Copyright 1997 by Rob Perry and NorthStarr Productions
All Rights Reserved
Martian
Hayseed
Graham the Talking Dog 
FADE IN
EXT. HOLLYWOOD CALIFORNIA - NIGHT - MOONLESS
INT. BEVERLY HILLS - PINE TREES - SHADOWS
A small size Space Craft is seen in the glow of the
downtown Hollywood lights and it seems to have
Maneuvering problems. It hovers then dips,
then shakes. It finally comes down in a small
meadow near Hollywood Reservoir. The red glow
of the ship is starting to cool down when a door
slides open and a ramp comes out. An English
Terrier comes down the ramp and finds a big
bush to raise it's leg to. A suited Alien walks
down the ramp and stops. The alien sits down
and removes his helmet.
SUITED ALIEN (NICK)
GRAHAM, thanks for giving me that landing.
TERRIER (GRAHAM)
Your welcome Nick, but you really need more
practice. By the way, like I said before you
don't have to wear that stupid suit.
Nick removes the rest of his suit and relieves himself
behind a tree.
GRAHAM
Can you believe that Earth dogs don't talk?
NICK
Oh really, so how you gonna find a mate here?
GRAHAM
I will find the right bitch and teach her
the twelve different languages, that I speak.
NICK
You know GRAY, your lucky, I can barely
speak English.
GRAHAM
Yeah, but I'm four hundred years old.
NICK
Yeah and I'm thirty-five earth years old.
Graham starts smelling some of the bushes and trees and
makes funny noises from one too another.
GRAHAM
(Grinning)
So far I have identified, over one
hundred bitches, two hundred bastards
and six-hundred coyotes. Four hundred
and twenty two skunks a Raccoon and
Possum. One hundred and twenty
thousand human smells, some Native
American and some brothers, homeboys
and Koreans looks like a very popular
place to bring the ladies.
NICK
(Picking up a Condom)
Looks like they had parties here, I found
a balloon.
GRAY
(Grinning)
You dumb shit, that's a condom, not a
balloon!
NICK
Yeah, I knew that! So what's the plan
Genius?
GRAHAM
Well, Mr. NICKODEMUS JONES we will rent
an apartment in downtown Hollywood then
contact your Earth Mother and go from
there.
NICK
So where do we stash our wheels?
GRAHAM
I think the bottom of Hollywood Lake
will do very nicely thank you.
NICK
Let's do it. IT'S SHOW-TIME.
CUT TO:
ONE YEAR LATER
EXT. HOLLYWOOD CALIFORNIA - DAY - HEAVY SMOG
INT. HOLLYWOOD APARTMENTS
SKIP TRACER (AKA NICODEMUS JONES) is laying on
his bed talking to his mother in Little Rock Arkansas.
He's just started a new job as a Skip Tracer and is
trying to rest after a long day. GRAY (GRAHAM
WINSTON RAVENSWOOD) wakes up after
a day long nap and grins at Skip.
GRAY
So how much did you get for the gold and Diamonds
I gave you?
NICK
The Pawnbroker would only give me five thousand.
I know it wasn't much but that's all he had.
GRAY
Hell, they were worth four times that amount.
NICK
(Holding his hand over
the mouthpiece)
My mom is back from the bathroom. No mom I was
talking to myself.
GRAY
That reminds me, I'll be back, nature calls!
SKIP
Mom, there's no way I'm going to take him no way!
MOTHER (V.O.)
He has no family left except you and I. And I'm in a
Convalescent home and he sure can't stay here.
His mother, your AUNT ANDREA always said
"If anything ever happens to me please have Skip
take care of DOC". We owe that to her son. Please
won't you reconsider?
SKIP
Mom, the guy is a complete jerk, he makes Forrest
GUMP look like Keanu Reeves, I just can't do it.
My life is difficult enough without him along for the
ride.
MOTHER (V.O.)
Son, he's your flesh and blood.
SKIP
No MOM NO. you want me to spell it
out for you, N - O NO!
MOTHER (V.O.)
But son!
SKIP
But nothing mom. The last time he came out here
I lost all my friends, and I have new friends and
I don't want to lose them.
