917, remember? The National Socialist party does not take control of Germany until 1933. Quite a good year for wine too, as I recall.”
“I met Hitler once, I was with Claire. She spent a whole hour throwing up afterwards. Did I mention she’s Jewish? Memories from even earlier surfaced in her mind. “Anyway, I spent most of my history classes getting in extra swim practice. Either that or fantasising about kissing Lizzy Turner. Of course now I think I’d prefer to read a good book or a fashion catalogue with the corners of the pages for the latest frocks thumbed over.”
“I see. Well we don’t have a spare thirty seconds to explore those things now, especially the way your mind works. I suggest that you just keep your mouth shut and your ears open.”
“I’m sure you’d like that. Me all ditsy and eager to hang on your every word? Forget it; I’m just as good as making a mess of things as you, if not better. Now why is it necessary to wear these rubber monstocities?”
The Master looked at his affliction. “Because, girl, the mud outside is ten feet deep in places. If it rains it can drown a grown man. This patch of land has been torn apart by artillery shells, ten days of constant barrages will do that never mind a month of it. There are craters out there filled with mud and the bodies of the unwary.”
Haana reconsidered her plan to wear the strappy black shoes with genuine diamonds. “At least they match this bloody uniform. I must admit that these pants are very appropriate in this weather. I’d get a terrible draft in a skirt even with thermal panties. Plus all those guys out there, most of them probably haven’t seen a woman in years I should remind them what we look like. It might improve morale a bit.”
“That may not be advisable, besides I need you to do something for me. I believe the locals have a quaint little phase, they call it going over the top.”
Haana started filing her fingernails. “Sounds interesting. What do you want me to do? Not that I’ll do it the way you want.”


“Doktor von Wer.” Kapitan Heinrich Oberstraße walked into the room. “Have you made any developments with the new weapon?”
The Doctor smiled. “Of course, mein Kapitan. I have increased the toxicity of this crude device by a factor of twenty.”
Oberstraße frowned. “That is still not enough. The Kaiser wants an end to this war as soon as we can deliver it.”
The Doctor nodded. “I was saying as much to him last week, over tea and crumpets. Just as he was explaining why he wanted to send a civilian to this butcher’s shop. You are right of course; we must do all we can, for the Fatherland.”
“Of course. This war will be over quite soon I think. Once this gas is deployed along the Englander troops. I think the shock of our follow up assault will destroy their morale and make winning a mere formality.”
The Doctor nodded. “Perhaps. I do suggest that you wait until the final formula is perfected. A combination of chlorine and anthrax spore is possible.” The fact that twenty barrels were already sitting in the TARDIS was not worth mentioning yet. “We do not want to make a costly mistake.”
Oberstraße turned to leave. “I have my orders.”
The Doctor nodded. “Everything will be ready by the time you get the details sorted out. My assistant is collecting the last few items I require.” He smiled once the odious officer left. Was it just him or did he get all the psychopaths?
“Mmmm.” Fritz struggled to free himself from his bonds.
“Don’t struggle, you cannot escape. You’ll only hurt yourself. Now why don’t we see how powerful this stuff really is? I know I promised the Kapitan chlorine but it’s just not very effective.” He put the gasmask over the prone man’s head. “Take deep breaths now.” He turned the gas on. “There we go, the war will soon be over as will your life.” He watched as the flesh was stripped from his skull and his eyes exploded. Green fluid vomited out of his mouth and within seconds his whole body was reduced to a skeleton covered in more of the sticky green fluid. “Not bad, not bad at all.” Now all he needed was another assistant. “Helmut, get in here and remove this mess at once.”


