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The world renowned mountaineer, Julian Chulmney-Smyth, recently returned from a seven-year ascent of Everest.
On his return he announced that he had successfully climbed Everest without the aid of a map. At his press conference he admitted to leaving his map on the plane, and, to embarrassed to admit it, he 'just tried to guess which one was right'.
He climbed a total of fifteen peaks before he finally found the right one.
Other high profile climbers, who asked to be named but have really dull names, said 'The man's a complete arse' and 'He's a fool who couldn't find his knob with a map'. Aside from an obsession with minor swear words, they are both clearly lying. It is evident from the picture that the man is not a complete arse, merely, to coin a phrase, an 'arsehead'. Secondly, and this is the big one, any man who can find a mountain in the Himalayas without a map can surely find his own penis. Even if it does take him seven years.
Pompous Fool
The mountaineering community are clearly jealous of the achievements of Julian but they shouldn't be, because the man's a pompous fool.
Worryingly he has been granted national lottery funds to pay for his next expedition to Antarctica, to find the south pole. Without a map, obviously, as everyone else already knows where it is.
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