Len wrote Sun11/23/14 @11:15 EST re redundancy,
superfluity and Ian Tyson:
Poetry gets a pass. Ian Tyson always gets a pass.Well, yeah! Your Editor is a big Ian Tyson fan himself.
Handle that redundancy.
We honor poetic license.
Some of our non-cardplaying friends did not catch the
redundancy, by the way. For their benefit, it is that the
only card game in which you "hit" is black jack (known
to some as 21), and all black jack is played against the
dealer. "Never hit at 17" says it all; one needn't add
"when you play against the dealer."
Some of our readers are not even familiar with Ian Ty-
son, but we'll bet about 95 per cent of them would rec-
ognize his song "Four Strong Winds."
– Editor
A state judge OK'd a deer hunt in a city park in Indianapolis.
[courtesy Columbus Republic]
Most wanted in South Bend: Renee Craig, WF, 5'1", 170 lbs, meth; Fontana Bobo, BF, 5'4", 165 lbs, forgery
, , , and in Berrien County, Michigan: Waltilia Sare Robinson, BF, retail fraud; Ashley Nicole Thompson, WF, maintaining a drug house
[Michiana Crime Stoppers]
A charter bus driver taking Kentucky high school students home
from a conference in New Orleans was convinced to pull off the
road on which she was speeding and swerving (she was arrested
for DUI).
[courtesy Associated Press]
A forgery defendant in Lawrenceburg, frustrated at not getting his
$5,000 bond modified, told the judge "This is fucking ridiculous!"
and got 30 days to serve, without bond, for contempt of court.
[courtesy Anderson News]
The obituaries, November 26:
[courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]
- William "Billy" Abell, 80
- Bernard "Bernie" Aydt, 83
- Robert "Bob" Bain, 63
- William "Billy" Caine, 54
- Joseph "Joe" Decker, 65
- James "Jimmie" Lawson, 80
- James "Jim" Lynch, 80
- The Rev. Robert William "Papa" "Bill" "Doug" Malone, 89
- William "Bill" Mattingly, 69
- William "Bill" "Shad" Shadwell, 89
In a road rage incident at a Lexington intersection, a per-
son in one vehicle pointed a gun at a second vehicle, and
a woman got out of the second vehicle to confront the gun-
ster and was run over by the first vehicle. . . .
[pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader]Lexington's most wanted: Tarshia Lewis, BF, 39, 5'7", 195 lbs
"I tried everything – I mean, we played four white guys and an Egyptian."
– Rick Pitino, University of Louisville basketball coach, explaining his efforts to
hold the score down in his team's 87-26 blowout of Savannah State, which trail-
ed 29-0 before it scored (and it's true: Pitino actually did, at one time, have four
Amer'can white boys on the floor along with Anas Mahmoud, a recruit from Egypt)
"It feels like we shouldn't stop to go continue on with our regular lives."
– Leah Bailey, painting a mural on plywood boarding up a shop in Ferguson, Missouri
"Prices talk loudly and often drownd out
other meanings."
– author Sarah Thornton, speaking of art auctions
Quotation of the wheat farmers in Plentywood, Montana:
"All the rail engines are pulling oil tankers, while our wheat sits in grain cars on the sidings,
in grain elevators and in piles in our fields. The railroads have forgotten what made them,
and the environmentalists are fighting the pipelines."
– photo by Ted Fiskevold
Quotations of the Wheat:"If Aunt Bertie had balls, she'd be Uncle Bert." |
The Xipiter "USB device condom" (thanks, Bruce).
Jenna Bush (and her twin sister, Barbara), 33
Jimi Hendrix (1942-1970)
Bruce Lee (1940-1973)
Anna Mae Bullock ("Tina Turner"), 75
Paul Stookey, 77
A lesbian couple's son found their driveway in Canton,[courtesy Harper's, Snopes, HuffPost, Raw Story, NBC.com, AP]
North Carolina, marked "Fagits live here" on Google
Maps. . . . A 26-year-old woman who bought a gun and
proclaimed "We're ready for Ferguson" was killed as
it went off in her car in St. Louis, Missouri. . . . A 12-
year-old boy was shot and killed by police in a park in
in Cleveland, Ohio, as he reached for an Airsoft gun in
his waistband (he was black). . . .The Speaker-elect of
the Nevada House of Representatives resigned his new
post after being called down for calling African Ameri-
cans "simple minded darkies" (a fire chief in Bullitt
County, Kentucky, who called them "niggers," did not).
. . . Bob Marley's heirs launched "Marley Natural, the
world's first global cannabis brand." . . . The Monty
Python song "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life"
was found in a poll to be the most popular song at Brit-
funerals. . . . Bill Cosby shows were canceled in South
Carolina and Washington. . . . Britain denied a visa to
Julien Blanc, a California "pick-up artist" who started
the Twitter "hashtag" #ChokingGirlsAroundTheWorld.