Haana wondered why she had to have the rifle. She distrusted guns because they made you weak, she much preferred to talk someone into submission by making distasteful remarks about their lack of fashion sense. “So I go over to the German trenches, look around for a bit and then make my way back by Time Ring? Can’t I just use the Time Ring to go over there?”
“I’m afraid not, the Doctor might detect your arrival.”
“Great, so why do I have to dress up like a guy? This is Geo’s area of expertise. Can’t I just wear a cocktail dress and platform boots? My Ginger Spice look used to get lots of comments.”
“No, you’d just get mud all over them. Besides there are a few humans going with you to act as decoys. They seem to like this sort of thing.”
Haana looked at the gang of trembling soldiers. “I think they seem scared. To be fair they have every good right. Have you seen what it’s like? There’s dead bodies just lying in the mud. I think some of them suffocated to death. And the smell, it’s like a boy’s loo in an abattoir. I never knew how close you could push someone to the very edge of fear before, then I came here. The poor dears must be frightened out of their skins, knowing that they could be next. I have a bad feeling that most of them are next.”
“That’s because they don’t have your keen sense of survival. Not to mention your reflexes and your training. They can’t react as fast to danger as we can.”
Haana felt really bad and stuff inside. “They’re going to die, aren’t they?”
The Master spoke like a British officer giving a motivational speech. “Nonsense, we’ll be eating sausages in Berlin this time tomorrow.”
Haana pouted. “I’m a vegetarian and I’ve never eaten any sausages in my past lives.” Then she adjusted her uniform. “Ok, but we’re going to have a long and serious talk about your generous donations to my dress collection when I get back.”
“I look forward to it.” The Master feigned a salute and left.
“This ain’t no place for a lady, I’m Bobby Cooper. Me and the lads were just talking about it. Bad enough they send lads over the top to get killed, never mind a lass.”
Haana smiled, at least someone here knew how to treat a woman right. “The Colonel needs information, I’m very good at getting information. I don’t see why he’s sending you with me though.”
“Orders, always orders. Hopefully the Hun will still be sleeping.”
Haana frowned, she didn’t get politics in her own time, which was why she voted for Gore and Romana. “On my own I’d stand a better chance, I’d rather not have a bunch of gung-ho guys screaming and shouting our approach as I try to sneak into enemy lines.”
“Company, to your positions.”
They advanced forward to the wooden ladders.
“One pace forward.”
Haana got into position, just as the few remaining Allied cannons stopped firing. Then a whistle was blown and everyone climbed up the ladder and started running towards the German trenches. It was hard going, the mud was knee deep most of the time and one lad sunk down to his waist before a machine gun spared him the slow death of drowning in muddy water.
“Come on, last one in Berlin buys the beers.” Bobby grabbed the coloured girl’s arm, as she tried to help some of the wounded lads.
Haana felt awkward running in something other than heels, but she managed. It was quite easy to avoid the hail of bullets from the machine guns, but the soldiers around her did not fare so well. One by one they were cut down, until there was only herself and Bobby left.
Bobby stood still. “I can’t go on, this is too much. Mum, I’m sorry.”
Then a burst of gunfire hit Bobby in the leg. Haana had to heft his weight up on her shoulders and she carried him back to the British line.


The Master poured himself a large cognac and waited. He picked up a book about the Third Battle of Ypres; after all it was good to know what the native people passed off as reasons to kill each other. Always find something to exploit was his motto, in this case it seemed to be a sort of species wide stupidity.


Sergeant Maxwell watched as two soldiers came back into the trench. “Two deserters eh? You’ll both be shot at dawn tomorrow for cowardice.”
Haana glared at the bully so harshly that she was sure he wet himself with fear. “No, you idiot, one injured and one pissed off woman who’s your superior officer. Here, take care of him. I have a job to do.” With that she skipped merrily back towards the German position, easily avoiding bullets and grenades.”
The Master watched Haana showing off. “Stupid girl, she should have left the man and gone on alone.”
Group Captain Hargrove shook his head. “I was wrong, that darkie girl has more about her than most of the lads under my command. Sorry, your command.”
“Her name is Lady Haana Sinclair, her military rank is Lieutenant. I would prefer it if you used one or the other when referring to my attaché.”
“Touched a raw nerve sir? I didn’t realise you and she were…together.”
The Master looked at the human. “My relationships are my own business. Now I want you to contact HQ and requisition new gasmasks for everyone, I have a bad feeling about the future. Don’t take no for an answer unless you care so little for your troops that you want to watch them die in a most horrible and undignified way.”


Haana approached the German position, she found a quiet part of the nearest trench and slipped into it. Then she removed her British uniform and put on the German uniform, which she carried in her bag. She disliked grey as a colour but she disliked the sight of her own blood more, besides she finally got to wear a skirt which was one of the reasons why she agreed to this in the first place.
“Halt!” A German sentry shouted to the foreign looking woman.
“Which is the way to Kapitan Oberstraße’s office? I have a message for him, from the office of General Luddendorff.”
The German sentry relaxed when the girl spoke fluent German with a heavy Munchen accent. “It is this way, you should be more careful frauline, we rarely get many women here. Many of the men will be happy to see you.”
Haana followed the German. “Women should be more eager to help the Fatherland I think.” Her smile turned into a frown when the Doctor emerged from a recessed room and she looked right at her.
The Doctor pointed at the regenerated form of his former companion. “Shoot that girl, she’s a spy.”

Haana looked at the soldier. “No, I’m the messenger girl.”
“Look at her, since when do we allow coloured races serve in our army?”
“I’m German, all Germans should serve the Fatherland. To prevent a fellow German from serving the Kaiser does not seem very loyal to me, especially if she’s just a civilian with no authority. We soldiers obey the chain of command, now get back to your business while we follow orders.” Haana looked at the soldier. “Now which way is it to Captain Oberstraße again?”
The soldier looked at the civilian scientist and the female soldier and remembered something about following orders or being shot. “Follow me.”
Haana waved to the Doctor as she walked off.


The Master paced around his office. “Where is she, she should be back here by now.”


