April 28, 2019:   Things you would never know if you did not browse
the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in the supermar-
ket –“ this week's headlines (school bus accidents in this issues: 1, 2, 3)
:

Christie Brinkley: I'm 65 & sexier than ever (Examiner); Camilla & Charles 2nd honeymoon, desperate bid to stop divorce (Examiner); Kate prepares to be Queen (US Weekly): Sarah Huckabee Sanders blasts media anti-liar bias (Borowitz Report); Lori Loughlin named education sectretary (Borowitz); Tesla posts big first quarter loss after self-diriving car absconds with $72 million (Onion)
Christie Brinkley: I'm 65 & sexier than ever (Examiner); Camilla & Charles 2nd honeymoon, desperate bid to stop divorce (Examiner); Kate prepares to be Queen (US Weekly): Sarah Huckabee Sanders blasts media anti-liar bias (Borowitz Report); Lori Loughlin named education sectretary (Borowitz); Tesla posts big first quarter loss after self-diriving car absconds with $72 million (Onion)

LETTERS to the EDITOR:
J. Ewing wrote Sun 4/21/19 @08:48 EDT re Dakota Harbison:
His burglary had something to do with his need to access
enormous amounts of hair care products?
Fred Dean wrote Sun 4/21/19 @09:15 PDT:
I remembered this too late to send it to you for your
Easter edition.  On Easter mornings, our western In-
diana farm girl mother and her siblings would wake
up chanting, "Easter egg-a-day!  Go bare-FOOT!"


Dumb news from Indiana:
DNA tests confirmed that it was a bobcat,  not  a  mountain  lion,
that killed a family's pet cat in Brown County. . . .

A divorcing couple abandoned their trailer home in Greenwood
and left their dog there to starve to death. . . .

The state's Court of Appeals upheld the state's Right To Farm Act
in a neighbors'  nuisance  suit  brought against an 8,000-hog Hend-
ricks County operation.
                                                        [courtesy Columbus Republic]

billyboo.jpg Wanted in Rushville . . . Randolph Clifton, 50, 5'10", 200 lbs, Juanita Clifton, 37, 5'1", 95 lbs, child molestation, neglect of dependent; in Connersville . . . Billy Boo the Goat  (that's he in the rear), seen at Kroger, Wal-Mart, McDonald's, in Lafeyette . . . Christopher James Stichter, 23, 5'10", 170 lbs, sexual of., in Fort Wayne . . . Nicole Marie Alford, 34, 4'11", 120 lbs, gun w/o lic., drugs (Rushville Police Department, Fox59, Lafayette Police Dept., MostWanted.net)
billyboo.jpg Wanted in Rushville . . . Randolph Clifton, 50, 5'10", 200 lbs, Juanita Clifton, 37, 5'1", 95 lbs, child molestation, neglect of dependent; in Connersville . . . Billy Boo the Goat  (that's he in the rear), seen at Kroger, Wal-Mart, McDonald's, in Lafeyette . . . Christopher James Stichter, 23, 5'10", 170 lbs, sexual of., in Fort Wayne . . . Nicole Marie Alford, 34, 4'11", 120 lbs, gun w/o lic., drugs (Rushville Police Department, Fox59, Lafayette Police Dept., MostWanted.net)
Dumb news from Kentucky:
         obituary.jpg Died this date in history: Albert Einstein, April 18
obituary.jpg Died this date in history: Albert Einstein, April 18
         This feature appears every day in the Louisville Courier-Journal obit-
         uary pages – and the 17 links all take you to the same place – a gene-
         alogybank.com page.

Wanted in Sri Lanka:
srilanka.jpg wanted in Sri Lanka
srilanka.jpg wanted in Sri Lanka

Back to Kentucky:
A school bus and a city bus collided in Lexington. No injury reported. . . .

Tattoo artists were up in ink over a proposal to prohibit tattooing of
scarred skin. . . .

A food truck in Grant County was selling a T-shirt reading "I support
LGBTQ – liberty, guns, Bible, Trump, BBQ."
                                                                                  [courtesy LEX18]
An impaired motorist  hit a school
bus in Bowling Green,  and his en-
gine blew up.    He was driving on
a suspended license, his eyes were
bloodshot,  and  he  was  sweating
profusely.  Police gave him a field
sobriety test,  and he showed signs
of impairment. Police also found a
syringe and a bag with a white sub-
stance in it.
evvysbus.jpg
                       [courtesy WBKO;  photo by Evvy,  daughter of Tabloid
                        Headlines'
roving reporter and a passenger on the bus]

Tanya Risinger,  34,  height
and weight unsaid,  an  offi-
cer  at a psychiatric holding
center  in  Oldham  County,
was arrested for having sex
with an inmate.

                [courtesy WDRB]

risinger.jpg
Kentucky's   Governor   Selfie
was found to be the most unpopular governor in the country in a poll
by Washington's Morning Consult.
                                                             [courtesy Cincinnati Enquirer]
weartzel.jpg Covington's most wanted (Greater Cincinnati Crime Stoppers): Mickey Harris, BM, 31, 5'9", 150 lbs, bank robbery; Elizabeth Michelle Weartz, WF, 34, 5'10", 150 lbs, probation viol (drugs); Michael Mills, WM, 31, 5'1", 135 lbs, receivg. stol prop.; Ernest Wilbur Daniels, BM, 41, 6'0", 165 lbs, assault w/baseb. bat
weartzel.jpg Covington's most wanted (Greater Cincinnati Crime Stoppers): Mickey Harris, BM, 31, 5'9", 150 lbs, bank robbery; Elizabeth Michelle Weartz, WF, 34, 5'10", 150 lbs, probation viol (drugs); Michael Mills, WM, 31, 5'1", 135 lbs, receivg. stol prop.; Ernest Wilbur Daniels, BM, 41, 6'0", 165 lbs, assault w/baseb. bat
missingg.jpg Missing girl found in back of U-Haul, Cincinnati & Knox County, LEX18News, Tiffany Cheek, 29, Michael Nason, 34, Carl Hickman, 27
missingg.jpg Missing girl found in back of U-Haul, Cincinnati & Knox County, LEX18News, Tiffany Cheek, 29, Michael Nason, 34, Carl Hickman, 27
    The 16-year-old girl missing from Knox County, believed being used
    in human trafficking, was found alive in Cincinnati, Ohio.


