The Donnie & Marie Show
Background:Back in the middle 1970's Donnie Osmond used to fill the covers of Teen Magazine. I should remember it well; my sister had a veritable shrine to him out at my grandma's house. Our mom wouldn't let Barb cover her walls with his pictures, but grandma didn't mind about her own back room.
The Donnie and Marie Show aired for a number of years on ABC (?). It was a variety show with lots of music, very much like The Sonny and Cher Show. Their catch phrase was him singing "She's a little bit country." indicating Marie and her singing "He's a little bit rock and roll." indicating Donnie. I don't know if it was 30 or 60 minutes and I don't know for how many years it aired.
The progam featuring C-3PO, R2-D2 and Chewbacca aired either in late 1977 or early 1978. Redd Foxx was in Sanford and Son, also on ABC. Kris Kristoferson had just been in the remake of A Star is Born with Barbara Streisand. Paul Lynne, did the voice of Templeton the rat in Charolette's Web. Years later, he was a regular on The Hollywood Squares.
I don't remember if the segment lasted the length of the entire program. In fact, I really don't remember how it ended. I have five of the musical numbers on tape. There were certainly more. The Kristoferson song almost reminds me of something from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
A few things worth noting:
After transcribing this, I'm certain that it makes the The Holiday Special look like Shakespeare. This is just so bad! The applause and laugh-track even sound forced. (No pun intended.)
There are a seven audio files below in Real Audio format. Fortunately (or not), I don't have any pictures from this.
The Cast (in order of appearence):
(Theme plays. Star Wars incidental music is used in various places.) Announcer: A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away . . . there was an evil force at work to destroy the values by which decent people live. Values like patriotism, cleanliness, thrift and good dental hygiene. Did the evil force win the battle? That's for us to know and you to find out. (Enter Donnie and Marie Osmond dressed as Luke and Leia. Donnie begins the first musical number.) Donnie: Princess Leia, our goose is cooked, unless we lift off of this star. Marie: Luke, I know you're right, we've got to take flight, before they find out where we are. Both: Darth will be searching up and down, 'Til he finds our hiding place. Before very long, They'll know we're gone. Got to be lost in space. Right up to the stars, we are flying, we are falling. And I can see the clouds rolling by. Right up to the stars, we are sailing, we are soaring. Only thing we can do is try to take the first available flight out of sight. Donnie: We are riders to the stars. Marie: We are riders to the stars. Both: We are riders to the stars. (31.3 KB) (End of the first musical number.) Donnie: Oh, Look! (Enter the droids.) Marie: Oh! Oh, you made it. (R2 beeps to 3PO) C-3PO (to Artoo): Certainly not. That would never work! (Laughter) Marie: Oh, if only Obi-Ben Okeefenokee were here! Donnie: Yeah, he'd tell us what to do. (Redd Foxx as Obi-Ben appears in a composite shot.) Redd: I'll tell you what to do. Why don't you look over there? It's your chance to escape. (He indicates an upright rocket on the stage. Kristoferson is leaning up against it, dressed as Han Solo.) Marie: Ow, look over there! It's our chance to escape. Redd: I knew I hear it somewhere. (Laughter) Donnie: Hey, taxi! (R2 beeps at 3PO) C-3PO: Pardon me sir. He says that not a taxi, it's a spaceship. But, that's exactly what we need. (The group moves to the ship.) C-3PO: Excuse me sir. Kris: What can I do for you? C-3PO: Perhaps you two can explain? (Start of second musical number. R2's beeps form the melody.) Both Donnie and Marie: Show us the way to get out of this world, For that's where everything is. Everything is going, I don't want to stay here. Who wants to stick around and watch the world disappear? (38.9 KB) Marie (Indicating R2): His transistors are in trouble and his tubes are weak. Donnie: And if we stay our chances for survival are bleak. So, Both: Show us the way to get out of this world, For that's - where - eve-ry-thing is. (End of the second musical number.) Marie: Can you help us escape? Kris: If I can't, I know someone who can. (He whistles for Chewie. Chewie appears in the ship and ducks down to step out of it.) (R2 whistles) (Chewie barks at R2) C-3PO: Don't be afraid. (R2 beeps) (Start of third musical number. Female back ground vocals are noted in parenthesis.) Kris: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! He is getting stronger. (Stronger!) He's a getting longer too. Music is a flash in me (I wanna, I wanna) I wanna take you higher. (Higher!) Let me take you higher. Push a few buttons at the fire. (fire!) And take you higher! Kris joined by Donnie and Marie: Chew-bacca-bacca-bacca! (Like Boom-chaka-chaka-chaka! Help me!) Chew-bacca-bacca-bacca! Chewie! (34.5 KB) Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Bye! (End of the third musical number. The group boards the ship and the ramp closes up like a draw-bridge. Obi-Ben appears.) Redd: Most things are changing out here in space. I come from a distant planet called Sanford. My planet has it's own moon, it's own stars and it's own galaxy, but this year, Sanford has no son. (25.6 KB) (The chartacter of Lionel had left the show.) (Interior of an Imperial fortress. Stormtroopers march about. A few other extras (female and dressed spacey, I think) also march about. The rocket is shown lifting off. They may have used stock footage of an Apollo-Saturn V liftoff. Enter Paul Lynne dressed as an Imperial Officer.) (Start of fourth musical number.) Paul: Here my voice, Where you are, Hop a plane, Grab a car, On a cloud, On a star, Come back to me! Have you gone, To the moon? A venuisy lagoon, (vin-ew-see: something on Venus?) On a cosmic monsoon? What's your course? Where the force - can you be? Come back to me! (30.2 KB) Come back to me! Come back to me! (End of the fourth musical number. Enter someone dressed as Vader.) Paul: I didn't except a standing ovation, but what's so funny? Vader: You, you intergalactic fool. You'll never get them back that way. Paul: I suppose you have a better plan? Vader: No, plan at all. Just a little . . . force. (Vader gestures and a sound is heard. He is causing the ship to return. The ship is shown landing on the screen. If it was Apollo footage, I hope that they didn't run it backwards.) Paul: Ah-ha! You see, they've come back! Vader: They had no choice. (The rocket ramp lowers. The group files out.) Kris: How about it? Is that a perfect landing? C-3PO: That's not what we need. Marie: But you landed on the same planet. Kris: But the landing part was perfect. Donnie: I knew we should have taken a cab! (Start of fifth musical number. About a half-dozen stormtroopers appear.) Stromtroppers (some background voices are female): We're Darth Vader's raiders and we can't believe the things that you do. (something - rhymes with sight) We never met a troop who'd play hide-and-seek the way that you do. You're outta sight! (42.4 KB) Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum, Look out people, 'Cause here we come! We're not really certain what to do with you, So get ready, get ready! ? ? ? ? when we get through with you, So get ready, get ready here we come! Get ready, 'Cause here we come! Get ready, 'Cause here we come! (get ready! get ready!) Get ready, 'Cause here we come! Get ready, 'Cause here we come! Get ready, 'Cause here we come! Gotcha! (End of the fifth musical number. The heros are surrounded. Enter Vader and Paul Lynne.) Paul: You thought you'd get away! Don't you know you'll never escape from the farce? Vader: That's the force! Paul: Oh, don't bother me with grammar at a time like this! (16.1 KB)
And then my tape runs out. "Thank the maker!"
Copyright © 1997, Michael A. & Tammy G. Hendershot