24 INT. WMP COUNTRY CLUB, MAIN ROOM
The Monkees are talking to the MANAGER of the country club, who looks to be about in his mid-40s, and PRINCESS, the manager's young adult daugther. Davy just asked if Princess is a real princess.
PRINCESS
I'm
not a real princess. That's just
what
Daddy calls me to be nice because
he
seems to think I've lost a few tiles
in
re-entry.
A beat from Davy.
DAVY
(thought his hearing's gone)
Excuse
me??
PRINCESS
He
says I didn't come quite through the
rocket
ride, and I'm a little bats.
This is a bit shocking for Davy.
PRINCESS
I
don't know. He may be right or he may
be
disturbed!
(snort laughing)
PETER
(aside to MIKE)
There's
a lot of funny euphenisms for
dumb.
A few cards short of a deck ...
MANAGER
(medium CU)
Well,
I hope you fellows play a lot of
your
old hits because if this party
isn't
successful, I may
(flash of lightning,
thunder snaps)
lose
the club!
MICKY
Lose
the club, that's a good one!
PETER
(disagreeing)
No!
MIKE
Lame-O!
DAVY
Hey,
about if the Princess and I are
stranded
on a desert island? We have
one
more last rent payment to pay, and
there's
some buried treasure on the
other
side of the island!
PETER
(aside to MIKE)
One
oar out of the water!
(snickering)
MIKE
(to MANAGER)
You
know, we got a new record out, and
we
need--
PRINCESS
(interrupting)
Oh,
you are going to play some of the
old
hits? 'Boil That Cabbage Down',
boys!
MICKY
We
were going to mostly play the new CD.
We
really need the publicity.
(beat)
'Boil
That Cabbage Down'??
MANAGER
One
of my favorites! I loved it!
(reciting)
'I
thought love was only true in fairy
tales.
Meant for someone else but not
for
me!'
DAVY
That's
'I'm a Believer'!
MANAGER
(continue reciting)
'Ah,
love was out to get me ...'
PRINCESS
(accompanying)
Da
doo da dee!
MANAGER
'...
somewhere else it seemed ...'
PRINCESS
Da
doo da dee!
PETER
(aside to MIKE)
Up
the river without a clue!
MICKY
We
really need to promote this new CD!
CUT TO:
25 INT.MONKEES SHOPPING LAND, STUDIO
The SCREEN is set up to look like a mock of QVC, where there's an INSET of the people and products which is surrounded by information. TIME REMAINING and UNITS REMAINING is set on INFINTE, while the UNITS SOLD switches in between 1 to 2. Peter is the HOST, Davy as himself, and Micky as MARTHA STEWART with dark hair.
PETER
Thanks
for joining me. You know, ever
since
I invented my new non-stick
cookware
and psychic make-up, I've been
getting
more endorsements than I can
count.
Today, my guests are Davy Jones
of
the Monkees, and Martha Stewart.
(Reading off cue card)
Davy,
how long have you been using my
new
psychic make-up and con-stick
nookvare?
DAVY
We
have a new record out!
Davy pulls out a JUSTUS CD and POSTER. The camera gets him holding both.
PETER
(turning to DAVY)
I
beg your pardon?
DAVY
(flashing smile)
Me
and the guys. We have a new CD!
Peter turns to MARTHA STEWART to change the subject.
PETER
(reading off of cue card)
And
Martha, when did you first find out
cheese
wouldn't stick to your eyebrows
when
...
(actually looking at MARTHA)
Are
you really Martha Stewart?
MICKY
(as MARTHA STEWART)
Yeah.
PETER
Well,
how do you make a wedding gown
out
of whipped cream frosting??
MICKY
(a bit unsure)
Well,
uh, it depends on the flavour!
DAVY
(plugging again)
We
have a new record out!
Peter can't believe the show is being ruined.
CUT TO:
26 INT.WMP COUNTRY CLUB, MAIN ROOM
We see Davy and the Princess sitting at a table alone. Waiters and guests around them are preparing for the evening.
