| "After
we get dressed, I will confess my ridiculous secret," Lily said.
"Confess your ridiculous secret?" I echoed. "But, you said it was torture. How is that ridiculous?" "‘Ridiculous,’ as in ‘too ridiculous to be true.’ Completely unbelievable. It’s like something out of an ancient myth!" Lily explained, shaking her head. "I hope you can believe it. I’ve been waiting for the right time to tell you. It’s been hard, keeping this particular secret from you, because it’s about you." I raised my eyebrows. A secret about me? She continued, "I wasn’t sure how you would react. If you react like any normal person would, you’ll probably think I’ve lost my mind…" She looked intently at me. "Can you believe a fantastic story?" All this was making me intensely curious. I replied, "Lily, I would never have believed it, if someone had told me I could love someone, like I love you. And, I would not have believed that someone like you, could ever love me. Since meeting you, my whole life has been too fantastic, to be comprehended. I think I can believe anything fantastic or ridiculous that you tell me." Lily grinned broadly. "O.K.!" She was almost bouncing up and down, she was so gleeful! "But, we have to get dressed and stuff, first! Let’s hurry, so we have some time left, before Craig gets here. Just one kiss first, lover!" She pleaded. I happily obliged. I held her face in my hands, pressing her damp hair to her cheeks. I smelled her. One kiss was all this would be, no sex to follow. It was a precious moment to me. During our engagement, Lily had been so unbelievably virginal, that we never even kissed, until the wedding! And, I never dared ask her to, or steal one, either. She was too pure and precious to 'corrupt.' She said I could kiss her hand, all I wanted. I took full advantage of her consent, in that regard! Boy, that was interesting! I never crossed the line, of course, but part of me was wishing that kissing her hand-- and also serenading her, et cetera, et cetera-- would put her in the mood for more, like in that movie, "Don Juan De Marco." The other part was wanting her to be too much of an angel, to be seduced. After all those other girls, who were only too eager to jump in bed with me, it was kind of thrilling to be refused, or at least put off. Amazingly, she made it seem perfectly normal, to only hold hands, hug, whisper sweet nothings. It was normal to her. But, it was also a blow to my ego, after seeming so irresistible. Our one kiss was over. I opened my suitcase, to get out the day’s clothes. Lily got hers from the closet. I put my clothes on, and watched, as Lily dressed herself. Yes, I know! I only torture myself that way, but I can’t help it. At least I had something to occupy my hands. Lily put on another set of sensible cotton underwear. They were those bike-short style ones. And a cotton sports bra top thing. I was formulating a theory that the previous night’s cotton panties and un-hookable bra, were the special things she wore, just for our wedding night. That, for her, was as fancy as her lingerie got. Maybe I’d buy her some. But, nothing too weird. I wondered what she had for a nightgown… Then, Lily removed her regular uniform from a hanger. By that, I mean: a mid-calf or longer dress, casual in style, but still flattering. Never sleeveless or décolletage-exposing. Although, some are slightly see-through… In a pastel or light neutral, solid color. But, she does possess one pair of jeans, as far as I know. And, a couple floral skirts. And that plaid shirt. But, she almost always wears solid colored dresses. This dress was mint green. Knit, with buttons down the front. Great for sleeping in, on the plane. "Go ahead and do your hair, Lily. I will pack our suitcases," I told her. That way, I could hopefully take a peek, while she wasn’t looking, at Lily’s nightclothes. I put her suitcase on the bed, too. "Put my toothbrush in my purse, please. Yours too, if you want." Lily smiled at me, and moved to her dressing table. She sat backwards on the little stool, bent over and let her hair fall, again. Then proceeded to run her fingers through it. To see her hair down, gunk-free and damp, like that, was also a delightful privilege for me. Lily always puts her long hair up, in public. And during our engagement, we mostly only saw each other in public. The first time I saw her hair down, was when she started living in this house, and had invited me over, to help hang pictures, and unpack her books. It was another heart-stopper for me, when she opened the door, and I saw her there, back-lit in the doorway, with her hair free… And when we were in the bath, and I saw how wavy it was when wet, sticking to her neck, hanging down past her breasts, she seemed like a water-nymph. Yes. Lily is a water-nymph, and I am her eternal consort. My Water-Lily. This is a little like living an ancient myth. We were definitely going to have to install a pool in the new house, when it got built. Lily piled her hair on the top of her head, and pinned it there. I packed our robes, and closed our suitcases, again. But not before I tried to surreptitiously look through Lily’s things. I spied her nightgown. It was ivory. No lace, but it had a raised floral pattern in the weave. I looked at the label: Size S Petite, 60% Silk/40% Wool. Well, it was winter almost, so I wouldn’t expect to find something skimpy. At least it wasn’t flannel. Lily may be practical, but she also has an eye for beauty, even if her tastes run simple. I felt the fabric. It was soft. "You’re not going to blow dry your hair?" I asked. "Nope. Can’t stand the sound it makes. Usually, I wash my hair in the evening, so it has time to dry," Lily explained. I put my shoes and socks on, then said, "I’m gonna put the suitcases in the living room." "You could get our coats from the closet