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Whenever I go into a convenience store, I feel like I have to buy something. I mean, I don't ever feel like I can just
go in, look around and see if they have what I want, and then just leave. Because like a lot of convenience stores these days,
whenever you go in, the people behind the counter always act all friendly and say "Hi, how you doin'?" and it's like they're
so glad to see you. It's not like you can just go in unnoticed and slip out without saying anything. Anyway, I'm afraid that
if they really are that friendly, then if I don't buy something they'll be disappointed. Or maybe when they say "Hi, how you
doin'?" what they're really trying to say is "We're watching you, buddy!" And so if I leave without buying something, then
I think that they think that I'm shoplifting. I mean of course I would totally never be shoplifting, but if they think that
I am then while they're smiling and saying "Have a good evening" and waving goodbye with one hand, then with the other hand
they're pressing a silent alarm button and cops are going to follow me around the rest of the night, and if I go like 2 miles
an hour over the speed limit then they're going to pull me over and impound my car and harrass me.
Whenever I see a
woman or a girl who I think is real pretty, I'm afraid to look at her. Because I'm afraid if I look at her then I'm going
to kind of think, wow, she's real pretty, and she's going to know what I'm thinking, and then she's going to think that I'm
some weird creepy pervert stalker. Or she's going to look at me and think I'm really old and goofy-looking and then she's
going to be all What are you looking at, freako? And so then I don't look at her and I avoid eye contact, and then I'm afraid
that she thinks I'm retarded or something. And it's even worse if she says hello to me first because then I almost have to
speak, and then I just know that she's going to know that I think that she's pretty, and what's worse is that she's going
to know that I know that she knows. It's especially bad at the library, because there are like four of them there, and I'm
afraid to ever ask for help because I know if I do then they're going to think that I'm only asking for help as an excuse
to talk to them and look at them, which I swear I totally never would do, but I know they'll think that. And if I'm asking
one of them, I can't ever tell her that I'm not just asking for help as an excuse to talk to or look at her, because then
she'll say "I didn't ever think that, why would you say that?" even though I totally know that she did think that.
Whenever
I go to the mailbox I have to open it first and kind of bang the side of it, in case there's something in there, like a rat
or a snake. Even something like a puppy, or basically anything that moved, would pretty much freak me out. The thing is, I
don't know anyone who dislikes me enough to want to kill me in such a dramatic and grisly fashion, but that's just it. Because
every time you turn on Unsolved Mysteries, the guy always says that the person who died had no enemies. That's why
they're called mysteries. It happens all the time on Law & Order, where they interview people about a murder
and they always say "Who would do such a thing?" It always happens when you don't expect it, and when you don't have any enemies.
It's the perfect crime. That's why I think if I always expect it, then maybe it won't happen.
Whenever I meet a child,
I'm always afraid that I'm going to do something or make a face or something that's going to completely freak them out, and
it's going to be burned into their minds as this huge trauma, and then when they get to be like 18 or 20 they'll see me in
a grocery store or something and have a breakdown and people will have to call an ambulance and it's going to be this huge
scene. Either that, or they'll see me and not say anything but they'll follow me and hunt me down, or kidnap me and hold me
in a dingy basement underground and I'll have to crawl through a drainpipe to get away and it'll be in all the papers and
on 20/20 and everything, only I'll be the bad guy because I made them cry when they were 2.
Is this normal?
Any of it?
(From the Mailbag June 29)
I will give you my 2 cents worth.
I think your first two concerns have some validity, and I would extend the
first one to any small store, not just convenience stores. For example, I feel uncomfortable going into a small auto
parts or hardware store without buying something, even though I think it would be much easier to shoplift something from a
large warehouse-sized store, except for the ones with cameras everywhere. The only way to avoid feeling guilty is to
enter into a conversation with the guy behind the counter.
"How you doin?"
"Pretty good, how about you?"
"Can't
complain. Wouldn't do any good, anyhow."
"Yep."
"Anything I can help you with?"
"I'm looking for a doohickey
to go in a '97 Thingamabob."
"I think we're out."
"Alright. Thanks."
This totally does not work for the
second topic. If you say anything to the pretty woman/girl, then you are obviously hitting on her. Wasn't there
a time when you could compliment an attractive woman, even a total stranger, without offending her or risk being labelled
a pervert? I don't think you can now.
Also along the same line is looking at or talking to children. Again,
you feel like you might be perceived as a child molester if you even glance at a child in a store. My concern is
what the parent will think, though, not the child. I'm not sure if this is the same thing you are talking about, or
not. (Actually no it's not....I'm talking about how like when you're a kid you remember the strangest
little moments, good and bad, and when you're an adult sometimes you get these little flashes of stuff that happened a long
time ago, and I'm afraid that if I tease some little kid they're going to freak out and then remember it forever.)
The
thing with the mailbox is just plain irrational. Sorry.
David Branch
Thanks for your letter, David. I always wondered do other people worry about these things. Except
the mailbox thing.
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