• Joan Crawford
  
• Barbara Stanwyck
• Marlene Dietrich
  
• Elizabeth Taylor
• 16-year-old fan club president
  

• How to poison someone
• How to suffocate someone
• Ways to kill people in their sleep

A 14-year-old boy led police in a motor chase the wrong way down
16th Street in Speedway and crashed into a Burger King.

                                                            [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

Heather Kaminsky, 30, the mother who traded her baby for a 19-
99 Dodge Dakota pickup truck to a couple in Corbin,  was found
and arrested in Florida and brought back to Kentucky.

                                                                    [courtesy WLEX-TV]

A man fled a hospital in Maysville naked, stole a jeep, and drove it
to Ohio, where he stole clothing.

                                      [courtesy Maysville Ledger-Independent]

A 50-year-old Lexington woman was sentenced to  30  months  in
prison  for threatening to kill Senator Mitch McConnell.

                                              [courtesy Lexington Herald-Leader]

The state finished the fiscal year with budget surpluses  over $150
million  even though it continues to "furlough"  (lay off)  employees
several days a year,  including police and court personnel, shutting
down entire courthouses statewide to cut spending. . . .

A Louisville man contracted his 15-year-old son  to  kill  the man's
14-year-old stepson in payback to the stepson's mother for having
an abortion (both father and son have been indicted). . . .

A man was arrested for stealing a book on ethics from the Univer-
sity of Louisville.
                                             [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

The American Saddlebred Museum and Gift Shop in Lexington put
up for sale, at $700, a painting by a horse.
                                                                     [courtesy Harper's Weekly]

"I crawled out of the swamp, and I’m not crawling back in."

                                                       – George W. Bush, discussing his retirement from politics

"Of course, it's easier if you hold an Olympic Games in the middle of nowhere."

                                                                                    – British Primer Minister David Cameron

"Shot pigeons give us a food source."

                                    – former town councilor F. John Smith, explaining one reason Roys-
                                       ton,  England,  decided to "cull" pigeons instead of giving them a-
                                       vian contraceptives, using fire gel on their roosts or calling in hawks

"We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives."

                                                                                                        – Chick-fil-A CEO Dan Cathy

So,  now it's Penetration State University.  We already knew
that the "dame" in Notre Dame is a little boy. And now, where
does Oral Roberts University leave us?

Monica Lewinsky, 39
Philip Seymour Hoffman, 45
Don Imus, 72
Ruth Buzzi, 76
Pat Oliphant, 77
Amelia Earhart, 115

Other people named James Holmes, not the Colorado as-
sassin, were hounded on Clutterbook Facebook. .  .  .  A
25-year-old woman sat  between  the  rails  with a suicide
note in Wyandotte, Michigan,  talking to her boy friend on
a cell phone as she was run over by a train and killed. . . .
A bobcat ran through razor wire into a prison in Washing-
ton. . . .A hotel in Crosthwaite, England, replaced its Gid-
eon Bibles with copies of the erotic novel Fifty Shades of
Grey. . . . A blind Lakota Sioux sued a South Dakota hos-
pital that he said left KKK surgical scars on his belly.  .  .  .
An 18-year-old boy  on Bali  was caught having sex with a
cow and was ordered to marry her  – he passed out during
the wedding ceremony, and the town decided to drown the
cow. . . .  Arizona's Sheriff Joe testified that his remarks a-
bout "dirty" immigrants and admiration of the Ku Klux Klan
were taken out of context.  . . . Three bears trashed a home
three times in three days in Bearsville, New York. ... Utah's
goat man was identified as  a  California  hunter  training for
goat bow season next year in Canada. .  .  . Lindsay Lohan
had another traffic accident (her fault, as usual).  . . . A wo-
man and her gardener were stung to death by killer bees  in
Indio, California. . . .Sally Ride came out posthumously.

                 [courtesy Harper's Weekly, Daily Snopes, AP].

Neil Reed,  the Indiana University basketball player who complained
he was choked by coach Bobby Knight and was kicked off the team
by fellow players,  died of cardiac arrest at the age of 36. . . .

The gay hookup "app" Grindr crashed from overload in East London
as Olympic athletes arrived.

