As Kathryn approached her eighth month, she really began doing some interesting things. One was to thoroughly clean her quarters. Every surface, every item, was cleaned. I chuckled at her, eight months pregnant, pulling her cleaning supplies and marching up to the access door, informing me that my quarters were next on her hit list.
One look at her disheveled hair and dust smeared face, broke me into uncontrollable laughter. Kathryn merely glared at me until I got myself under control. "I'm sorry, Kathryn, but nobody cleans my quarters, except for me."
"Not even your wife?" That stopped me dead. It was the first time she'd even acknowledged our situation. I tried to not let it show as I formulated a reply.
"Especially my wife. Kathryn, why all this sudden interest in cleaning?" I couldn't help but wonder.
"I don't know. I guess I feel that everything needs to be perfect for the baby." I took the cleaning supplies from her and led her into my tidy quarters. I sat her down on my couch and replicated some ice cream for the both of us. I got her a lemon ice while I picked up a black walnut. I handed the dish to her and sat beside her.
"As for you cleaning, lay off. The baby isn't due for two more months." I set my bowl down and picked up her feet and put them up on my coffee table.
"I know. It's just something to do." Ah ha, we were finally getting to the real reason. She had been limited by the doctor in what activities Kathryn participated in. I put my feet up beside hers on the coffee table. Might as well be comfortable, I thought.
"Have you thought of any names?" I asked her. Kathryn had set the bowl on her stomach. It must have been nice, having your own personal shelf.
"Quite a few, actually. First, there's Amanda. Ever since I heard about the legendary Spock's mother, I've loved that name."
"Doesn't it mean 'beloved' or something like that?" I asked her.
"Close. It means 'worthy of being loved'. Then there's Amelia, which would really fit this child. It means 'busy, energetic'." As if on cue, Kathryn's stomach moved. The bowl, which had been set up on her stomach began moving. Kathryn began cracking up. The more she laughed, the more the baby moved. Pretty soon, we were both in fits of laughter. Watching Kathryn's body contort, it was a hoot. I don't think I'd had that much fun in a long time.
Once we calmed down, Kathryn started again. "You know the name that seems to stick with me the most?"
I shook my head. I was just hoping she wasn't going to name it after her sister. Phoebe is not my favorite name. I had a sneaking suspicion that she was going to name her Kes. It was just a feeling.
"Hannah. I just love it. It sounds like it's meaning, 'grace'."
"I thought you would name her Kes." We'd taken to calling the baby 'she' and 'her'. We knew there was a fifty percent chance that it would be a boy, but we had both began thinking positively. Not that I hadn't all along.
"I'd thought of that, but it just doesn't seem to fit. Not even as a middle name," Kathryn said, taking another bite of her ice cream.
"Well, maybe down the road, you may have another and maybe that one will feel like a Kes." I said. As I said before, I wasn't giving up on Kathryn.
"Maybe," she said, a lilt to her voice and tilt to her head. I looked at her and raised an eyebrow. Perhaps it was a good sign. She hadn't said anything about it being out of the question.
We sat up half the night, discussing odd ball things. Cracking up at the baby's activities, Kathryn telling the baby to knock it off and go to sleep. Pretty soon, Kathryn's eyes drooped shut. Carefully removing the bowl from her 'shelf', I picked her up carefully and took her through the door and into her bedroom. Even eight months along, she still didn't weigh much.
I set her down on her bed and pulled back her covers. I slipped off her shoes and put her feet up on the bed. Covering her, I placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. She looked so peaceful and innocent. By starlight, she didn't look her age, her appearance made her look so much younger.
Time passed. I don't know how much passed. I just watched her sleep. Her insomnia had somewhat disappeared the further along she got. In fact, she barely moved.
And my arms ached to hold her. Even if it were just for one night.
**
Changing the holo-program again, I sit on the verandah of my aunts Arizona house, watching the sun dip into the horizon. It was probably one of the things I missed most about Earth. I replicate what is called by Tom, a 'playpen' and put Hannah into it with her toys. She doesn't take to it at first, but then settles in. I wouldn't want to be corralled. Sure, I understand the reason, but it's no wonder people take to exploring.
