HELPFUL SITES

Here are some helpful places on the Web.  Some of them have memorial pages for you to

tribute your loved one.

If tears could build a stairway,

and memories were a lane,

I would walk right up to heaven

and bring you home again.

No farwell words were spoken,

no time to say good-bye,

You were gone before I knew it,

and only God knows why.

My heart still aches in sadness

and secret tears still flow,

What it meant to lose you,

No one will ever know.

Author Unknown

First some personal thoughts and experiences.. I hope that it may help in some way!

I noticed that when Alec passed away, my friends became distant (at a time when I needed them most).  They tell me now it was because they didn't know what to "say " to me or "do for" me. I explained that there was nothing ANYONE could do or say, just knowing they were there was all I needed. if you have someone close who has lost a child,  you don't need to SAY or DO anything, just be there to listen, a shoulder to cry on.  Losing Alec was harder than anyone can imagine and I believe if not for the love and support of my family and friends, I would not have made it though!! Although things have gotten easier, a part of me went with him that day.  It is a hopeless, helpless feeling, but you can get through and have a greater sense of appreciation for the time we have with those around us!

Of course losing a child isn't just hard on the parents... it is very far reaching.  Grandparents, aunts, uncles, not to mention the brothers and sisters who can really have a hard time with things.  I have included some sites here to help in dealing with the emotions of children who have lost siblings.  I know that although Megan really does not remember what happened, my older boys had a lot of difficulty.  They both remember that morning as vividly as my husband and I. It was even more difficult for them because they just didn't understand.  My middle son Matthew had a difficult time afterwards, worrying that HE would die and being fearful of being away from me.  It is difficult as a parent to know exactly how to help them because you are feeling so helpless yourself.  Hopefully something in here will be helpful to you.

There are so many emotions to get through.  Feeling like a failure as a parent, like you should have known, heard or been able to do SOMETHING, an emptiness inside you that can't be described, a terrible fear for your other children... I know for the longest time (and even to an extent today), I wake in the middle of the night feeling like I have to check on the kids.  Immediately my heart is pounding and I actually have to stand in the doorway and "prepare" myself to walk in.  In the beginning this feeling was overwhelming.  I didn't want them out of my site for a minute and felt very paranoid and panicky when they would get something as simple as the sniffles.  God bless my pediatrician... he was so understanding and comforting with all my calls and concerns.  I'm sure that all of this is normal and just part of the process you have to get through to find some healing.  Things do get easier and although the morning that Alec died is forever etched in my mind, I have been able to put that aside to a degree.  It was necessary as for the longest time when I tried to picture him in my mind, all I could see was that morning, taking him out of the crib.  I had difficulty remembering my chubby little guy who used to laugh at anything (getting a diaper change made him laugh!), but with time I have been able to put that horrible morning aside and now when I think of him, I can not only see my happy little angel, but I can hear his giggles.  Sometimes that is hard, but for the most part, it puts a smile on my face and a warm feeling in my heart.

I had a hard time dealing with my beliefs during this time and that in turn cause me guilt as well.  When someone would say "he's in a better place" in my mind I would think "what better place for a baby than with his family?"  or the "everything happens for a reason, it is part of God's plan".  None of that seems logical to a parent who has lost a child.  There is NO reason you can fathom for what has happened.  Now today, although I still have difficulty in this area, I do trust in God and know that in my life, right now is where I need to be.  My friend Kathy said something to me a few months ago that I really believe if it had been said to me only a few months prior would have gone in one ear and out the other.  She said that if I can find any comfort at all I should know that... although she has tried her best to bring her children up right, to teach them morals and to live by God's word that as they get older they may stray, no matter how hard she tries and how much she teaches them.  She said "Trish I don' t know if this comforts you at all, but at least you KNOW that Alec is in heaven, he is in the loving arms of God and you will see him again... although I hope and pray EVERY day that this will be true for my own children, I do not know this for sure".  Kathy has been a wonderful support and a great friend!

Well enough of my rambling... please take note of these important sites.  Not all of these are SIDS links, but links to help parents, siblings and other family members deal with the loss of a child, certainly a hard thing to do, but not impossible.

The American SIDS Foundation - This site is very important.  Although they still to not know what causes SIDS, they do offer some helpful information regarding precautions you can take.  This is something everyone should read.  They also offer wonderful support.  The day after Alec died, a SIDS counselor called me.  The counselors normally are other parents who have been there and can truly relate to your situation.  I really admire these people... I don't know that I could be as strong.

HELPING HEARTS- A good site for support and help in dealing with grief.

PARENT SOUP ON SIDS -Some helpful information on what they know about SIDS so far and some precautionary measures you can take.

REACHING OUT A SIDS Newsletter- This is an online newsletter which gives current information and help.

BEREAVED PARENTS -This site is nice.  It is by a parent who has lost a child and can relate first hand to the situation.

MY JASON- A very nice site done by a Mom for her child.  There are her memories of her son as well as some helpful places she has found.

COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS- An organization for parents who have lost children to any cause, at any age.  Helpful information and a memorial page to remember your loved one.

DISNEY'S FAMILY.COM - Yes you read right, this is by the Disney Corp.  This site mainly deals with helping your children through grief after losing a sibling.  Very well done.

UNDERSTANDING GRIEF- This site is for grandparents who have lost grandchildren and the emotions they go through.

PARENTS OF BEREAVED SIBLINGS- This is another site geared towards helping parents deal with the emotions of a child after losing a brother or sister.  

OVERCOMING THE ULTIMATE LOSS - GRIEF -  This site may be helpful to some.  I found that there are no "Answers, or Tips" to dealing with a loss like this, it takes time, faith and the love of your family.  The do offer some good advice for dealing with your emotions though.

HEARTLAND HILLS MEMORIAL GARDEN-  This is a place where you can place a memorial for your loved one.

HEATHER'S HAVEN- Another Mom sharing her feeling and some helpful information.  After you leave this site you feel like you knew Heather yourself.  A very nice tribute!

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