Season One
"Gone For Goode"
Written by Paul Attanasio
Directed by Barry Levinson
This first episode was an absolute jewel, a painstakingly crafted masterpiece. From the first second with the opening dialogue between Crosetti and Lewis it was the perfect set-up the series and our initiation into the world of the Murder police. Bayliss's entrance into the unit was sort-of reminiscent of the college frat rat hazing but without the wielding of big wooden paddles. The Munchman seemed kinda older in the beginning but it must have been all those uncool earthtones he wore. Munch's "Montel Williams" rant was brilliant and established the dark humor and revelations of character quirks via conversation. TPTB had Melissa Leo tarted up with enough makeup for Tammy Faye. Stan pushed all of Munch's guilt buttons as we watched with a well-spoken, "Dee-Tec-Tive Munch" Great dialogue sprinkled throughout the episode: Gee to Felton, "You don't like orders, learn the guitar." and we learned what doesn't work as an alibi, "I don't remember, I was drinkin'." Felton and Howard solve the case of the Dead Davino Salesman when the stupidest crackhead in all of Charm City, Jerry Jimpson falls into their laps. Lewis and Crosetti have to play, "Let's find the corpse cuz they're all planted in the wrong place" after discovering the Black Widow of Bawlmer, Calpurnia Church. Bayliss and Frank sort of click right away as Bayliss shows his natural detective skills strongly in the Burger murder causing Frank to actually nearly compliment him, "You know you couldn't be much worst than Felton." Beau baits Frankstein in the parking garage for his control-freak nature and the regulars congregate at The Wharf Rat after the shift. Bayliss takes his first case as a primary, the Adena Watson case. (Side note - rewatching this epi on the heels of the final episode I noticed that Bayliss is dressed nearly identically in the two episodes, brown jacket, brown tie and off-white shirt. Coincidence or planned weirdness I do not not know ) By Gator_xx
"A Ghost of a Chance"
Written by Noel Behn Story by Tom Fontana
Directed by Martin Campbell
The episode opens with the entire squad at the Adena Watson crime scene (Bayliss's Great White) with Munch going nuts over the local wild rodent population, "Quit staring at me you cheese-eating Gerbil!" As Tim moves around the crime scene he looks like someone moving through a bad dream of mythical proportions. Gee has to prod Tim to do simple things like release the body to the Medical Examiners office, Yes folks it's Timmy Torture Time. Frank and Tim go to break the news to the Watson and Tim's sadness makes his task all the harder as Mrs. Watson and her children break down at the news. Tim cleans up the spilled cereal as they weep. The case consumes everyone in the unit but there is still no desk for Timmy-boy as he sets up on top of the room water cooler. Stan and Munch have the infamous "Iguana Style Sex" discussion on the way to the Thomas Doohen "Is it a murder or is the old coot still breathing?". But he's not dead much to his wife's distress, "Die, you bastard, Die!" as he awakens roaring, "Where is that slut!". The M.E. Carol Blythe crawls Tim's ass for moving the body too soon. Frank steers Tim through what they have to do at the morgue as Tim looks like he might lose his lunch before muttering, "Face of an angel" Lewis and Crosetti check out all the local stores that serve hotdogs and saurkraut (Adena's last meal) as Crosetti rehashes for the millioneth time the Lincoln assassination. And it's reruns as Stan and John puzzle over Iguana Style again on the way BACK to the Doohan home but this time the stiff is really a stiff with the Widow Doohan bitching and moaning about the deceased. Gee prodds Timmy again, this time to hold a briefing as Danvers shows up to tell Kay that the Saunders case is the weakest one he has ever had the bad luck to prosecute. Prove it, he challenges. Bayliss gets bogged down in the details till Frank chides him to stick to those details that are relevant. But Tim just acts increasingly uncertain as Frank begs Gee to let him take over as primary. Gee tells Tim to grow some balls and shoot some lightening out of his ass when he walks as Timmy whines about his lack of desk. Gee tosses everything off a nearby desk. Barnfather slimes onto the scene and tells Gee that Tim needs to be removed as primary but Gee stands up to the bosses as Barnfather jumps his shit for violating the dress code with his sneakers. Bolander tries to ask Dr. Blythe for a date with the dumbest of pickup