• Join GOP 'October Surprise Coalition'
• Seek weapons of financial destruction

Publius Leget wrote Sun 19 Oct 2008 @10:04:26 CDT:

What  did  Jeanetta Girard  mean  by "If ya can't keep it
legal,  keep it County – and under $300"?

We think what Jeanetta meant was that if you go out Halloween-
ing, don't go smashing mailboxes – that's a federal offense.  And,
a theft-related offense under $300 is a misdemeanor in Kentucky,
not a felony.  Thanks for writing.  –  Ed.


FGDean@aol.com wrote from Los Angeles on Weds 22 Oct 2008
@09:50:06 PDT  re the  Chinese  banner  headline  from the World
Journal (with the Arabic numeral 6.1% in the middle)  that appeared
in our October 12 issue:

I showed it to Stephen Pu.   He said the article is about the un-
employment rate  –  in  the  U.S.  He even saw a character for
"mouth" in the row of characters below the headline;  it's a ref-
erence to the number of mouths that  must be fed  when  X  a-
mount of people are out of work (or something to that effect).

A Republican election clerk in Franklin  who  gave two employees a
chain letter referring to Barack Obama as a "black Adolf Hitler" said
it was a joke (the employees had voted for Obama in the primary).

                                                            [courtesy Associated Press]

"Bush is to the left of me now."
                                                    – Hugo Chavez

"He knows less about governance than a cat knows about a can opener."
                                                                                                                    – Garrison Keillor

Catherine Deneuve, 65
Annette Funnicello, 66
David Nelson, 72

Pawn shop profits were up 50 per cent over a year ago. . . .
The ambassador and several others in the Russian delegation
to the United Nations  received campaign contribution solici-
tations from John McCain (all declined to give).  . . . The jury
hung 10-2 in favor of acquittal in Britney Spears' DUI trial. ...
Mr.  Blackwell  died.  .  .  .  Another woman was arrested for
tending bar in the nude in Illinois. .  .  .  A motorist impersona-
ting a policeman in Hartford, Connecticut,  pulled over an off-
duty policeman. .  .  . A fund-raising letter to recent graduates
of Framingham State College in Massachusetts used the word
"blah" 137 times (as in "blah, blah, blah").  . . . The new Divine
Mercy Care Pharmacy in Chantilly, Virginia,  announced that it
will not sell candy, sodas, or contraceptives.  .  .  . A woman in
Christian County, Missouri, triggered an explosion with the tele-
vision remote control that blew up her home. . . .A robbery vic-
tim at a brothel in Washington, D.C., seized the machete of one
of the robbers and hacked off  the  robber's  thumb,  which was
matched to the assailant when he went to a hospital. . . .  A man
was arrested in Seminole County,  Florida,  for  twice  exposing
himself to a highway toll collector.

                                             [courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP]

Len Zanger wrote Sun 12 Oct 2008 @13:21:36 EDT:

Regarding last week's item "A woman . . . was struck by a 22-
gauge shotgun pellet fired from her wood stove":  Having never
heard of a 22-gauge shotgun, I did some snooping.  According
to  http://www.tri-cityherald.com/1154/story/345043.html,  the
cartridge was .22-caliber,  not  22-gauge.  The article does not
say whether it was a .22 short,  .22 long  or .22LR.  But  either
way,  it's  still  pretty  dumb  to have one of these in one's wood
stove.

Vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin told a  roaring  crowd
in Noblesville on Friday that her favorite movie is "Hoosiers"
and that her daughter Piper's middle name is "Indy."  Former
Vice President Dan Quayle revealed that he had spoken with
Palin several days before and had advised her, "Just be your-
self."
                                                 [courtesy Associated Press]

Ten persons died in Kentucky traffic accidents the week begin-
ning October 6 – "three . . . motor-vehicle related; four, motor-
cycle; and three, pedestrian," according to WTVW-TV (of Ev-
ansville, Indiana) and the Kentucky News Network – like, mo-
torcycles  are  not  motor  vehicles,  and  the  three pedestrians
were not struck by cars or trucks?

