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The planet Baalinous was not exactly the hotbed
of culture. In fact it pretty much sucked. Judy sat alone in the prison cell while she contemplated what He was going to say
to her. At least she hoped he would come and get her out of this. She had been set up. Obviously someone had planted the stolen
clothes in her shopping bag. She would never stoop so low as to shoplift, why would she need to? The Master knew exactly which
planet to visit where a prized treasure was given freely as a welcome gift. “This is so bogus.” She had carved
her name into the wall, an arduous task involving the use of the heel of one of her shoes but it was something to pass the
time.
“Judy, Judy Collins.” The Master said to the police officer. “She’s about five foot
tall, black hair, black lipstick, very expensive black dress. I know she’s here.”
The police officer, Teraki,
looked at the list of suspects. “I’ve got a Judy Masters, species is human, gender is female, and the hair colour
is black.”
“That’s her.” The Master replied. “Listen very carefully she is innocent of all
charges. You will release her into my custody as I am her guardian.”
“Giving a false name to an officer of
the law is a criminal offence.”
“Collins is her mother’s maiden name, she’s obviously using my
surname, which is Masters.” The Master produced one of his many fake identification papers. “As you can see I
am Colonel Lazarus Masters.”
“Oh well, I guess we can let that one side then. Still we have video surveillance
footage of the suspect trying to steal the items in question.” Teraki looked at the list. “Three blouses, two
skirts, three brassieres and a silk nightgown with a lacy frill.”
The Master took the list off the imbecilic moron.
“These clothes are all pink and white. I can assure you that Judy wears nothing but black, it’s a family tradition.”
“Maybe,
she’s rebelling? Maybe this is a cry for help? I should inform the social services.”
The Master forced himself
not to kill the bubbling buffoon. “Let me review this ‘evidence’ if it looks like Judy is in deep trouble
then I’ll let you keep her locked up here for as long as you want to.”
“I’m sure something can
be arranged.” Teraki felt like a bug under a microscope and rushed away to consult with the sheriff.
Judy
looked up as the cell door opened. For a second she thought it was the Master, but it was just the big fat super bitch of
a copper who liked to hassle her. “What is it? Come to blame me for some more crimes I didn’t commit? Faked another
confession? I’m suing you all for harassment and defamation of character.”
“Are you finished?”
Logarn asked. “Your father is here.”
Judy broke out into a grin. “Now we’ll get some apologies.”
Judy didn’t know why the Master was pretending to be her father, the man who had cheated on her mother and run out on
her before she had even been born. In many ways the Master was the father she had always wanted. He was willing to indulge
her, but also stern when she had gone too far. “He’s the best Daddy ever.” She jumped up and accidentally
knocked the flimsy metal bed over. “Ooops, at least I won’t be coming back here again, due to my extreme case
of innocence.”
The Master had reviewed the tape when Judy was brought into the room. “I see you’re
not hurt. I would have been most upset if these ruffians had injured you.”
“There’s just this one bitch,
who wouldn’t leave me alone. Every time I tried to get some sleep she’d bang on the door.”
“I see.”
The Master looked at the cowering officer. “Sleep deprivation is considered a form of torture. I shall of course expect
action on this matter.” He looked at Judy. “The evidence against you does seem serious, but I think we can get
you released on a technicality.” The Master walked over to the door and opened it to reveal an identical duplicate of
Judy. “I found her an hour ago. She’s a perfect duplication of the real Judy.”
Judy looked at her identical
twin. “Is my nose really that big? I need major surgery.”
“I know, and your hips are far too wide.”
The duplicate smiled. “I’m Judy Collins, I’m a liar and a thief.”
“Well there you have a
confession.” The Master said to the policeman. “Arrest that girl and let my daughter go free.” The Master
took out a pot of orange paint and dabbed some on the real Judy’s hand. “There, just to avoid any confusion.”
“Even
the dress is a perfect copy.” Judy felt icky, being single white femaled like this. “Who’s behind this?”
She turned around to look at the Master, tripped over the desk and fell into the arms of the policeman. “Sorry about
that.”
