"...the face of the sheriff deputy standing at my door seemed to float backwards as if in a telescope...I was fully engulfed in shock now, wrapped in its grey cloak. I was a black hole of chaotic, churning emotions; for a fraction of a time that was my only awareness. I had entered the deepest, emptiest quiet and desolation I have ever experienced..."
(personal journal notes about reaction to notification of my husband's death.)
LINKS and THOUGHTS about Loss, Grief, and Bereavement
This page is just starting. Actually my search for bereavement data began in July of 1992 when my husband was killed in a motorcycle accident--it was difficult, to phrase it politely. People did not want to discuss death issues in the "open." As if it were something to be ashamed of, or...who knows? It just did not seem right to me that searching should be so much like running an obstacle course at a military bootcamp. Fortunately, I was stubborn and enjoyed reading and researching--to a certain point--which eventually resulted in this attempt to make 'the seeking' a little easier for at least those who use computers. Of course, they can always pass the information on! To be honest, though, what actually prompted me to start these pages was the sudden death of a young relative in a freak car accident in 1997. Our own pain (my own son and I) was revived as we sensed in a way the agoninzing pain the family was experiencing. We hurt so badly because we knew we could not relieve them of any of this powerful and overwhelming sorrow. This feeling, this awareness of the intensity of this suffering is a lesson we learn without seeking. We know we cannot 'take it away' and we find ourselves grieving for their anguish and sorrow.
My plan is to insert links to various sites of interest relating to bereavement issues from deaths and other losses. I want to make this a comprehensive list of as many of the informational resources available as I can locate. This page is dedicated to all the people searching for help and supportive information--people who do not know where to turn or look. Even people just wanting to learn more. From time to time, I will also print out an interesting article or words from people willing to share their feelings.
~~letter from a grieving mother~~
~~Valentine poem~~
~~Rainbow Bridge~~
Bereavement is the state of loss, grief is the emotion felt about the loss, and mourning is how one expresses this feeling about the loss, but whatever term a person wishes to use, it is still a process. One does not "get over it," or "completely heal," or find "closure." The effects of death change all survivors forever--they adapt if they have lots of help, endless hope, and valid information, but they NEVER forget! The pain is something one may want to send to oblivion not the person cared about
Does experiencing any loss make us better people? I am not sure at this point--but I feel that most of us have learned, or are trying to learn, to be more compassionate and accepting of our humanity and weaknesses, whatever we perceive them to be. None of us are the same people we were before but we are still here trying to continue.
Educational sites:
Reading recommendations:
(the following books are those which I have read--a potpourri of philosophical, educational, and miscellaneous self-help works)
- Albom, Mitch. (1997) Powerful, gentle, and honest. Talks with a man dying from ALS--about "life's greatest lesson" Tuesdays with Morrie. New York, NY: Doubleday div. of Bantam Doubleday Dell Publ. Group, Inc.
- Albom, Mitch. (2003) fiction--a good read. The Five People You Meet in Heaven. New York, NY: Hyperion
- Brothers, Joyce. (1990) Widowed. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster, Inc.
- Brisson, Barbara Schiff. (1997) Such is the Way of the World a journey through grief. Mahwah, NJ: Paulist Press
- Brooks, Jane. (1999) I started reading this just before my Mom died. It fits. Midlife Orphan facing lifes's changes now that your parents are gone. New York, NY: Berkley Books mbr. of Penguin Putnam Inc.
- Buscaglia, Leo, PhD. (1982) The Fall of Freddie the Leaf: A Story of Life for All Ages. (This touches all of us.) Thorofare, NJ: Slack Incorporated.
- Callahan, Maggie and Patricia Kelley. (1992) Understanding the special awareness, needs, and communications of the dying Final Gifts. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster, Inc.
- Cameron, Julia with Mark Bryan. (1992) a spiritual path to higher creativityThe Artist's Way. New York, NY: Tarcher/Putnam Books.
- Death and Spirituality. (1993) Series on death, values and meaning. edited by Kenneth J. Doka, with John D. Morgan. Amityville, NY: Baywood Publishing Company, Inc.
- Living with Grief after Sudden Loss: Suicide, Homicide, Accident, Heart Attack, Stroke. (1996) edited by Kenneth J. Doka, PhD. sponsored by the Hospice Foundation of America. Bristol, PA: Taylor & Francis.