                              [click on the link – you have to read it to be-
                               lieve how dumb it is – we heard it on the ra-
                               dio,  courtesy WKYU-FM, Bowling Green]

Henry Earl,  58,  of  Lexington,  who has been arrested more than
1,300 times,  was arraigned (again) on a charge of public intoxica-
tion.
                                           [courtesy Lexington Herald-Leader]

A Kenton County man  shot  his  wife  and his 22-year-old pregnant
daughter 31 times before turning his .380-caliber pistol*  on  himself.
(Yes, all three died.  His 2-year-old granddaughter was not a target.)

                                                                                  [courtesy AP]

    * The Tabloid Headlines panel of firearms experts, including
        Len Zanger (see letter to editor, above) and Edwin Kagin,
        concluded that, if police and reporters were using conven-
        tional terminology,  this probably is a reference to a .380-
        caliber semiautomatic, not a .38-caliber reolver,  although
        .38 and .380 caliber are the same size. – Editor

"I'm not sure anyone is FDR this time.  I don't think either
 candidate has a clue what they're dealing with here."
                                                                                    – Manhattan College historian and
                                                                                       finance professor Charles Geisst

"Those girls were hateful."
                                            – Star  Jones,  re View co-hosts Joy Behar,
                                               Barbara Walters and Elisabeth Hasselbeck

"If ya can't keep it legal, keep it County – and under $300."
                                                                                            – Jeanetta Girard

Ziggy Marley, 40
Paddington Bear, 50

A Minnesota man was charged with DUI on a combine after
stealing it and crashing it into a garage in Mitchell County, Io-
wa. . . . Barack Obama called for tax credits for job creation
and a 90-day mortgage foreclosure moratorium (not mention-
ing  that such a moratorium would wipe out thousands of jobs
in law offices, banks and courts,  and shorten bank credit and
reserves yet further). . . .  PETA protested the annual Festival
Gastronomico del Gato in Canete,  Peru,  in which people eat
catburgers to ward off bronchial disease. . . .Bathers in India's
Great Kali River were being eaten by giant goonches. .  .  .  A
Kansan  whose girl friend lived in their bathroom for two years
stuck to a toilet seat won $20,000 in the state lottery, for a sec-
ond time. . . . A Michigan woman drove 12 hours to Omaha to
dump her 13-year-old son at a hospital  under Nebraska's new
"safe  haven"  statute  (a 14-year-old Iowa girl was the first out-
of-state teen-ager dumped,  under a law intended to forestall a-
bortion and infanticide). . . .The suit against God  in a Nebraska
state court was dismissed  because  process  servers  could not
find the Defendant to give Him His summons. . . .  The U.S. Su-
preme Court rejected the appeal  of a 267-pound Ohio murder-
er and rapist  who argued that he was too obese to be executed
(he's dead now). . . .Matani,  a 3-year-old girl in Nepal, became
a goddess by spending the  night  alone  with the heads of ritually
slaughtered goats and buffaloes. .  .  .  A 61-year-old man practi-
cing quick draws shot himself in the left leg in Barre,Vermont. . . .
A club on the Las Vegas Strip was bringing in bespectacled exotic
dancers from around the country for a Sarah Palin  lookalike  con-
test.
                                                  [courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP]

Terry Crow wrote Sun 5 Oct 2008 @08:40:06 PDT re the "Dumb news
from Kentucky" that it remains only a misdemeanor to torture a horse but
is now a felony to torture a cat:

Turnabout is fair play.   I have been tortured by horses most of my
adult life.