Quotations of the week
:
                                        "T
here is substantial evidence to show that the President was frustrated  and
                                          angered by a sincere belief that the investigation was undermining his pres-
                                          idency."
                                                            – U.S. Attorney General William Barr

                "Capital punishment:  Them without the capital
                  get the punishment."
                                                          – last words of John William King, executed in Texas for murder

Quotations repeated every week
:
Q.  You're Rollie Renfrow, right?

A.  That's exactly right.

Q.  My son told me there are 90 degrees in a 90-degree angle.  Is that right?

A. 
That's exactly right.

Q. 
Do you listen to 97.1 radio, which has a station break that goes, "What
      is it with Rage Against the Machine? You can always call tech support"
     (different riddles different times),  and then a different announcer,  say-
     ing, "Revolution 91.7:  Our music is better than our sense of humor"?

A.  That's exactly right.

Q.  If you get depressed from watching commercial after commercial adver-
      tising anti-depression medication, can you sue?

A.  That's right.
                             – Rollie Renfrow, in an exclusive Tabloid Headlines interview

Quotations of the Wheat:
"After a recent procedure, a doctor told me he had met a lot of drugs seeking
  people but never people wanting marijuana and hallucinogens."
                                                                                                     – Leonard Simon


Birthdays:
                    April 22:  Jack Nicholson, 82
                    April 23:  Bernadette Devlin, 72
                                     Lee Majors, 80
                                     Roy Orbison (1936-1988)
                                     Shirley Temple (1928-2014)
                    April 24:  Kelly Clarkson, 37
                                     Cedrick the Entertainer, 55
                                     Barbra Streisand, 77
                                     Shirley MacLaine, 85
     
               April 25:  Talia Shire, 73
                    April 26: 
Melania Trump, 49
                                     Bobby Rydell, 77
                                    
Duane Eddy, 81
                                     I. M. Pei, 102
                    April 27:  Sheena Easton, 60
                                     Herb Pedersen, 75
                                     Anouk Aimée, 87
                     April 28  Ann-Margret (Olsson), 78
                                     Saddam Hussein (1937-2006)
Deaths:
                Henry Bloch, 97
                John Havlicek, 79
                Connie Droddy, 70
                cushingr.jpg Richard Rick "Cush" Cushing who was born Oct. 9, 1947, in Pittsburgh, Pa., bought the farm on April 20, 2019, in Louisville
cushingr.jpg Richard Rick "Cush" Cushing who was born Oct. 9, 1947, in Pittsburgh, Pa., bought the farm on April 20, 2019, in Louisville
                                                                [Louisville Courier-Journal]
padicari.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green Couny, Texas, Sheriff): Vincent Aguilera,33, eluding; Mercede Facey, 30; Wanda Reyes, 45, probation violation; Effie Denmon, 57, controlled substs.; Linda Padillo, 43, theft; Bianca Carillo, 25; Cheyanne Jackson, 23, c.s.; Daniella Suniga, 36
padicari.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green Couny, Texas, Sheriff): Vincent Aguilera,33, eluding; Mercede Facey, 30; Wanda Reyes, 45, probation violation; Effie Denmon, 57, controlled substs.; Linda Padillo, 43, theft; Bianca Carillo, 25; Cheyanne Jackson, 23, c.s.; Daniella Suniga, 36

Borf 's weekly BONUS:
Two 14-year-old girls were arrested in Avon Park, Florida, with plans
to kill nine persons,  found by a teacher. . . . George Zimmerman  was
booted from two different dating apps. . . . Notre Dame  de Paris  was
not fire-insured. . . .Seth Moulton declared his candidacy for the Dem-
ocratic nomination for President. . . . A 35-year-old female employee
fell into a meat grinder at a food plant in Muncy,  Pennsylvania,  and
died. .  .  .  A 70-year-old woman became the second person this year
to fall to her death from the rim of the Grand Canyon.
. . .A theater in
Dickson, Tennessee, changed the title of the film Hellboy to Heckboy
on its marquee. . . . 
A semitrailer plowed into 11 cars and three other
semis stopped in a traffic jam caused by a school bus accident on I-70
west of Denver, Colorado, killing at least four people.

                                                            [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]deantala.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls:: Deante Lamont Adams, BM, 26, 5'10", 145 lbs, cont. sub.; Heather Chavez, HM, 25, 4'11", 160 lbs, c.s.; James Brandon Lama, WM. 33, 5'11", 130 lbs, prob. viol. (burg.); Amber Rose Smith, WF, 27, 5'9", 220 lbs, Yorkshire hog, theft; Daniel Velasquez, HM, 34, 5'11", 200 lbs, probation viol (c.s.); Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Martin Hernandez Jr., WM, 20, 5'9", 215 lbs, tattoos both arms, probation viol. (domestic battery) (Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County Sheriff)
deantala.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls:: Deante Lamont Adams, BM, 26, 5'10", 145 lbs, cont. sub.; Heather Chavez, HM, 25, 4'11", 160 lbs, c.s.; James Brandon Lama, WM. 33, 5'11", 130 lbs, prob. viol. (burg.); Amber Rose Smith, WF, 27, 5'9", 220 lbs, Yorkshire hog, theft; Daniel Velasquez, HM, 34, 5'11", 200 lbs, probation viol (c.s.); Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Martin Hernandez Jr., WM, 20, 5'9", 215 lbs, tattoos both arms, probation viol. (domestic battery) (Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County Sheriff)
The sports:
So much for  "trans";  that's fucking historyHere's the new  issue:
South African sprinter  Caster  Semenya  awaited a decision by the
"
Court of Arbitration for Sport"  whether she would have to reduce
her testosterone level to continue to be a woman athlete.