Haana saluted as she walked into Kapitan Oberstraße’s office. “I have a message for you from General Hindenburg himself.” Then she remembered that she’d used that other German officer’s name outside, the vain one who liked to have his portrait painted every half an hour or something.
Oberstraße nodded. “Yes, you must be the one he spoke about in his letter. It must be difficult for a young woman to come to a front line position I think.”
Haana nodded. “I’ve already seen some overstressed people. That civilian for instance. He tried to have me shot, just because of my skin colour. My mother was one of the most loyal and dedicated German women, it was not her fault she was…attacked by a man while she was on holiday in Egypt.”
“That is of no importance to me, we welcome all German women here. I trust you will be staying here for the night?”
Haana did not have a clue about how to handle a man who was interested in her. “Erm sure, the General is not expecting an immediate response. I can refresh myself somewhere?”
Oberstraße nodded. “There is a bath in my quarters, you may avail yourself of it if you wish. I think there will be enough scented soap for you to use.”


The Doctor looked at Helmut’s vivisected body. Amazingly the young man was still alive, but not for long. Little of his torso remained attached, a few organs and his brain hung down limply along with the heart and lungs. “What is she up to? She can’t think of taking me on alone. Someone is behind all this. I thought I rigged those elections better; she can’t have clung onto power. Unless, she might just do it to spite me. But why send him again; he can’t beat me, unless I let him. Only that little bitch of his managed that and I took care of her.” He took the chainsaw and put Helmut out of his misery. “Look what she made me do. Now I need another assistant.” The Doctor went outside and almost dragged the sentry back into the lab.


Haana felt refreshed and clean, the bath hadn’t been much but out here it must be a luxury. She dressed in a figure hugging summer dress, its red floral pattern really brought out the brownness of her eyes. It was easy enough to make herself up like a German woman of the day but she added a few touches here and there to make the fashion her own. It felt so good to finally have her heels back on her feet, where they belonged, so what if four inches made her take smaller steps? It was the look that mattered and she wanted to look her best at all times, it was her duty as a Time Lady. Finally she pulled out a bottle of pre-diluted Ribena from her handbag and poured two glasses. Then she put on a CD, hid it behind the chunky wooden radio set, and waited for Kapitan Oberstraße to come by and see how well she was settling in.


The Master looked at his pocket watch, which showed far more than just the local time. “What is she doing? I told her not to take those garments.”


The sentry screamed as electricity flowed through his body. He kept screaming after the power was turned off.
“Oh do shut up. Nobody would dare to interrupt one of my experiments.” The Doctor doubled the voltage and turned the power on again.
The sentry was beyond pain now, it was as if every nerve in his body had finally given up and burned out.
“That’s better. Now you won’t feel a thing when I remove your heart and replace it with this.” The Doctor held up a piece of green jelly. “This is the Rutan equivalent, if the transplant works then it will make you invincible to anything but the cold weather we’re about to endure.”
The sentry screamed again, this time not because of the pain but the way the Doktor said the operation would render him totally emotionless and obedient to every order no matter how heinous and despicable.
“Do be quiet, unless you want me to work slower.” The Doctor cut the man’s chest open with a laser scalpel. “It’ll soon be over, and then you’ll do everything I order you too. I’m already looking forward to watching Haana dying all over again.”


Haana stood up and handed the Kapitan a drink. “Here, why don’t you toast the Kaiser?”
Oberstraße took a swig of blackcurrant juice and threw the glass away. “The Kaiser is not here and I am. It gets so lonely; I have not seen my wife in four years. You’re very beautiful; let me help you out of that dress.”
Haana was relieved that she had only to remove the dress before the Kapitan passed out. She put it back on and quickly searched him for any order papers. However there were none, so she had to pull on his overcoat and make her way to his office.


The operation was a success; the sentry was now a single-minded killer. The merger of Rutan cells with human ones created a slight green tinge to the skin but it was acceptable, although the glow of his eyes in the dark was not.


Haana found the orders in the desk. She stuffed them into her handbag, along with a few mementos that might go for a song in 2004. She was about to activate the Time Ring, when the Kapitan burst into the office, wielding his weapon. “Please, put that away I’m a lady.”
Oberstraße drew his Luger pistol and aimed it at the woman. “You are a spy, I must have you shot. However not before I have my way with you I think.”
The sentry burst into the office and attacked the first person it saw.
“Hey, that’s my date!” Haana tried to rescue the German officer but she was too late and the abomination broke his neck. “Um, ok. How are you? That’s an unusual skin colour, not that I’m against green. Should your eyes glow like that? I really should be going, so much to do, so many dresses to wear. First though, a little something for you.” She dodged his outstretched arms and punched him as hard as she could in the chest. Her arm went straight through the mended bones and she scooped the green jelly substance out of his chest cavity. “Eeuw, Rutan innards.” She moved as the corpse fell over where she had been standing. Then she activated the Time Ring and left.


The Master stood back, the hairs on the back of his neck stood up as the temporal energies fluxed in and out of reality. A second later Haana appeared in front of him.
Haana threw up, all over the Master. It was the least she could do given what she had just seen.


The Doctor stood over the remains of the test subject, a cup of tea in his hands. “I should have replaced the brain too. Humans are very bad at understanding perfectly clear instructions.” He looked at her new assistant, Karl. “Go back to the lab and prepare all fifty of the volunteers for implantation.”
“Ja, Doktor.” Karl saluted and left.
“Now that’s the level of stupidity I find most appealing in a human.” The Doctor smiled to himself and took a sip of tea.


