The Renaissance Faire Purity Test

Brought to you by The White Dragon
last updated on August 25, 2004

NEWS FLASH: Renaissance Faire Purity Test official products are available -- click here to help keep me in cider this season!
The Renaissance Faire Purity Test F.A.Q. is now up and the Purity Level Descriptions are here!

If you would like to browse the rest of my Renaissance Faire pages, just click here.

Directions (yeah, like you need em...):
1. Check all boxes for which your answer is "yes".
2. Mash the "submit" button at the bottom.
3. Wait for your score.

Knowledge and Trivia

Do you know...
...what "faire boogers" are?
...what the "privy monster" is?
...what "bat sweat/dragon piss" is?
...who "John Barleycorn" is?
...what's worn under a true Scotsman's kilt?
...all the words to at least 10 faire songs?
...the significance of "The beer is in the back of the pickup truck"?
...who the "Green Man" is? (no, it is not from "The Mask)"
...what the term "Dane" refers to?
...what the term "BFA" refers to?
...what each of the colors of roses symbolize?
...what mead is made from?
...all the names of Henry VIII's wives?
......in historical order (or how the marrage ended)?
...at least two of the nicknames given to Elizabeth I of England?
...the basic rules of the Caber Toss (aka the "Scottish Log Chucking Competition")?
...the difference between "good" and "bad" velvet tights?

Real Life Stuff

Have you...
...worn garb outside of faire?
...worn garb to a mudane job?
...seen a man in a skirt and not thought twice about it?
...rented videocassettes or DVDs purely for garb ideas?
...been Scottish since before Braveheart?
...dated a rennie?
...forsaken family/friends/job to attend faire?
...dropped into accent at work/around family?
.......without noticing?
...referred to faire as "my real job"?
...referred to faire as "home"?
...referred to bathrooms as "privy"?
...been able to tell people exactly how many days until opening?
...sighed wistfully while in the cider/mead/ale section of a liquor store?
...decorated your apartment/house in early Victorian?
...bowed or curtsied out of habit?
...had a dream you're attending faire?
...belonged to a guild?
...been involved with the S.C.A.?
...shouted "Huzzah!" after any performance outside of faire?
...forgotten how to flush?
...reached for a pouch on your belt before realizing faire season was over?
......and found one?
...corrected the pronunciation of the "Boston Celtics"?
...been onsite off season?
...broken off a relationship with someone because they didn't "get" faire?
...checked for Renaissance Faires in the area before you moved?
...decided against moving because there were no faires within 100 miles?
...purchased a new vehicle because you didn't have enough room for everyone's garb?
...driven more than 100 miles to a Renaissance Faire?
...ever eaten haggis?
...spent more money on one piece of garb than you make in a week?
...had a sudden craving for faire food during off-season?
...gotten personalized vanity plates that contain a reference to faire?
...attended a renaissance faire themed wedding, in garb?
......as the bride or groom?
...bitten your thumb or used two fingers to flip someone, outside of faire?

Do you...
...have a room in your house dedicated to faire?
...prefer your faire name to your real one?
...automatically correct people who refer to your garb as "costumes"?
...have more faire friends than non-fairegoers?
...have business cards with your faire name listed on it?
...know the royalty by their real names but find it odd to call them that?
...think chainmail or leather are neccesary fashion accessories?
...own more garb than real clothing?
...think of Monty Python's "The Holy Grail" as quality entertainment?
...have at least one faire poster hanging on your wall?
...own at least one of the performer's merchandise (tape, CD, shirt)?
...own a hand-crafted drinking vessel (ie: a cup, you dolt!)?
...own a period instrument (bodhran, harp, flute, bagpipe)?
...own period weapons (knife, sword, dagger, etc.)?
......wear them to faire?
...own garb?
......make it yourself?
......get asked where you bought it?
...consider mead, ale and cider as food groups?
...think going without showers for 2 days is normal?
...read or subscribe to alt.fairs.renaissance?
...recognize the majority of the employees at the local fabric store?
......do they know your name or ask about your newest project?
...consider velvet as a summer wardrobe?
...have children who talk back in B.F.A.?
......who think everyone has got a garb closet?
...have a garb closet or a gue...err...fest room?
...have enough cloth in your house to stock a small fabric store?
...think your house looks oddly empty after packing for faire?
...have a webpage with at least one section dedicated to the Renaissance period or Renaissace Faires?
...have an email address or internet domain name based on your faire name?
...have ongoing catalog subscriptions to vendors that feature period items? (ie, Chivalry Sports, Design Toscano, etc.)?
...have an extremely large book section devoted to period-like literature or fantasy?
...seen fairegoers out of garb and recognized them?
...seen fairegoers out of garb and not recognized them?
...know some of your faire friends by at at least three different names (Hey, I know just too many "Daves")?
......talked to them, randomly using all of these names, outside of faire and never noticed you were doing so?
......had any of them answer to all of them without a second thought?
......only address any of them by their faire names ("You mean 'McCleod' isn't really your last name?)?