I am looking forward to my daughter's wedding. She wants her
father - my ex - to walk her down the aisle.   Her father, who is
helping pay for the wedding,  insists that no invitations go out  to
any of his family;  and he has threatened  to  walk  out  if any of
them attend. But our daughter has developed a close relationship
with her "Aunt Marie" and "Uncle John,"  her father's sister  and
brother-in-law. They have been there for her and even put hours
of labor into upgrading her new home.  Our daughter very much
wants to invite her aunt and uncle. Should she risk it?  She could
ask her stepfather, who has helped raise her for the last 15 years,
to walk her down the aisle. What should she do?

                                                                    Mother of the Bride

Here's another sign on the front page of the National Examiner that it is absorbing the Sun,
which we have not seen on the news stands for more than two weeks, and the web site of
which has shown nothing new in the same period:

 

                            And those are empty promises in the boxes.  The Sun and Weekly World News colum-
                           

Note: A typographical quirk may have made it appear that the alter-
native lyrics to "Rocky Raccoon" following  TedF's letter  last week
were written by the staff at Tabloid Headlines. We apologize if any-
one took it that way.  TedF gets all the credit; he wrote them.  – Editor

We keep getting Drew Barrymore and Drew Carey mixed up.  Will
someone help us, please (and, is there really a difference)?

The little Sullivan County town of Dugger had its pants in a wad over
a demand that it take down a huge "Jesus Saves" cross on town land
just beyond the right field fence of the high school baseball field.

                                                            [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

A Harvard study ranked Indiana 29th in the nation  in  improving stu-
dent performance in reading, math and science over the last 20 years
(Kentucky was ranked 5th). . . .

South Bend schools became the latest to feel a funding pinch, cutting
89 teaching and support jobs after Hammond cut 200, raising the to-
tal school job loss statewide to 685  as  the  state auditor reported a
$2.1 billion budget surplus.
                                                            [courtesy Associated Press]

Talkeetna, Alaska, thinks it's pretty cool that it elected a cat as
mayor about 15 years ago;  but Rabbit Hash, Kentucky, a little
town on the Ohio River  about 20 miles downstream from Cin-
cinnati, has had successive dogs as mayors for at least 14 years.

                                                                     [courtesy AP]

"In college I majored in economics long enough to learn that it is not a science."
                                                                                                                           – Madry Chlopak

"It's common at the Olympics.  It's necessary.  It's natural.  If you are going to be healthy
 people, why not make sex?"
                                                   – Dr. João Olyntho Machado Neto, medical coordinator for
                                                      Brazil's Olympic team, at the Olympic Village in London

"President Bush was grateful for the invitation."

            – Freddy Ford, spokesman for W, declining to attend the Republican National Convention

Birthdays:  Selena Gomez, 20 Brandi Chastain, 44 Angela Merkel, 60 Don Henley, 65 Camilla Parker Bowles, 65 Gale Garnett, 70 Florencia Bisenta de Ca-   sillas Martinez Cardona   ("Vikki Carr"), 71 George McGovern, 90 John Glenn, 91 Nelson Mandela, 94 Phyllis Diller, 95

In England, where you still need grounds for divorce, a wo-
man complained that her husband distorted her best outfits
by frequently wearing them. . . . The Rev. Andy Kelso left
the Church of England for a performance act he calls Elvis
Prayersly. .  .  .  A semitrailer carrying charcoal and lighter
fluid rear-ended a semi carrying frozen meat in New Mexi-
co,  creating an I-40 barbecue. . . . Mohammed Ashan,  a
Talibani  in Afghanistan,  walked up to a police checkpoint
carrying a wanted poster of himself  and  turned  himself  in
for the $100 cash reward. . . .  A man named Chou collec-
ted $50,000 in 25 per cent "fine commissions" for turning in
5,000 videos of litterers and spitters in Taipei, Taiwan.  . . .
Two men in Fresno, California, took a combined 1,363 am-
bulance trips to the hospital in one year. .  .  . A blue ribbon
committee unanimously reaffirmed the Boy Scout policy not
to admit homosexuals. .  .  . Just hours after the U.S. Justice
Department filed suit  and just hours before the beginning of
Ramadan,  a federal judge in Tennessee ordered county of-
ficials to allow a new mosque to open in Murfreesboro. . . .
Speaker John Boehner and Senator John McCain defended
a Muslim aide to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton against a
Muslim  Brotherhood  suggestion by Congresswoman Mich-
elle Bachmann. . . .  A man who stripped naked to protest a
Transportation Security Administration screening at  the  air-
port in Portland, Oregon,  was found  not  guilty  of indecent
exposure. . . . A man was seen dressed as a wild goat in the
mountains of northern Utah, and wildlife officials were trying
to find him to warn him that hunting season would open soon.
. . .  A bear walked into the Pittsburgh Mills Mall in Pennsyl-
vania.
                                                [courtesy Funny Times, AP]