Gallifrey, The Hour of Quiggle
Romana sighed and looked at Claire. “How are you?”
Claire tried to muster some sort of smile. “Ok, I guess. I miss her terribly. It’s like I’ve had part of me amputated. I guess you could say I’ve had a Haanaectomy.”
Two of Claire’s pet cats played in the room, while the third one tried to dig an allotment patch in the carpet with a plastic shovel in its mouth.
Romana nodded and tried to be sympathetic. “She’s just a bit confused, she probably needs time to sort things out in her head I expect.”
“Can’t she do that here? I can take care of her.” Claire had the nurse’s outfit already selected as well as everything anyone could need for a sponge bath. Alas they remained unused.
Romana tried to cheer her young friend up. “You have a baby that needs taking care of. She needs all your attention and devotion right now. They say children are the most rewarding experience you can have. She does depend on you for everything.”
“I know.” Claire replied. “I just don’t think I can do this alone. Didn’t our vows mean anything to her?”
“That was her last incarnation; can you hold a woman to the vows she made when she was someone else?”
“Is it wrong to love someone with all your hearts? Plus she’s even more of a babe, talk about love at first sight.” Claire was even more certain that she loved Haana, no matter how much better she looked now. She just had a bad feeling in her stomach that Haana was now only interested in guys.
Romana picked up one of the cats and tickled its tummy. “Regeneration is so difficult sometimes; however I know that Haana will not walk out on her friends and family. I’ve only talked to her new self once and she did mention how much she was going to miss you and the baby. I think she’s doing this to make sure that both of you are safe and secure. Is that not what parents do for their loved ones?”
“I guess, but I miss her and its so hard being alone in our bed night after night.” Claire hugged Romana for comfort and reassurance as the tears started to roll down her cheeks again.


Earth
Haana finally regained control of her stomach. “The Doctor, she tried to kill me.”
The Master rolled his eyes. “Did you expect less? You must not allow yourself the luxury of emotions if you are to defeat your enemy.”
“Ha, ha, charade you are.” Haana looked at the Master. “You’re no better than she is. You haven’t changed at all.”
The Master looked at the girl, for all her faults she was correct in her assessment. “You are right; to defeat evil you cannot use its methods because it will beat you every time. Having said that, I intend to stop the Doctor and Rassilon help anyone who gets in my way.”
“Our way.” Haana reminded the Master that he was essentially working for her. He might like to think he’s the hero but when it came to stopping the Doctor this was a one-woman gig. “You can tag along and help me if you like.”


The Doctor looked at the massed ranks of Stormtroopers. They were the cream of German infantry. Lightning fast raider who attacked on the break once their enemy began to rout. They were very effective killers when they were human, now they were even better. “You have your orders, eliminate the girl; it’s the man I want to kill with my own bare hands.”
The Stormtroopers shuffled out of the German trench, their unnatural green skin catching the mid-morning sunlight perfectly. It almost hid the glowing of their eyes, almost. British gunfire hit each and every one of them but they advanced forwards, they no longer felt pain. All they were concerned about was killing one person…

It wasn’t even midday yet and already she had been forced back into the itchy coarseness that was her uniform. It felt so wrong not wearing a dress, but she endured her discomforts as it was better than being shot or worse. “I’m bored. I’m going to see Bobby in the hospital.” Haana stood up and left.
“Good, it might give me some time to study these charts.” The Master looked at the intelligence reports again. “Whoever drew these must have been blind. This is the worst case of military mismanagement since Strangmoor.”


At a certain distance the British soldiers fixed bayonets and prepared to receive the enemy. They were swamped in seconds and most died less than a minute later.


Haana made her way through the trenches back towards the hospital. However she was attacked by a big brute of a guy and a knee to his most treasured location didn’t even faze him. “Help, rape! Help!” She sprayed him with mace but it didn’t work, neither did her taser. Then she noticed he was wearing a German uniform and his skin was an unhealthy shade of green.
“Stand back, ma’am.” A soldier appeared and shot at the German with his rifle.
“Bullets won’t kill him; his heart has already been removed.” Haana forced her fist deep inside the German soldier’s chest cavity. Then she withdrew it, ran over to the soldier and dragged him out of the way as the possessed German soldier exploded.
“What did you do?”
Haana wiped chunky green goo off her face. “Grenades do have their uses if you use them properly. I hope there’s not any more of those disagreeable fellows about, I may have to get officially annoyed.”
“There’s more of them, ma’am. We have to get out of here.” The private soldier turned and ran.
Haana glared at the possibly almost nearly dead zombie thing. She hated labelling people and other items, she much preferred a name and then she really knew how to relate to them or it or whatever. “Hi, look I know how to defeat you so why don’t you go and stick your head down the big metal things over there? We call them cannons; they’re very pretty and make big noises.” Haana wondered if she could get through to some remaining human intelligence. “I’m Haana, me woman, you man.”
“Woman?”
“Yes, pretty, nice shoes – no not these they’re not mine.”
“Kill woman.”
“No, not kill, run away from. Run away from woman. Me scary, you oozing and smelling quite bad. Have you had a wash this week?”
“Kill woman.”
Haana avoided the seriously unwashed zombie easily. It seemed slower now, less agile even. She hazarded a guess involving decaying body parts and knocked its head off its shoulders with one stroke of her brick-lined handbag. “Eeuw, this is not going to wash out without a fight.”