PRINCESS
(about the album)
Does
it have 'Boil that...'
DAVY
No,
no, no, see really, that's 'I'm a
Believer'.
The new record is, well,
it's
new!
ANGLE - CU Princess with STARS IN HER EYES
DAVY
Uh,
how old are you?
PRINCESS
(dunced)
I
don't know.
(recovering)
Oh,
but tonight you're going to play
the
hits, aren't you?
ANGLE - CU Princess. The stars evolve into ORANGES and
then into CHERRIES LIKE A SLOT MACHINE.
ANGLE - CU Davy. Davy now has a HOT DOG in his eye.
It
flies out and HOVERS next to his head.
VENDOR
(O.S.)
Hot
dogs, get your hot dogs! Peanuts,
popcorn,
hot dogs, game's starting, get
your
hot dogs!
Davy SHOOS hot dog away.
ANGLE - CU Princess. Now she has SWIRLS IN BOTH EYES,
and then 7 in one eye and a LEMON in another eye.
DAVY
(about the songs)
Well,
I suppose we could do a couple
of
them, yes!
PRINCESS
(hopeful)
Will
Mike wear the hat?
DAVY
(very unsure)
The
hat? Um, well, maybe ...
27 EXT. LIZARD SUNNING ITSELF ON A ROCK
The lizard is back, interrupting the conversation between DAVY
and the PRINCESS.
28 INT.WMP COUNTRY CLUB, MAIN ROOM
The room SHAKES a bit like an earthquake hit it. This scares PRINCESS because she hasn't seen anything like it before.
PRINCESS
(scared)
Oh
dear!
DAVY
Don't
worry, that's just some old lively
film
footage. You see money is a little
tight
...
ANGLE - CU PRINCESS now has an ORANGE in one eye and
a LEMON in the other. This EVOLVES TO a 7 in one eye
and a CHERRY in the other. Her eyes again evolve to a
GOLD BAR in each of her eye, and they eventually fall off.
DAVY thinks it's getting a little too weird for a conversation.
DAVY
...
and the show is about to start, so
I
better go.
DAVY leaves PRINCESS at the table and heads towards the BANDSTAND.
CUT TO:
29 INT.WMP COUNTRY CLUB, BANDSTAND
MICKY, PETER, and MIKE are standing around discussing what
can be further down on television besides Magic Monkee Dust
or lizards sunning themselves.
MICKY
I
just think there's so much more we
can
do, I mean, think about it.
Television.
The possibilities are
endless!!
MIKE
What,
do the news in interpretative
dance?
MICKY
Yeah,
yeah, that's a good idea!
PETER and MIKE start to do INTERPRETATIVE DANCING of the news while Micky MAKES COMMENTARY on the news.
MICKY
(to CAMERA)
Dateline:
Cairo! Holiday ...
Davy comes up to the guys from the RIGHT SIDE OF SCREEN.
DAVY
Mike,
Mike. Are you going to wear the
hat
tonight?
MIKE
(still interpreting the news)
The
hat? The wool hat?
DAVY nods his head. MIKE stops interpreting.
MIKE
Davy,
I haven't seen that hat in 25
years!
DAVY
Have
you got any other kind of hat?
MIKE
Well,
yeah, I got a baseball hat ...
Davy shakes his head no.
MIKE
(cont'd)
...
but if I wear that with this outfit
I'll
scare everybody! I'll look like a
cross
between a serial killer and Steven
Spielburg!
PETER
Or
Forrest Gump!
MICKY
Eww,
even scarier!
MIKE
(a la Forrest Gump)
Life
is like a box of chocolates!
Mikes moves away from camera so Micky is still in the shot
while listening to his bass drum with a STETHOSCOPE.
DAVY
(Desperate)
Please!
Please! Just for tonight!
Mike throws his hands up to show sign of not being able to do it.
DAVY
Look!
I told the Princess that you
would,
and that we'll play some of our
old
hits! Otherwise, her father may
(lightning flashes
and thunder snaps)
lose
the club!
MICKY stops listening to his stethoscope for a moment.