The Master helped his companion to her feet. “Now I know you are the real Judy. That girl never fell
over once, despite wearing the exact same shoes as you have. She has a sense of balance, whereas you don’t.”
“I
got an award for gymnastics.” Judy pouted, before the accident. “Can I help it if my co-ordination’s been
off since I fell off that climbing frame?”
“No, of course not. But whoever copied you also copied your delusion
that you’re not a walking disaster in a very fetching dress.”
“So, can I get out of here now?”
Judy asked the policeman? “She’s admitted being the real thief. I’ll drop the lawsuit for unlawful arrest
and police brutality if I can go right now.”
“We’ve proved Judy’s innocence and the real culprit
has given you her confession.” The Master glared at the policeman.
“Go on then.” The policeman said.
“Tell whoever’s on the desk to return your things.”
The Master escorted Judy back out into the foyer.
“Did you have anything valuable on you?”
“Not really, just some makeup and a present I bought for you.”
“Leave
them.” The Master replied. “We don’t have time anyway.”
“But it’s a great gift.”
Judy felt upset.
“The clone will not last long.”
“Clone?”
“As soon as I learned of
your arrest I discovered the real duplicate, but I was forced to kill her. Luckily I’ve been growing some clones of
you for spare parts for a while. I just accelerated the growth of one of them and implanted a rather large bomb inside her
stomach. We should be safe enough by the time it detonates. I do hate to waste life like this, but given that the real culprit
is dead could not get you released.”
“She was like a twin sister?”
“Not really, the brain was
a blank canvas. No personality at all. She was just a mindless drone. I programmed her for just this one task. Without the
small computer chip to regulate her bodily functions she wouldn’t even be able to breathe on her own and her heart wouldn’t
beat. As I said she was grown just for spare body parts.”
Judy hugged the Master. “No one has ever cared for
me the way you do.”
“You have a place in my affections too, despite my better judgement.” The Master
couldn’t help but think of Judy as the child he never had. The daughter he could instruct with all his knowledge and
experience. He grimaced as she walked into someone who wasn’t watching where they were going.
“I’m sorry
mister.” Judy couldn’t stop to help him pick up his shopping bags.
“My TARDIS is just down this side
street.” The Master held Judy’s hand as they crossed the road.
Judy just managed to avoid the head on collision
between two cars. “Hey, they nearly hit me. Lets buy some shoes. Oh look, a café, we can get lunch. Why do we never
have nice food in the ship? All the salad is limp and brown.”
“We’ll get something to eat on the next
planet.” The Master unlocked the door of his ship, which was in the disguise of a plain steel door in a wall.
“It’s
always the next planet.” Judy muttered to herself as she went inside the TARDIS. “I’m holding you to it
this time, about the lunch and the shoes. The amount of walking we do we need lots of shoes, especially pretty ones with four
inch heels. For me I mean, on you they’d look silly. Maybe a two inch heel at best, but I think you should stick with
the flats. They make you look distinguished. So, what can I do to make myself useful? As long as I get to spend some quality
time with someone else I’ll be happy.”
The Master glared at Judy. “You were nearly caught.”
“I
told you, I didn’t steal those clothes.”
“Not the clothes. I saw you snatch the handbag from that old
woman. The police missed it, but I have far better eyesight. Never try anything like that again, do you hear me?”
“I
was just trying to be more like you. You’re like this super cool evil villain. I just wanted to make you proud of me.
Besides I put it in the post back to her, I didn’t even steal the money from her purse.”
“You were sloppy
and crude. Never steal from the innocent, only take from those who would gladly steal themselves.”
“Like the
time I borrowed your coat without asking?”
“Closer, but lets not take my things again? You never know what
surprises I have in my pockets.”
“Ok, ok. Rob the evil gits, because they’re evil gits. That doesn’t
make a lot of sense. Shouldn’t I lure them into a trap of complex plots and deceits and then kill them and take over
their plans to serve my own schemes?”
“That’s my girl.” The Master’s frown faded into a smile.
“You’re learning something at least.”
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