E-mail unopened and destroyed by our secretary last week included a message
        from "
Adam Wilkins" titled "How flexible is your secretary?" and five more
       
messages from "Clutterbook" "Facebook" titled "See Stephen Yates's message
        and other notifications you've missed
."



DISCUSSION GROUP:

        Don't  forget!   Readers interested in intellectual
dissection of important current events are  invited  to
attend  the  Weekly World News Round Table  at  the
offices of Borf Books outside Brownsville,  Kentuck-
y,   just after church  every  Sunday.   Guest  speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include
Heidi
Hamilton
,  Dish Nation.
heidihot.jpg
heidihot.jpg
Dear Eleanor:
                           
I've read so many stories in your column about terrible in-
                            laws.  I'm sure most in-laws think they are wonderful and
                            justify their behavior. My daughter is getting married next
                            fall, and I don’t want to be one of those people. I'd love to
                            see some guidelines
.
                                                                    Ma-in-Law To Be
Dear Tobie:
                         It's easy:  Just keep your nose out of their business.  Do not
                         give advice unless asked – and,  by your son-in-law,  not by
                         your daughter.
lifemoos.jpg Life Saver Dude: Interrupting cow
"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" €“ Karen Crockett

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Archives index
Borf Books        borf@borfents.com            Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                      The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210          War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  (270) 597-2187     Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher     Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



April 21, 2019:     Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife  at the counter
in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
(Happy Easter - this
issued brought to you by I-HOP):


Siegfriend & Roy abused tiger before it attacked (Enquirer); Psycho Britney locked up and losing her kids (Enquirer); Gag-a torn between two lovers, they both want to marry her, Bradley begs her for 2nd chance, why Jeremy will never break her heart (In Touch); Kelly Ripa & Rosie O'Donnell: Total war, vicious insults, nasty snubs (Globe); Michelle & Barack, how we saved our mariage, fights, counseling & learning to love again (Examiner); Gwen humiliates Miranda {In Touch)
Siegfriend & Roy abused tiger before it attacked (Enquirer); Psycho Britney locked up and losing her kids (Enquirer); Gag-a torn between two lovers, they both want to marry her, Bradley begs her for 2nd chance, why Jeremy will never break her heart (In Touch); Kelly Ripa & Rosie O'Donnell: Total war, vicious insults, nasty snubs (Globe); Michelle & Barack, how we saved our mariage, fights, counseling & learning to love again (Examiner); Gwen humiliates Miranda {In Touch)

lifeihop.jpg Life Saver Dude: Happy Easter! Ya can't get these at I-HOP
lifeihop.jpg Life Saver Dude: Happy Easter! Ya can't get these at I-HOP

LETTERS to the EDITOR:

Fred Dean wrote Mon 4/15/19 @07:35 PDT:

Prior to driving out to a friend's house yesterday to join
him and his son for lunch,  I called him on my  i-Phone
and found myself looking at him sitting on the can,  Nei-
ther of us knew how we got on "Facetime."  New experi-
ence for both of us.

Omg!  Another "app"/"social medium" to beware of?  Thanks
for the warning.    – Editor


Dumb news from Indiana:
Forty motorists filed claims against the state for damages to
their vehicles done by potholes  on a 15-mile stretch of I-69
between Daleville and Pendleton. . . .

A 29-year-old man  fatally shot a 34-year-old man  he  said
was was trying to force his way into his home in Scottsburg,
then killed himself. . . .

A  goose  attacked two people in a Wal-Mart parking lot  in
the Indianapolis suburb of Fishers. . . .

A 16-year-old boy was sentenced in Evansville to 62 years
in prison for murder (he's black, of course). . . .

A 40-year-old man in Muncie sued his parents in Grand Rap-
ids, Michigan,  for getting rid of his pornography collection,
which he said filled 12 boxes of films, books and magazines
and was worth $29,000.
                                                 [courtesy Columbus Republic]
candacer.jpg Lafayette's most wanted: Candace Reann Price, 5'2" 140 lbs, heroin; Nicole Rae Cain, WF, 5'4", 125 lbs, coke; Nichole Lynn bowen, WF, 5'6", 130 lbs, burglary; Rachelle Lanette Lawson, WF, 42, 5'4", 125 lbs meth; Elicia Houser, WF, 5'2", 112 lbs, neglect (Lafayette P.D.)
candacer.jpg Lafayette's most wanted: Candace Reann Price, 5'2" 140 lbs, heroin; Nicole Rae Cain, WF, 5'4", 125 lbs, coke; Nichole Lynn bowen, WF, 5'6", 130 lbs, burglary; Rachelle Lanette Lawson, WF, 42, 5'4", 125 lbs meth; Elicia Houser, WF, 5'2", 112 lbs, neglect (Lafayette P.D.)
Dumb news from Kentucky:
The University of Kentucky  ("UK")   police had to deny
that they arrested Julian Assange. . . .

Brook Ellen West, a middle school teacher in Scott County,
was arrested for being drunk in class  after being heard cur-
sing and yelling at students.
                                                                                       [courtesy LEX18]
erinpadu.jpg Wanted in Edmonson County: Erin Milton, WF, 36: Not for a crime, and not just by police: Just wanted; Perps of Paducah (McCracken County Sheriff): Michael D. Wilson, 21, nonsuport; Joshua A. Brown, 45, bond violation; Bryan Charles Turner, 35, p;robation violation
erinpadu.jpg Wanted in Edmonson County: Erin Milton, WF, 36: Not for a crime, and not just by police: Just wanted; Perps of Paducah (McCracken County Sheriff): Michael D. Wilson, 21, nonsuport; Joshua A. Brown, 45, bond violation; Bryan Charles Turner, 35, p;robation violation
Quotation of the week:
                                        "There'll be one girl in my harem when
                                          you're mine."
                                                                      – line in the lyrics of the rarely sung pop standard
                                                                        "Dardanella," by Felix Bernard and Johnny S. Black