MOTHER (V.O.)
Son, he can't be left alone. When your aunt Andrea
died last week, he wanted to climb in the grave with
her, and it took five men to pull him out.
SKIP
No Mom No!
MOTHER
Son, if that's the way you feel, I understand and
I'll call the lawyer and have him change the trust.
SKIP
TRUST, TRUST what trust mom?
MOTHER
The living trust your Aunt Andrea left to Doc.
A beat. Pause. pause.
SKIP
Mom are you trying to say she left him some money?
MOTHER
You know that five acres grandpa left her over in the
south part of town, well a developer bought it from
her for two hundred thousand. Pause. Are you there son?
SKIP
Two hundred thousand?
MOTHER
Yes, son two hundred thousand. Whoever takes Doc,
has control of the money. Of course there is also
the money she received from her brothers chicken
farm that was sold to ZAKY. Let's see, that's in the
trust too. I think it's around eight hundred and
change.
SKIP
Eight hundred dollars mom?
MOTHER
Oh heavens no, eight hundred thousand dollars.
SKIP
So your saying the Estate is worth around a million?
MOTHER
A million and change.
SKIP
Yeah mom, a million and change.
Gray struts into the room and jumps up on the bed.
MOTHER
Look son I think I may be able to get
your aunt Dorothy's second husband
up in Boston to take care of Doc.
SKIP
(COUGHING)
Mom, for once in my life I'm going to
stop thinking of myself and start
thinking of my family. I'll have to
make some changes in my life, but yes
I'll take Doc. Go ahead and send him
down.
MOTHER
Son he left last week.
SKIP
Last week.......Mom. last week, did he
go by stagecoach?
MOTHER
No, he said he planned to take the train
and see the country.
SKIP
Does he have my address?
MOTHER
Yes, I gave him your address and he said
he would see you in about a week.
SKIP
Mom, how did you know I would take him?
MOTHER
SON, MOMMY KNOWS HER BABY BOY, BETTER
THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD, RIGHT?
SKIP
Right Mom.
MOTHER
By the way son, I signed over the trust
to you yesterday, so you should be
getting all the papers in the mail real
soon, Oh yes, and the attorney is
transferring all the money into your
savings account. Is that ok?
SKIP
Sure mom, no problem, ......
MOTHER
You know you lived with me since you
were born and five years ago, when
your father took you to his Planet so
you could know your other side, you
came back changed.
SKIP
Mom, life is much easier on Mars. You
don't have to work and it's just a
better life.
MOTHER
Oh son, one more thing, he needs a wife,
so your first priority will be to find
one for him, then you can sign over the
trust to them when he gets married. Of
course minus your ten percent. Are
you there?
SKIP
Yes, mom I'm here. I'll take good care
of him. Ok mom, nice talking to you,
maybe Doc and I will come out and visit
you real soon.
MOTHER
Oh honey, that would be so nice. bye.
SKIP
Bye mom.
GRAY
(Grinning)
Looks like you came into some money,
hey Mr. Jones?
SKIP
(Very Happy)
HOLY MOLY a million bucks!
Skip calls his girl friend, CAMMIE BRANDO a beautiful
blond in her early twenties, who's a waitress at one
of the local DENNY'S.
SKIP
Hi baby, it's your lover Boy, yeah
who the hell else is your lover boy?
CAMMIE (V.O.)
Skip I'm broke and I can't loan you
any more money.
SKIP
(upset)
Money, did I ask you for money. Look Hon
my cousin is coming out from the middle
west to live with me for a while and we
need to get a bigger place, how about
taking off a couple of days from work
and help me find a nice place.
CAMMIE (V.O.)
How much do you want to spend, five hundred
or six hundred a month?
SKIP
How about two thousand a month?
CAMMIE (V.O.)
(SMILING)
Is he rich?
SKIP
Let's say he's comfortable!
CAMMIE (V.O.)
I suppose you want me to fix him up with a
girlfriend too?
SKIP
No, he's a little retarded and he can't
handle any relationships right now.
CAMMIE (V.O.)
How retarded is he?
SKIP
Well you saw Forrest Gump, well he could
be his brother, but DOC is larger.
