Is there a Bigfoot? I choose to believe. I think I'm on pretty safe ground, too. Because if they ever find one, I can say I knew it all along. And since no one will ever prove that he doesn't exist, I will never look stupid for it.

I don't think Bigfoot is given enough attention. Everyone's obsessed with supernatural stuff like Buffy The Vampire Slayer and UFO stuff like The X-Files. The government should have a secret base to study Bigfoot, like Area 51. Only in the mountains. And then there could be one park ranger who doesn't believe in Bigfoot and she could be partnered with a ranger who does believe because when his sister was little she was kidnapped by a Bigfoot.

Other Bigfoot TV Shows:

1) A really neat Bigfoot moves in with a really messy Bigfoot,

2) A male Bigfoot with three sons marries a female Bigfoot with three daughters,

3) "I Married Bigfoot",

4) A straight-laced, by-the-book Bigfoot has to partner with a cocky Bigfoot who does things his own way and makes his own rules, and together they "clean up" the forest,

5) A Bigfoot from British Columbia has to move back home after 10 years in Washington State. There is a clash of cultures. Hilarity ensues.

Anyway, I think Bigfoot doesn't get enough respect. People talk about UFOs and psychic powers, and forget all about Bigfoot.

What if you saw Bigfoot, and what if there were two of them? What would you tell people?

"I just saw two Bigfeet."
"Two big feet? Whose were they?"
"Not big feet. Bigfeet!"
"Is that an Indian?"
"No, no, no. Bigfoot. I saw Bigfoot. Not Bigfeet."
"You saw a Bigfoot who didn't have big feet?"
"No! There were two of them!"
"Two Bigfeet?"
"Yeah."
"Don't they usually have two feet?"
"Yes!! But I saw them! Two of them!"
"You just saw their feet?"

So you see the problem. Bigfoot will never be taken seriously until we come up with a better name for him.

If Bigfoot is real, I wonder what they think of us. I'm sure they don't call us Littlefoot because every time they see one of us we're wearing shoes. Our feet might not seem so little. And besides, they probably don't know what shoes are; they might just think we have one big toe on each foot. So they probably call us Two-Toes.

See, them looking for us probably isn't like us looking for them. Because everytime a Bigfoot sees a human, they run away. I don't know why. Maybe they're purposely hiding from us because they're embarrassed. They're these big ol' ugly, hairy, smelly things with high, whiny voices hiding from the smooth-skinned Two-Toes.

"Honey, look, quick! Its Two-Toes!"
"Run, Run! He's got a camera!"

If Bigfoot is real, and he'd been discovered, say, 150 years ago, then maybe Edgar Rice Burroughs would have written about how Tarzan was raised by a Bigfoot. Or Hanna Barbera would have a cartoon character called Barney Bigfoot. Or Charlton Heston would have starred in Planet of The Bigfeet.

Planet of The Bigfeet would have been a very very short movie. Or a very very long one. Because, let's face it, when a Bigfoot gets his hands on you, he can pretty much do what he wants. There would have been no big chase scene, unless it ended like "Get your filthy paws off me, you damn dirty Bigf--" *splat!*

And some hippy in California would be teaching sign language to a Bigfoot.