Quotations repeated every week:
                                                                That's exactly right."
                                                                                                          Carrie Johnson, NPR news

Quotations of the Wheat:
"I like a woman who dresses with a loose top and a
  tight bottom."                                                                – Leonard Simon

venegasr.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Robert Lee Venegas, WM, 24, 6'0", 142 lbs, probation violation (family assault); Pearlie Robinson, BF, 43, 5'6", 180 lbs, bond revocation (controlled substances); Naomi Smith WF, 48, 5'0", 125 lbs, probation violation (injury to child); David Scott, BM, 23, 6'3", 140 lbs, bond revocation (controlled substances) (Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week, Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers); Wantd in Waco: Micahala Davis, BF, 27, 5'2", 250 lbs, Yorkshire hog, felony theft x2 (City of Waco)
venegasr.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Robert Lee Venegas, WM, 24, 6'0", 142 lbs, probation violation (family assault); Pearlie Robinson, BF, 43, 5'6", 180 lbs, bond revocation (controlled substances); Naomi Smith WF, 48, 5'0", 125 lbs, probation violation (injury to child); David Scott, BM, 23, 6'3", 140 lbs, bond revocation (controlled substances) (Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week, Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers); Wantd in Waco: Micahala Davis, BF, 27, 5'2", 250 lbs, Yorkshire hog, felony theft x2 (City of Waco)

Unopened e-mail last week included a message from "PayPal
"titled "If you're not
        growing, you're stagnant" and seven more
messages from "Clutterbook" "Face-
        book" titled "See Stephen Yates's message and other notifications you've missed
."


Birthdays:
                    April 15:  Dave Edmunds, 75
                                     Elizabeth Montgomery (1933-1995)
                                     Roy Clark (1933-2018)
                    April 16:  Cat Osterman, 36
                                     Bobby Vinton, 84
                                     Pope Benedict, 92
                                     Mary Isobel Catherine Bernadette O'Brien ("Dusty Springfield," 1939–1999)
                                     Louis the Pious (778-840)
                    April 17:  Victoria Beckham ("Posh Spice"), 45
                                     Norman Julius "Boomer" Esiason, 58
                    April 18:  Poonam Dillon, 57
                                    Conan O'Brien, 56
                                    Ali Khamenei, 80
                    April 19:  Ashley Judd, 51
                                     Valerie Plame, 56
                    April 20:  John Paul Stevens, 99
                                     Hitler (1889-1945)
                    April 21:  Queen Elizabeth II, 93
Deaths:

                Bibi Anderson, 83

  
Borf 's weekly BONUS:

A Norwegian man said  one  of  his  balls  got
stuck in  an  IKEA  stool  he was sitting on in
the shower. . . .  A  survey  found  that people
who  have  dogs  are twice as likely as people
who have cats to say they are happy, and that
people with cats  are less likely to say they're
happy than  people  without  pets. . . .  More-
house  College, an all-male historically black
school  in  Atlanta,  Georgia,  announced that
ikeaball.jpg
it would now accept "transgender men" (but,would those be boys, or
girls?). . . .  A  dog  found swimming 135 miles off the coast of Thai-
land was rescued. . . .  A 250-pound pig was found in the lap of a dri-
ver stopped for lane-hopping  in  Chisago County,  Minnesota. . . . A
skunk with his head stuck in a beer can
was rescued in Billerica, Mas-
sachusetts. . . . Four toddlers, all aged 1,  escaped a day care center in
Prairieville,  Louisiana,  and were found beside a highway. . . .  North
Korea  demanded  the removal of U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pom-
padapeo
from arms talks. . . .  Taylor  Swift  made the cover of Time
magazine's annual "100 Most Influential Persons in the World" issue.
. . .An 18-year-old Florida woman who flew to Colorado and bought
a shotgun for the 20th anniversary  of  the  Columbine  High  School
massacre shot herself to death. . . . A
Waterville, Maine, bank robber
in February slipped on the ice in a restaurant parking lot  and  fell  in
front of a policeman,  spilling wads of cash and his gun – the cop,  a
bit  curious,  arrested  him  as other police were investigating  at  the
bank.
                                                           [courtesy LEX18, HuffPost, AP]
harbison.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Dakota W. Harbison, WM, 21, 5'7", 175 lbs, burglary (Sedgwick County Sheriff)
harbison.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Dakota W. Harbison, WM, 21, 5'7", 175 lbs, burglary (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

DISCUSSION GROUP:

        Don't forget!  Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to attend the  Weekly  World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books  outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.   Guest speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include
Ayesha Rascoe.


The movies:  No Snails, Please!
                                                         
behatrip.jpg 


Dear Eleanor:
                            In the last election I had a friend who voted differently from
                            me.  We didn't try to persuade each other to vote "our" way,
                            but I did share on social media some opinions about people
                            who had taken some controversial positions.  She  regarded
                            my posting as a personal attack  and stepped out of my life.
                            I have tried to re-engage with her  –  texts, Facebook,  tele-
                            phone.  One message was met with hostility, and the others
                            have gone unanswered.  I have tried to apologize for hurting
                            her even  though I didn't intend to, and asked for forgiveness.
                            I offered to take her to lunch. I hate the idea of walking away
                            from a 20-year friendship (we're both in our mid-30's, so this
                            is a friendship that has lasted more than half our lives)  over
                            something that was insignificant to me.  Should I keep trying?

                                                                            Missing my Friend in Michigan
Dear Michie:
                          I think I know which of you voted for Donald Trump!  But
                          seriously, I think you should give it a rest.  If politics is that
                          serious to her, let her live with it. If she does not come back
                          around soon, you might reach out to her again after the next
                          political hoo-ha.


HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But remember also, you have to spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks, and without
that redundant "Re: " that appears in so many subject lines €“ or you
will keep getting this shit!  ("Cut and paste" won't work, either.  We
have a special filter to detect that.)

blodwort.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Miranda Ellis, WF, 33, contr. subst.; Andrea Casanove, WF, 40, misc.; Olga Guerrero, WF, 30, theft, tresp.; Endla Tipton, WF, 59, burglary; Deborah, Ramirez, WF, 25, marijuana; Monica Garcia, WF, 28, plaraphernalia; Alexis Bloodworth, WF, 2, theft
blodwort.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Miranda Ellis, WF, 33, contr. subst.; Andrea Casanove, WF, 40, misc.; Olga Guerrero, WF, 30, theft, tresp.; Endla Tipton, WF, 59, burglary; Deborah, Ramirez, WF, 25, marijuana; Monica Garcia, WF, 28, plaraphernalia; Alexis Bloodworth, WF, 2, theft
"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" €“ Karen Crockett


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index
Borf Books        borf@borfents.com            Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                      The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210          War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  (270) 597-2187     Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher     Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



April 14, 2019:   Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter
in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
:

Tom & Nicole's daughter Bella: 'Living in Scientology hell' (Enquirer); What Aruba police hid, why Natalee was murdered (Enquirer); Divorce court ruling, Charles & Camilla marriage illegal (Globe); Jennifer Lawrence quits Hollywood for love! (Us Weekly)
Tom & Nicole's daughter Bella: 'Living in Scientology hell' (Enquirer); What Aruba police hid, why Natalee was murdered (Enquirer); Divorce court ruling, Charles & Camilla marriage illegal (Globe); Jennifer Lawrence quits Hollywood for love! (Us Weekly)


LETTERS to the EDITOR:
J. Ewing wrote Sun 4/719 @16:13 EDT re Todd Starnes'
quotation of last week "If the little girls get to wear pants,
does that mean the little boys can wear skirts?":
Aye, Laddie.
And Len Zanger wrote Mon 4/8/19 @ 17:45 EDT re same:
Why couldn't boys wear kilts or skirts?  Especially with
warm weather on the way. What's wrong with that?

Fred Dean wrote Sun 4/7/19 @09:54 PDT:
I will never butt-fuck another woman without asking if
she uses My Shiney Hiney.
Dumb news from Indiana:
A Lake County judge put off a former county councilman's case
because he was dressed too informally. . . .

The Brown County town of Story was for sale.  Again.

                                                        [courtesy Columbus Republic]
tamieaty.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Steven Parker, WM, 5'8", 180 lbs, probation violation (robbery); Tameia taylor, BF, 5'5", 170 lbs, theft, resistaing law enforcement, Yorkshire hog wannabe; Ryan Ryall, WM, 5'9", 150 lbs, meth (Michiana Crime Stoppers)
tamieaty.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Steven Parker, WM, 5'8", 180 lbs, probation violation (robbery); Tameia taylor, BF, 5'5", 170 lbs, theft, resistaing law enforcement, Yorkshire hog wannabe; Ryan Ryall, WM, 5'9", 150 lbs, meth (Michiana Crime Stoppers)
Dumb news from Kentucky:
A man was arrested for dancing on the tops of cars in the Wal-Mart
parking lot in Richmond (he was not wearing shoes). 

                                                       [courtesy LEX18]
charityj.jpg Lexington's most wanted: David Shaw, WM,. 43, 5'11", 140 lbs, general suspicion; Joshua Roberts, WM, 33, 6'0", "featured fugitive of the week," failue to register (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald Leadeer); Roger Smith, WM, 42, 6'0", 200 lbs, aggravated DUI (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers); Perps in Paducah:: Charity J. McManus, WF, 44, meth; Charles S. Scott, WM, 49, persistent felon (McCracken County Sheriff)
charityj.jpg Lexington's most wanted: David Shaw, WM,. 43, 5'11", 140 lbs, general suspicion; Joshua Roberts, WM, 33, 6'0", "featured fugitive of the week," failue to register (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald Leadeer); Roger Smith, WM, 42, 6'0", 200 lbs, aggravated DUI (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers); Perps in Paducah:: Charity J. McManus, WF, 44, meth; Charles S. Scott, WM, 49, persistent felon (McCracken County Sheriff)
Dumb geological trivia in Kentucky:
Those of you who have
driven   through  Rock-
castle  County
,  in east-
ern Kentucky, probably
understand   its   name,
from  the  sides  of  the
highways –––>
rockcast1.jpg






But here in Edmonson County, the home of Borf Books, and in
Warren County to the south  (Bowling Green),  in south central
Kentucky, we have rock facades,  too  – check  these  out.   The
first two pictures are from
Highway 3145 in Warren County, an
approach to I-65:
 war31451.jpg
war31452.jpg


 








 
The next three are from Mammoth Cave Road, in eastern Ed-
  monson County:
 
caverd01.jpg
caverd02.jpg
       cave03.jpg




        And the  last  five  are from the half-mile-long Dump
        Hill on the former Mohawk (now Oak Hill) Road  go-
        ing to the offices of Borf Books in Edmonson County:

dumprd01.jpg
dumprd02.jpg
dumprd04.jpg
 dumprd03.jpg 
dumprd05.jpg

Quotations of the week:
                                       "I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin deep.
                                         That's deep enough.  What do you want, an adorable pancreas?"
                                                                                                                                               – Jean Kerr
                      "Wait until your asses turn 18; then you're mine."
                                                                                                         unidentified white police officer to
                                                                                                           black students in Richmond, Virginia
                "Only Chanel can be No. 5."
                                                                Algerian chant against President Bou-
                                                                   teflika, who is finishing his 4th term

Quotations of the Wheat – Simon said:

"You want to piss a woman off, just say, 'Excuse me, Miss, but just because
  clothes are on a clearance rack doesn't mean  you have to buy them'."