MICKY
David,
that's just a gimmick! A trick
to
get us to do a storyline!
MICKY continues to listen to his bass drum.
DAVY
Really?
But she had stars in her eyes.
MICKY
Yeah,
and raisins and grapfruit, and
the
international symbol for 'Slippery
When
Wet'!
While MICKY is talking, previously seen YOUNG BOY comes up to the WINDOW of the country club, which happens to be behind MICKY. He quits listening to his bass drum for a moment and incidentally turns around. MICKY spots YOUNG BOY.
MICKY
(to others)
Oh,
hey look!
(to YOUNG BOY)
Hey,
how you doin'?
YOUNG BOY is trying to tell him to throw up.
MICKY
(a bit uncertain)
What?
Huh?
YOUNG BOY points to his own mouth.
MICKY
(using stethoscope)
What?
(laughs at himself)
YOUNG BOY points to his own mouth again, but this time with more insistence.
MICKY
(humble)
No,
I can't. No.
YOUNG BOY really wants MICKY to "throw up".
MICKY
(giving in)
Oh,
all right, okay, okay. Here we go!
Ready?
MICKY sticks his finger in his mouth and SPEWS OUT
CONFETTI. YOUNG BOY and his friends are extremely
delighted.
30 EXT. LIZARD SUNNING ITSELF ON A ROCK
The STOCK SHOT interrupts another scene.
31 INT.WMP COUNTRY CLUB, BANDSTAND
MONKEES react to the interruption in the film. MIKE starts
to
put two and two together.
MIKE
(to MICKY)
Do
that again.
MICKY
What?
MIKE
(pointing to own mouth)
You
know.
MICKY
(points to own mouth)
You
mean this?
MIKE
Yeah.
MICKY sticks his finger in his own mouth, and SPEWS
CONFETTI AGAIN.
32 EXT.LIZARD SUNNING ITSELF ON A ROCK
STOCK SHOT again interrupts the normal film.
33 INT.WMP COUNTRY CLUB, BANDSTAND
MIKE
That
confetti's special effects, isn't
it?
MICKY
Na-huh.
MIKE
Not
throw up.
MICKY
Nope.
MIKE
That's
why we keep running out of
production
money, and having to cut to
a
lizard sunning itself on a rock.
MICKY
(disappointed)
I
keep having this trouble! Everytime
I
come up with a neat idea, I keep
getting
this weird side effect. I don't
know
...
(spotting MANAGER to MIKE)
There
he is!
MONKEES take their places with their instruments. MANAGER walks up to BANDSTAND and takes the mic.
MANAGER
Ladies
and gentlemen ...
CROWD starts to get up from their seats and walks to the
BANDSTAND. SPOTLIGHT kicks on.
MANAGER
(continuing)
Could
I have your attention, please?
PRINCESS
(waving to her father)
And
me, me too!
MANAGER
(to PRINCESS)
Of
course, you too, Princess.
(to CROWD)
If
I say the name, The Monkees, what
do
you think of?
CROWD DRAWS BLANK STARES and the only sound is CRICKETS CHIRPING.
MANAGER
(disappointed)
Yeah,
so do I. Okay, we won't go
there
tonight.
(sobering up)
How
many of you remember going to school
with
your Monkees' lunchbox and get
beatin'
up?
EVERYBODY in the audience raises their hand. CAMERA
on MANAGER is PULLED BACK and we see PETER has
his hand raised.
MANAGER
(surprised)
All
of you? It was quite a weapon
though,
wasn't it?
AUDIENCE agrees.
MANAGER
I
personally thought the finger puppet
was
a little bit on the strange side.
Well,
you know, forgive and forget,
water
under the bridge.
(sobering up)
But
tonight, singing from their brand
new
record, some songs that you probably
won't
recognize, along some of their
greatest
hits that you've come to know
and
love, Harlo and Charlie, Humphrey
and
Bing ... also known as Davy, Mike,
Micky,
and Peter, it's the Monkees!!
AUDIENCE applauds. MONKEES start into SONG: "Last Train to
Clarksville".