CAMMIE (V.O.)
Doc, he's a doctor?
SKIP
No, he's not a doctor, his mother wanted
a doctor in the family, so she named him Doc.
CAMMIE (V.O.)
What's his last name?
SKIP
His last name
(clearing his throat)
his last name is GAYE with an E.
CAMMIE (V.O.)
DOC GAYE, you have to be kidding me.
SKIP
No, I kid you not.
CAMMIE (V.O.)
What do you mean he's large.
SKIP
Large, you know big, ...like fat.....
CAMMIE (V.O.)
How fat?
SKIP
What difference does it make how fat.
What is this thirty questions, he's
my relative!
CAMMIE (V.O.)
Don't get mad Skip. How old is he?
SKIP
He's thirty-five going on ten.
CAMMIE (V.O.)
Oh, I see.
SKIP
Mom said he will be arriving soon in
Los Angeles and I'm suppose to pick
him up. Hang on I have another call.
(he hits the switch-hook)
Hello, Skip.....
DOC (V.O.)
Hi COUSIN, this is Doc, did your mom
call you about me.
SKIP
Yes, she sure did Doc, good to hear
from you. Where you at?
DOC (V.O.)
I'm at the train station in North
Hollywood.
SKIP
North Hollywood? Why didn't you take
it into Hollywood.
DOC (V.O.)
I thought North Hollywood was a hop skip
and a jump from ....Hollywood.
SKIP
Ok, sit tight, I'll be there in about
twenty minutes. Don't talk to anybody
just wait for me.
(he hits the switch-hook)
Hello, CAMMIE, I got to go, see
you tonight.
Gray, get your leash we have to go
pick up my cousin in North Hollywood!
GRAY
Rock and Roll, I love to ride in your
car!
CUT TO:
EXT. NORTH HOLLYWOOD TRAIN STATION
Doc is sitting on a bench dressed like a fresh
FORREST GUMP. Tight hi-water pants, plaid shirt
with top button buttoned. White sneakers with a
base ball cap that says "Little Rock Oinks" and
holding a cardboard suitcase with a rope tied
around it to keep it from opening. He's about
six two and ways about three hundred pounds,
blond hair with a cherub look on his face.
Three local gang members have just circled him
twice and are now staring at him. The leader
speaks to him.
GANG LEADER
Hey "Humpty", where you from man?
DOC
Are you talking to me?
GANGSTER ONE
No I'm talking to your mama, yes dummy,
I'm talking to you.
DOC
(SNORT)
I'm from LITTLEROCK, why?
GANGSTER TWO
Your a long way from home Dorothy.
DOC
You knew my aunt Dorothy?
She died last year.
GANG LEADER
Hey man you're a retard aren't you?
GANGSTER TWO
Hey Retard!
The gang circles him again and now start to get closer.
GANGSTER ONE
Your a hayseed aren't you ?
DOC
(Snorting)
A hayseed, we raise chickens back
home, we don't have time to raise
hay.
GANGSTER TWO
Hey dummy are you making fun
of me?
Doc, looks at the homeboy and smiles holding his suitcase
a little closer. He starts to sweat.
DOC
(SNORT)
My name is DOC GAYE, what's yours.
GANG LEADER
Doc Gay, you got to be kidding me homes.
What's in the suitcase Doc?
DOC
My change of clothes and a few personal
items.
GANG LEADER
Hey PENDEHO, (dummy), lets see the money?
DOC
I have my money in my shoe.
GANG LEADER
In your shoe?
DOC
Yes, my mom always told me to keep
it there so I wouldn't lose it.
GANGSTER TWO
How much do you have?
DOC
Over a hundred dollars, why?
GANG LEADER
Will you loan me a hundred?
DOC
When will you pay me back?
GANG LEADER
Two weeks.
DOC
(SNORT)
How will I know where to find you?
GANG LEADER
Right here man, right here, same time
same place. Look if you loan me the
money, I'll stop my boys from beating
you up. Ok, do we have a deal?
DOC
(removing his shoe)
Ok, but you better pay me back!
Doc hands the money to the gang member and looks up to see
Skip drive up in his 1956 CHEVY BEL AIR convertible. He
stands up and yells at him.