                                                                                                 – Leonard Simon



Birthdays:
                    April 8:  Julian Lennon, 56
                                   Peggy Lennon, 78
                    April 9: 
Tom Lehrer, 91
                                   Tamerlane (1336-1405)
                    April 10:  John Madden, 83
                                     Don Meredith (1938-2010)
                    April 11:  Ethel Kennedy, 91
                                     Frederick the Warlike (1370-1428)
                    April 12:  Vince Gill, 62
                                     David Letterman, 72
                    April 13:  Nellie McKay, 37
                                     Al Green, 73
                                     Jack Casady, 75
                    April 14:  Pete Rose, 78
                                     Loretta Lynn, 89 (she says 87)

Deaths:
                Charles Van Doren, 93
                Earl Thomas Conley, 77
                Jimmie "Jim" Vaughn, 78
                                                                [Louisville Courier-Journal]
ordeljac.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Ordell Michael Oliver, BM, 71 5'6" 108 lbs, assault w/deadly weapon; Amsha S. Jackson, BF, 36, 5'5", 283 lbs, Yorkshire hog with controlled substances; Cindy May Henderson, WF, 52, 5'3", 161 lbs, Crredit/debit card abuse; William G. Anderson, 46, 5'11", 170 lbs, controlled substs. (Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers)
ordeljac.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Ordell Michael Oliver, BM, 71 5'6" 108 lbs, assault w/deadly weapon; Amsha S. Jackson, BF, 36, 5'5", 283 lbs, Yorkshire hog with controlled substances; Cindy May Henderson, WF, 52, 5'3", 161 lbs, Crredit/debit card abuse; William G. Anderson, 46, 5'11", 170 lbs, controlled substs. (Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers)

Borf 's weekly BONUS:
A woman in Orlando, Florida, was accused of pulling a gun on a
neighbor woman who asked her to stop feeding stray cats on the
streets.  . . . 
A rhinoceros poacher was killed by an elephant and
eaten by lions in South Africa. .  .  .  A  newly  elected  judge  in
Houston,  Texas,  unknowingly  resigned  on April Fools Day by
announcing his candidacy for the state's supreme court. .  .  .  An
English judge,  denying  a  petition to prohibit a man from initia-
ting sex with his retarded wife,  declared that it was a fundamen-
tal human right
for a man to have sex with his wife.  . . .   A Brit-
ish grocery chain promised  to  rename  its  chocolate  ducklings
Crispy, Fluffy and Ugly after a Tweeter found the name Ugly, re-
served for the darkest of the ducklings,  racially insensitive.

                                                    [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

deebony.jpg Wanted in Waco: Ebony Denise Stephens, BF, 27, 5'5", 140 lbs, burglary (City of Waco); Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Deonta Antrel Thompson, BM, 18, a/k/a De'onta, 5'11", 150 lbs, burglary; Meagan Hamilton, WF, 20, 5'4", 125 lbs, opiates/narcotics (Sedgwick County Sheriff)
deebony.jpg Wanted in Waco: Ebony Denise Stephens, BF, 27, 5'5", 140 lbs, burglary (City of Waco); Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Deonta Antrel Thompson, BM, 18, a/k/a De'onta, 5'11", 150 lbs, burglary; Meagan Hamilton, WF, 20, 5'4", 125 lbs, opiates/narcotics (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

Dear Eleanor:
                           
My husband quit drinking 20 years ago.  About  seven
                            years ago, he became addicted to cough medicine.  He
                            got sober again.  Now, three times in the past year, I've
                            caught him using again.  I feel betrayed and lied to, al-
                            though he says he never promised not to. We had plans
                            to retire in four years and enjoy our lives together,  but
                            now I don’t know what to do. I understand the econom-
                            ic realities of divorce on middle-aged women, but I do
                            not feel I can live my life  wondering when will be the
                            next time I'll catch him using.
                                                                                        Relapse Carousel

Dear Lapsie:
                        What brand of cough medicine does he use?  I have young
                        readers who'll want to know.

crabtree.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Kaylee Perez, 36, theft; Catherine Tacy, 48, contr. subs.; Myria Atkinson-Harris, contr. subs.; Crystal Maartinez, 32, contr. subs.; John Reed, 43, fam. ass.; Phyllis Biggs, 47, theft; Noe Crabtree, 28, falsif. device; Wanda Fountain, 54, contr.subs.; Leslie Zapata, 28, theft
crabtree.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Kaylee Perez, 36, theft; Catherine Tacy, 48, contr. subs.; Myria Atkinson-Harris, contr. subs.; Crystal Maartinez, 32, contr. subs.; John Reed, 43, fam. ass.; Phyllis Biggs, 47, theft; Noe Crabtree, 28, falsif. device; Wanda Fountain, 54, contr.subs.; Leslie Zapata, 28, theft
The sports:
PETA was looking into the recent massive euthanasia
of t
horoughbred race horses.

Unopened e-mail last week included a message from "Idealliance" titled "**NEW** GAMUT Pod-
        cast Episode - Grand Format & Wide Format: Unwavering Color Management Confidence" snd
        two more
messagess from "Clutterbook" "Facebook" titled "See Stephen Yates's message and
        other notifications you've missed
."

 
DISCUSSION GROUP:

        Don't forget!  Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to attend the  Weekly  World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books  outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.   Guest speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include
Ilhan Omar.

lifekaba.jpg Life Sander Dude: "Kaba Kaba!" This is Kabul Dreams, Afghanistan's first rock band. That's Alykhan Kaba, manager, late a Californian, second from left. The rest, l to r, Rudy Abib, drums, Sulyman Qardash, guitar/lead singer, and Siddique Ahmed, bass.
lifekaba.jpg Life Sander Dude: "Kaba Kaba!" This is Kabul Dreams, Afghanistan's first rock band. That's Alykhan Kaba, manager, late a Californian, second from left. The rest, l to r, Rudy Abib, drums, Sulyman Qardash, guitar/lead singer, and Siddique Ahmed, bass.
"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" €“ Karen Crockett

Previous issue

This issue on line

Archives index
Borf Books        borf@borfents.com            Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                      The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210          War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  (270) 597-2187     Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher     Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