The host of a debate between Congressman Baron Hill and his chal-
lenger,  former Congressman Mike Sodrel,  rejected Sodrel's chair-
man's suggestion that the two candidates be wired  to  lie  detectors
during the event.
                                                           [courtesy Associated Press]

Twelve dogs, three cats, and two miniature horses were  consecrated  at  an
ecumenical "blessing of the animals" conducted by Methodist, Episcopal and
Catholic churches in Louisville.
                                                        [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

"Not my problem."
                                – Shiva Patel, desk clerk, Days
                                   Inn, Terre Haute, Indiana

A Rhode Island motorist survived a .49% blood/alcochol ra-
ting.  . . . The recently enacted financial bailout bill excempts
wooden arrows from excise tax. . . . Adele Polk, 90, of Ak-
ron,  Ohio,  shot herself in the chest  as  police were eviciting
her from her home  (she survived, and Fannie Mae abandon-
ed its foreclosure). . . .A 7-year-old Australian boy broke in-
to a zoo, bludgeoned several lizards to death with a rock and
fed them to a crocodile. . . . A woman in Sekiu,  Washington,
was struck by a 22-gauge shotgun pellet  fired from her wood
stove. . . . The body of Henry Sanchez, 51, brother of Califor-
nia Congresswomen  Loretta  and Linda Sanchez,  was  pulled
from the Pacific Ocean along with the body of Penny Avila, 48.
. . . A 72-year-old woman in Middletown, Delaware, decided
it was time to move after encountering  six  snakes  in a new a-
partment,  one  by  one  (including one that crawled across her
bed). . . .The National Debt Clock near Times Square in Man-
hattan ran out of digits. . . . Bisquick muscled in on Powdermilk
Biscuits as a cosponsor of Prairie Home Companion.

                                             [courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP]

Terry Crow wrote Sun 28 Sept 2008 @09:05:33 PDT:

Regarding the new penny depicting Lincoln's birthplace:  I be-
lieve that weapons of mass destruction are hidden  in the false
cabin enshrined in the great marble building in Kentucky.

Quite possibly so – it's only a hop, skip and a jump for a tank from Fort
Knox.  – Editor

A 5-foot cobra was seized from Elizabeth Zelms, of Crown Point,
who was cited for possession of a venomous reptile without a per-
mit.  (Conservation officers learned of the snake when she applied
for a permit – they said people must get the permit before they get
the snake.) . . .

Sheila Vasquez, 36, of Fishers,  the latest female teacher convicted
of having sex with a student  – a 15-year-old 8th grade boy –  was
sentenced to two years' home detention. . . .

A lifeguard instructor in Lafayette pleaded guilty  to  surreptitiously
videotaping girls in their locker room. . . .

A geologist sought a permit to drill for oil under the Fort Wayne air-
port.
                                                           [courtesy Associated Press]

The legislature has made it a felony to torture a cat or a dog (horses and
pigs remain misdemeanors)..
                                                   [courtesy Kentucky Bar Association]

"He was my dear, and my coconut dessert."
                                                                    – Brazilian  beauty  queen  Maria Garcinda Teixeira de
                                                                       Jesus, 77, who had a tryst with John McCain in 1957

"It's not based on any particular data point – we just wanted to choose a
 really large number."
                                    – A Treasury Department spokeswoman, explaining
                                       the $700 billion of the Bush-Paulson bailout plan

Kelly Ripa, 38
Mark Farner, 60

John Grady Pippin, a 71-year-old grandfather from Gold
Beach, Oregon, who went to the hospital in Portland with
severe abdominal pain, was told he was pregnant. .  .  . A
fireman in St. Lucie County, Florida, was under investiga-
tion for taking a traffic accident survivor's severed foot. . ..
The  two  women evicted from the senior housing center in
Shrewsbury, Massachustetts, were reinstated, and the crab
apple tree was spared,  too. . . .  A mob of recently dismis-
sed factory workers beat their boss to death  in  India. .  .  .
Sarah Palin met Hamid Karzai, Alvaro Uribe, Henry Kissin-
ger and Bono. . . . Barack Obama was lynched in effigy at a
Christian college in Oregon.  .  .  . Starving polar bears were
engaging in cannibalism. . . .Arizona State University fraterni-
ty boys caused an accident  by vomiting milk on passing cars.
. . .A woman in Lusby, Maryland, showed police the remains
of her adopted daughters, aged 9 and 11,  which had been in
her freezer for seven months. . . .  The bailout bill,  3 pages at
its origin,  had grown  to  451  by  Friday's second vote in the
House of Representatives.
                                           [courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP]