Who was the most henpecked husband in the Bible?
Joseph; Mary rode his ass all the way to Bethlehem and back!

When Jesus left the door open, did his mother ask him if he was
born in a barn?

Also, if St. Paul were alive today and had a computer, would he 
send e-pistles?

Scientists tell us that 98.4% of our DNA is identical to that of 
Chimpanzees.  If we were created in God's image, does that mean
that Chimpanzees were created in 98.4% of God's image?

Burning Bush: "Moses!  Take off your shoes for this is Holy Ground."
Moses: "Yes Lord."
Burning Bush: "Peeyew!  On second thought, put your shoes back on!"

Did you hear about the vegan vampire?
He died of starvation; you just can't get blood from a turnip!

Male Lady Bugs, the transvestites of the Insect Kingdom

If I cook my fries in the oven, shouldn't they be called "bakes"?

Can any man truly be said to SUFFER from premature ejaculation?

Why are they called nurses?  They certainly won't nurse you.

Why are they called fleas? They won't run away.  

Did you pick your nose?
   No, I was born with it!

Why are most undertakers early birds?
   Because they just love mournings!

   Why are Northerners called Yankees?
                              Because Southerners are Yankers!

   They knew the boxers were gay when they exchanged blows in the 
ring.

   Have you every heard of Chicken Cacciatore?  Cacciatore is the
Italian word for "Hunter" and hence Chicken Cacciatore is Hunter-
style Chicken.  My question is this, do people really hunt 
chickens?  And if so, do they have trouble shooting them through 
that chicken wire?  Just wondering.....

If heat rises, why doesn't ice form on the bottom of lakes?

When is an apple, not an apple?
When you have two, they're a pair (pear)!

Top ten reasons why we should have unbridled immigration from Mexico:

10. We won't come in dead last in the world cup anymore
 9.  We can finally implement the Metric system
 8.  You'll be able to get decent Mexican food anywhere in the U.S.
 7.  Spanish is a much prettier language than English
 6.  No more speeding tickets, bribes will be universally accepted
 5.  We can make money exporting drugs to Canada
 4.  If you are a factory owner you can pay your workers 50 cents/hour
 3.  No more nasty sexual harassment laws
 2.  Kids can learn a foreign language just by going to a public school

And finally, the number one reason by we should have unbridled
immigration from Mexico:
 1. Mexican woman are HOT, HOT, HOT!!!

Move on down the Information Highway