Six months ago my husband and I drove several hundred miles
to attend his niece's wedding. Our gift was a three-piece China
serving set bought at an antique shop in a small lakeside town.
It was in perfect shape, and the cost was comparable to what
we have spent for other nieces and nephews.   But instead of
receiving a thank you note,  we got a box in the mail with our
gift inside, broken, and a note from my husband's brother –
the bride's father – who said the bride and groom had no idea
what the gift was and that a card would have been more appro-
priate than this "yard sale item."  He accused us of being incon-
siderate, tasteless and insulting.

The bride and groom are college graduates,  over 30,  and they
own their own home. We sent letters to them and to my brother-
in-law explaining our sincere good wishes.   Did we make a mis-
take?
                                            Having Wedding Gift Nightmares

                        Well,  yeah!  It sorta looks that way!

. . . you'd better deliver it yourself.

• Why he was buried only 4 hours after dying
• Shocking secret he took to the grave

Scary as the headlines above may be, the most disturbing item last week was a tiny box on the front page of the National Examiner saying ––> Does this mean that the Examiner is absorbing the Sun,  as the Sun,  in its turn,  absorbed the Weekly World News not so long ago?

Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 7/8/12 @00:56 PDT:

Thank god Obama is up on fighting UFO invasions.
Now I have a reason to vote for him.

Ted Fiskevold wrote Sun 7/8/12 @07:27 CDT:

As long as we are being grammar police:  It's Gideons' Bibles
(or Gideon Bibles),  not  Gideon's Bibles – unless one is refer-
ring to Gideon himself,  who probably never owned a Bible or
even knew what a Bible was  although he was a character in
the Bible.  The folks who distribute the Bibles are  known  as
the Gideons.

Rocky Raccoon checked into his room
Only to find a damn Kindle.

The knife on his hip would cut off her lip
And turn it to thread on a spindle.

The Gideons, it seems, had shattered his dreams
By letting technology outdance them.

To protect Gideon's name he shifted the blame
And proceeded to mutilate Nancy.

We've been calling that world wide web auction site "e-Bay," think-
ing the "e" stood for "electronic" as in "e-mail" (like the "i" for "inter-
net" in "i-Phone" – or is that for "intelligent"? Nah!), and wanting to
capitalize something because it's a proper name. (We wouldn't go
for "eBay,"  the spelling they seem to prefer,  because,  well,  that's
just wrong, letting a capital letter follow a small letter without an a-
postrophe or a hyphen in between.  Aunt Janet said.)

But now we have come to know, from a monthly publication called
"Know U Didn't . . . and now U do"  (we  added the apostrophe in
the "Didn't"; they omitted it) that the "e" in "eBay" ("Ebay," "e-Bay,"
"E-bay," whatever) does not stand for "electronic." The on-line auc-
tion site was named after its original owner, the Echo Bay Technolo-
gy Group.  It tried to purchase the domain name EchoBay.com, but
that was already taken; so it took the name ebay.com.

So from now on we'll call it E'Bay.  You understand.    – Editor

Our notation of ten straight 100° days in last Sunday's edition was
couched in terms of finality.   But we had another – the 11th  in  a
row – on the day of publication, despite weatherman protestations
that it was over.  It was 101° outdoors (in the shade) last Sunday,
90°  indoors.

A 3-year-old boy killed his father with the man's own handgun
at a home in Salem. . . .

A 75-year-old New Albany woman pleaded guilty to voluntary
manslaughter for a 30-year prison sentence to avoid a 45-year
sentence for murder (she had shot her 49-year-old son-in-law
in the back of the head).