The Doctor let the pieces of his last assistant fall to the floor; it was no good, human tissue just wasn’t compatable with Kraag flesh. “Fredrick, be a dear and inject yourself with Raston Warrior Robot nanites? I need something I can trust to act as a bodyguard.
Fredrick’s whole body was torn apart and remade into a five foot silver figure of speed and death. This did not bother the simple-minded machine as it’s only programming was to defend its owner, everything else either didn’t exist or would be killed.
The Doctor had wondered why his old companion ever purchased the nanites, but the resultant female form with the parts Haana liked seemed to be explanation enough. “It’s as if she based you on Pamela Anderson. I don’t want to know how she collected the measurements.”


Gallifrey

Romana paced around her small, but tastefully decorated office. True it had nice pot plants and a carpet that could send less developed worlds into a global economy if it got damaged, but this wasn’t her. She wanted her old office back, the one with the unnecessary lead walls and Andy Warhol paintings. She wanted to be president again, but alas she would have to wait a long time for the successor’s term in office to end. It was her best act of course, to allow the people to choose their president, and right now also her dumbest. She gave power to the honest citizen and they voted her out of office. Still at least she got the mini bar. “Ah, Andred. Light of my life. How about a quick kiss before lunch?”
“Shouldn’t you finish your meeting with the Sontaran delegate first?” Andred asked.
Romana looked at the Sontaran again, she was sure she knew him from somewhere. “Ok, you want the total surrender of Gallifrey, the mass slaughter of all my people and the unchallenged power to rule the Universe. I want you to write out ‘I must not be silly to Cardinal Romana’ say about ten billion times and don’t get above yourself again. You’re very lucky we protected you from the Doctor. Gallifrey needs the universe to have enemies but we don’t need you, remember that.”


Earth
The sky was growing darker all the time. The promise of afternoon sunshine was fast approaching the time to accused of being a lie. Haana poured herself a large glass of diet soda. “It was bad, they killed so many soldiers.”
The Master arched his fingers. “Acceptable losses, considering what they were up against. They did remarkably well; of course many of them will have to be dealt with. We can’t have them telling others what they saw.”
“No!” Haana jumped to her feet. “You can’t. We talked about this, remember? We don’t kill people; they can manage that well enough themselves.”
“Kill? Oh, you thought…” The Master looked at Haana.
Haana suddenly felt like she had misjudged the Master.
“I have never killed anyone, except in self defence…usually. No, I shall use my hypnotic prowess to remove those unpleasant memories or at least hide them away so they don’t have to relive the experiences.”
“Hey, I can help. Ok so I only tried hypnotising someone once and she thought she was gay afterwards. Of course I wasn’t certain beforehand, hence the uncertainty of the results but wow what a kisser.”


The Doctor made the final few adjustments to the spinal cord and soon enough the cyborg killer was ready to go and fight British troops. “Ok, remember to kill this girl first. She’s not very nice, just look at those shoes. Plus she’s a horrible traitor and she doesn’t use deodorant.” He looked at her bimbo-esque robot companion and tried to stop it from trying to let the computer system make the first move. “Leave the PC alone, there’s a nice…robot. Now go and kill Haana.”
The Raston Bimbo Robot was even more in love with its maker, the divine and illustrious Haana whom made all women swoon with lust. It may not be a proper real woman with any of the organic parts that the most scrumptious babe of babes loved, but at least it was shaped the right way and prepared to spend the rest of its existence serving the dreamy goddess of womanly love.
The Doctor was frankly relieved when the love struck thing’s CPU burned out and it exploded in a shower of sparks.


The cannons opened up again.
“Keep it down!” Haana tried being reasonable but her unreasonable demands went unheard over the sound of the cannons. There were only three of them left, as the mud had rendered the rest unusable. The mud got everywhere, in your shoes, in your hair other places too if you sat down unwisely. She felt herself quite lucky that she had an inflatable cushion to sit on.
“They’ll be using predicted fire to try and soften up the German positions before another assault.”
“Another one?” Haana was shocked. “They’re sending more men out there to get themselves killed? That’s horrible. Don’t they know that most of their soldiers are killed in that hell swamp of mud and bodily fluids? I think the Germans only get about a third of the soldiers and they’re actually the lucky ones.”
“This is a war Haana.” The Master really did wonder what his associate had expected to encounter. “They expect some of their soldiers to be killed.”
“I’ve fought a war before, lots of my friends died. However we went out of our way not to throw away lives unnecessarily. It wasn’t easy either, killing, but I did what I had to do to ensure the liberation of Gallifrey.” Haana felt angry, she wasn’t sure why but she was against was in general and this one in particular. “Why do they do it? Kill and maim each other for scraps of land with no value? Gas each other and endure so much stress that they go mad with fear and anxiety? Why fight a war that will leave them worse off even after they win?”
The Master looked at Haana, because they have the right to determine their own lives. Even if it means this butchery, far better to kill a man quickly with my Tissue Compression Eliminator than make him live through another year of this.”
Haana nodded. “I’d almost agree with you, except you’d enjoy it too much.”
“Enjoy killing? My dear I may have enjoyed a lot of things, torture, humiliation, the degradation of my victims but I always regretted the ending of a life. Even when it was necessary. You can hate me for what I am but don’t tell me I’m something other than I am.”
“Touched a raw nerve?” Haana asked.
The Master stood up. “I’m going outside now, I may be some time. I suggest you be somewhere else when I return.”
“Don’t worry...I’ve got patients to heal. I dread to think the state the hospital is in. I may have to operate myself, if only to save a few lives.”
“You cannot interfere…” The Master started to lecture but his audience had already left.


