A Dilema From N. B.:

This (making him #1) is kind of hard around here. It seems like my dh is just so easy going and good natured that when he is trying to talk to me, if the kids are yelling for my attention or something, he will just quit talking and save it for later. I have really tried to tell my kids that DADDY was talking and they will have to wait their turn. But with the way he is, sometimes it is just easier to let them say what they wanted to and talk to him when it's quieter.

Reply from Mrs. R.

Eventually I realized that it was good for the children for me to stop them and say, "Your father is speaking, please wait" even though he did not appear to mind.

When J.C. sent this to the list:

We had a honey ham as the centerpiece of our Christmas meal. Unfortunately, I had to buy a *much* larger ham than we needed. Can I freeze the ham? How long is it good in the fridge?

S.F read for an instant "freeze the man". Here is her tongue-in-cheek reply:

I'm not sure why anyone would want to freeze the man. I really wonder what he has done (you didn't give us many details). It was bad enough that he was the centerpiece at the table, but isn't this going a bit far? You need to read the chapter on "making him number one". He needs to feel he is first in your life. Don't treat him as if he were some farm animal. He does much more than just bring home the bacon and you need to appreciate his efforts. Just ignore him next time he grunts or snorts at you. My husband always says if you wallow with a pig in the mire, he'll enjoy it and you won't. You can make better use of your freezer by using it for leftovers.

Hope this helps,

a_fabricating_woman

J.P. sent this to the list:

I have to tell you about my experience with the bathroom drawer. I have been on the cleaning warpath lately, trying to get and keep this house in good shape. Well, all of our married lives I have dominated the closets, bathroom drawers etc. I have never let my husband have a place to put his stuff. I have always just shoved his stuff here and there without much regard to him. Well, I cleaned out all of my junk out of the bathroom and condensed what I had left and put my husbands stuff in the best drawer in the bathroom (the biggest and the one on top).

When he came home later that night I showed him what I had done, and I have to tell you I was amazed at his response. He was SOOOO appreciative!!! It really ment alot to him. And then I said, "Well, honey you deserve this drawer and a whole lot more for as much as you do for us." ( I felt a little out of my comfort zone saying this, we usually aren't this mushy, but I DID it) And I swear to you his whole character changed for the night. He was so sweet and kind and very enjoyable to have around. It was a great success!!

This came from Mrs. Andelin's workbook pages.

• HAVE YOUR WORK DONE: Plan your work with the finish time in mind. Quit about an hour before your husband's expected arrival. Your desperate cry, "Are you home already!" is not a very warm welcome.

• HAVE DINNER READY: Plan ahead to have a delicious meal ON TIME! Men love walking in to the smells of a delicious dinner. This is one way of letting him know you have been thinking about him and are concerned with his needs. It helps to have a reminder in your day planner, on a list, or in your card file that says "Think About Dinner". It's no fun to face a frozen roast at 4:30 in the afternoon. It also helps to have the table set and ready to go.

• PREPARE YOURSELF: Take a little time to rest so you won't feel so harried when he arrives. Put things aside and compose yourself. Think about your attitude toward him and how you will treat him when he gets home. After resting, go freshen up - touch up your makeup, fix your hair, change clothes if you need to. Put on a cheerful face.

• CLEAR AWAY THE CLUTTER: Just before your husband arrives home, make a quick trip through the main parts of the house and remove unsightly clutter. (I used to ring a bell and the kids knew they had 10 minutes to get all their stuff cleared away or the Clutter Bug {me!} would come and take it away for who knows how long.) You don't have to put all the stuff away, but move it out of sight.

• PREPARE THE CHILDREN: Take a minute or two to get the children cleaned up some, too. Just a quick wipe with a cloth will usually do, but if their clothes are a mess, change them.

• MINIMIZE THE NOISE: Most men have spent a hectic day with a lot of tension and probably a hectic drive home to go with it. He may be longing for only a few minutes of peace and quiet. Don't have loud appliances running like the vacuum or the washer. Take a cue from your husband about the children. He may be extremely glad to see them, but still need a few minutes to unwind.

• BE HAPPY TO SEE HIM: Greet him with a smile and let him know you are glad he's home.

• AVOID THESE: Complaints and problems - save the ones you need help with until later after he has had some time to rest.

• MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE: Lead him to his favorite chair. Have a cool drink or a cup of coffee ready for him. You can rub his neck or shoulders or take off his shoes, if he likes.

• LISTEN TO HIM: You may have several things to tell him, but let him talk first. Ask him about his day.

• MAKE THE EVENING HIS: Don't complain if he doesn't take you out in the evenings. Try to understand his need to relax and realize his home is his haven. Try to understand the stress and strain he is under. Don't get sucked into bickering if he is irritable, just put yourself in his shoes and try to be sympathetic.

• YOUR GOAL: You want the home to be a place and yourself to be a person a man wants to come home to! The home should be a place of peace and order where the family can grow in body and spirit. Work on the principles of Fascinating Womanhood and practice these homecoming tips and see how he reacts. This is the way to bring a man home where you want him. Wheedling, pressure, nagging, or reminding him of his obligations is not.

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