DOC
I'm here Skip!
(waving, he gets up and
runs over to the car)
Oh, I'm so happy, your here!
CUT TO:
EXT. HOLLYWOOD FREEWAY HEADING FOR HOLLYWOOD
INT. INSIDE THE CONVERTIBLE
Skip is driving the car with his left arm on the
window sill. Gray is in the back seat with his
paws on the back seat looking at a white poodle
walking with her owner. Doc is sitting in the
middle of the bench seat. Skip makes a face when
he sees how close Doc is sitting to him. He reaches
over and pushes him over to the other side of the car.
SKIP
What the hell's wrong with you Doc,
why are you sitting so close to me.
DOC
(snort)
It's too windy by the door.
SKIP
Well, you can't sit that close to me,
because people will think were gay!
DOC
(snort)
I'm GAYE, DOC GAYE, that's my name.
SKIP
You dummy, gay like Homo-sexual!
DOC
You mean sissy?
SKIP
How about a big dumb sissy.....
DOC
Oh, you mean, a boy that likes
other boys?
SKIP
Right, a big sissy!
DOC
(snort)
But I love you Skip, I always have!
You're my favorite cousin!
SKIP
That's a different kind of love,
dummy!
Doc sees a low rider pull up next to him and four
HOME-BOYS start yelling and laughing at him.
HOMEBOY ONE
Hey sweet things, we have something
for you.
One of the homeboys pulls down his pants and moons
Skip and Doc.
HOMEBOY TWO
Yelling, hey girls, follow us to a
party!
SKIP
(GIVING THEM THE BIRD)
Watch me lose them!
DOC
(snorting and drooling)
I think you made them mad Skip, the guy
in the back seat is pointing a gun at us.
Skip guns the car and starts weaving in and out of
the cars but the home boys are still in hot pursuit.
SKIP
I don't believe it, your only in
town for ten minutes and now I
have all the Hispanic brothers
hot on my ass!
DOC
They're my friends,
(snorting and drooling)
I loaned them money, they just
don't like you!
Skip maneuvers the car over to the outside lane and
sees a California Highway Patrol (CHP) giving a ticket,
he honks the car and gives the bird to the cop!
DOC
(Shouting)
Why do you give the finger to all the
guys that have guns!
The CHP officer jumps on his motorcycle and starts
after Skip, with lights and siren on.
SKIP
This has got to be a world record day
for me, the homeboys and the cops
after me all in the same day!
(pushing Doc over again)
And a dumb shit cousin sitting next to me.
Will you god damn move over!
DOC
(snorting and drooling)
Are they going to shoot at us?
SKIP
I don't know dingo, why don't you
ask them?
DOC
(looking over his shoulder)
You better pull over the cop really
looks mad. The home-boys just took
the last off-ramp, hey they are
waving at me!
(Doc waves back at them)
SKIP
(more upset)
What are you doing , you dummy,
why don't you just blow them a kiss.
DOC
(snorting)
They're my friends, I loaned them
money.
SKIP
(VERY UPSET)
YOU LOANED THEM MONEY?
GRAY
You loaned them money?
DOC
(swings around and looks
at Gray)
I didn't know your dog could talk?
SKIP
I didn't either!
DOC
I loaned some money to my new home
boy friends back at the train station.
They are paying me back in two weeks!
SKIP
(sarcastic)
Yeah right, and do you get to feed
the rabbits too, right George!
Skip has pulled over to the side of the freeway as far
as he can and the CHP officer parks his motorcycle
and walks over to his car.
OFFICER
(removing his glasses)
Going for a nice ride, hey boys?
Do you know what the penalty is for
giving the bird to a California
Highway Patrol Officer?
DOC
(Snorting and Drooling)
Shoot us?
OFFICER
Oh, your hayseed friend can talk?
SKIP
Yeah, so can my dog Graham!
OFFICER
Don't get cute.
SKIP
He's my cousin. Look officer getting
your attention was the only way we
could get rid of the homeboys who
were after us.
OFFICER
(looking around)
What home boys?
DOC
They were going to shoot Skip!
OFFICER
I don't see them?
DOC
They turned off at the last
off ramp!