April 7, 2019:    Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter
in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
(this issue brought
to you by My Shiney Hiney):


Why every American should be afraid to fly, suicidal pilots (Enquirer); DNA tests, Jack the Ripper killings solved (Globe); Plans to marry fingering mistress lookalike, Scott Peterson death row pardon (Globe); New life, new look at 53, Shania Twain "I'm back" (Examiner); Banshed to Malta, Royal Family disowns Harry & Meghan, brwal with Kate & William last straw (Enquirer)
Why every American should be afraid to fly, suicidal pilots (Enquirer); DNA tests, Jack the Ripper killings solved (Globe); Plans to marry fingering mistress lookalike, Scott Peterson death row pardon (Globe); New life, new look at 53, Shania Twain "I'm back" (Examiner); Banshed to Malta, Royal Family disowns Harry & Meghan, brwal with Kate & William last straw (Enquirer)

LETTERS to the EDITOR:
Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 3/31/19 @21:03 PDT re the Kentucky
boy who walked out of school twice in his first two years:

Reminds me of me at that age and later, when I did the same. 
He was probably bored. I certainly was.  Fortunately for me,
the reaction of teachers  and the principal  was to let me pur-
sue various creative outlets on my own  –  such  as  in  third
grade,  drawing a mural on a 3-foot-wide roll of Kraft paper,
to be installed all around the perimeter of the classroom  on
the wall near the ceiling,  for everyone to see.  I even got to
recruit other bored students to help me.

Kyle White wrote 3/31/2019 @ 09:15 CDT:
Is Geezis French one of Steve French's many former wives?
That makes sense,  but we have not found the connection.  We've
been looking for a connection  to the underground comics charac-
ter Cheesis K. Rist;  but we haven't found that, either.    – Editor


Etta Jean Darrig wrote Mon 4/1/19 @09:20 CDT:
If the Mob cut down Marilyn to save JFK,  they  didn't  get
the  job  done,  did  they?

Dumb news from Indiana:
Fifty-one disabled pigeons  – five of them dead –  were found in
a dumpster at a rest stop on I-65 in western Indiana – the second
pigeon dumping at the rest stop in two months (three months ear-
lier,  57  pigeons  were found in cardboard boxes at a rest stop in
northern Indiana).
                                                       [courtesy Columbus Republic]
    mikulyuk.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Derek Hooten, WM, 5'9", 170 lbs, meth, coke, mj; Bruce Mikulyuk,WM, 6'0", 240 lbs, failure to return to jail; Victor Gamez, HM, 5'7", 220 lbs, habitual traffic violator (Michiana Crime Stoppers)
mikulyuk.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Derek Hooten, WM, 5'9", 170 lbs, meth, coke, mj; Bruce Mikulyuk,WM, 6'0", 240 lbs, failure to return to jail; Victor Gamez, HM, 5'7", 220 lbs, habitual traffic violator (Michiana Crime Stoppers)
Dumb news from Kentucky:
A young man wandering the streets of Newport, Kentucky, told
authorities he was Timmothy Pitzen,  a boy who disappeared in
Aurora, Illinois,  at age 6 in 2011.  DNA tests,  however,  identi-
fied him as Brian Rini,  a 23-year-old ex-convict  from Medina,
Ohio.  The missing boy's family were initially elated,  than dev-
astated. . . .

One hundred nineteen  wild  pigs  and  350 more in inadequate
holding pens were rounded up by conservation officials in Pen-
dleton County.
                                                                         [courtesy LEX18]
andriaro.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Christopher Jenkins, WM, 24, 6'1", 190 lbs, featured fugitive of the week: Assault on a policeman; Andria robinson BF, 19, 5'5", 190 lbs, leaning toward crime; Deborah Johnson, WF, 47, 5'2", 180 lbs, not really interested; Sabrina Raymer,,WF, 38, 5'2", 100 lbs, studying it; Angela Hudson, BF, 39, 5'1", 140 lbs, thinkin'; Shanice Burgess, BF, 40, 6'0", 175 lbs, size poses severe threat to cops; Joseph Nelle, WM, 48, 5'11", 200 lbs, "Why me, Kris?" (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)
andriaro.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Christopher Jenkins, WM, 24, 6'1", 190 lbs, featured fugitive of the week: Assault on a policeman; Andria robinson BF, 19, 5'5", 190 lbs, leaning toward crime; Deborah Johnson, WF, 47, 5'2", 180 lbs, not really interested; Sabrina Raymer,,WF, 38, 5'2", 100 lbs, studying it; Angela Hudson, BF, 39, 5'1", 140 lbs, thinkin'; Shanice Burgess, BF, 40, 6'0", 175 lbs, size poses severe threat to cops; Joseph Nelle, WM, 48, 5'11", 200 lbs, "Why me, Kris?" (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)


Quotation of the week:
                                        "You can use your old computer to shop for a new one, but that seems cruel
                                           – like asking your dying wife if she has any cute friends."
                                                                                                                                            – Scott Ostler


Quotations of the Orange Monster:
                                                               "I hope they look into the oranges
                                                                 of the investigation."
                                                                                                         (he really said that)
Quotations of the weak:
                                           "If the little girls get to wear pants, does that mean the little boys get to wear
                                             skirts?"
                                                              – Fox Nation's Todd Starnes, commenting on a judge's ruling that a
                                                                 charter school in North Carolina could not force girls to wear skirts


Classic quotations of the Wheat (Simon said May 14, 2017):

"Alcohol and drugs are like fucking a gorilla:  It's all good until you are
  ready to quit but they're not."