At faire

Have you...
...gotten paid for being there? (ie: did you ever work there?)
...been offered a job at booths that you stop by?
...attended at least 3 different faires?
.....within a 12 month period?
...attended two different faires in consecutive weekends?
.....within the same weekend?
...been asked "Do you work here?"
...been asked for directions by a patron?
......been able to accurately give them?
...been fest-married?
......more than once?
...been legally married at faire?
...managed to make a performer drop character?
...been hung-over from the night before and still attended?
...been given a title (willingly or not) by the nobility?
...been involved with in "wench walk, fairy ring, roguing or wenching"?
...been involved in "grape-diving"?
..."fallen asleep" at a pub table (ie, passed out)?
...found yourself laughing at the Clan McPizzahut variety of plaids?
...let your hair grow long or added extentions specifically for faire?
...sent (or received) a rose?
......to (or from) a complete stranger?
...been carrying so many roses, patrons have mistaken you for a rose-seller -- and you're not?
...felt uncomfortable when you show up in "civies"?
...shown up out of garb and not been recognized?
......been recognized and asked why you're wearing such odd clothing?
...found a bug in your food and kept eating?
...found that you don't mind the taste of dirt in your food anymore?
...blown your entire budget for the season on the first day?
...used this list for ideas about things to do at faire?
...done the "pub crawl"?
...been asked to pose for a picture by someone you don't know because you're in garb?
...found that torrential downpours don't bother you (Hey, the food lines are shorter!)
...talked a performer into delaying their show so that you could make a cider, ale, beer or food run?
...used an actual chamberpot (and no, "port-a-pots" don't count!)
...refused to bow to the royalty because their not the rulers of your country?
...attended an official "invasion" (AFR or other en masse group)?
...been able to tell whether the keg was freshly tapped simply by the taste?

Men only: Have you...
...been "wenched" or otherwise flirted with en masse?
...worn tights to faire?
......worn a codpiece?
...attended as a scotsman?
......gone regimental?
......and forgot not to bow?
...stopped to "smell the roses"? (see below)
...automatically reached for someone's wrist when shaking their hand??
...ever been kilt-checked?
...piddled in the public trough?

Women only: Have you...
...been "rogued" or otherwise flirted with en masse?
...worn a rose in your cleavage (ie, a rose garden)?
......had comments regarding your rose garden?
...done the "reach and pull" maneuver in plain view?
...thought that unlacing is almost as good as sex?
...thought "If I can breathe it's not tight enough"?
...dressed as a celt?
......and not gotten tossed out?
...suffered from "bodice tan"?
...performed a kilt-check?

After hours

Have you...
...changed out of garb in the middle of the parking lot?
...been backstage or in tent city?
......slept there?
...crashed or attended a cast-only party?
...been involved in any sort of drinking games with the royalty?
...walked past security without being asked for an ID after hours?
...ever been told to "lose the accent"?
......and not been able to?
...ever walked right past your car and not recognized it through the inch of dust on it??
...gone to the local dive and thought it was the best food you had all day?
...piddled in the parking lot, sans port-a-pot?

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You can check out the score/comment page here or send comments to The White Dragon.