. . . The book Great Medieval Thinkers: John Wyclif
blocked a bullet fired into a backpack worn by a stu-
dent at the Florida State University library. . . .Police in
New Jersey released five photos of a 300-pound black
bear taken by a hiker with his cell phone before he was
mauled to death (the bear mauled the cell phone also).
. . . Phuc Kieu, a Vietnamese immigrant, was arrested
for sexual battery in Gainesville, Florida.
Katy Perry was selected to provide the next Super Bowl
halftime show.
We are writing to ask what we can do about the way ourDear Sigh-o:
son's family talks. They have foul mouths. Whenever we
phone, we can hear them in the background yelling about
something and using the F-bomb rather liberally. Even
our high school age grandson speaks this way.
We've asked our son if he and his wife try to correct the
kids. He says everybody talks this way, and "Get used
to it." How do we tell them we've had enough of their
toilet mouths?
Ohio
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Dumb news from Indiana:
Cumit Boulanger wrote Sun 11/16/14 @08:21 CST:
The motto in Ian Tyson's cowboy song "Summer Wages"Sherman the Kitten wrote Thurs 11/20/14 @09:56 CST:
is "Never hit at 17 when you play against the dealer." I
am an English teacher; and my slogan is, " ' Superfluous
and redundant ' [as that cowboy motto is] is a prime ex-
ample of redundancy" (or of superfluity).
My motto is, "Every day is my birthday!" I am just so
happy to be here!
Elkhart, LaGrange, Steuben and St, Joseph counties have re-
jected a proposal that they join other northern Indiana coun-
ties in a consortium to lease the Indiana Toll Road, which had
been leased by an international consortium that went bankrupt
("Indiana Toll Road? International? Counties? What ever
became of state highways?).
[courtesy South Bend Tribune]
New signs warning motorists were erected on U.S. 40 between Terre Haute and West Terre Haute (Tribune-Star)
You say you were mugged by two snails? Can you describe them? Gee, Officer, no! It all happened so fast! (© 2009 Natty Bumppo)
A 19-year-old man who slashed tires on 60 vehicles in West
Lafayette was arrested for public intoxication and criminal
mischief (i.e., mobery). . . .
A farmer harvesting corn near South Whitley found a car and
a dead body nearby in his field. . . .
An off-duty policeman was killed when his SUV went out of
control on a slick road south of Wabash and slid into the path
of a school bus (none of the 39 pupils aboard the bus was se-
riously injured).
[courtesy Columbus Republic]
South Bend's most wanted: Krishna Lundgard, WF, 5'3", 170 lbs: Burglary (Michiana Crime Stoppers)
Two cast members of the Moonshiners TV reality show were
disinvited from the Christmas parade in Owensboro.
[courtesy WBKO-TV]
Lexington's most wanted: Deshana Faulkner, BF, 22, 5'3", 120 lbs (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)
"Do you fall asleep at night and wake up in the morning?
– Chris Rock, mocking TV drug ads
"You want to take a picture? I'm going to lock your ass up."
– Darren Wilson, the cop who shot Michael Brown, in a videoed arrest a year earlier
"#PantsUPDon'tLOOT."
– projected police mentality billboard near Ferguson, Missouri
Quotations of the Wheat:"Isn't it strange when some strange really would be strange?" |
Miley Cyrus, 22
Dick Smothers, 75
Gordon Lightfoot, 76
Borf 's weekly BONUS:Wanted in Wichita: Ambrosia Dawn Sicka, WF, 26, 5'6", 135 lbs., tattoos on right arm and stomach, possession of opiates (Wichita Eagle)
A drunk in West Harrison, New Jersey, stole a bulldozer
for a ride home to Newark and leveled signs, three ben-
ches and a tree in a city park. . . . A New Yorker almost
bit into a chicken breast with Jesus looking right at him
from the skin. . . . A 70-year-old man shot and killed a
motorist who arrived in his driveway in Lilburn, Geor-
gia, erroneously guided there by GPS. . . . Demonstra-
tors burned the Australian flag outside the "G20" summit
in Brisbane. . . . President Obama had a photo op with
Jimbelung the Koala. . . . A Jewish rapper reported that
his web site had been hacked by the Islamic State. . .. An
Italian artist was searching for a needle in a haystack at a
museum in Paris. . . . A police detective in Manassas Ci-
ty, Virginia, brought a defamation suit against the lawyer
for a teen-ager whose penis the detective got a warrant to
photograph in chemically induced erection to compare it
with a penis in a "sext." . . . A defendant committed to a
mental hospital for being found unfit for trial for stealing
a cheap necklace 40 years ago was released in Washing-
ton, D.C. . . . A 16-year-old drove 35 miles in the wrong
direction on I-93 in New Hampshire, at speeds up to 118
m.p.h. . . . President Obama's speech to the nation last
week was not on TV. . . . Sheriff Joe sued the President.