lines, "Det. Lewis says you tend to have crabs." Crosetti and Lewis are still duking it out over the Lincoln murder as they report back. Tim starts to focus on the Araber as Crosetti and Lewis move their bickering on the pronunciation of the word, "Araber" But the Almighty Pembleton says Timmy is wasting his time. Tim suddenly grows those balls and stands up to Frank. Academy rookies search where the body was found, inch by painstaking inch. Kay and Beau talk about her dream involving Agnes Saunders telling her where the murder weapon has been stashed. But Beau wants to know what Howard was wearing in bed and if the dream was about sex. But when they get to the location it's not there leading Beau to say, "Gee Howie, that's a surprise!" So they go rattle Ralph Fenwicks filthy little cage as he spouts philosophical bullshit. "What the hell is he talkin' about" Beau says to Kay's "Lying, murdering rodent."' "What a dope" Frank says about Bayliss right before a rookie finds the pipe Adena was assaulted with. That pesky ghost Agnes wakes Kay again but she finds herself the butt of jokes as Crosetti and Lewis serenade her with "Casper The Friendly Ghost" with Crosetti wearing his hankie as a ghost hat. As Kay storms off Meldrick yells, "Hey, it ain't over till the Fat Boy sings." gesturing at Steve Crosetti. Beau follows the murdering rodent. Bayliss and Pembleton pick up a guy that knew about Adena's death before anyone else. But it appears they will have to have the Box fumigated as Double J Macys scratches disgustingly for fleas as they watch from the observation booth. Double J is totally out of it as Frank questions him and it's back to the drawing board again but Bayliss takes charge finally. Beau consults Tarot Cards to find out where the Saunders murder weapon is and they bring the murderer in. Everyone rants and drinks at the Wharf Rat as a teary eyed Bayliss attends the Watson funeral. (By Gator_xx)
"Son of a Gun"
Written by James Yoshimura Story by Tom Fontana
Directed by Nick Gomez
In the coffee room Crosetti bores the pants off everyone with the (surprise, surprise) Lincoln conspiracy as the rest of the unit reads the paper. Gee enters and breaks the bad news of the Chris Thorman shooting. Crosetti and Lewis rush to the hospital as ER Doctors treat Thorman, trying to restart his heart. Tim gives another briefing on the Watson case as they prepare to search 702 Kirk Ave, the Berrick household, which resembles Crackhead Central of the East Coast. The cops roust everyone from the house. Stan comes home with his fancy beer as his neighbor makes gawdawful racket before stealing his beer. Lorenzo/Larry is a woodfreak, makes all sorts of wooden furniture and freaks out Stan by showing him the Cuffoon resting in his workshop as they drink the beer in that 2nd rate building in a 3rd rate neighborhood. Kay gets the Hepner murder, the motive being that some stupid woman (Zorn) and the victim were fighting over ole Spiro T. Agnew not having a bust in the statehouse. Back at the hospital Steve and Meldrick hold a vigil with Eve Thorman as Chris fights for his life in surgery. Tim and tons of uniforms search that Garbage-can-with-walls at 702 Kirk Ave unsuccessfully. Stan and Larry bond over cuffoons, beer and their sad-sack lack of love lives. When Steve Crosetti begs Gee to let him investigate the Thorman shooting Gee says not, says that Steve would be like a "Banshee on Rollerblades" so Steve pulls out all the stops and stomps on Al's guilt buttons by doing a strip-tease in his office to show off his bullet wounds. The Tim Bayliss Wild Goosechase ends with Frank and Tim squabbling yet again. Zorn leads Kay and Beau to an agent for hitmen who leads them to the Black Widow of Balmer, one Calpurnia Church. Crosetti talks about Jazz and Thorman. Stan goes on a real date with Carol, acting almost like he has never been out on a date with a real live women (Does he have a blow up doll we don't know about?) Lewis's words of wisdom - "Murders lie cuz they got to, witnesses lie cuz they think they got to, everyone else lies for the sheer joy of it." Bayliss melts down and throws papers around in a temper tantrum, yelling at Frank. Frankie runs to tattle to Big Daddy Gee yet again about the rookie - "I don't like his damn ties." It seems too weird and unnatural seeing that nasty cigarette hanging out of Tim's mouth as he manipulates his Rubic's Cube. Stan and Carol have a good time together and she invites him to her house to see her etchings (nookie cookies) and drink wine just as Stan is called back to the unit. Lewis