Stock Car Racing

What's the deal with Stock Car Racing? I don't get it. You get in a car and you drive real fast, around and around in circles. There's no goals or points or strategy. Everything is go, go, go around and around. I'm not a real big sports fan but this seems particularly pointless. In a way, it's how life is to many people: Just doing the same things over and over and over, as fast as you can, always trying to keep ahead of everyone else and not burst into flames or smash into a wall, in the end winding up in the exact place you started. They say Dale Earnhardt was the greatest driver who ever lived and no one will ever replace him. With no disrespect to the guy, come on, he drove a car. I'm sure he was a great driver, but everyone drives a car and sooner or later someone's gonna come along who drives better.

I was watching a show on FOX recently, I think it was America's Most Wanted, and they had a guy on there who taught policemen how to drive cars. You know, like in high-speed chases and all that. He said that no matter what happened, you watched your own front end and where it was pointing, and not the other guy's car as you might be tempted to do. Now that should be a sport: High Speed Chases. You could set up a little city and have a "criminal" try to escape the "police", with little moving cardboard pedestrians and stuff. You could set up traffic jams and roadblocks and play at different levels, like maybe a "novice" gets lots of back-up but an "expert" gets none. O wait this sounds too much like a video game. Maybe we should just watch police video shows on FOX instead of watching NASCAR? Ok, wait, you can do that anyway.

Ok, nevermind.

The Last Supper

I wonder how Peter and James and John and all those Apostle guys felt hanging around with Jesus all the time. I mean, did they feel privileged? Intimidated? What?

I think I would have been completely paranoid. Every time He said "Good morning," I would think "I wonder what He means by that? Is it a good morning already, or is He telling me I'm supposed to have a good morning, or is that a prophecy that I will have a good morning? So should I fast now or have breakfast?" And I would have been so scared to even open my mouth, like "Jesus, could you pass me the salt there?" I would be so afraid He would say something like "Wherefore do you need salt? You, who are the salt of the earth, saltest not that which is brought forth upon thy table?" and then I would really feel stupid because I would like NEVER know what He was talking about.

I mean, we have the benefit now of having everything spelled out for us, we can read and study everything, but these guys were mostly just fishermen trying to figure it out as they went. And you read it over and over in the Gospels they'd go "We didn't get it" and so He'd spell it out for them.

Did they feel stupid? Maybe not. There were 12 of them and none of them ever got it. Especially Peter. He was always standing up and saying "I know!" and Jesus was like, no, you're wrong. Get thee behind Me. Let Me put that guy's ear back on. I wonder did any of them ever go to Peter and say "It's ok, none of us knew, either."

And talk about paranoid. At the Last Supper Jesus says "One of you will betray me" and they were all like "Is it me? Is it me?" If I didn't notice Judas sulking in a corner I would have been sure it was me.

I wonder what they had for the Last Supper anyway? Besides bread and wine, I mean. I guess it's just as well we don't know because then all the orthodox churches and the Catholics would make us eat it all the time, and growing up Catholic, with my luck it would have been something I hated like olives or brussel sprouts or sloppy joes. Only they probably called them Sloppy Josephs.

Anyway, I know a lot of people read the Gospels and wonder how could the Apostles have missed all the clues Jesus gave them about who He was and what He was doing. Well, not me. I just wonder how come they didn't freak out all the time.

Rookie Cop First Night On Patrol

12:47am Observed light blue Impala doing 57 mph in a 35 mph zone. I turned on my blue lights and pulled him over.

12:51 am Suspect rolled down window and asked me how I was doing. I said fine, and asked suspect for his license and registration. Suspect ate a doughnut and reached into his glove compartment. Suspect handed me his license and registration and asked me how I was doing. I said fine and went back to the squad car.

12:57 am Suspect got out of his car and pressed his face against the window of the squad car. I rolled down the window and instructed the suspect to get back in his car. Suspect stated that it seemed to be taking a long time and he wanted to see how I was doing. I said fine and again instructed the suspect to return to his car. Suspect asked me if I wanted a doughnut. I replied no. Suspect found this highly amusing and returned to his car.

1:08 am Having run his license and registration, I went back to the suspect's car and tapped at his window. Suspect finished his doughnut and rolled down his window. Suspect imitated the sound of me tapping at his window and began to laugh.

1:13 am Suspect stopped laughing and asked me how I was doing. I said fine. Suspect found this amusing.

1:27 am Suspect stopped laughing. I asked him if he knew why I was pulling him over. Suspect said that he was probably going too fast. I didn't understand him because he had a whole doughnut stuffed in his mouth. I asked suspect to repeat. Suspect asked if I wanted a doughnut. I said no. I informed the suspect that he had been doing 57 mph in a 35 zone and he was being ticketed. I asked suspect to sign the citation and he took the pen from me.

1:42 am Suspect completes signing his name. I instructed the suspect of his court date and that in lieu of a court appearance he could pay his fine in person by the date specified. Suspect said he loved me. I returned to my squad car.