[courtesy Harper's, HuffPost, Raw Story, AP]
In the National Football League,
- The Oakland Raiders won their first game in a year
(beating their old rivals, the Kansas City Chiefs, 24-
20 after 16 straight losses);
- New York Jets coach Rex Ryan was fined $100,000
by the National Football League for saying "Fuck you!"
on television, and
- Today's game between the Jets and the Buffalo Bills
in Buffalo was rescheduled for tomorrow in Detroit
in hope the Bills could get through seven feet of snow
to the airport (and the airplane could get off the ground
– maybe they should go by dog sled?).
I am a married woman in my early 60's. My husbandDear Trina:
and I have been married for 35 years. We get along,
but he has a constant need for sex. In the early years
I went along with it, but he'd want sex at the most in-
convenient times, like when I was all made up and
dressed and ready for work.
After years of trying to satisfy him I'm at an age where
sex is neither important nor enjoyable. Sometimes it is
downright uncomfortable. I do it occasionally, for his
benefit; but I really don't like to.
I do love my husband and show him in other ways. How
can I tell him that I don't enjoy this part of marriage any
more without hurting his sense of manhood?
Trying to Build a Better Life in the Midwest
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Dave Surtees wrote Sun 11/9/14 @08:27 PST:
I heard that "Mrs. Calabash" was Jimmy Durante's pet
cat that mysteriously disappeared.
Publius Leget wrote Sun 11/9/14 @07:54 CDT:
For "Roots and grafts": Putting one little word afterThe Random House College Dictionary defines "motto" as "a
another, as you like to say, and, what is the difference
between a motto and a slogan?
maxim adopted as an expression of one's guiding principle,"
and "slogan" as "a distinctive phrase or motto of any party,
group, manufacturer, or person; catchword or catch phrase."
That's a little circular, of course; and the two words are list-
ed as synonyms of each other in standard thesauri; but while
"aphorism," "axiom," "dictum" and "maxim" are listed as
synonyms of "motto," they are not of "slogan." Likewise
(differentwise?), "catch phrase" and "watchword" are listed
as synonyms of "slogan" but not of "motto." That's instruc-
tive.
The dictionary definitions also give us a clue to a strict dif-
ference. Good examples of mottoes are New Hampshire's
"Live free or die" and the Boy Scouts' "Be prepared": They
are words to live by, in both cases. Good examples of slo-
gans are Capital One Credit Cards' "What's in your wallet?"
and Unisys' "You can't hack what you can't see." The form-
er only hints at how to act; the latter gives you no clue, and
both are mnemonic catch phrases (there's a redundancy for
you!) for specific companies. (The Boy Scout "slogan" is
"Do a good turn daily," but that's actually another motto).
The United States motto used to be "E pluribus unum," but
since 1956 it has been, by law, "In God we trust." The re-
duction in stature did not reduce "E pluribus unum" to the
status of a slogan, however. The U.S. slogans are "Home
of the brave" and "Land of the free."
Wikipedia has separate lists of state mottoes and state slo-
gans. There is some repetition, but it's not total. One of
the latest and dumbest state slogans is Kentucky's "Unbri-
dled spirit" (it would make more sense in the plural). All
of this makes us think that Tabloid Headlines' own list of
"Southern state mottoes" might better be called "Southern
state slogans":
Texas: "It's T for Texas."– with credit to our regular correspondent Len Zanger, who suggested that Arkansas's,
Tennessee : "T for Tennessee."
Mississippi: "It's T for Thelma, that gal that made a wreck out of me."
Maryland: "The only Southern state defined by Mason's & Dixon's line."
Kentucky: "Five million people, only fifteen last names."
West Virginia: "One big happy family."
Indiana: "The only Southern state north of Mason's & Dixon's line."
Louisiana: "Highest incest rate south of Indiana."
Virginia: "Carry me back to old virginity."
Arkansas: "Y'all ain't from around heah."
Alabama: "Y'all ain't from around heah, ah yuh?"
Florida: "You're not from around here, are you? Neither are we."
Missouri: "I-70, the best thing to come outta here."
South Carolina: "Where the Great War began (and we have yet to surrender)."
North Carolina: "They're kinda ignorant down there."
Delaware: "Well aware we're the smallest state in the South."
Georgia: "Cracker, Jack."
above, could be used by any or all of the Southern states. We have deliberately left
out Oklahoma, which is a Western state, not a Southern state (even though it lies en-
tirely east of west Texas).
– Editor
The 81 residents of Mauckport, on the Ohio River, get their inter-
net at a community center.
[courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]
South Bend's most wanted: Tia Perry, BF, 34, 5'4", 140 lbs: Possession of marijuana, . . . and in Berrien County, Michigan: Brittany Nicole Stubblefield, WF, larceny in a building (Michiana Crime Stoppers)
A Louisville church was kicked out of the Kentucky Baptist Con-
vention for tolerating homosexuality.