The Doctor backed away as the German soldiers tried to put him up against the wall and shoot him. “I have orders from the Kaiser himself, my work must not be stopped. It is too important; we’ll loose the war otherwise.”
“You have played with too many noble German lives to play the fool with me now Doktor von Wer. We owe this to our colleagues who have been killed by your hand.”
“Gentlemen.” The Master approached the German soldiers. “You must allow me to watch this demonstration of German might.”
The Doctor looked ashen faced at his nemesis. “So you have come to watch me beg for my life? You want to see me humiliated before being put to death?”
The Master nodded. “It’s ironic really. I get everything I want and I don’t have to raise a finger to do it.”
“He’s a British spy.” The Doctor yelled. “Shoot him.”
The Master laughed. “My accent is a little heavy; I have spent most of the war in Britain spying.”
“Shoot him!” The Doctor made a lunge for one of the rifles, to shoot his hated enemy.
The Master took advantage and used his Tissue Compression Eliminator to get rid of the unwanted complications.
“You never change.” The Doctor looked at the Master. “I could almost get to like you after all.”
The Master lashed out at the Doctor, hitting him on the cheek with the back of his hand. “Leave now, or you will be next.”
“You’re pathetic; you’re nothing but a coward and a bully.”
The Master nodded. “Perhaps I am, but I am trying to be a better person. The sort of person you used to be.”
“Been there, done that routine to death. Literally. I like to think of myself as a more complete Doctor these days, if there is a darkness inside of me it is because it’s who I have always been. Somewhere along the way I just lost contact with my inner rage.”
The Master shook his head. “Then the peoples of the Universe can no longer count upon you for protection? A person might exploit that to his own ends.”
“You? Rule the Universe? Whatever for?”
“You don’t want power yourself?” The Master was actually caught by surprise.
“Of course not. Your little gremlin showed us all the futility of that scenario. No, I’m going to finish the work you started; I’m going to destroy the Universe once and for all.”
“You’re mad.” The Master realised just how deep the Doctor’s psychoses were. “You’re actually completely mad.”

Haana sat next to Bobby’s bed and read him a couple of short stories from a rather lightweight propaganda piece with dubious relations towards the truth. “…and so the three Entente soldiers advanced towards the heavily defended Hun trenches and overcame them all with no injuries to themselves at all.” She put the thing down. “Seems a bit far fetched if you ask me. You were only out there five minutes and they hit you. We only got a few dozen yards really. Of course I have years of training to improve my reflexes.” She paused and looked at her watch. “Two exactly, another lot of your friends are going over the top.”
Bobby opened one eye. “Tell them I’ll see them in Berlin for sausages.”
Haana smiled. “Perhaps you should wait until you’ve healed up before you eat proper food?”
Bobby couldn’t help but catch the infectious smiling. “What about you? Any plans after the war?”
Haana tried to explain things without making any decisions about her uncertain sexuality. “My…friend has a baby, she’ll need some help taking care of it.” Of course she wasn’t even sure yet that she wanted one. Being all avuncular and aloof was kind of ok really, as long as she could wear a dress and heels she was happy. She began to wonder if she had an unusual obsession about her clothing then remembered that most humans liked clothes more than normal, especially the guys but they were better at hiding it. Maybe that was why Geo used to dress as one?
Bobby could almost cry, all this time they had spent together and he hadn’t even asked the girl if she had any family back home. “I understand. Too many babies won’t have dads after this war is over.”
“At least the species will survive, which is the aim of all life forms.”
“That’s a cold way of looking at living. Now more than ever we must find reasons to go on.”
Haana could almost hear an echo of the Doctor in Bobby’s words, it was actually good to hear his zeal for living. “I was just speaking from a socio-scientific viewpoint. Now relax and get some rest. I’ve got to go and work more medical miracles in the operating room.” Haana got up and headed back to surgery.