Kathryn hated being caged up. I remember hearing her 'I'm-going-stir-crazy,-please-let-me-go-to-the-bridge' arguments. When she couldn't win with Doc, she came to me. As desperate as she was to go to the bridge, I could have really taken advantage of her. But I just couldn't. There was a reason why Doc had restricted her activities. First pregnancy, unknown factors from the father, her age for a first time pregnancy. I gave her all the reasons the doctor had. One may not believe me, but can Kathryn pout.
"No amount of pouting is going to get you on the bridge, Kathryn," I had told her, turning back to the stack of PADD's I'd brought back with me from duty.
Hannah begins banging blocks on the bottom of the pen. I grin as a single thought passes through my mind. 'She's going to be an engineer. She bangs around as much as B'Elanna.' That was an interesting thought. But I don't see it. I see her standing on the bridge, hands on hips, chin thrust out, issuing orders left and right. I'm glad my temper doesn't flare as much as Kathryn's. I don't think that this crew would appreciate two temperamental commanding officers. However knowing my luck, Hannah will have her mother's temper.
The sun dips even lower. The color of the sky is magnificent. Reds, purples, oranges - all colors, paint the twilight sky. Hannah has become quiet and a quick glance to my right and I see why. She is watching the color of the sky too. I can't resist. This is the first sunset - even though it is only holographic, that I've seen in a long time. I want to share it with her. I pick her up and sit her on my lap. She looks up with a expression that I can't define. It's one of her mother's, for I've seen it on Kathryn's face. Even then, I've never been able to put a name to it.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Earth's moon. I usually only see this when I'm in a lucid dream, but even in holographic state, I find it to be a beautiful reminder of home. Hannah looks up to me and I smile at her.
"That, is the moon. This is very special to me and to your mother, but especially you. That is the moon of home. It's the moon I dreamed of when your mommy was pregnant with you. The moon is going to define a lot about you, because you were born under a glass moon. When you're older, I'll explain it to you. Just know that this is something very special and unique to you." Hannah smiles at me and reaches for a finger. I put my finger within her grasp and she took it. Strong little grasp for a baby. Then again, after last night, I see where she gets it from. Kathryn clung to me as if she were afraid if she let go, I'd be gone. Never.
Under a glass moon, you shall eclipse the dawn of a new day. You shall see the most beautiful places and behold the most fragile things. A child born under a glass moon is the most precious gift. Those words float through my mind as Hannah plays with my finger.
The sun sets as the moon rises. One day, Hannah would see the moon of home. Every child born on Voyager, Seven, Neelix, would see our world.
Under a glass moon . . .
**
My bed had been moved into the main room of my quarters. After much discussion with Kathryn, I thought it would be a good thing if we made the baby's room readily accessible. I volunteered my room for the cause. After that was done, I was going to work with B'Elanna to make myself a smaller sleeping quarters. It was a small price to pay. I kept my thoughts on the fact that we'd be keeping the baby, that it would be a girl.
Despite Kathryn's protests, she did find things to do. She made baby blankets and wall hangings. Stuffed animals and clothes. Kathryn never seemed to be at a loss to think of something new. The crew had even thrown her an impromptu baby shower. That made Kathryn realize just how much the crew cared about her.
As her due date closed in, she began getting really excited, but underneath, I knew she was anxious. Doc couldn't explain why he couldn't determine the sex of the baby. That perplexed him more then Tom. All his scans ever told him were that it was healthy and developing normally. It wasn't uncommon for me to see her pacing at all times of the day and night, her hands pressed against her back. Every night, regardless of how tired I was, I would rub her neck and back. Granted, she wasn't very big with this baby, but Kathryn is not one of the biggest people I know. Not long after we were married, I got a good look at the boots she wore on duty. Those damn things had three inch heels. No wonder she always seemed a little bigger then life.