[courtesy Associated Press]
A 4-year-old girl fell asleep on a school bus in Madison County
and woke up alone, an hour later, after the driver had gone home,
parked the bus outside and gone indoors.
[courtesy Lex-18 TV]
"God is enough."
– sign outside Missionary Baptist Church, Brownsville, Ky.
"I've had enough."
– Jesus Murillo Karam, Attorney General of Mexico
"Today nearly two-thirds of the 382 million people with diabetes
live in cities."
– drug manufacturer Novo Nordisk (and, of the rest of the folks? . . . )
" . . . but also Representative Paul Ryan did so too."
– Meredith Dodson, of the anti-
poverty organization Results
"Former Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev says tensions between the major powers has
put the world on the brink of a new Cold War."
– Giles Snyder, National Public Radio
"Today's celebration falls on the 100th anniversary of the end of
World War I."
– at least two different NPR newscasters on November 11, 2014
Quotations of the Wheat:"I'm running short of money: Could I buy you for what you're worth, |
[This script works as well for any interview by Scott Simon, host of NPR's Weekend Edition Saturday.]Second party: Do you still love me now that you know that I am stupid?
First party: I love you because you are stupid.
Transcript of a
conversation at a card game table on line:
"fistobul" (second player there – first thing said): went
to mars hs
"fanubartek" (table "host"): on Mars?
fistobul: pa
fanubartek: same thing
fistobul:
lol [and he left]
Birthdays:Wanted in Wichita: Janice M. Fields, BF, 60, 5'7", 220 lbs, scars on neck and left wrist: theft; Africa W. Stewart, BF, 32, 5'6", 165 lbs, tattoos on both arms: unlawful possession of controlled substance; Barbara Jean Harvey, WF, 36, 5'7", 170 lbs, tattoo on left arm, possession with intent to distribute prescription drugs, escape, forgery, falsity (Wichita Eagle)Austin R. Tyler, WM, 31, 5'10", 160 lbs, tattoos right arm, shoulder, back and chest, possession of stolen property; Kevin K. Roberts, WM, 21, 5'7", 128 lbs, no tattoos, forgery, probation violation; Jimmy D. Suttle, WM, 28, 5'3", 150 lbs, tattoos left calf, arm, leg, forgery, probation violationEthan John Ray Pittman, WM, 24, a/k/a "Drake-you-La," 6'2:, 133 lbs, scars chest & abdomen, tattoos both arms, aggravated weapons violation by felon; Jennifer Renee McCain, WF, 39, 130 lbs, tattoos left foot & ankle, possession of controlled substances, paraphernalia; James M. Edens, WM, 36, a/k/a "Marshall Hornback," 5'9:, 205 lbs, tattoos left calf and shoulder, chest, back, theft
MacKenzie Foy, 14"Rockers":
Calista Flockhart, 50
Condoleezza Rice, 60
Chi Coltrane, 66
Neil Young, 69
Ellis Marsalis Jr., 80
Charles Manson, 80
Petula Clark, 82
Boutros Boutros-Ghali, 92
Booker T. Washington ("Bukka") White (1909-1977)
An anti-abortion amendment adopted in Tennessee in the
recent election was challenged on grounds that not all who
voted for it voted for governor (the state constitution pro-
vides that it can be amended by "a majority of all the citi-
zens in the state voting for governor voting in … favor.". . .
"Legitimate" purveyors of pornography called on Google
to suppress pirate porn.
[courtesy Associated Press]
Basketball star Blake Griffin (a half-white guy), arrested in Las Vegas for grabbing
a fan by the throat for taking his photograph at a night club, has not been suspended
by his team, the Los Angeles Clippers, or by the National Basketball Association.
I've known "Owen" for four years, and we are in vari-Dear 'Netta:
ous classes together. We e-mail regularly and chat all
the time, and I consider him my best friend. Our par-
ents are good friends, too.
Recently Owen and I have become closer than "just
friends" and privately expressed our feelings for each
other. However, our parents promptly shut us down,
saying we were "unqualified" and "under age."
Owen is a great guy. We are both very responsible kids.
I don't have a fantastic relationship with my parents; so
I tend not to be that open with them. It's not comforta-
ble for me. What should I do?
Annetta
DISCUSSION GROUP: Don't forget! Readers interested in intellectual dissection of important current events are invited to attend the Weekly World News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside Brownsville, Ken- tucky, just after church every Sunday. Guest speak- ers lined up for meetings in the near future include Carrie Johnson, Carrie Kahn, Kerri Smith, Carrie Fisher and Carrie Banahan ––––––––––––––––––> |
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Blenster wrote Sun 11/2/14 @10:53 EDT:
The question of what is and isn't a pumpkin sent me
to Wikipedia, where I learned that there is no scien-
tific definition of "pumpkin"; and that is likely why
neither dictionary definition was definitive. "Pump-
kin" is a colloquial term. "Gourd" also is loosely
defined; but in scientific parlance it is, according to
Wikipedia, "a plant of the family Cucurbitaceae or
the fruit of the two genera of the 'calabash tree,'
Crescentia and Amphitecna."
