1.00pm:
So here it is then - my first journal entry. I decided to write one now because there's some things
that happened yesterday that I wanna talk about. I guess I'll do an entry for today later this evening. I'll have to be fairly
brief cos I need to go to class soon, but I really needed to vent my feeling about what happened last night.
Ok, I know that this really shouldn't bother me, but it does. Last night Terra told me that she had
another guy who was interested in her, who had asked her out during the day. She said no, so why I should have a problem with
this is strange, but to be honest I'm not really sure how I feel about it, even now. It's not like I'm afraid that she's gonna
dump me for someone else, and I appreciate the fact that she told me about this, that she's being honest with me. I guess
it would have been easy just to keep it to herself, it's just... I dunno... I suppose it makes me feel inadequate in a way,
and without getting all Freudian about it, there's probably some deeper issue at work here.
I don't think this is a problem with her, I think it's a problem with me. Does it bother me that
other guys are interested in my girlfriend? Not really - i trust her completely. I guess what bothers me is that she's just
about the only girl who's ever really shown any interest in me... Well there you have it, and I feel completely ridiculous
saying it, but this is supposed to be a journal of my thoughts and that's what I'm thinking. Do I need a psychiatrist or what?
Blah... issues, issues - when will it ever end? Never I guess. No matter how well things go, no matter how happy I appear
to be, there's always something eating me from the inside. Maybe I think about things too much - that must be it. Call it
jealousy even... Does that make me a bad person? You decide...
Anyway, while I'm talking about Terra, I should really also say thank you to her. If it wasn't for
her then I would never have had the courage to write any of this, or indeed to start an online journal at all. Thank you for
giving me the courage to face life head on, to take anything that it throws at me, instead of hiding from it and letting it
pass me by. You know what, that reminds me of a quote from a movie - it's rather fitting so I think I'll put it at the end
of this entry. Btw, don't expect me to be writing this much every day. This is the first entry, so it's probably gonna be
the longest. Let's see... what else is there to say?
This morning has been a total nightmare... I woke up and felt like crap, I have this bitch of a cold
that seems to be getting worse every day. I just about managed to drag myself out of bed and off to class, but I felt terrible
all morning. Drugs, give me drugs! lol... I couldn't find any cold medicine this morning, so I should probably get some at
some point... I have so much stuff to do this afternoon as well - I dunno how on earth I'm gonna get through it. Ah well...
noses to the grindstone and all (I'll keep rolling out the cliches...) I'll tell you how I got on tonight.
I have to be getting going now - class in 20 minutes and all. Thanks for reading this, if indeed
you made it all the way through. Ciao :)
P.S Here's the quote I mentioned - this one's for you Terra :)
"To look life in the face, always, to look life in
the face, and to know it for what it is. At last to know it, to love it, for what it is, and then, to put it away. Always
the years between us, always the years, always the love, always...the hours..."
From "The Hours"
Mood: Thoughtful...