too, if you like," Lily responded. She was putting her shoes and socks on, as well. When I returned, she was applying makeup. "My girlfriends all say I don’t put enough makeup on. They say to do it, like I normally would, then do it all again. Then repeat!" She laughed. "I can’t stand it, though. Especially mascara." Then she sighed. "But, it’s important not to look like a dead fish." "You definitely do not look like a dead fish! Even on film," I guaranteed. "You look like an ethereal spirit. Lustrous." "Lustrous?" Lily wondered at the term. "Yes," I confirmed. I was thinking of the 'lust' part of it, too. "All we have left, is to get the camera and take out the garbage. Oh yeah, and fold the laundry!" Lily looked at the clock. "Ten minutes ‘til he gets here. I told him not to be late." "And, I told him not to be early!" I exclaimed. "I’m almost done, can you get the load out of the machine?" We have one of those fancy-schmancy combination washer/dryer-in-one machines. I brought it back and put the pile on the bed. We folded our sheets. I put them into the armoire, as Lily folded and put away the rest of the load. "O.K. It’s time," Lily began. She held both my hands, and looked up at me. "Stand there," she said. Then, she started stepping backwards, until my arms were out in front of me. Then she let go, and stood there. "How are you feeling?" She asked. "Are you still, um, in the mood?" "I am perpetually half-cocked," I repeated. "I think once we get out in public, I’ll be fine." Although, I doubted that even that would help. "Hon," Lily gritted her own teeth, and shook her head. "I really can’t wait, either! Which brings me to the topic at hand: Imagine, that you feel like you do right now, wanting me, desiring to express your love to me. Wanting to touch me, and tell me, and everything. And, wanting me to reciprocate. But, then imagine that there is a wall, a half-mirror separating us. You can see me, the object of your desire, but I am not aware of you. You cannot be with me, or interact with me, in any way. Then, imagine that you are locked in a seemingly hopeless state, of being ‘perpetually half-cocked’ for your unattainable beloved, just beyond your reach… for seven years." "My God!" Lily continued, before I could say any more: "…And, what makes it worse, is that you don’t know if I would I love you, back. And, I don’t even know that I would love you, back. So, I’m just doing my thing, unaware that someone, who loves me so incredibly, is waiting for me. So, I am missing out, on an incredible love! And that breaks your heart, to watch me yearning for true love, and not finding it, when you are the one who has it, but you can’t give it to me!" Lily started crying, at that point. I felt sad. I shook my head, in dismay. Lily put out her hand, so I would stay away. She let the tears fall, not caring what they were doing to her makeup. "What do you do?" She asked. "You beat on the glass! You call out for me! And when that doesn’t work, you cry. You see no way past the barrier. You plead with God! You say, ‘please! If it’s not meant to be, take this love I feel, from me! Why are you making me suffer? Please! Just kill me now!’ Because, you have no hope, that you will ever be able to touch me. God doesn’t take the love away. It only gets stronger! You try to talk yourself out of it, telling yourself that it’s just an irrational crush. Does someone have a crush for seven years? Then you start wondering if you are insane, to obsess so. Then you grow weary of fighting it. You are hopelessly in love. You decide to accept it. Then, you just grow quiet. And ache." So many tears. I had to come and comfort her. When I held her, she started bawling. But, not for long. She got it under control. I wish she would just let go. "My poor darling." I held her tighter, and kissed her head. "I’m here. We’re together, now. And forever, after." Lily squeezed me tightly, too. She didn’t look up, she just said, "Rick, you told that one reporter, that for you, it was love at first sight. I have loved you, just as fiercely as I do now, long before I ever saw you in person. If you can believe it…" For some reason, my response was, "love is eternal." At this, Lily looked up. She looked at me, with her mouth open, as if I had just said something very profound. "Yes. That’s right." Her brow was still furrowed. I wondered what she was thinking about. Then she smiled a little. "I need to tell you more." Just then, we heard the sound of tires on the gravel drive. My on-time, yet incredibly ill-timed best friend, Craig had arrived. "Oh, no! Just five more minutes…" Lily said, and looked disappointed. She rested her forehead on my chest. "Yeah," I agreed. "Lily, can you tell me the rest, on the plane?" I said quickly. Lily thought about it. "Maybe." "Good enough. I have stuff to tell you, too." I kissed her. I was planning to do it hastily, before Craig got to the door, but when I got near her face, I just had to linger there, for a moment. Lily let out a delicious sound, in response. I kissed her once more. Faster. Craig was knocking. "I’ll go let him in." "Thanks," Lily said. "Thank you!" She said again, as I exited the bedroom. "Thank you, Lily." Then, I broke into a broad grin! Lily smiled back. Then, I headed toward the front door. What I had just experienced was truly unbelievable. And there was more to it… I knew that, the second I opened that door, Lily and I were going to have to deal with the world again. We spent fourteen beautiful, unforgettable hours alone. But, we were both awake, for probably only six of them. And, it seemed like even less time than that. Time marches on. And we would be alone, again. I opened the door. |
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"Love
Among The Ruins" by Sir
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