A car full of Orientals drive by the CHP officer
honking the horn and giving him the bird.
OFFICER
What is this an epidemic, everyone
is giving the bird to the CHP
officers?
Doc is knocking his knees at a very high rate of speed
and the CHP Officer notices it.
OFFICER (cont.)
(looking at Skip)
What the hell's wrong with him?
SKIP
He has to go to the bathroom.
(Looking and pointing over
to the side of the road)
Is it ok if he goes over there?
OFFICER
Look, I believe your story, go ahead
and take the next off ramp and get him
to a toilet. I'll see if I can catch
those ORNAMENTALS!
The officer runs over to his motorcycle and takes off.
SKIP
(noticing Doc is sitting
next to him again)
Can you please stay at that side of
the car until we get you to a head?
(pushing him over)
This just isn't worth it for no
amount of money!
DOC
It was only a hundred dollars.
SKIP
What was only a hundred dollars?
DOC
The money I loan to my new Hispanic
friends.
SKIP
I DON'T BELIEVE IT, WHY DO I HAVE TO
HAVE THE DUMBEST RELATIVES IN THE WORLD!
DOC
(snorting and drooling)
At least I didn't have the gang members
and the cops after me!
SKIP
I must have done something in another
life to deserve this.
DOC
I wish I could of got my moms lucky rock
from her when they buried her.
SKIP
What the hell does that have to do
with all this?
DOC
(snorting)
Oh, I was just thinking.
SKIP
Please don't think anymore.
DOC
I see a gas station at the bottom
of the off-ramp.
CUT TO:
EXT. OLD BROKEN DOWN GAS STATION
Skip pulls up to the station and stops. The station
appears empty and there are two young black men
sitting on a rubber tire.
SKIP
(Yelling to them)
Hey bro, is the station open?
BRO ONE
Hello .... you asking me White Boy if
the station is open. Do I look like
an information booth?
SKIP
My cousin has to go .....
BRO ONE
TWO DOLLAS ....
SKIP
Two dollars for what?
BRO ONE
It's usually one dollar but he's the
size of two of you white boys!
DOC
I'll pay it,
(handing the money to
bro one)
Here, now where is it.
BRO ONE
It's in the back.
Doc gets out of the car and walks around the side of
the station looking for the rest rooms, but sees
nothing. He walks back over to the brothers.
DOC
I couldn't find it, where is it?
BRO ONE
Hey ....this isn't Holiday Inn, just
go anywhere in the back!
SKIP
I don't frigging believe this ...
Bro two walks over to Skips side and pulls out his knife.
He waves it back and forth and nods his head from
side to side.
BRO TWO
Hey, you don't like our accommodations,
then go some where else.
SKIP
(GRABBING HIS CLUB
SECURITY LOCK)
BACK OFF BRO UNLESS YOU WANT TO
JOIN MY CLUB.
BRO TWO
(acting defiant)
Do you think you can hit me with that
before I can stick you with this?
(waving the knife back and
forth)
Doc comes walking around from the back of the station
and sees Skip being accosted by the young black man.
SKIP
You bet your sweet ass I can!
His friend sees what's happening and he pulls out a
black revolver and points it at Skip. Doc walks over
and grabs the revolver by the cylinder and holds it.
BRO ONE
Hey ....let my gun go!
Doc twists the gun out of his hand and points it at
the one with the knife.
DOC
Drop the knife or your dead!
Both of them start to laugh and fall on the ground
laughing, laughing so hard they can't stand up.
SKIP
What the hells so funny?
BRO ONE BRO TWO
It's a water gun! Water gun!
SKIP
Get in the car and let's go!
Doc runs over and gets in the car, slams the door
closed and yells at Skip.
DOC
Skip let's go before something else
happens!
As they pull out with wheels screeching, Skip runs
over a bottle. He finds the next on-ramp and gets
on the freeway.
GRAY
Shit that was a close one NICODEMUS!
Doc looks strangely at Gray then looks at Skip.
DOC
How do you do that Skip?
EXT. HOLLYWOOD FREEWAY HEADING FOR HOLLYWOOD.
