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The recent revelations that anti-impotence drug Viagra can cause death if mixed with other substances has not deterred limp customers from using it. The same can be said of popular US women's magazine What Menopause?
Over the last month a series of articles that have appeared in said magazine have caused the death of thirty-three people. The stories cover varying aspects of what makes a good person, from 'hair on heads, not on faces' to 'knob between legs not on faces'. It is this style of crude writing that has attracted the new class of ladette. She is independent and likes to drink, swear and sleep around. If she didn't have breasts she'd be a man. Though, some of the women round my way… well, it's a bit confusing.
Two's company…
The male partners of these self-styled modern women start to acquire complexes about the weaker parts of their physical and mental make-ups. Some have even been pushed to suicide, leaving notes like 'she said my face was too round… and it is' and 'she beat me at Scrabble twice… and my longest [word] was pie'. Others were more seriously affected, 'Every day I dread her return. She carries a large stick, she calls it the 'punishment stick'. I'm really scared. And scarred. No! Here she com-'.
Whining Slappers
Other problematic areas include the competition pages, where readers are encouraged to send in humiliating pictures of their partners. One such picture showed a fat financier squeezing out a huge log on the toilet. The subsequent office jokes made the man commit suicide by bingeing on cheeseburgers and crack cocaine. He is now dead. Others who have taken their lives are Henry Jones, the West Coast businessman who saw that 'women hate men with good jobs'. He resigned from his job that very day, and his wife left him when he returned home to tell her the good news and get a bit of bed action in.
He died, swinging from a tree, with the words 'fat, stupid bastard' ringing in his ears.
Denial
The magazine's publishers Waterhouse, Closet and Shed have denied any possible links saying 'What are you on? You've just made this toss up. We've never printed this, this rubbish!'. They are, however, wrong. They did print it. They printed it all. I'm pretty sure they did. Or perhaps it was What Suicide Method? I don't remember now. Damn. Damn it all to Milton Keynes and back.
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