            [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal,  which  seems  to
             be allowing access  to its web site again,  without  an-
             nouncement of retrenchment of policy or acknowledg-
             ment of complaints  by the editor of Tabloid Headlines]

Congressman Ben Chandler,  a "Blue Dog" Democrat running for re-election in a conservative district in cen- tral Kentucky  (actually,  that's the only kind of district there is in Kentucky),  announced that he  would  skip the Democratic National Convention (and denied that there was anything political about his decision). . . . A couple in Corbin traded a pickup truck for a baby.                          [courtesy Lexington Herald Leader]

Jamie (left) and Jeremy Brown gave up   a 1999 Dodge Dakota pickup truck for a   baby  (mother and child not pictured).

A Louisville woman who claims never to have down-
loaded pornography legally or otherwise  sued a Cal-
ifornia  porn  studio  for trying to shake her down for
thousands of dollars  to  avoid  litigation  over  illegal
downloading from the X-Art web site.

                                    [courtesy Courier-Journal]
 
    
      Perp  of the week?   Katelyn Berryman,  19,  5' 8",
      150 lbs.,  was listed as "Lexington's most wanted"
      on July 11 by both the Fayette County Sheriff  and
      the Lexington Herald-Leader – but neither of them
      said what for. You can sorta tell by lookin', though.

West  Virginia's  perp of the week: Peter Lizon is accused of beating, burning and chaining  his  wife  for more than a decade in their Jack- son County home.

[AP photos]

"As we go from Abraham Lincoln and Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now
 understand why Republicans don't believe in evolution."
                                                                                               – Andy Borowitz

"I didn't want to be alone.  He was the only guy who was ever nice to me."

                                    – Linda Chase, who lived with Charles Zigler's  corpse  in Jackson,
                                       Michigan, since December of 2010, while watching NASCAR on TV

"A lethal suicide bomb attack in Afghanistan has left more than 20 people dead."

                                                                            – Giles Snyder, National Public Radio news

"The symbology of a human being exiting the spacecraft and separately walking around
 is very powerful."
                                – Edwin ("Buzz") Aldrin

Caroline Wozniacki, 22
Li'l ( " Lil' " ) Kim, 38
O. J. Simpson, 65
Arlo Guthrie, 65
Christine McVie, 69
Harrison Ford, 70
Bill Cosby, 75
Dale Robertson, 89

Barney Frank got married. . . . A 5-inch worm was found
living in the eye of a man in India  who had complained of
irritation. . . .A woman in Albuquerque, New Mexico, of-
fered her soul for sale on E'Bay. .  .  . X-rays of carry-on
luggage  at the airport in the United Arab Emirates  show-
ed a baby being smuggled in by his Egyptian parents with-
out a passport or visa.  . . .  A motorist pulled a crossbow
on another driver during rush hour  in  Philadelphia,  Penn-
sylvania. .  .  .  Mitt Romney was jeered and booed at the
NAACP convention.  . . . Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr.
was being treated for a "mood disorder." . . . A Starbucks
was opening inside a funeral home in Easley,  South Caro-
lina.  .  .  .  Two Oregon men had to crash-land their lawn
chair balloon in bad weather 30 miles into their flight,  but
their balloon continued the journey without them.  . . . Jus-
tin Bieber was sued for $9 million by a  mother  who  said
her hearing was permanently damaged when he incited his
fans into a loud frenzy at a concert in Portland, Oregon. ...
A 21-year-old man broke into a zoo in Copenhagen, Den-
mark, and then into the tiger den, where he was, yes, killed.
. . .  Michelle Bachmann called for investigations.of the Na-
tional Intelligence Agency and the Homeland Security, De-
fense, State and Justice departments for penetration by the
Muslim Brotherhood.
                                    [courtesy Daily Snopes, MSNBC-
        .com, AP, the Sun of London,  the St. Cloud Times]

Agnieszka Radwañska lost the Wimbledon tennis tournament to Serena Williams but will carry the flag for Poland at the opening ceremony of the O- lympics in London. . . .

U.S. Olympics soccer hottie Hope Solo tested positive for a
prohibited diuretic.