These include all gourds and squashes, among which
pumpkins reside as a type of "winter squash." So, it
seems, a pumpkin is a type of squash; a squash is a
type of gourd, and all gourds belong to the family of
plants called Cucurbitaceae. These categorizations
would render either term – gourd or squash – appli-
cable to a pumpkin regardless of colloquial defini-
tion, which may vary based on region or opinion.
Editor's note: You'll find mentions and even pittures of both
punkins and gords in the Wikipedia article on Cucurbitaceae.
Now, Mr. Blenster, for your next research project, you might
want to weigh in on the origin of Jimmy Durante's "Mrs. Cal-
abash." Or we can just go for that, too, to Wikipedia, which
traces it to a little town in North Carolina on the Calabash
River, which got their name, Wikipedia says, from gourds of
the region.
Jay Cory wrote Mon 11/3/14 @09:49 EST:About this "mobery" thing: I am familiar with the word
"mopery," meaning a minor infractionof some sort; but
I've never run across "mobery." Could this be a mis-
typed word, or has the Kentucky judicial system come
up with its own spelling?
The OED defines "mopery" as a petty offense, but Collins'
Dictionary defines it as gloominess (a derivative of "mope").
We have found six other dictionaries that define it both ways.
OneLook Dictionary Search on line lists only seven dictiona-
ries defining "mopery," and none defining "mobery." None of
the dictionaries offers an etymology of "mopery." The Word
Detective on line and Wikipedia have interesting articles on
the history of "mopery" but not much in the way of etymolo-
gy.
"Mobery" is a joke between two lawyers in Edmonson County,
Kentucky – Luther Norene and your Editor. Your Editor learn-
ed the word from Mr. Norene; and Mr. Norene, a veteran of
the U.S. Army Judge Advocate General Corps, said he learned
it about 1970 from a professor at the JAG school, Hugh Over-
holt, who later became the very U.S. JAG himself, a two-star
general. He's from Arkansas (and says he came from a town
named Resume Speed). So, "mobery" may be a typo or deriv-
ative of "mopery" – or: "mopery" may be the dictionaries'
misspelling of a word coined by Gen. Overholt. – Editor
Bruce Borders, an Elvis impersonator from Jasonville, was re-
elected to the state House of Representatives after a two-year
absence.
[courtesy Greene County Daily World]
Anne Voyles, of Patoka, does strangers' laundry at the Fulton
Speed Wash in Princeton. She calls it her laundry ministry and
asks whoever is in the laundromat if she can bless them, invites
them to church, and gives them a church tract.
[courtesy Princeton Daily Clarion]
The 60-acre Meltzer Woods "in a rural part of eastern ShelbyMark Winkler, 17, of Fishers, a north Indianapolis suburb, was charged with selecting a victim at random on the street and cutting his throat, killing him; investigators acting on the tip of a high school teacher, found a note in Fisher's bedroom that included the phrases "select prey" and "enjoy kill"
County" was purchased by the state in an "old growth" forest
protection plan. [Guess what, Associated Press? What part
of eastern Shelby County is not rural? And (more roots and
grafts) isn't "old growth" a contradiction in terms?] . . .
The Central Time Coalition was pushing the state Board of Ed-
ucation to return Indiana to the Central Time Zone.
[courtesy Columbus Republic]
South Bend's most wanted: Angela Linback, WF, 5'8", 140 lbs, possession of meth and paraphernalia (Michiana Crime Stoppers) and in Berrien County, Michigan: Emalee Johanna Anderson WF , larceny from a building; Amy Lorraine Jennings, BF, assault with intent to do great bodily harm less than murder
A teacher at a Catholic school in Louisville was asked to take a
21-day leave after returning from a trip to Kenya (she resigned
instead). Meanwhile, Ebola survivor Dr. Kent Brantly was in-
vited to speak at a Global Missions Health Conference at the
Southeast Christian Church in Louisville.
[courtesy Reuters, Courier-Journal]
Mitch McToadConnell was re-elected and will become the ma-
jority leader of the United States Senate.
[courtesy KET]
A fan dropped a .32-caliber handgun at a high school football
game in Springfield, and it went off (no one was injured except
the fan, who spilled hot coffee on himself). . . .
The Lincoln County Jailer, who lost his bid for re-election, was
pursuing his lawsuit filed the day before the election to disqual-
fy his opponent for a signature on his ballot petition by a state
employee in violation of a law that provides that "no employee
in the classified service . . . shall take part in the management or
affairs of any political party or in any political campaign except
to exercise his right as a citizen privately to express his opinion
and to cast his vote." . . .
