Irsh Wit An American tourist was visiting a small village in Ireland and got talking to Murphy, the taxi driver. He said to him, "Who's the oldest man in this village?" Murphy said, "We haven't got one - he died last week." A switchboard operator at a small hotel in Co. Galway was making her morning alarm calls. At six o'clock she rang room 206, but, as a sleepy voice answered, she glanced at her list again and saw that the call for room 206 was down for eight o'clock. She said sweetly as she could, "Good morning, Sir! You have two more hours to sleep". An American tourist got lost in the country in Co. Cork, and to make things worse, she had no watch. Then she saw a man in a field milking a cow, and he gave her the directions back to the village hotel. She said to him, "would you have the correct time?" He said, "I would that," and then he lifted the cow's udders high, and said, "It's three o'clock." She said, "That's amazing! How can you tell the time by lifting the cows udders?" He said, "Well, when I lift the cows udders high enough, I can see the village clock." The store manager, O'Reilly, heard Maryann his assistant tell a customer, "No mam, we haven't had any for a while, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon." O'Reilly was horrified and ran over to the customer and said, "Of course we'll have some soon. We placed an order last week." Then he took the assistant aside and said, "Never, never, say we're out of anything - say we've got it on order and it's coming. Now what was it she wanted?" "Rain," said the assistant. A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the countryside with a pet dog which he loved and doted on. After many long years of companionship, the dog finally died so Muldoon went to the parish priest: "Father, my dear old dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?" Father Patrick replied, "I am so very sorry to hear about your dog`s death. But, unfortunately we cannot have services for an animal in the church. However, there`s a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they`ll do something for the animal." Muldoon said, "I`ll go right now. Do you think $500 is enough to donate for the service?" Father Patrick: "Why didn`t you tell me the dog was Catholic?!" "Why in the name of Heaven," asked the weary passenger, "did they build the railway station three miles from the village?" "Ah," nodded the porter, "they must have thought it would be a good thing to have it near the trains." An Irishman and an American were sitting in the bar at Dublin Airport. "I've come to meet my brother," said the Irishman. "He's flying in from Boston. I haven't seen him in 45 years." The American said, "Will you recognize him?" He said, "Not at all. He didn't even send a photograph." The American said, "Will he recognize you?" "Of course he will, sure I haven't been away." An American tourist got lost in the country in Co. Cork, and to make things worse, she had no watch. Then she saw a man in a field milking a cow, and he gave her the directions back to the village hotel. She said to him, "would you have the correct time?" He said, "I would that," and then he lifted the cow's udders high, and said, "It's three o'clock." She said, "That's amazing! How can you tell the time by lifting the cows udders?" He said, "Well, when I lift the cows udders high enough, I can see the village clock."   Navigation Around My Pages  I call This Page The Ever Changing page This month Happy Mothers Day Facts and history of the Canadian 10 Provinces and 3 Territories Page 12: Page 13: Page 14: Page 15: Page 16: Page 17: Page 18: Page 19: Page 20: Page 21: Page 22: Page 23: This Page has been visited times since May 20th 1999