Skip drives about two miles and the left front tire
blows out. He gets control of the car and pulls
over on the outside of the freeway.
SKIP
(very upset)
Well, I guess that just about does it.
DOC
Pull the hood release and I'll pull
up the hood so a tow truck will stop.
Skip pulls the hood release and Doc opens the hood.
SKIP
(putting his face in his
hands)
I've never had a day this bad in my
whole life!
A low rider sees the boys in trouble and they slow down
and pull over. Skip notices it's the same car that
was following them before.
SKIP
I don't believe it.
All four of the home boys get out of the car and walk
over to Doc.
GANG LEADER
Hey cup cakes, you having trouble?
Doc notices it's the same low rider that Skip gave
the finger to.
DOC
(pleasant)
Hi guys, we blew a tire.
The leader sees Skip and grins at Doc. All the
homeboys circle Doc and one reaches out and
hits him on the top of his head with his fingers.
It startles Doc, and he shakes his head.
DOC
Hey, why did you do that?
GANG LEADER
I wanted to get your attention homes.
GANGSTER TWO
Tell your boyfriend to get out of the car.
DOC
(Yelling at Skip)
Skip he wants to talk to you!
SKIP
(under his breath)
I don't frigging believe it, he's
only been here a half an hour and
this is the second time someone
is going to kill me.
Skip gets out and walks around the front of the car.
SKIP
(SMILING)
Hi guys!
GANG LEADER
Hey twinkle toes, why did you give us
the finger a few miles back?
SKIP
I thought you were the guys that
ripped off my grandmothers purse
at Montgomery Wards last week,
and dragged her around the parking
lot.
GANG LEADER
Hey man we don't do old grand ma's,
it's not our style.
(understanding)
Why didn't she just let go of the
purse, homes?
SKIP
She couldn't, she always handcuffs
herself to the purse when she goes
shopping.
GANG LEADER
(pity)
Hey Homes my hats off to you for
having such a tough grandma.
(understanding)
Did she make it?
SKIP
No, my cousin here is in town from
Little Rock Arkansas to go to her
services.
GANGSTER TWO
Hey bro's, we thought you two guys were
Gay , seeing that you two were sitting
next to each other.
SKIP
(looking at Doc)
My country cousin is not HEP to that,
jazz man.
GANG LEADER
Ok, tell you what I'm going to do for
you guys. Leave the car here, I'll
call my uncle and he'll fix the tire
and deliver it to your house tonight,
ok?
DOC
Hey that's really nice of you guys,
give him your keys Skip!
GANGSTER TWO
(looking at Skip)
Is the registration in your glove box,
and is the address current.
SKIP
Yeah why?
The home boy takes a cellular phone out of his jacket
pocket and calls his uncle.
GANG LEADER
Hey UNC, it's CHOPO, yeah hey how
you doing? Say can you pick up a
1956 CHEVY BEL AIR at marker
four-sixty six on the Hollywood
freeway, fix the tire and deliver
to the registration address? A beat.
COOL ......see ya.
SKIP
(grateful)
Hey thanks a lot man.
CHOPO
My pleasure, where can we drop you
guys off?
SKIP
We're going to the services tonight with
my girlfriend. She works at the Hollywood
Denny's.
CHOPO
No problem, get in my ride man.
That's a cool dog you have there
my man, what's his name?
SKIP
His name is Graham. He's an English
Terrier.
All six of them get in the low rider and speed off.
SKIP (V.O.)
Holy shit, what have you guys been
smoking, rope?
CUT TO:
INT. DENNY'S RESTAURANT HOLLYWOOD NIGHT
Skip introduces Doc to CAMMIE and she's taken their order.
Doc has hidden Gray under his large jacket and all you can
see is two beady little eyes looking through a large rip.
CAMMIE
Nice to meet you Doc. I'll place your
order and be back in a few. By the way
I want you to meet my best girl friend,
ROSIE.
(she motions to ROSIE to
come over)
She comes over to their table. ROSIE RUSSO is an
attractive full figured young lady in her late
twenties.
CAMMIE (CONT.)
ROSIE, I want you to meet Skip's cousin,
Doc.
(they shake hands)
ROSIE
Pleased to meet you Doc. MD or Ph.D.?