- Living with Grief series Ethical Dilemmas at the End of Life. (2005) edited by Kenneth J. Doka, Bruce Jennings, and Charles A Cook. Washington, DC: Hospice Foundation of America.
- Fitzgerald, Helen. (1994)The Mourning Handbook: a Complete Guide for the Bereaved. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster, Inc.
- Ginsburg, Genevieve Davis. (1987) To Live Again a guide to surviving widowhood. Ms. Ginsburg is the founder of Widowed to Widowed Service. Los Angeles, CA: Bantam Books div. of Bantam Doubleday Dell Publ. Group, Inc.
- A Little Book of Comfort, an Anthology of Grief and Love. (1993) compiled by Anthony G. Guest. Glascow, Sc: HarperCollins Manufacturing.
- Love Remembered a book of comfort in grief. (1997) compiled by Celia Haddon. London, England: Michael Joseph, Penguin Publ. Group.
- Harris, Maxine. (1995) Loss of a parent The Loss that is Forever. New York, NY: Dutton, Div. of Penguin Books USA, Inc. (For children of all ages)
- Hickman, Martha Whitmore. (1994) Healing after Loss-daily meditations for working through grief. New York, NY: Avon Books div. of the Hearst Corp.
- Jozefowski, Joanne T. (1999) The Phoenix Phenomenon : rising from the ashes of grief. Northvale, NJ: Jason Aronson Inc.
- Krauss, Pesach. (1988) Coping with Grief, Loss, and Change Why Me?. New York, NY: Bantam Books.
- Kubler-Ross, Elisabeth. (1974) Questions On Death and Dying. New York, NY: Macmillan Publishing Co., Inc.
- Kubler-Ross, Elisabeth. (1969) On Death and Dying. New York, NY: Macmillan Publishing Co., Inc.
- Kushner, Harold S. (1981) a look into the heart of a grieving parent When Bad Things Happen to Good People. New York, NY: Schocken Books, Inc.
- Lewis, C. S. (1961) A Grief Observed. (1963 ed.) New York, NY: The Seabury Press, Inc.
- Linn, Erin. (1986) I Know Just How You Feel...avoiding the cliches of grief. Incline Village, NV: The Publishers Mark. (This is the first book I bought out of emotional survival mode--it is still a treasure to me.)
- Lockyer, Herbert. (1979) The problem of human suffering Dark Threads the Weaver Needs. Old Tappan, NJ: Fleming H. Revell Co.
- Mabey, Juliet. (1998) a compilation of writings from around the world. Words to Comfort Words to Heal--poems and meditations for those who grieve. Oxford, Eng: Oneworld Publications.
- Miller, Sally Downham, Ph.D. (1999) Mourning and Dancing--A Memoir of Grief and Recovery.. Dearfield Beach, FL: Health Communications, Inc.
- Neeld, Elizabeth Harper, PhD. (1990/2003ed) Finding daylight after loss shatters your world Seven Choices. New York, NY: Time Warener Book Group by arr. with Centerpoint Press div. of MBI Publ.--Austin, TX.
- Neuhaus, Richard. (2002) On facing death and living again. As I Lay Dying Meditations upon returning. New York, NY: Basic Books mbr. of Perseus Books Group
- Noel, Brook & Pamela D. Blair, PhD. (2000) I Wasn't Ready to Say 'Goodbye' surviving, coping and healing after the sudden death of a loved one. Milwaukee, WI: Champion Press, Ltd.
- Price, Eugenia. (1982) Getting through the Night: finding your way through grief. New York, NY: Dial Press.
- Rando, Therese A., Ph.D. (1988) How to Go on Living When Someone You Love Dies. Lexington, MA: Lexington Books.
- Rawlings, Maurice S., M.D. (1978) near death experiences Beyond Death's Door. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publ.
- Remen, Rachel N. (2000) non-fiction. Stories to strengthen and celebrate the life around us. My Grandfather's Blessings. New York, NY: Riverhead Books mbr. of Penguin Putnam Inc.
- Shine, T.M. (2000) non-fiction. Five brothers reunite to say good-bye. Fathers Aren't Supposed to Die. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster
- Slaikeu, Dr. Karl A. and Steve Lawhead. (1990) How to survive and grow through personal loss Up from the Ashes. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House. (Working through crises and losses--helpful for medical professionals and those who grieve.)