My son and "Meredith" live together at college and
plan to marry.  I don't know how to handle this girl.
She never says thank you, even when you give her
a gift in person or when we prepare a meal for her.
And when the rest of us get up to  clear  the  table,
she  just  sits  there. It seems that she was brought
up without manners.  I have discussed this with my
son,  and he doesn't seem to care.  This is going to
create a lot of tension in the family.  Do  I  just  tell
her my feelings and let the chips fall?
                                                            Jersey Mom

Ruric-Amari Rich conducting a Turkish belly dance workshop
in Louisville ("Whittle your middle")

                        [photo by Sam Upshaw Jr., the Courier-Journal]

8, 2012:   Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the coun-
ter in the supermarket – this week's headlines:

Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 7/1/12 @09:22 PDT:

It gets hot in backwoods Kentucky?

111° in the shade last weekend (by the thermometer, not by the weather rock).
That's not a record, here, by the way – we had 112° and 113° in 1988.   – Editor


Stephen Yates wrote from a windstream.net address Sun 7/1/12 @10:59 CDT:

I have not received my tabloid headlines today. :o(

Which were e-mailed at 03:40 CDT same date!  Thus, the censorship
does continue; and this was a Windstream-to-Windstream failure. But
we think we have figured this one out. Windstream apparently has out-
sourced its e-mail transmission and delivery  to the United States Post
Office.  Therefore, everything from a Windstream customer to another
Windstream customer must go through the Post Office distribution cen-
ter in Nashville, Tennessee; and sometimes there's a little delay.    – Editor


Tracy Collins wrote from a gmail.com address Mon 7/2/12 @07:40 CDT:

Got yesterday's issue – no problems.  In addition, while searching my
spam mailbox last week,  I did come across the "missing" TH  (which
you kindly re-sent, thank you). FYI, if e-mails from a particular send-
er aren't opened but deleted a few times, gmail.com appears to move
all subsequent e-mail from that sender to  the  spam  folder.  Not that
it's ever happened with Tabloid Headlines but I've encountered it with
other senders.

Have a great day in this oppressive heat!  And give thanks to the gods
of air conditioning and indoor plumbing.

And, thank you!  We don't have air conditioning, though.  We're old fashion-
ed (funny way to spell Puritan),  and our suffering in the summer helps us ap-
preciate the winter.  We do have a lot of shade, an occasional breeze, and a
pond to jump in;  and we do indulge ourselves in electric fans.  Your mail ar-
rived on our fifth straight day (of ten) of 100° temperatures.  But a nice thun-
derstorm came along, about an hour after your e-mail,  and reduced the tem-
perature by 26 degrees in an hour – and,  even better,  blew National Public
Radio off the air  (another T-storm  on July 4  cut the temp 18 degrees in 15
minutes).  The high indoors during this period was 96°.  (The  ten  days  in a
row is a new record, by the way.  The previous record for consecutive 100°
days here was seven – which we got twice in 1988.  Not  counting  the blis-
tering summer of 1936 – our records don't go back that far).    – Editor


Publius Leget wrote Sun 7/1/12 @ 13.01 CDT:

Why are you always picking on National Public Radio?  Isn't
its reporting the most reliable in broadcasting?

Yes!  Yes!   Our pointing out the errors of their ways,  and the down-
right  idiocy  of  certain reporters and rip-'n'-readers for NPR,  is  to
show, by extension, how grossly, horribly, incorrigibly and hope-
lessly ignorant are the likes of CNN and Fox "News."   See "Quo-
tations of the weak," below, from a new NPR hottie.   – Editor

"I’m a man of science.  I have a very high IQ.  I have the ability to solve problems in a
 second."
                    – jealous Swedish professor who cut off his wife's lip (see Borf's weekly bonus, below)

"Tell the truth and run."
                                        – Yugoslav proverb

"The Food and Drug Administration has approved the first over-the-  counter HIV test.  The 'OraQuick' test,  from  OraSure,  is designed  to test the presence of HIV using a mouth swab within 20 minutes."                                        – Windsor Johnston,  National Public Radio                                           news  (within 20 minutes  of  what,  honey?) "Widely acclaimed actor and musician Andy Griffith has died."                                        – Windsor Johnston, NPR news (emphasis added)

Windsor

"I'm a playwright originally born in Los Angeles but currently living in New York."

