31 October 1998.

Warning!

This website contains a dangerous and volatile element: humor.

Should you find that any part of this website is humorless, except where duly noted, alert your family and friends immediately! Failure to detect humor at this site is an indication that the reader has little or no sense of humor, and could be in extreme danger of taking him/her/itself waaay too seriously.

How each such afflicted person lost this important ability differs, but the cause is invariably the same. Such persons are unable to shift their paradigm. Often this is due to a grim determination to keep such a firm grip on themselves that circulation is cut off to the funnybone (an important part of one's humor-sensing apparatus). They fear that if they "loosen up, they could fall completely apart.

This may be partly due to their perception that, once shifted, a paradigm can never be put back in its former position. Most are unaware that a paradigm is a moving part, like a mirror on a stick. One may use it to examine something from many angles, without ever shifting one's own position (though one may decide to do so in light of newly-discovered information).

Recommended treatment for humorless persons varies. Some have found that lubricating themselves with alcohol seems to stimulate their ability to perceive and transmit humor, but this effect is quite often illusory. Others find that breathing helium and speaking in public seems to do the trick (at least until the police come along and ask what's going on). My recommendation, should you find yourself in such a humorless frame of mind: SEEK HELP IMMEDIATELY!

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