- Staudacher, Carol. (1987) Beyond Grief. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
- Staudacher, Carol. (19 ) Men and Grief. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
- Schwartz, Morris S. (1996) Letting Go. New York, NY: Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group, Inc.
- Schwiebert, Pat and Chuck DeKlyen. (1999) for children or adults--lovely illustrations by Taylor Bills Tear Soup. Portland, OR: Grief Watch distr. by ACTA Publications.
- Towns, James E., Ph.D. (1975) How to communicate effectively with a person in grief Faith Stronger than Death. Anderson, IN: Warner Press, Inc.
- Westberg, Granger E. (1961) Good Grief. New York, NY: Harper & Row, Inc.
- White, E.B. (1952) Charlotte's Web. New York, NY: Harper & Row, Inc.
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Other Literature Resources:
- Pet Loss. Lists references, guides, support, for those who are grieving for their animal friends. Easy to follow. Wonderful resource!
http://www.petloss.com
Videos: There are many wonderful videos which can be ordered through specialty firms, but my purpose is accessibility: most of the videos I will list are those which can be rented or purchased easily (and locally.)
- "Shadowlands" - pleasant adaptation about C.S. Lewis' and Joy Davidson's romance, marriage, and her subsequent death from cancer.
- videos on grieving can also be obtained through
Mancuso's Religious Goods, Gifts, & Books
1816 South State Street
Salt Lake City, Utah 84115
telephone (801) 466-5623
- Some other titles which are good and may be found through a specialty store are "Surviving Grief," "To Touch a Grieving Heart," "Hello in There" (about a widow living in a nursing home), "Living with AIDS,"and "A Matter of Life and Death."
- this company also has a nice selection of videos, two I just previewed:
"A Child's Grief" and "You're not Alone: Coping with the Death of a Spouse"
Aquarius Productions, Inc.
5 Powderhouse Lane, P.O.Box 1159
Sherborn, MA 01770
- "Tim" with Mel Gibson and Piper Laurie. Australian. A young man labelled as "slow" facing changes and loss (his mother). Death issues are discussed although this is not the main theme of the story. Worth viewing. VHS & DVD There is also a more recent American television movie version starring Candace Bergen. A nice adaptation.
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Local (Salt Lake City and environs) support/information groups:
- IHC Psych-Resources Network
24-hour toll free hotline
1-800-876-1989
- Alta View Hospital Women's Center
9660 South 1300 East
Sandy, UT 84094
Contact Person: Teresa Whitebread, (801) 501-2247
(support for parents who have lost a baby through miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, or neonatal death.)
- Hospice of IHC - grief support group--outreach program
2250 South 1300 West
Salt Lake City, UT 84119
Contact LDS Hospital for information and registration
(801) 408-5661
- Primary Children's Medical Center
Bereavement Services
100 North Medical Drive
Salt Lake City, UT 84113
(801) 588-3086
- Compassionate Friends
Salt Lake City, UT
(801) 265-3623 for information. no fee.
(support for families who have lost a child through death)
- Memorial Estates Mortuary
5850 South 900 East
Salt Lake City, UT 84121
(801) 262-4631 - Contact mortuary for dates and times--not always having sessions
(support for adults, also group for survivors of suicide)
- Utah AIDS Foundation
1408 South 1100 East
Salt Lake City, UT
(801) 487-2323 or I 800-FON-AIDS for info and retistration
AIDS survivor bereavement support groups
- Caring Connections--a hope and comfort in grief
program (for bereavement, also groups for survivors
of suicide and survivors of homicide)
University of Utah--College of Nursing
10 South 2000 East, Front
Salt Lake City, UT 84112
Call (801) 585-9522 for information and registration (fee)
also contact Beth Cole 585-3475 or Jan Harvey 581-2975
- The Sharing Place
1695 East 3300 South
Salt Lake City, UT 84106
(801) 466-6730
(grief support for children and adults)
- St. Vincent de Paul Catholic Church
1375 East Spring Lane
Salt Lake City, UT 84117
Contact person: Deacon David Osman (801) 527-2021
spirituality based groups offered to all denominations--closed sessions
Spring and Fall.
- Salt Lake County Aging Services
2001 South State Street, S1500
Salt Lake City, UT 84190
(801) 468-2480
(general information and referance--good idea to request copy of 55+ directory)
Other support and information groups:
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20 August 1997/Updated 04 June 2005