                                                           – Pulitzer prize playwright David Henry Hwang

It is now legal to buy and sell motorcycles in Indiana on Sundays (but
you still can't buy or sell a car).
                                                               [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

A Paducah man was arrested wheeling another man's dead body in
a shopping cart (he's been charged with murder).

                                               [courtesy Lexington Herald-Leader]

A Bowling Green couple left 19 children, aged 8 months to 14 years,
alone in their house, without food or air conditioning,  as they took a
one-week trip to Chicago.
                                                        [courtesy Park City Daily News]

Not having been to Arby's for a while, and remembering how much
his wife  liked  their  loaded  baked  potatoes,  your editor took her
there for lunch last week.

"Sorry,"  said the chippie behind the counter,  "we don't have those
any more."

"Jalpeño bites?" the wife asked (she liked the "sidekickers," too).

"Nope," said the chippie.  "Canceled."

So we ordered  two  original  roast beef sandwiches,  "curly  fries"
(those, they still had) and soft drinks ("No Coke! Pepsi!", just like
the Billy Goat Tavern in Chicago) – but, the chippie said, the drink
machine wasn't working a minute ago and she didn't know if it was
now.  It  wasn't;  and,  as she was entering our truncated order into
the cash register,  we decided to take our business elsewhere.

Couldn't take it to Jax roast beef, though – Jax  sold  out  to  Rax
years ago;  and  Rax,  which had the best French fries in the world
(think of McDonald's when they were good, and then think of fries
twice as long),  was  long  gone,  too.

Didn't want to go back to KFC  (formerly Kentucky Fried Chick-
en).   Last time we went to the KFC buffet they didn't have maca-
roni salad  (and  on another recent trip there,  they didn't have any
chicken).

Couldn't go to Burger Queen ("Don't let the name fool you!") which
became  Druther's  (with deep-fried fish as good  as  Long John Sil-
ver's)  and then disappeared.

Couldn't go to Burger Chef,  an early  (and  worthy)  competitor of
McDonald's  (think 1950's,  early '60's).  What became of  Burger
Chef?

Yeah.  We went to Long John Silver's.  They still have corn-on-the-
cob.
                                                                                    – Your Editor

P.S.    Did you know that Arby's is a phonetic spelling of the acronym
of the initials of its founders, the Raffel Brothers? (R.I.P., Forrest. We
think Leroy is still living.)

The New Jersey chapter of the American Civil Liberties  is  offering,
for free, a "police tap app" (well, actually they call it the "police tape
app" – let's just say they blew a marketing ploy) that will record your
arrests and other police misbehavior on your "smart" phone.

The milk that Starbucks uses each year is enough to fill 155 Olym-
pic swimming pools.
                                                               [source: Know U Didn't]

Bill Withers, 74
Gina Lollobrigida, 85
Eva Marie Saint, 88
Pauline ("Popo") Esther Friedman ("Abigail Van Buren"), 94
    [her twin sister, Esther ("Eppie") Pauline Friedman Lederer ("Ann Landers") died in 2002]

Dolly the Sheep (1996-2003)
Lindsay Lohan, 25
Tom Cruise, 50
Tzipi Livni, 54
Richard ("Goose") Gossage, 61
Gene Chandler, 75
Steve Lawrence, 77
Jerry Vale, 82
Pete Fountain, 82
Doc Severinson, 85
János Starker, 88