The Master sat back down in his office. He poured himself a large brandy and sipped it. He looked at the charts once more. Then he noted down the time of the next day’s push. “Captain Hargrove.”
Hargrove sauntered in from his nearby office. “You were quiet sir, I didn’t hear you come back.”
The Master nodded. “I don’t interrupt people when they’re working.”
“I just had some orders for you to sign.” Hargrove looked at the papers on the desk. “Is that the timing of the push tomorrow?”
The Master handed them to Hargrove without a word.
“Five in the morning? It’ll still be dark then sir. The lads won’t be able to see.”
The Master stood up. “That’s just to soften the Hun up. Wake them up and just as they get drowsy again we send the main offensive at them. The details are on the second page. We must take the Menin Road ridge if we are to gain the advantage, after that it’s only a matter of time before Ypres is ours. Our orders are to wear them down, one offensive at a time.”
“Field Marshall Haig’s great plan sir? I read something about that in the Times in July.” Hargrove studied the plans carefully. “There’s rain forecast too, that’s one of the things I popped by to say before. Oh, these orders need signing. Just a few requests for supplies and, well a few of the lads asked me to put your girl in for an award. It was jolly brave of her to rescue that Cooper lad, especially as she’s a dar…I mean as she’s a girl.”
The Master shook his head. “She should have left him to die. She almost compromised a ten-month mission to infiltrate the Hun. Even then she returned before learning too much.”
“She’s just a young girl, you couldn’t get a man to do what she did. She was jolly brave and I don’t mind admitting that I judged her too harshly when I first saw her.”
The Master smiled. “We all have our own views through which we filter reality. It’s recognising that such filters exist that sets a civilised man apart from the rest of god’s creations. No award, no mention of her at all. She is still a classified military operative. Anonymity has its price Captain.” He considered hypnotic suggestion but the human seemed to believe his hinted message.


Haana quite enjoyed making a fool of the pretentious old fool who thought he knew everything about anatomy.


The Doctor looked at the TARDIS controls. He ran her hands over the console. “Don’t be stubborn old girl. Of course we’ll leave. I dislike this war now, it’s left a sour taste in my mouth and it’s not due to these sour nerds.”


Gallifrey

Claire wasn’t sure how her baby knew how to operate her nipple as a free-flowing food dispenser, she just put it down to some sort of group baby mind that ensure that they all knew how to suckle until her boobs were drained. Of course on the plus side her milk-enhanced cleavage made her fill out her gowns even more, now she was stunning and gay in one convenient woman shaped package. “I don’t want to be a single parent, being on your own is no fun and my wrist hurts. Bloody ironing board, only Haana can work it right.” She sighed and missed her best friend, lover, cheap baby sitter and life coach all at once. If only Haana would figure herself out and come home they could enjoy getting to know each other all over again and she could have a rest every other feed.


Earth
B-company took one pace forward, then moments later the whistle blew and fifty good and true soldiers climbed over the top and none were seen alive again.


Reluctantly Haana tore herself away from the recovering lads in the hospital. They all thought she was super and amazing for some reason. “I really must be going now, the Colonel can’t find his shoes without me. Now can someone explain to me why I have ended up with more flowers than the patients?” She smiled sweetly and left graciously. No one would notice if she nipped forward in time 94 years, just a small shopping trip to settle her nerves was the very thing she needed most of all right now.


The Doctor activated the controls that released the Kraken. A native of the planet Reptoid the beast was like the dragons of Earth’s legends except it breathed acidic fumes instead of fire. He watched on the TARDIS monitor as the creature lumbered towards the British trenches. His hour of triumph come round at last, he went back outside to bask in the glory of her triumph. She saw the shrunken remains of her pet and a note from the Master. “Bastard!” He threw up his arms and screamed. His voice grew higher and higher in pitch and his features blurred and changed to those of his previous female incarnation, before returning again. Then he trudged back inside and left the planet in a huff.
“I always knew you were irrational my dear Doctor, but I never expected a tantrum. Most curious, an unstable regeneration. There could be a way…” The Master turned off the viewing globe and put it back into his pocket. One threat out of the way now all he had to do was stop his associate from messing up the time line further.


Earth, September 20th 1917
Haana strolled into the office and put the carrier bags down on the desk. “It was sheer murder out there, the sales never get any easier.”
“You went shopping?” The Master’s voice hit a new level of icy coldness.
“Just a few essentials. I figured that as long as we’re stuck here I might as well get a few outfits to wear. I can’t wear the same dress every night, people would complain about the smell and perfume only goes so far.” Haana took one of her new pairs of shoes out. “What about these? They only cost three grand and they have these cute little straps.”
The Master threw the shoes outside into the mud. “Listen to me you vanity obsessed shop-a-holic. This is a war, nobody cares about who we are and what we do as long as we wear the right colour uniform and salute their flag. The Doctor has left this benighted cesspit of a planet. I suggest we follow, unless you has some misplaced notion about ending this war a year before it’s supposed to. This war must be left to run its course. I have tweaked one or two things and that’s too much. Your conscience can be most annoying at times. Now we must go, before the big push begins. A lot of people are going to die in a very few hours and the mood is going to get nasty when they realise what the orders I have left entail. However be assured that the High Council of Time Lords won’t put us on trial for interfering.”
Haana burst into tears and left.