catches Crose tti praying the rosary and Steve wants Mel to say a Hail Mary or two. The nephew/husband of Calpurnia gets questioned by Kay and Felton, refusing to cooperate because, "She got hexes and voodoo curses." but he clues them unto the photo albums, Mrs. Church's gristly trophies of death. Crosetti nearly converts Meldrick as they get a sudden tip as the rosary rests on the telephone. Howard and Felton bring in Aunt Calpurnia. Mr. Smith - the Migraine King of Balto says he'll testify about Thorman's shooting if he doesn't get a headache. As Lewis interrogates Calpurnia she asks him "Cute Boy", if he wants to go to the John with her, careful Mel...she wants to make you the next Mr. Calpurnia. The bodies get added up as Meldrick and her spar in the Box and Mrs. Church asks "Can I have a fried chicken sandwich from Crazy Johns." Stanley comes home to find his neighbor dead and laid out in the Cuffoon as Munch needles him about his date. Stanley turns up at Carol's for cookies and wine late, late..The episode ends with Steve and Chris listening to Jazz in the hospital as Steve strips off his shirt to reveal his cool black Miles Davis Tee. (By Gator_xx)
"A Shot in the Dark"
Written by Jorge Zamacona Story by Tom Fontana
Directed by Bruce Paltrow
This episode carries forward several of the ongoing stories e.i. Adena Watson murder, the Bolander/Blythe romantical shenanigans and the Chris Thorman shooting. Seems like Carol Blythe has half the force and most of the M.E. staff (including Dr. Schiener) pressuring Stanley to call her after their one night together. She has to chase his ass down at the end of the episode only to discover he is pouting because she didn't swear the earth moved during their late night romp. Chris Thorman wakes up. Stanley is a cranky bastard as Munch calls him a "Grizzly on barbiturates" Bolander keeps talking about the Saintly Mitch as Munch groans, "Mitch, Mitch, Mitch" during their investigation of the Cole murder. They find a hooker in the doghouse and she hits on Stanley really hard during the course of the investigation. Timmy resembles two of the seven Dwarfs (Sneezy/Grumpy) as he sneezes, coughs and sucks on cancer sticks and fights with Frank over bringing in the Araber. Frank likes the next door neighbor, Ferguson and his big, blue Lincoln Town Car as the killer leading Frank into dragging Felton all over the city in the middle of the night to search the repo yards just to try and prove Tim was wrong. After talking to various people Meldrick and Crosetti discover Mr. Migraine, Charlie Flavin is NOT the witness but the shooter in the Thorman case. Turns out "My head hurt's" doesn't work as an alibi either. Barnfather shows his true piggy self as he oinks out the news of Adena's sexual molestation at a news conference causing Bayliss to melt down and call him a "butthead" during dinner as Tim continues to put germs all over and pollute the squad room in more ways than one. Barnfather shows up with his panties in a twist and Tim is forced to kiss a little rear end by apologizing. Tim gets whiny with Gee, who sends him home to beddy bye. Turns out that Newton Stewart, the world's stupidest bodyguard was the killer in the Cole/Lowe shooting, shooting his boss's enemy right through his boss's body. Frank is forced to admit Tim is right as it turns out they have a small piece of physical evidence linking the Araber to Adena (Hey, and we get to see Timmy snoozing between his checkered sheets too.) Again everyone congregates at the Wharf Rat as Munch gets looped enough to go onstage and belt out a rousing version of "Mack The Knife" during Karaoke. (By Gator_xx)
"Three Men and Adena"
Written by Tom Fontana
Directed by Martin Campbell
Okay, so there's not much of the smart-ass nature I can say about two men interrogating another one over the murder of a child except, What in the HELL was Tim watching on TV at the beginning of the show? Frank N Tim bring in The Araber, Risley Tucker for interrogation in the Adena Watson case. It's their final shot at the Araber and they have to pull out all the stops. Frank works on Risley almost gently as Bayliss pounds on him in rage. The entire gamut of emotions is run between the three men in the box over the course of the hour. They never do get Risley to confess but Frank emerges sure of Tuckers guilt while Tim is no longer so sure. The room is trashed, the men are devastated and we are riveted to the television as the hour ends. At one point Bayliss's anger boils over until he attempts to BBQ the Arabers face on the heat pipe in The Box. Interesting side notes are achieved when Crosetti and Lewis sit in the men's room stalls and Steve discovers the lack of toilet paper and asks Meldrick, "You got five ones for a five?" Doesn't he know it's against federal law to wipe your ass with valid currency? Steve trying to get arrested or what? Meldrick comes up with another get-rich-quick scheme when he pushes Worm Farming for Fertilizer but the guys in the unit think that idea stinks, literally and figuratively. (by Gator_xx)