SKIP
No, his mother wanted a Doctor in the
family, and being no one in her family
ever went beyond High School, she named
him Doc!
ROSIE
Oh I see, well got to go, see ya!
As she walks away Doc is staring at her.
SKIP
(Raising his voice)
Hey, why are you staring at her?
DOC
(startled, but drooling)
She's beautiful!
SKIP
Hey, Hey cool down boy. Don't they
have girls in your neighborhood.
DOC
(Snorting and drooling)
Do you think she would marry me?
SKIP
Stop thinking with your Johnson.
When was the last time you got laid?
DOC
(Didn't understand)
What do you mean?
SKIP
When was the last time you had sex?
A beat. Sex with someone else?
I'm assuming That you have
had sex?
GRAY
That's personal Skip.
DOC
(Laughing)
How do you do it Skip, I don't even
see your lips move, you're really good!
SKIP
Takes years and years of practice.
You're Virgin aren't you?
A black guy sitting behind Doc turns around and shows
them a watch.
BLACK GUY
Hello my good men, the name is Brown
and gold is my game. I have a genuine
Rolex President, solid gold that is,
and I can let you have it for say,
one thousand.
Doc holds the watch and looks closely at the bottom
of the face.
DOC
I'll give you a hundred
dollars for it.
MR. BROWN
Go away fool, this is a real Rolex not
a fake Taiwan replica!
Mr. Brown takes the watch out of Doc's hand and
turns around.
SKIP
It's not even worth ten dollars.
DOC
(Snorting)
I worked for five years at Berg's Pawn
Shop and I know a real Rolex when I see
one, that Rolex was real!
SKIP
(smiling)
Doc, I'm impressed. You know you have
possibilities. If you want to live with
me you'll have to change.
DOC
Change, be like you?
SKIP
That would be good.
DOC
So let's see if I have it right.
I act like you and I get to live
with you?
SKIP
It's a start.
DOC
When do you want me to start?
SKIP
Start what?
DOC
Start to act like you?
SKIP
(smiling)
Any time you're ready COUS!
Doc removes his glasses, unbuttons his shirt and
takes the water glass and pours water into the
palm of his hand. He slicks his hair with the
water and takes out his comb and combs his hair
straight back. ROSIE and CAMMIE come over to
their table with the order. Doc gets this
devilish look on his face and pinches ROSIE
on the butt.
ROSIE
(looking at Skip)
I thought he was harmless?
DOC
(smiling)
Hey beautiful, how about you
and I getting together and
making some plans about our
future!
ROSIE
(smiling)
Any time you're ready BIG BOY!
SKIP
Calm down, Doc .....
CAMMIE
What the hell happened to him?
SKIP
Too much Ice Tea, he's a diabetic! CAMMIE what
time do you get off?
CAMMIE
I get off in about ten minutes, why?
SKIP
Doc and I need a ride home.
DOC
Skip gave his car to the home boys.
CAMMIE
What home boys?
DOC
The ones with the guns.
SKIP
It's a long story, I'll tell you
when you get off.
CAMMIE
Skip, ROSIE is going home with us.
CAMMIE goes over and talks to ROSIE and they both
look over at Doc. Doc sees it and he moves his
eyebrows up and down very quickly, they both smile.
Gray, pops his out of the jacket and shakes his head.
GRAY
Calm down Rover, don't come on to
strong or you'll spook her.
DOC
Damn, how do you do that Skip. I wish
I could throw my voice like that!
Rosie comes over to their table.
ROSIE
Cammie will be here in a minute.
Doc slides over towards Skip to make room for Rosie
to sit down. Unknown to Rosie, Doc has planted his
open hand palms up where she will be sitting down.
When she sits on his hand he grabs her. Rosie jumps
up and smacks him open handed on his head.
DOC
(laughing)
Sorry Rosie, how sloppy of me.
ROSIE
You better put him on a leash or
I'm going to crown him.
SKIP
(looking at Doc)
What the hell's wrong with you dummy?
DOC
(smiling)
I love her!
CUT TO:
Copyright 1997 by Rob Perry and NorthStarr Productions
All Rights Reserved