Sixty-five per cent in a poll on UFO's opined that Barack
Obama would handle an invasion of extraterrestrials  bet-
ter than Mitt Romney would. . . . The British royalty's Or-
der of Precedence was brought up to date to explain that
Kate Middleton, born a commoner but now the Duchess
of Cambridge,  has to curtsy before blood princesses Al-
exandra, Anne, Beatrice and Eugenie  only  when  not ac-
companied by her husband, Prince William, but must curt-
sy before common-born Camilla Parker-Bowles,  the Du-
chess of Cornwall,  at all times.  .  .  .  A Swedish scientist
cut off his wife's lip to prevent her kissing another man and
then ate it so that it could not be surgically reattached.  . . .
A Chinese schoolteacher ran down her husband's lover and
the woman's 4-year-old daughter with her car, then stripped
naked and lay in front of an ambulance to  keep  it  from  ta-
king them to a hospital (the girl died). . . . A North Carolina
legislator pushed the wrong button  and overrode the gover-
nor's veto of a bill allowing "fracking." . . .A lifeguard at Hal-
landale Beach, Florida, was fired for saving a drowning man
(he left his section of the beach for the rescue). .  .  . Gover-
nor Terry Branstad of Iowa choked  on  a  carrot  at the re-
dedication of the battleship USS Iowa and was hospitalized
in Los Angeles, California (but the Associated Press did not
report whether it was a raw carrot or a boiled carrot). . . . A
2-foot  ball python  was found wrapped around the foot of a
1-year-old boy in Mattoon, Illinois  (it was not the family pet,
and their apartment building was supposed to be pet-free). ...
Justin  Bieber  was ticketed for speeding in a chase by papa-
razzi on a Los Angeles freeway. . . .Gideon's Bibles were re-
placed by Bible-downloaded  Kindles  at a hotel in Newcas-
tle, England.
                     [courtesy Harper's Weekly, MSNBC.com, AP]

Kevin Youkilis was traded by the Boston Red Sox to the Chicago
White Sox because they could not pronounce his name in Boston.

I'm extremely shy, and met a man even shier than I.
My friends say our relationship is doomed because
two shy people won't bond.   But he wants to mar-
ry me,  and I want to say yes.   Will being reclusive
ruin our marriage?
                                               Amy in West Virginia

Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 6/24/12 @11:02 PDT:

Did you really send 43 copies of last week's edition to the
Louisville Courier-Journal?  No wonder they love you so.

Yes.  Thanks for noticing.  Hope they did.   – Editor


J. B. Hines wrote from a gmail.com address Mon 6/25/12 @15.12 CDT:

I did not get my Tabloid Headlines yesterday.

Aargh!  The censorship persists!  We know that at least one other
gmail.com subscriber did not get hers, but also that two gmail.com
subscribers did get theirs  (we asked all our gmail.com subscribers
to let us know).

There was no spam in last week's edition.   There were no viruses
or worms or hints of such. There was, however, a report of fellatio
between a female faculty person and a male high school basketball
player in which we told what she actually did – do you reckon that
is what got Windstream and Gmail's panties in a wad?
                                                                                        – Editor


FGDean@aol.com wrote Sun 6/24/12 @10:19 PDT re last week's
"My pets are "  bumper sticker:

If  I saw that on Facebook, I  would register a "like."

Tell us if you "like" this sign we found in a Re-
publican presidential campaign design shop:

    

                                                   – Editor

A 17-year-old boy texting while driving in Indianapolis struck a 15-
year-old girl, breaking both her legs. . . .

The 14-year-old girl who drove a car into a tree in Indianapolis a
few weeks ago has been charged with three felonies – one for ev-
ery passenger injured. . . .

A federal judge upheld a state law barring registered sex offenders
from Facebook. . . .

The selection of Governor Mitch Daniels as next president of Pur-
due University  prompted former Dean of Education Marilyn Har-
ing to remove a $1 million bequest to the school from her last will,
saying she was troubled by Daniels' lack of academic background
and his niggardly treatment of labor and public education. . . .

Congressman Mike Pence,  the Republican nominee for new gov-
ernor of Indiana, compared the Supreme Court's decision uphold-
ing the Affordable Care Act to the September 11 terrorist attacks.

                                                          [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

Governor Stevie signed a bill eliminating the phrase "mental retarda-
tion" from various statutes and official titles  and replacing it with "in-
tellectual disability."
                                                      [courtesy the Courier-Journal]

Six persons were shot after a gunman opened fire on a vehicle in the
mountains of eastern Kentucky,  including three law officers  and the
aggressor,  who  was  killed  (none of them was a Hatfield or a Mc-
Coy).
                                             [courtesy Lexington Herald-Leader]

"Just because a couple of people on the Supreme Court declare something to
 be 'constitutional' does not make it so."
                                                                    – Senator Rand Paul, of Kentucky

"Senator Paul then filed a brief appealing the Court's decision to the Aqua Buddha."