"A Dog and Pony Show"
Written by James Yoshimura Story by Tom Fontana
Directed by Alan Taylor
Starting your viewing of HLOTS with this episode would not have been a good thing, it would be like coming into the middle of a movie, scratching your head in puzzlement as you stare into your extra deluxe sized tub o' popcorn. Gee arrives all pissed off in his tux at the unit and rides first Tim about Adena and then Frank over his slackerly habits so they end up catching a real dog of a murder - the murder of a police dog named "Jake". Kay and Beau catch the Ida Mae Keene murder as Steve and Lewis catch the Alexandra Lyness case and all roads lead back to one horny dog dope dealer - Pony Johnson. Munch and Stan get to babysit Carol Blythes insane teenybopper son, throwing another wrinkle in their romance. Pony's girlfriend, LaToya Kennedy makes eyes at Felton (Boy, she must have really be bored or hard up, but then again look at Pony) Gee gets wasted at the retirement party and drives the retiring Lt. home proving by driving while slightly intoxicated that Dostoevski was right, inside every cop lurks a secret criminal. But Gee gives a pretty speech about his heritage at the end. Frank N Tim have the Irish setter- Kormonder (? how do you spell this?) discussions and it becomes apparent that Penny the dog catcher screwed up and accidentally sent Jake to Doggy Heaven early. Before they haul her in she puts Frank and Tim to work feeding the beasties. Weakest episode of season one IMHO. (by Gator_xx)
"And the Rockets Dead Glare"
"Smoke Gets in Your Eyes"
Written by Tom Fontana and James Yoshimura
Directed by Wayne Ewing
Howard arrives at a crime scene only to find every living soul puffing away on ciggies, sending her straight into an anti-smoking rant (sounding disgustingly like yours truly) causing a melt down in Felton. Now we know he hates Born-Again Vegetarians. Munch and Stan investigate a stable suicide with Officer Roy Rogers-Gaffney who admits to liking Country Music. Lewis shows Steve his engine before answering the phone, "Homicide, Det. Goodwrench" In the diner Tim gets jumpy as hell as Frank starts searching for a light for his cancer stick. Timmy gets his drugs via the Patch he tells Frankie but he ends up sublimating his smoking Jones as Frank inhales directly in his face. It's almost sexual as Tim gets off on the second hand smoke leading Pembleton to ponder, "You are one sick puppy" Bolander and Munch catch the Percy Howell murder, with one supposedly Xian dad that seems more like he is worshiping Satan as he seems more interested in questioning John about his Jewishness than the death of his kid. Pembleton plays detective with Howard and gets WAYyyyyyy too much information for his trouble, (Hey Kay its not the size of the appliance but the skill of the user). Girl with a crush on Percy tells Stan and John about the Zepps and they haul in the stupidest Zepp of all time. He gets the "Lying Liar" rant followed by the Electrolite Neutron Magnetic Test (The Copy Machine) and quicker than you can say, "Hey, what fried my nuts?" spits out the name of the killer. Gee discovers space suited guys doing asbestos removal on the 3rd floor as he searches for a coke to kill his hangover and goes predictably nucking futs. Crosetti gives Det. Goodwrench a mirror to go with his engine, now he just needs everything else. Stan bored bartender with ramble about love and Elvis before singing, "Love me tender" Tim is reduced to begging for cigarettes. (by Gator_xx)
"The Night of the Dead Living"
Teleplay:
Frank Pugliese
Story: Tom Fontana & Frank Pugliese
Director: Michael Lehmann
Okay bunks, are you sitting down? No really, are you? All right, what is the first word in the title of the program? HOMICIDE, very good. But wait, you say, there is no murders in this episode, no trips to the morgue, no crime scene tape. What tha??? To this I will tell you, if you missed this episode because of a lack of carnage, you need to get a wet fettuccine noodle and whip yourself, for you would be denying yourself one of the pleasures of this outstanding drama.