Gallifrey
Romana was watering the office plants when the Doctor entered and shot her in the hearts. Regeneration was denied, the gift of the Time Lords broken and beyond her. She died forever.


Claire sang to the baby, she was sure that she understood every word she said. “Who’s Mummy’s special little girl? It’s you, yes it is, it’s you.”
“Is this a spectator sport, or can anyone join in?” Haana put her shopping bags down on the carpet. “I’ve made a decision. I hate Geo and Leo’s dad.”
Claire frowned. “You’ve been gone a long time, we missed you.”
“I was only gone an hour, relative time.”
Claire looked at her Minnie Mouse watch. “Is that how long it’s been? It felt like an eternity.”
“I have a peace offering.” Haana picked up a big pink present. “Clothes for the baby, our baby.”
Claire frowned. “Did you get anything for anyone else?”
“Just a few bits and pieces, some dresses, shoes, make up. I got you a few CD’s, mainly audio tapes about aromatherapy and the rest of that new age stuff you like. I think this me is a bit of a fashion icon if you ask me. I’m very high maintenance now. I’ll have to get a job as a model just to pay off my credit cards. Oh there’s a few things in here for you too, mainly gloves. I thought you could start a glove collection, you have really good hands and gloves are a much maligned accessory.”
Claire wasn’t hearing what she needed to hear. “You do still love me, don’t you?”
“Of course I love you.” Haana replied. “You’re my best friend and we’ve just had a baby, how could I not love you?”
“Then you’re still…you know…not a guy kisser.”
Haana sat down. “I won’t lie to you Claire, my sexuality isn’t what it used to be. I’m not a lecherous admirer of the female form anymore.”
“You’re not?” Claire started to tremble with fear.
“No. My title as gayest woman in the whole universe is not true anymore, I think Leo has some claim on it if you ask me. Before I wanted every woman, now I think I’ll settle for two.”
“Are you leaving me for Peri?” Claire felt as if her whole marriage was falling apart and there was nothing she could do to save it.
Haana laughed. “Of course not. You and Julie are the only women I want in my life.” Haana pulled funny faces at the baby.
Claire felt like a massive weight had been lifted off her shoulders. “I was fretting that you’d turned hetero on me. I didn’t think that I could keep a babe like you interested in a frumpy housewife like me.”
“I’m a babe?” Haana asked, surprised that the word could ever be used to describe her.
“Seriously droolsome.” Claire couldn’t wait to really get to know every inch of the new Haana. “Plus the whole black look really suits you. You remember when my sister, Angelica, tried it once? Although she had to give it up when she unexpectedly electrocuted herself.
“My memory is fine Claire.” Haana took hold of the baby. “She’s perfect, she’s going to break some hearts one day.” She looked at the picture of Angelica dressed in full robes baptising Julie into the Jewish faith. “We should go on holiday, visit your sister then we can drop by and surprise my folks. They’ll make such a fuss of Julie, they might not even notice I’m more ethnic than before.”
Claire stopped writing the letter to Haana’s folks, explaining in great depth the recent events of their lives. “Give them more credit. Now I’ll go and get my camera and I can take a picture of you and the baby. Then afterwards I can take some more pictures for my private collection, wear something tarty.”
“You’re not frumpy either, you have the radiant beauty of a goddess and the glow of motherhood that infuses everything around you.”

Earth 1917 to 1918
Haana used her Time Ring to pop back to earth’s past and monitor the rest of the war. The British army and her allies suffered one of the most appalling defeats of the war as they were assaulted almost continuously at Ypres. The battle of Passchendaele, as the third battle, became known was the turning point of the war. She read documents that stated that no one ever saw the mysterious Colonel Masters again, as any records of his identity were carefully found and burned.
As there was no body there was never a marked grave. Instead two more nameless memorials were placed for the Colonel and his attaché but in the long years that followed no one noticed or took heed of the discrepancy, after all who would count half a million wooden crosses? On the whole she was sickened by the butchery of war and vowed to give it up for good.


After much searching, Haana found only one survivor of that day she had spent as a soldier. A certain Corporal Robert Cooper BSM, DSO and Bar, who remembered but he hardly spoke except to scream about the German artillery barrages. No one paid much attention to him either as there were tens of thousands more like him, locked away from public gaze in grey asylums. It took them a long, long time to get around to her care in the community idea…too long for most.
She observed that no one was allowed to ask what was so great about the Great War. Haana left Earth the very day the armistice agreement was signed but there were more wars to follow. A century of conflict and not all those battles occurred on the planet Earth either…


Mercinus VI, about lunch time
The Doctor taunted the Master and his new choice of assistant. “Behold my army of Lobster Men! They will tear your flesh from your bones and they won’t stop even if you scream for mercy.”
The Master looked at Liam. “I’m sorry I got you into this. I was sure I could defeat her.”
Liam panicked as the grey/brown creatures advanced towards him, then he gave up all pretence of rational behaviour and he screamed in panic.
The Doctor smiled. “It’s almost like old times, except you used to tie Jo Grant and myself up. Kill them slowly…I want to savour his humiliation…before he begs for his life.”