February 23, 2003:     Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in the
supermarket – today's headlines:


TRAITORS!  .  .  .
Loudmouth celebs 'side with Saddam' when
they criticize President Bush's Iraq war plan
                                                            [courtesy National Examiner]
 

POPE MOVES INTO BOMB SHELTER

                                     [courtesy Weekly World News]

 
Harper's Weekly BONUS:
"Ken Livingstone,  the mayor of London,  denounced President
 Bush as a draft dodger, a stock market swindler, and a 'stooge
 for the oil industry.' . . . . The Thai government urged women to
 enlarge their breasts with  exercises  rather than plastic surgery;
 as part of a demonstration,  dozens  of  women  wearing shorts
 and T-shirts squeezed their breasts outside the health ministry in
 Bangkok."

DISCUSSION GROUP:

       Don't forget!  Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to attend the Weekly World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky, just after church every Sunday.   Guest speakers
lined up for meetings in  the  near  future  include  Ed  Asner,  the
Pope,  and a Thai woman with big tits.


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Borf Books        borf@borfents.com            Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                      The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210                   War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

    (270) 597-2187           Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher         Natty Bumppo, writer/editor




February 16, 2003:     Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in the
supermarket – today's banner headline:

 
SURVIVAL of the 7 dwarfs!
  How Joseph Mengele saved the Ovitz family
  at Auschwitz -- for his evil experiments .  .  .

                     [courtesy National Examiner]
 
 
and, this week's special, headline plus article excerpts:

TODAY'S TRASHY STARS CAN'T COMPARE
TO YESTERDAY'S CLASSIC BEAUTIES . . .


    Renée Zellwegger . . . is no Betty Grable.  What does George Clooney
see in the girl who uses hemorrhoid cream to reduce facial puffiness? . . .

    Jodie Foster ... is no Lana Turner.  No "Taxi Driver" would stop for this
dishwater blonde Mr. Blackwell says stands "Accused" of flunking fashion....

    Penelope  Cruz  .  .  .  is no Ava Gardner.   After designer Ralph Lauren
called  her  "the most beautiful human being I'ver ever seen,"  Penelope  re-
plied,  "I don't think so."  Well, she's right. . . .

    Julia Roberts  . . .  is no Arlene Dahl.  She "changes hair color every two
seconds.  She copies trends; she should be setting them," says Arlene. . . .

    Calista Flockhart  . . .  is no Hedy Lamarr.  Thank heavens she carries a
purse,  or you wouldn't know there was a woman in that dress. . . .

    Jennifer Aniston . . . is no Elizabeth Taylor . . . .  Julianne Moore . . . is no
Mamie Van  Doren . . . . Sandra Bullock . . . is no Veronica Lake . . . . Deb-
ra Messing (what were you expecting?  Boobs?)  . . . is no Jane Russell . . . .
Cameron Diaz . . . is no Rita Hayworth . . . . Pamela Anderson . . . is no Lau-
ren Bacall . . . . Winona Rider . . . is no Natalie Wood . . . . Daryl Hannah . . .
is no Vivien Leigh . . . . Britney Spears . . . is no Grace Kelly . . . .

                                                                                [courtesy National Examiner]
 

Harper's Weekly BONUS:
"A performance of  John Cage's  'As Slow As Possible'  began
 in Halberstadt,  Germany.  The piece was conceived to last 20
 minutes; the current performance will last 639 years, and it will
 take more than a year to play the first three notes."

Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index                    
Borf Books        borf@borfents.com            Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                      The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210                   War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

    (270) 597-2187           Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher         Natty Bumppo, writer/editor




February 9, 2003:  Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in
the supermarket – today's headlines:

 
TV IS VULGAR, LEWD & DISGUSTING!

                                [courtesy National Examiner]

 
O. J. ATTACKS DAUGHTER

     [courtesy National Enquirer]
 
JERRY SPRINGER BITES HIS TONGUE OFF

                                                                                              [courtesy the Globe]

 
Harper's Weekly BONUS:
"Fragments of the space shuttle Columbia were offered for
 sale on eBay within hours. . . .  A Dutchman was charged
 with fraud for selling plots of land on the moon. .  .  .  Fist
 fights  broke  out  among participants  in  Somalia's  latest
 round of peace talks.  .  .  .   A substitute teacher  in  Fort
 Worth,  Texas,  raped a 14-year-old girl  in  a  classroom
 while other students watched."

Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index                    
Borf Books        borf@borfents.com            Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                      The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210                   War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

    (270) 597-2187           Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher         Natty Bumppo, writer/editor




February 2, 2003:  Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in
the supermarket – today's headlines  (all  this  week  courtesy
Weekly World News)
:

 
DUCK HUNTERS SHOOT ANGEL
      'She looked like a giant bird,' says Alabama man

 
Vatican outraged over nude
   calendar of Virgin Mary!

 
Soccer club installs croc moat
  around field to control fans

 
and, this week's special, headline plus article excerpts:

'THERE ARE NO VIRGINS IN HEAVEN'
    . . . claims terrorist who came back from the dead!

   GUANTANAMO BAY NAVAL BASE,  Cuba –  An Al Quaeda detainee
who miraculously awoke after being declared legally dead has some advice for
would-be martyrs . . . :  "You'll be sorry!"

    . . . Wild-eyed Usamah Khalid said, " . . . I asked where my 72 beautiful vir-
gins were; and one of the men said, 'Wouldn't you rather have me?'

    "There were women in the room,  but they were old and wrinkled like prunes.
. . .  Some of them even had beards and mustaches  in the fashion of Osama bin
Laden. . . .

    "I recited the Lord's Prayer. . . ."
                                                                                                [Weekly World News]
 

Harper's Weekly BONUS:
"Two frozen Caucasians fell from the sky in Shanghai, China,
  apparently from the undercarriage of an Air France jet; one
  of the men crashed through the roof of a house. . . .  British
  police sent polite letters to habitual criminals asking them to
  behave themselves. . . .  Children from single-parent homes
  are more likely to go crazy, a Swedish study found. . . .As-
  tronauts  on the space shuttle Columbia  took  photographs
  of  sprites  and  elves  among powerful thunderclouds  over
  Australia."

DISCUSSION GROUP:

       Don't forget!  Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to attend the Weekly World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky, just after church every Sunday.   Guest speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include sprites and elves.


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index                    
Borf Books        borf@borfents.com            Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                      The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210                   War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

    (270) 597-2187           Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher         Natty Bumppo, writer/editor