Like "3 Men and Adena, " this story takes place wholly in the environs of the squad room. It is summer in Baltimore, and seeing as the city was built on a swamp, the heat and humidity are more than unbearable. (I know…I live in Houston. We have summer 8 months out of the year. And yes Timmy, it is the humidity LOL). The heat, says Felton, will kill ya. Frank opines that when two people get locked in a room in this kind of swelter, something is bound to give. Gee notices the a/c is out of whack and proceeds to tell Maintenance what he thinks about it, several times. He also tells Frank to "Take that tie off. I'm sweating just looking at it." Stan wonders if he should call Dr. Blythe and ask her out. Munch, having just been dumped, naked and sweating in the darkness of his apartment by his girl Felicia, gives his partner a litany of why he shouldn't: (I could not help myself…had to include this)
Munch:
All I was gonna say is, what are you gonna call Dr. Blythe for? Say you go out.
You're a saint. You're everything you can be in a perfect world. So you sleep
together. After the third time you do it, it's actually good instead of just
saying it is. But how could it not be good? It's sex.
So you get intimate. You get real close. You talk about your childhood, your
parents, your broken dreams. You talk about relationships that didn't work out.
You get so intimate you tell her your problems. You get loose, rude, a little
insensitive. You're not a saint anymore. And one day, she goes, "I don't
know who you are. You're not the guy I got involved with." You apologize.
You realize you've actually spent the last six months apologizing for who you
were the first two weeks.
Then, in the middle of some night, she leaves you. In the dark. Nice, huh? Is
that what you want?
Bolander: I know why she left you. I mean, you, you don't know when to shut up.
Kay gets a phone call from her sister and it is not good news. Felton tries to quiz her on it: she doesn’t want to talk. Bayliss gets a fingerprint match on a book from Adena Watson's satchel...problem is the fingerprint belongs to a 12 year old boy who took the book out a few years back. Poor Tim has to live with the ridicule from his senior colleagues. A cleaning lady comes in because the regular maid is out sick. Oh, and see there is this Santa, perched on a roof somewhere, mumbling treatises of how the Earth is losing its orbit and is flying toward the sun, and it will only get hotter.
And there is a candle on top of the water cooler that is mysteriously lit night after night.
In the second half of the epi, Kay tells the cleaning lady that her sister Carrie has a tumor in her breast and it may be cancerous, and that her sis's hubby confesses to an affair at the very same moment Carrie got that news. Santa Claus is brought in, after attempting to off the missus with a water pistol. Later, the jolly old elf crashes through the roof, landing on Munch's desk. Crosetti has an animated argument with his ex-wife and daughter about the daughter's boyfriend wanting to spend the night in her room. Gee finds a baby in a cage in the building's basement while on a mission to restore the air conditioning. The squad takes in the baby while awaiting Social Services, and even Steve, Stan and Kay turn into models of maternal/paternal bonding. The boy's mom is the maid, and Tim, ever the sweet and caring soul, reaches out to her, encouraging her to tell her story. She is a single mom, barely employed, and has no money for a sitter or day care. She put the child in a cage to protect him from rats. Happily, baby and Mom are reunited.
At the end of shift, Gee orders everyone on the roof. Lewis, Bayliss and Howard doff their pants while the lieutenant sprays them with water from a hose. Frank and Gee struggle for it after Frank refuses to join his colleagues. This is truly a funny moment, and I found myself laughing so heartily as to cry.
Now, I am also a fan of Law and Order, but while I like that show, "Night of the Dead Living" illustrates why Homicide is far and away the superior program in this one key aspect: the layers and textures that the writers add to what could have been stock cop show characters. I think the only time L&O tried it was an ep where two detectives and the two DA witness an execution. Good as that was, it never approached the brilliance of Homicide. I figure most of the great American viewing public would not appreciate this particular story line, but I enjoyed it: It had humor, sorrow, wry observations, humanity and yes a bit absurdity, all in one neat, little hour-long package. No frills, no voluminous orations, just a glance at human beings in a tough, unforgiving job on a sweltering day in a dangerous city interacting with one another. To make it compelling, funny, and interesting without veering into melodramatic conceits my bunkies, is hard to do, if not downright impossible.
Oh, the candle? Seems that Munch, yes the cynical, the world is encased in black thinking Munch, lights it every night in honor of those murdered in Charm City. (By Mktbtoy)