PAT BUCHANAN VIRUS: Your system works fine, but complains loudly about foreign software.

COLIN POWELL VIRUS: Makes its presence known, but doesn't do anything.

HILLARY CLINTON VIRUS: Files disappear, only to mysteriously reappear a year later in another directory.

OJ SIMPSON VIRUS: You know it's guilty of trashing your system, but you just can't prove it.

STEVE FORBES VIRUS: All files reported as the same size.

PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This virus doesn't horse around. Warns you of impending attack: Once if by LAN, twice if by C.

POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Doesn't identify itself as a "virus" -- instead, refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."

ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system just before the whole thing quits.

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Thier is sumtheng rong with yure coputter, but yue cant fugyur outt watt!!

GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure it's bigger than any other file in your computer.

ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up and the screen splits in half with the same message appearing on each side. The message says that the blame for the gridlock is caused by the other side.

AMERICAN AIRLINES VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

PBS VIRUS: Your program stops running every few minutes to ask for money.

ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy...then self-destructs, only to surface at shopping malls, coffee shops, and service stations across rural America.

OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Turns your printer into a shredder.

SEARS AUTOMOTIVE VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, battery and shocks.

HEALTH CARE SYSTEM VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.

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