Kentucky's prohibition of gay marriage, along with Tennessee's
Ohio's and Michigan's, was upheld by the 6th Circuit U.S. Court
of Appeals in Cincinnati.
[courtesy Lexington Herald-Leader]
[courtesy WKYT-TV, Kyle White]Deborah Asher, 37, of Somerset, was arrested in Laurel County for traffic in a controlled substance, first degree, and possession of methamphetamine; "I wonder what tipped off the cops?" asked Drew Franklin on kentuckysportsradio.com
"The linguistics professor was saying, 'In most languages, a double negative becomes a positive;
but in no language is a double positive a negative' – when from the back of the room came the
call, 'Yeah, right!' "
– Garrison Keillor, on the annual Prairie Home Companion joke show
"The Big Bang, that today is considered to be the origin of the world, does not contradict the cre-
ative intervention of God; on the contrary, it requires it. Evolution in nature is not in contrast
with the notion of creation because evolution requires the creation of the beings that evolve.
When we read in Genesis the account of creation we are in danger of imagining that God was
a magician, complete with a magic wand that can do all things. But he is not."
– The Pope
"I was . . . feeling . . . we were experiencing the relative death of black prophetic fire in the ageQuotations of the weak (give a numbnock and a ditz a microphone, and they'll speak into it . . . ):
of Obama – what I call the reniggerization of the black professional class . . . ."
– Cornel West
"If I get to be President, white men who are in males only clubs
are going to do great."
– Senator Lindsey Graham
"We are going to make them squeal!"
– Senator-elect Joni Ernst (R-Iowa), who grew
up on a pig farm, proudly castrating hogs
Quotations of the Wheat:"Who decides when liberals are going to be liberals and when |
Caller: Hello, may I speak to Hank?
Hank: Speaking.
Caller: Is Hank there?
Hank: This is Hank, you dumb cunt. Didn't I just say that?
Caller: This is Lisa, and . . . .
Hank: Lisa, do you see that closet behind you? In the corner of the room.
Lisa: I don't see a closet . . . .
Hank: Way back there, in the corner . . . .
Lisa: I don't see a closet – I'm in a call center.
Hank: Well, it's there; and here's what you do: You go to the closet; go in,
rummage around; you'll find a broomstick. Serrate the broomstick.Lisa: Sir, we cannot celebrate. I'm at work.
Hank: I said serrate, not celebrate, you dumb cunt. Get out your pocket knife
and cut little notches in the broomstick. Then shove it up your ass. . . .
Tonicha Jeronimo, 37"Rockers":
Kris Jenner, 59
Lulu, 66
Peter Noone, 67
Bram Stoker (1847-1912)
Vlad the Impaler (1431-1477)
Stonewall Jackson, 82"Country singers"
Bonnie Raitt, 65
Guy Clark, 73
Doug Sahm (1949-1999)
[USA Today]
Name that hottie! (a Tabloid Headlines contest!)Chicago election workers prepare to count ballotsAlready submitted:
Ebolaine Mitchell
LaJauna Cajuna
Yuki Noguchi
Iwona Peter
A political party leader in Bangladesh was sentenced to death[courtesy Harper's, Snopes, HuffPost, Raw Story, NBC.com, AP]
for crimes committed in the country's war for independence
from Pakistan in 1971. . . . A poll in the United Kingdom re-
ported that 42 per cent of the people believe in UFO's and on-
ly 25 per cent believe in God. . . . A white Scot named Scott
was appointed interim President of Zambia, which is 99.7 per
cent black. . . . It wasn't a bull in a China shop; it was a wild
boar in a hardware store, in Mainz, Germany.
The 6' 8", 207-pound Brittney Griner was one of two
professional women basketball players cut by a man
wielding a knife on a bus in Shenyang, China. . . .
A former National Football League cheerleader for
the Baltimore Ravens, Molly Shattuck, 47, separated
from her husband, was charged with raping a 15-year-
old boy.
Molly then . . . and now (mug shot)
I am a professional male in my late 50s in a large cor-Dear Feelie:
poration. About three years ago I became a mentor to
a female employee then 24 years old. She has told me
my guidance has been tremendously helpful in her pro-
fessional growth.
Most of this time we worked in different locations, and
our communication was via e-mail and phone. Not long
ago we agreed to meet for dinner in order to get to know
each other better. But before it happened I suffered a se-
rious heart attack and nearly died. My recuperation was
rapid, and we had our dinner three weeks later. The mee-
ting was like an electrical charge to my system. After it
I could not get her out of my mind. Then she was trans-
ferred to my building. I tried to move the relationship to
a more personal level; but the harder I tried, the cooler
and more distant she became.