                                    – Sam Sloss, of Louisville, Ky., in a letter to the Courier-Journal

We had to turn our radio off 17 times  Thursday,  just to shut up  the
people whining about Chief Justice Roberts,  President Obama,  and
the Affordable Care Act (including a 16-year-old high school boy in-
terviewed on National Public Radio).  Come  on,  folks!  Welcome to
the Scandinavian Century.

There is no longer such a thing as "local mail."  Not only are the separate "Local" and "Out of Town"
slots gone, but mail from one customer to another customer in the same town must go through a "dis-
tribution center" that may be leagues away.  In the case above a letter mailed from Brownsville, Ken-
tucky, to Brownsville, Kentucky, went to Nashville, Tennessee – more than 100 miles (some 35 lea-
gues) to the south – to get a postmark for the 100-mile return trip to Brownsville for delivery.

"And they think they're doin' it right."
                                                                    – Jonell Carder

Kellie Pickler, 26
Pooja Umashankar, 31
Princess Di (1961-1997)
Dan Aykroyd, 60
Gilda Radner (1946-1989)
Ron Swoboda, 68
Karen Black, 73
Jamie Farr, 78
Ross Perot, 82
Mel Brooks, 86
Joan Davis (1907-1961)

A juvenile court judge in Price, Utah, sentenced a 13-year-
old girl to 11 days in detention  for cutting off a 3-year-old
girl's hair but offered to cut the sentence to 5 days if the de-
linquent's mother would cut off her daughter's pony tail  be-
fore the victim's mother's eyes, in court, right then.  . . . The
Green Bay, Wisconsin,  internet-order gun dealer who sold
to three mass murderers, including the one at Virginia Tech,
closed after numerous customer complaints that he was not
delivering the goods. . . . A judge ruled that the Southwest
Companions web site run by a former president of the Uni-
versity of New Mexico is not a whore house (sorry, no link
to the site; you need a password). .  .  . The U.S. Supreme
Court ruled that its Citizens United decision  applies to the
states as well as the nation.  . . . Both Mitt Romney and the
Republican National Committee turned down invitations  to
the National Association of Black Journalists convention. ...
Twenty legislators were circumcised in the Parliament build-
ing of Zimbabwe. . . . Zimbabwe President Robert Mugab-
e's motorcade,  known  as  "Bob  and  the  Wailers"  for its
screeching sirens, was involved in its third fatal crash in two
weeks. . . . More than $600,000 was raised on the internet
for a "vacation" for the poor old harangued school bus mon-
itor in Greece,  New York. .  .  .  State Representative Lisa
Brown,  banned from speaking on the floor of the Michigan
legislature for using the word "vagina" in debate,  performed
The Vagina Monologues on the Statehouse steps  with an-
other woman representative, a woman senator and the play-
wright. . . . Lackland Air Force Base was rocked by a scan-
dal involving sexual harassment of female recruits (remember
Sharon Fullilove?).  .  .  . Beyoncé and Jay-Z's 5-month-old
daughter,  Ivy Blue Carter,  became a citizen of the Croatian
island of Hvar.  . . . Facebook,  in a bid to  one-up  AOL  in
customer unfriendly, co-opted its users' e-mailboxes . . . The
American Civil Liberties Union joined  the  Ku Klux Klan  in
the latter's effort to "adopt a highway" in Georgia. .  .  .  Lon-
don's Clock Tower, the face of which is known to most of us
as Big Ben,  is being renamed Elizabeth Tower  (rhymes  with
Tyrone Power).

[courtesy Harper's Weekly, Daily Snopes, MSNBC.com, AP]

University of Kentucky freshman-turned-pro basketball star Antho-
ny Davis trademarked the phrase "Fear the Brow." . . .

Germany defeated Greece in soccer.

I am engaged to a man who got divorced 20 years
ago.   He has three grown sons.   The first two are
doing well;  but the third is financially irresponsible
yet, at the age of 30.  My  fiancé  has to make this
son's auto and credit card payments;  and  he  also
helps out his own siblings,  who seem irresponsible
and alcoholic.

At what age  does a parent allow a child to be re-
sponsible for himself?  I'm afraid my future will be
intertwined with relatives begging for money.  My
fiancé won't discuss this with me.   What should I
do?
                                     Having Second Thoughts