But that extra weight on the front of her, zapped the energy right out of her. I would get her to relax as much as possible. I, along with Tuvok, had a network of crew members who would stop by, asking her opinion on trivial things, just to keep an eye on her. After all, she had threatened me bodily if I made a pest of myself while I was suppose to be on duty. Like I said, nothing like a hormonally charged captain. Add to that cranky, and you had the whole package.
The time of crankiness and emotional swings were about done.
**
In the middle of nowhere, we encountered a moon. The moon orbited nothing. There wasn't even a star system nearby. That's what was so unique about it. When I looked at it, I was hit with a feeling of deja vu. It looked like Earth's moon, and the moon within my dreams. All scans checked out, so I sent an away team. Tuvok volunteered to take the bridge, so I could show Kathryn this. Most definitely, this would peak that scientific curiosity.
When I entered her part of our quarters, she was pacing again. The baby had been overly active the past few days and Kathryn had had very little sleep.
I pulled a pair of flats out of her closet and a sweater. "Come on, you're going for a walk," I said, steadying her as she slipped her feet into the shoes. I held the sweater for her slip into.
"Where are we going? I really don't feel like being sociable," she said, somewhat grumpily.
"I have something to show you. Besides, you need to see something besides this room. Maybe this will quiet the baby down enough so you can get some rest." I took her hand in mine and led her into the corridor.
Most of the crew were either in their quarters, the mess hall or on duty, so the corridors were relatively free of traffic. Kathryn, who usually walked with an air of confidence, walked slowly with me.
"Where are we going?" she asked me again, as we stepped into the turbo lift. The lack of sleep was evident in her eyes.
"Deck 3," I instructed the lift. "We encountered a phenomenon that we've never encountered." I could see the concern coming into her eyes. "No, it's nothing bad. We've thoroughly investigated it and I sent an away team to look at close up."
The lift stopped and we exited it. I led her to a room that never seemed to see much action or visitors. The observation room that sat just a couple of decks below the bridge, which gave some of the most astonishing views. The lights were at 5% illumination and I led her carefully through the maze of chairs and couches. Outside, the mysterious moon hung in the sky.
"My god. It's beautiful," Kathryn said, stepping up to the windows. "Why, it's not orbiting anything."
"That's what we found so interesting about it. There is no star system, and no light source, yet here it is, sitting out here, shining like the one back home." I couldn't help but be mesmerized by it as well. It was beautiful.
"You said you sent a team," Kathryn said quietly.
"Yes. Harry, Vorik and Seven. This has the whole ship extremely excited," I said. The light of the moon reflected off Kathryn, making her extremely beautiful and somewhat ghostly.
"I can see why." She turned to me, curiosity in her eyes. "Chakotay, I know I'm not suppose to be on duty, but I'd really like to read the report the away team brings back with them."
"Well, you have been co-operative. I'm sure I can sneak it in after shift tonight," I said, catching her hands in mine.
"Thank you. Not just for letting me read the report, but for bringing me down here to see this. It is so lovely." Kathryn gave me that lovely crooked smile of hers. We watched it for a while longer. I kneaded her neck and shoulder, giving her some relief. In the reflection in the glass, I could see her hands resting on top of her stomach.
I dropped her off at her cabin. I told her to get some rest and that I'd see her after my shift was finished. As I turned to say 'see you later', Kathryn was already asleep on the couch. How much more would she have to take before this was over?
**
1600 hours, I had a PADD in my hand and entered my quarters. A check on Kathryn revealed her to be painting. She did this every now and again. She had pink paint smeared on her chin and on her hands.
"Leave you alone for a few hours and you get all messy."
"I was bored."
"I can see that," I decided to tease her a little. "I don't know. Should I let you read this report from the away team?" I looked at it, then at her. I love being able to read her. Her look said 'give-me-the-damn-report,-commander!' "Well, I guess I did say you could read it." I handed her the PADD while I disappeared into her bathroom and retrieved a warm wash cloth.
"Before you get too wrapped up in that report, I would like to get some of this paint off of you," I said, taking her hands one at a time and gently rubbing off the paint. I had to pry her eyes away from the PADD long enough for me to get the smear off of her chin. When I finished, I made sure she had some dinner before I retired to my quarters.
She was eating and reading as I left her. "Don't stay up too late, Kathryn. You need sleep."
"Tell that to this child." I walked back over to her, and cautiously put a hand on her stomach. Leaning in, I told it in my most stern voice.
"This is the first officer of this ship, acting captain and best friend to your mom. Let her get some sleep. You'll be keeping her up enough when you arrive." I was rewarded with a little kick.
"That's telling her," Kathryn said, a little sarcastically. I knew it was from lack of sleep.
"What can I say. I tried." And I left, telling Kathryn again to get some sleep.
I didn't realize just how tired I was. It didn't take me very long to hit the sack. My last thought as I passed from awake to sleep, was 'I hope this baby arrives soon.'
**
0100 hours and I was shook. If I were still in the Maquis, I would have been up and fighting, asking questions later. Good thing I broke those habits. The warm hand on my arm shook me again.
"Chakotay?" It was Kathryn's voice. She sounded excited, nervous, and tired-all at the same time.
"Hmm." I said, trying desperately to wake up. Usually, I could hear her when I was asleep.
"I think it's time." Yes, this boy was wide awake and up in about .06 seconds. I took a quick look at Kathryn, who seemed very calm.
"How far apart are they?" I asked her.
"About nine minutes," Kathryn said.
"And your just now telling me?" I asked.
"Well, with as restless as this baby has been the past few days, I didn't think nothing of it. I only recognized it when. . ." Kathryn doubled over, obviously in pain.
"When it started doing that?" I finished for her. "Come on, we're going to sickbay," I said, putting my arms around her and guiding her through my doors, which were closer to the turbo lift then hers.
"Chakotay, what if I can't do this?" Kathryn said, after we had entered the lift and she was leaning back against the wall.
"You're Kathryn Janeway, if that means anything. And as your friend and as your first officer, I know you can do this." I told her. The lift deposited us and we disembarked.
"You're also my husband. What does he have to say about this?" she said.
"You're husband agrees with the other two. Kathryn, you can do it.
I'll be right there with you all the way." Just like I had always been.
**
Any more pressure and I was sure that my hand would break. Kathryn's eyes were squeezed shut, concentrating. Her forehead was beaded with sweat, her hair plastered to her skin and damp. She leaned back, took a deep breath, opened her eyes and looked at me. She had opted for no anesthesia or pain reducers. Doc, at the foot of the bio-bed, looked up at Kathryn, then back down to check her progress.
"That was strong," she said. I could tell she was tired. The lack of sleep the past few days was taking a toll on her. Doc had told me in private that if it did go on too long, he was going to perform a fetal transport. The hologram was worried that she wasn't strong enough to pull it off on her own.
The pressure increased on my hand again, her eyes squeezed shut again. As she lifted off the bio-bed, I supported her back.
"It's getting close, Captain. Just a few more, then you'll have your baby." Doc, I could tell was concerned.
"You're doing fine, Kathryn," I told her. She amazed me. Not once had she screamed out in pain or cried. I didn't even try to understand what was happening to her. She leaned back again, barely gaining a breath when the next one hit. Kathryn was pushing with all her might, trying to release her baby from her body.
"The head is crowning, Captain. It's almost done." Kathryn turned her head before the next one hit her.
"I hope you're still praying this is a girl," she said, starting in again.
"With all my heart, Kathryn. With all my heart." I said. She bore down with all the strength she had. The doctor smiled as he worked.
"That's it, Captain, just a little more. A little more." Once more, Kathryn used all her strength. The next sound I heard was the sound of a baby crying. Kathryn fell back against the bio-bed, breathing heavily. Doc hadn't said anything yet, as he was checking the baby over. A moment or so later, the baby stopped crying. Kathryn looked at me and our eyes locked. Time for truth. Had all our hopes and prayers been answered?
"Doctor?" Kathryn asked, tiredly. She had to know.