A couple of weeks ago she told me she was going to be
out on an assignment. I thought she told me that only to
avoid seeing me. The day she was to be gone I prepar-
ed some professional development materials to leave
on her desk. When I went to her office, she was there.
I gave her the materials and left. The more I thought a-
bout it, the more hurt and angry I became. I sent her a
text asking if she thought it was time for us to end the
mentoring relationship. I told her that while I may not
have been in love with her, I was surely in love with
the idea of being in love with her. She said she agreed
we should end it, and she promised to keep the entire
drama between the two of us. Believe it or not, I’m
one of the good guys who just happens to have made a
mistake. Is there any way I can repair the relationship,
rebuild her trust and regain her friendship, or should I
cut my losses and let it go?
Feeling Regret
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Borf
Books borf@borfents.com
Ideas
for a Better America Box 413 The Columbus Book of Euchre Brownsville KY 42210 War Stories: The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer (270) 597-2187 Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher Natty Bumppo, writer/editor |
Publius Leget wrote Sun 10/26/14 @12:20 CDT:
Pray, sir, just what is "mobery"? I keep seeingMobery is general misbehavior annoying enough to rise to the
these people arrested in Lubbock for "mobery."
level of a misdemeanor (but it is a lesser offense than disor-
derly conduct). Luther's Law Dictionary. – Editor
Nolan Porterfield wrote Weds 10/29/14 @10:09 CDT:
Why, oh, why, is Lubbock the object of scrutiny for TabloidIt's the mobery. We didn't know that Lubbock was your home town
Headlines?
when we initiated this column, but now it's all starting to make sense. – Ed.
FGDean@aol.com wrote Sun 10/26/14 @14:47 PDT:
Frank may have a point. Our dictionary does not mention pump-Our friend Franklin D. Reed shared your one-ton pumpkin
story with me after finding it on AOL news. He noted that
the item is described as a gourd rather than a pumpkin. He
said he raised gourds as a kid and they were considered to
be a separate species.
kin in its definition of "gourd," and does not mention gourd in its
definition of "pumpkin." But that article we linked (by the Asso-
ciated Press) says pumpkin in the headline, in the caption, and in
the text. Curiously, though, the first two paragraphs say a one-ton
"gourd" won the "Safeway World Championship Pumpkin Weigh-
off." Maybe the AP needs a piece of Frank's mind.
It sure wasn't orange, was it?
Larry Sparks, 78, who was NASCAR racer Jeff Gordon's driving[courtesy Columbus Republic]
teacher at Tri-West High School in Hendricks County, was killed
when his RV ran off I-75 near Jellico, Tennessee, as he and his
wife were returning home to Pittsboro, Indiana, after watching
Gordon compete in Martinsville, Virginia (the Mrs., Jacqueline,
77, died also). . . .
Residents called police in Fishers, an Indianapolis north suburb,
to report a clown wandering the streets. . . .
A rhea blocked U.S. Highway 24 near Peru for ten minutes. . . .
Reacting to a recent beheading in Oklahoma, State Senator Brent
Steele, of Bedford, chairman of the Judiciary Committee, sugges-
ted that Indiana needs an enhanced criminal penalty for decapita-
tion (present law provides for death or life without parole for
murder including mutilation, but decapitation does not seem to
fall within the definition of "mutilation").
Putting one little word after another and, why do they call it "be-
heading"? Shouldn't it be "DE-heading"?
South Bend's most wanted: Cynthia Cope, WF, possession of coke, paraphernalia, failing to inform; Matthew O'Donnell, WF, 5'11", 245 lbs, child molesting (x4) (Michiana Crime Stoppers)
Obituaries: D'Juan Suan Smith, 26, Louisville. Children surviving: D'Juan Jr., Shaunie, Sean, Keal'Suan, Suan'Keal; Siblings surviving: Clint, Antwain, Antonio, Alisa, La'Shay; Parents surviving: Curtis Quisenberry, Hazel Smith
Marcella ("Kentucky Puddin' ") McGinnis, 64, Louisville.
[courtesy Courier-Journal, Ohio County Monitor]The Harlan County High School girls basketball coach was indictedLexington's most wanted: Allison Prather, WF, 27, 5'9", 140 lbs, featured fugitive, burglary[courtesy Herald-Leader]
for video recording in the locker room.
[courtesy WKYT-TV]
"You cannot put Pol Pot on a milk creamer."
–Tristan Cerf, spokesman for the Swiss retailer Migros, apologizing
for creamer tops bearing the faces of Hitler and Mussolini
"There's never been a big market for Ebola vaccines. . . . Who[m] are they going to sell it to?"
– Thomas W. Geisbert, developer of a vaccine that worked on monkeys
"The San Francisco Giants are one game away from their third World Series title."
– Louise Schiavone, National Public Radio News: Actually, it would have been (and was)
the third World Series title for the "San Francisco" Giants – but the Giants won five World
Series before leaving New York in 1958; so it would have been (and was) the third title for
the "Giants" in five years, but their eighth over all.
