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Science has had a bad deal recently, what with Dolly - The Freak Of Nature and Malcolm - The Two Headed Wonder Cow. All that's just changed after the NHS has performed the first successful nanobiotic brain transplant. The reason successful is in italics is because two similar operations were performed in Ohio and Calcutta. Both ended in failure after the nanobots escaped and 'ate' people.
The NHS treatment, funded by the taxpayer, will bring a whole host of benefits. Now terminally stupid people will be given a new chance at life, this time with the aid of a decent brain. At the moment they are limited to simple transplants but the government have signed a multi-billion pound deal with IBM to manufacture brain circuit boards at their Scotland plant.
Upgraded
The brain-boards will come in a variety of configurations from the 'Lite', through 'Deluxe' and 'Gold' to the top of the range 'Pro' model. The 'Lite' equates to the average secondary school teacher while the 'Pro' is equivalent to a particle physicist. Prices start from around £500.
The doctor who performed the surgery was optimistic about the future. Said Dr. Patel 'We are continuing our efforts to further British science. We all love sci-fi programmes, and what a way to pay homage to them than build our very own Frankenstein's Monster. It's great.
Technology
In its most basic form, the operation uses millions of subatomic robots to remove a brain, and then install a new one. It is also up to these 'micro-nurses' to make sure the body's equivalent to device drivers are loaded. Once this is done the patient is given a lolly to suck on and told to go home and be a good boy/girl.
The new treatment will come into general usage in November, so if you're a bit thick then look no further.
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