The doctor came toward us, the baby wrapped in white blanket. He smiled at it and made little noises at it. He entered a command into the bio-bed, raising Kathryn so she was sitting up.
"Captain, Commander, may I introduce you to your daughter." He placed the little bundle in Kathryn's arms and she finally let go. I even found myself choked up. It was if something had been lifted from my shoulders.
Kathryn ran a finger over a little cheek. "Why hasn't she cried much?" Kathryn asked Doc. She had to make sure that she was perfect.
"She's more interested in where she finally arrived. I assure you, you're daughter is in perfect health." Kathryn had placed her atop her thighs and began undoing the blanket that the baby was wrapped in. I understood immediately. Kathryn wanted to be perfectly sure, herself.
Ten little toes, ten little fingers. Two arms and two legs. Brown hair with a touch of auburn. Blue eyes. As Milanndred said, a carbon copy of Kathryn. She was beautiful. How I wished she were mine. Kathryn looked over to me, searching my face.
"She's beautiful." I said, quietly. Kathryn put a hand behind my neck and drew me to her. She gave me a kiss on the cheek that lingered.
"Thank you for seeing me through, Chakotay. You kept your promise to me. That mean's more to me then anything, except our daughter."
"Ours?" I asked.
"You are my husband. You've been with me every step of the way. She may not be yours biologically, but she is yours, too." Kathryn quietly wrapped the baby back up and handed her to me. So little and tiny. Kathryn leaned back, her eye lids drooping.
"Chakotay, meet Hannah Gabrielle Janeway. Your daughter." As Kathryn fell asleep, a bright light began taking form at the foot of her bed, blue with orange swirling through it. I knew immediately what it was.
"I, Jon'Quiel, Celestial Brother of Glass of Emporiak, welcome, Hannah Gabrielle, daughter of Kathryn of the Stars."
"You're leaving now?" I asked him, not wanting to wake either Kathryn, or Hannah, who had just fallen asleep.
"My job is done. I have seen her safely on her journey. Remember Sister Milanndred's words. Solve the riddle in a year and three months time or place yourself within Kathryn of the Stars heart or Hannah joins the other Celestial Guardians." Jon'Quiel reached out, though I hesitate to call it reaching out, since he was still at the foot of the bed. He gently touched the top of Hannah's head.
"Under a glass moon, you shall eclipse the dawn of a new day. You shall see the most beautiful places and behold the most fragile things. A child born under a glass moon is the most precious gift." He said quietly. "I apologize for any inconvenience that this may have caused."
"No, thank you. If anything, you made Kathryn realize there is more to life then command," I said, taking in the sleeping form. A smile played on Kathryn's lips.
"Goodbye, Chakotay of the Stars. Take care of your gifts, for they are the most precious." With that, Jon'Quiel disappeared from sight. I stood carefully and took Hannah over to the crib the Doc had set up. Milanndred was right, Jon'Quiel's appearance had been brief. As for Kathryn and Hannah, Doc would be keeping the two of them for twenty-four hours for observation. As I exited sickbay, I heard the doctors voice filtering through the ship.
"I'd like to inform you all that Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay had a daughter this morning at 0511 this morning. Hannah Gabrielle Janeway weighed five pounds, ten ounces and measured 18 inches long. Mother, baby and surprisingly, father are all doing fine." As I stepped into my quarters and made my way back to bed, I saw a message blinking on my terminal.
"In light that you have taken a heavy burden upon yourself with this situation. I hearby relieve you of command for the next seventy two hours." It was signed Tuvok. As I finished that message, I received another. This one from Tom.
"Chakotay, at the time of the birth of your daughter, the moon mysteriously vanished." I looked out the view port of my quarters and noticed the lessened light that had been there but a short time before.
"A glass moon. All this time, I've been dreaming of a moon, it was the sign of Hannah's arrival. A child born under a glass moon."
Half the job was done. The next would be more difficult either way. Either solve a riddle, or pray that Kathryn would come to love me as I did her.
Both almost seemed impossible.