"The Louisville 'Cure-yer'-Journal and [the] Lexington 'Here-ald"-Leader both ran editorials on
Sunday in support of [Alison Lundergan] Grimes [for the U.S. Senate]. The 'Here-ald'-Leader
argued Grimes would bring 'inergy' and an independent voice to the 'Sinate'."
– Lisa Autry, WKYU-FM "reddio"
Quotations of the Wheat:"There's no doubt in my military mind: It's never got too |
Bill Gates, 49
Bruce Jenner, 55
Richard Samet ("Kinky") Friedman,70
Grace Slick, 75
Patrick Buchanan, 76
Bill Anderson, 77
Tom Paxton, 77
Dan Rather, 83
Lucille Wood Smith / Frances Octavia Smith ("Dale Evans," 1908-2001)
Stuart Hamblen (1908-1989)
All in the swine of duty: Resource officer Leia Loveday kisses a pig for a student fund-raiser at Sevierville Primary School in Tennessee (Curt Habraken / Mountain Press / AP)
This little piggy . . . this little piggy . . .and yet an'er'n' little piggy . . . (Alison Lundergan Grimes)
Boko Haram kidnapped another 25 schoolgirls in Nigeria.[courtesy Harper's, Snopes, HuffPost, Raw Story, NBC.com, AP]
. . . Paris' Opéra Bastille expelled a woman from the au-
dience at Verdi’s La Traviata for wearing an Islamic veil.
. . . Reynolds American Inc., producer of Camels, Kools,
Pall Malls, Winstons and Salems, banned smoking in the
workplace. . . . Hong Kong protesters objected to an ap-
pearance by Kenny G. . . . Hong Kong administrator Le-
ung Chun-ying said open elections would give too much
power to the poor.
Aaron Lewis, of the rock band Staind, who had some choiceDear Eleanor:
words about Christina Aguilera's singing of the National An-
them at the 2011 Super Bowl ("twilight's last reaming") – "I
guess I just don't understand how people who sing the Na-
tional Anthem can be so fucking self-absorbed," he said –
screwed it up himself at game 5 of this year's World Series:
He left out "the twilight's last gleaming" altogether and sang
"what so proudly we hailed was so gallantly streaming,"
and then sang "was so gallantly streaming" again, where it
belongs. The YouTube presentation is titled "Aaron Lewis
fucks up the National Anthem." Plus, he sang it through his
nose.
The Kansas City Symphony Orchestra nailed it at game 6.
Joyce DiDonato, local KC diva, didn't miss any notes before
game 7, but she added one: ". . . free-EE . . . ." Speaking of
Lewis' complaint of "self-absorbed": She was awful.
So were all who sang "God Bless America" in the 7th inning
– Generald Wilson (game 1 - bad), Richard Gibson (game 2-
terrible), Craig Campbell (game 3 – not posted; musta been
worse), (game 4 – not posted; musta been worser), Michelle
Doolittle (game 5 – awful), Angie Johnson (game 6, as bad
as it gets), Jennifer Sherman (game 7 – what was that?) –
and what ever became of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game"?
P.S. One pitcher – the Giants' Madison Bumgarner – won
this year's World Series, for the Giants, against the Royals,
4 to 3. First time a player won a World Series by himself
since the Milwaukee Braves' Lew Burdette beat the New
York Yankees in 1957.
And: Here is the reason no one gives a shit about baseball
any more: Sportswriter Frank DeFord's commentary.
I make small talk all day long on my job. At the end of the dayDear Hung-Tied:
I like to go to a neighborhood restaurant by myself for a quiet
dinner. But the owner, "Giovanni," sits down at my table to
chat. He speaks limited English, and conversation with him
is a chore.
I can’t think of a polite way to ask that I be left alone without
hurting his feelings. Any suggestions?
Hungry and Tired
RR: Hello?
Caller: Do you owe $2,000 or more on any credit card?
RR: Probably. I don't pay attention. I just
charge on
them.
Caller: Do you owe $2,000 or more on any of
them?
RR: Shouldn't you know? Isn't that why you called?
Caller: So you owe $2,000 or more on one of your credit cards?
RR: Well, yeah, I'm sure. I just spent $1,500 on a blow-up doll.
Caller: I don't think that is an appropriate thing to say to a lady.
RR: I'm sorry, I don't think it's appropriate to call about a credit card you don't know about.
[CLICK (call ended by CALLER)]
Entemologist slammed for euthenizing puppy spider
[National Public Radio Weekend Edition (corrected within hours of its posting)]
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Borf
Books
borf@borfents.com
Ideas
for a Better America Box 413 The Columbus Book of Euchre Brownsville KY 42210 War Stories: The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer (270) 597-2187 Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher Natty Bumppo, writer/editor |