                                                                                          – Leonard Simon


robledog.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Michael Zapata, HM, 23, 5'8" 185 lbs, solicitation of a minor on line; Sandra Rodriguez, HF, 25, 5'5", 280 lbs, controlled substances,Yorkshire hog; Victoria Elena Robledo, WF, 25, 5'6", 190 lbs, Yorkshire hog wannabe:, contr.subs. (Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week, Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers)
robledog.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Michael Zapata, HM, 23, 5'8" 185 lbs, solicitation of a minor on line; Sandra Rodriguez, HF, 25, 5'5", 280 lbs, controlled substances,Yorkshire hog; Victoria Elena Robledo, WF, 25, 5'6", 190 lbs, Yorkshire hog wannabe:, contr.subs. (Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week, Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers)
Birthdays:
                    April 1:  Rachel Maddow, 46
                                   Harry Girard Jr., 49
                                   Kevin Dean, 50
                                   Rusty Staub, 75
                    April 2:  Emmylou Harris, 72
                                   Charlemagne (742-814)
                    April 3:  Tony Orlando, 75
                                   Jane Goodall, 85
                                   Doris Day, 95 (or 97)
                                   Philip the Stout (1245-1285)
                    April 4:  Jamie Lynn Spears, 28
                    April 5:  Agnetha Fältskog, 69
                                   Colin Powell, 82
                    April 6:  Princess Haalah, 12
                                   James Watson, 91
                                   Gerry Mulligan (1927-1996)
                    April 7:  Jackie Chan, 65
                                   Francis Ford Coppola, 80
                                   Jerry Brown 81
                                   Bobby Bare, 84
                                   Daniel Ellsberg, 88


Deaths – Windstream did it again!
eltlazar.jpg Pioneer Mastermind of Rock Royalty Performance Access Dies At 69
eltlazar.jpg Pioneer Mastermind of Rock Royalty Performance Access Dies At 69
 No, Elton John did not die; it was Shelley Lazar, the person
 on the right, founder of SLO Ticketing.

 
Ernest F. Hollngs, 97
  Lilnetta Scott, 45

  Barbara Lee Short Dempsey Sabak, 82
  Mary Lucille Womack Dalton Stillwell, 85
 
Verna M. Payne Roggenkamp Traub, 90
                                                                        [Louisville Courier-Journal]


Borf 's weekly BONUS:
Amos and Andy were under fire for blackface presentations. . . . A 21-
year-old woman who climbed into what she thought was her  Ubermo-
bile was killed by the driver of the private car in Columbia, South Car-
olina. . . . An annual Republican fund-raiser in Fresno, California, that
was to feature Congressman Devin Nunes was canceled after protesters
planned to crash the event wearing cow costumes,  mooing and ringing
cowbells. . . . The European Parliament voted  to  end  daylight  saving
time
  in 2021. . . . Britney Spears checked in to a mental health
facility.
. . . Cher tweeted that Joe Biden hugged her, and it was OK.

                                                    [courtesy Harper's,
LEX18, Raw Story]

isaiihahg.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County Texas Sheriff): Isaiah Gomez, 20, theft; Angelica Nunez, 34, no bond; Karysta Perez, 27; Ashley Salinez, 34; Juanita Escobedo, 58; Loretta Brinkley, 57, theft; Marcy Garcia, 26, poss.; Alexander Self, 31
isaiihahg.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County Texas Sheriff): Isaiah Gomez, 20, theft; Angelica Nunez, 34, no bond; Karysta Perez, 27; Ashley Salinez, 34; Juanita Escobedo, 58; Loretta Brinkley, 57, theft; Marcy Garcia, 26, poss.; Alexander Self, 31
The sports:
A race horse died after a two-horse collision  at Santa Anita,
just two days after the track reopened after a one-month clo-
sing on account of 22 previous recent equine deaths.


gregdway.jpg Wanted in Waco: Greg Dwayne Hazley, BM, 52, 5'9", 208 lbs, family violence; Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Hubert Eugene Martin, WM, 63, 5'8", 220 lbs, stalking; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not wichita Falls, Texas): Joshua A. Moniz, WM, 38, 5'10", 175 lbs, aggravated indecent liberties with a child (City of Waco, Abilene Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County Sheriff)
gregdway.jpg Wanted in Waco: Greg Dwayne Hazley, BM, 52, 5'9", 208 lbs, family violence; Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Hubert Eugene Martin, WM, 63, 5'8", 220 lbs, stalking; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not wichita Falls, Texas): Joshua A. Moniz, WM, 38, 5'10", 175 lbs, aggravated indecent liberties with a child (City of Waco, Abilene Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County Sheriff)

Dear Eleanor:
                            I have been with my husband for 20 years.  I’m  43,
                            and he’s 63. He is no longer attracted to me, and he
                            has let me know it.   His love is physical,  not  emo-
                            tional.    I am not the size 4 that I was when we met.
                            As long as my body looks like he  wants it  to  look,
                            he's into me  [pun intended?].  If I'm size 8 or more,
                            he is not at all into me.

                            My first love has popped back into my life. I've test-
                            ed the waters with him,  and I’m in over my head in
                            the way he makes me feel.   I haven't slept with him
                            yet,  but I've done everything but. The chemistry be-
                            tween us is undeniable.

                            I know I'm betraying my husband,  and I don't want
                            to  hurt  him.  He is aware of this,  and I don’t know
                            what to do . Help!
                                                                More than Looks in the South
Dear Moray:
                           I need more information, and so do my readers.   Just
                           what is "everything but"?   Are we talking
blow jobs?
                           Ramming up the poop chute?

                           Once you tell me, I can help you.  I know exactly what
                           to do
with Hubby-Hub.  It involves gastronomy.


  Unopened e-mail last week included a message from "registrar@idealliance.com"
        titled "**NEW** GAMUT Podcast Episode - Serving Brands: Cutting the Noise,
        What Matters Most, and Caution with ISO Standards" and two more messages
       
from "Clutterbook" "Facebook" titled "See Stephen Yates's message and other
        notifications you've missed
."


DISCUSSION GROUP:

        Don't forget!  Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to attend the  Weekly  World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books  outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.   Guest speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include Joe Biden.

lifebung.jpg Life Saver Dude "I guess this is Bunggeezus?"
lifebung.jpg Life Saver Dude "I guess this is Bunggeezus?"

"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" €“ Karen Crockett

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