Exposed, Jonathan Winters' secret life: Brilliant comic battled insanity! (Examiner); Lisa Marie is pissed, Elvis' love child Lisa Johansen moves into Graceland (Enquirer); Not an accidental drug overdose, Anna Nicole Smith was murdered (Globe); Rosie O'Donnell's son admires Donald Trump (Globe)

Honkin de Spain wrote 9/21/15 from Gatesville, Tick's-ass (which
is how they pronounce Texas, she says), re two recent headlines:

"Poll:  89% believe Obama has failed to bring America clo-
ser to celestial utopia of endless pleasure":  Meaning 11 per
cent do believe?  Wow! I want what they're smoking! I want
to be an 11 per center!

"ISIS plot to kill Prince William": They can have Charles! If
they want William it's gonna get Harry.

   

Plymouth's most wanted: Sean Nelson, WM, 5'10", 160 lbs, failure to register as sex offender; South Bend's: Michelle Newgent, WF, 5'3", 185 lbs, grand theft auto; Christopher Page, BM, 6'0", 240 lbs, domestic battery (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

A purse snatcher at a campground in Madison jumped into the
Ohio River to avoid arrest, but police in a boat caught up with
him 100 feet off shore.  They failed to get him aboard but,  ex-
hausted,  he held on to the boat as it returned to land, and then
ran off;  but he was arrested later at a residence. . . .

Two persons died of West Nile virus.  One of the deaths was
in  Vanderburgh County,  but the state Health Department re-
fused to disclose where the other was. . . .

Kosciusko's statue was sawed off at the feet  in a park in East
Chicago, and police caught a man sawing off his head in a ga-
rage (the sawer and garage owner were arrested for theft). . . .

Wildlife  officials  braced for an invasion of black bears from
Ohio and Kentucky after chasing one back to Michigan earli-
er this summer. . . .

A woman driving a school bus carrying 21 children in Hamil-
ton County left the road, hit a utility pole guide wire and kept
going  and picked up more students  before dropping them off
at school was later arrested for DUI. . . .

A  woman  leapt from her car  upon  seeing  a  spider  on  her
shoulder as she was backing out of her driveway  in Syracuse;
her 9-year-old son jumped from the back seat into the driver's
seat in an attempt to stop the car  but stepped on the accelera-
tor  instead of the brake pedal,  and the car crashed into a pas-
sing school bus (only the boy was injured; the bus had no pas-
sengers).
                                                   [courtesy Columbus Republic]

An American Airlines flight from Miami to Chicago was diver-
ted to Indianapolis to deplane a female passenger  who  kicked
and punched a male passenger  and  then kissed and punched a
stewardess who was trying to calm her down.
                                                                          [courtesy WLS-7]

Jub Bosh was the first to file for Kentucky's Republican caucus
for presidential candidates next March,  which was created just
this year by an endowment from Rant Pol, whom state law pro-
bits being on the ballot twice in the  same  election  (Pol would
like to run for re-election to the Senate next year as well  as for
President).
                                                                        [courtesy WTVQ]

A deputy reported that the only marriage license application de-
nied since County Clerk Kim Davis returned from jail  was  one
for a man wanting to marry Jesus.  Both parties have to be pres-
ent, he was told; and he countered, "But Jesus is always present."
He returned with a power of attorney to sign Jesus' name, issued
by his church, but still was denied. . . . And Davis became a Re-
publican.
                                                                 [courtesy WFPL, NBC]

            

Once Lexington's most wanted

        No name or other ID accompanied  this  picture
        in last Wednesday's Herald-Leader, but you can
        find this woman's name,  age  and weight  when
        she was a star  in our August 30 issue.

"Bismarck,"  an accountant from Lexington,  a familiar hiker on the Appalachian trail  the last six years and frequent guest at a bed and break- fast in Damascus, Virginia, was arrested by the FBI  for  embezzling $9 million from a Cincin- nati, Ohio, company that he kept books for un- til 2009.                                   [courtesy Herald-Leader]

 

"If I had to live in Indianapolis, I'd live in the World War Memorial €“so that I
  wouldn't have to look at it."
                                                                 – Frank Lloyd Wright

"Right, . . . .  Right, . . . " (another new "Like, . . . ").
                                                                                         – Bryn  Nelson (here is the dumbfuck's résumé)

"Some of my best friends are gays."
                                                                – Rowan County (Ky.) Clerk Kim Davis

Quotations of the Wheat: "There should be an app for that!  €“3-D printer software that will enable you to print a   fuckable robot that looks like Cindy Crawford (www.The_Wheat.com)." Leonard Simon
Hey, Wheatley!  That's unethical!  See here.                                                                  – Editor	campaign against sex robots

"Today I believe that I am being called to lead by helping to clear the field."
                                                                                                                                  – Scout Runner

"It's like hosting a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous and setting up an open bar, or inviting
 the prime minister of India and serving rib-eye steak.  There are some things you just don't
 do.  It's called manners."
                                                        – Mike Hucksterbe, calling out President Obama for seating anti-
                                                           abortion Catholics and gay activists at a reception for the Pope

Tick Talk: "I understand that you spent the summer on someone's ass. Can you tell us what that was like?" [Bob Eckstein in the New Yorker]

Hanne Karin Bayer ("Anna Karina"), 75
                      September 23:   Bruce Springsteen, 66
                      September 25:   Cheryl Tiegs, 68
                                                Ian Tyson, 82, "rocker"
                                                Barbara Walters, 86
                      September 26:   Olivia Newton-John, 67
                                               

Celebrity lookalikes: Keith Moon, Jamie Farr

Refugees in Germany were being housed in Dachau. . . .
Vladimir Putin  and Silvio Berlusconi  drank  a  $90,000
bottle of wine, vintage 1775, in Crimea. . . . Two teen-a-
gers were prosecuted  for  sexual exploitation of a minor
in Fayetteville, North Carolina,  for having naked photos
of themselves  on their cell phones  (i.e.,  they  were  the
minors exploited). . . .Nine policemen jumped a 16-year-
old black boy for walking in a bus-only lane in Stockton,
California,  and yelling at the first cop, "Get the fuck off
me."  .  .  .  More than 700 people were killed in a stam-
pede in the Hajj pilgrimage near Mecca in Saudi Arabia.
. . .  A Japanese tourist fell down a staircase to his death
taking a "selfie" at the Taj Mahal. . . . Chimps and bono-
bos  enjoyed a movie about King Kong at Kyoto Univer-
sity in Japan.
                                    [courtesy Harper's, HuffPost, AP]

Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Rochelle Ramirez, HF, 31, 5'5", 165 lbs, meth, firewater; Thomas Dishman, WM, 39, 5'7", 195 lbs, theft; Codie Viola, WF, 42, 5'3", 170 lbs, meth, firewater (Abilene Crime Stoppers)

The major league baseball team known as the Braves  now  resi-
dent in Atlanta, Georgia, began as the Cincinnati Red Stockings,
the first professional baseball team,  in 1869.  The team disband-
ed after two years,  and the player-manager, his brother and two
other players moved from Ohio to Massachusetts  to  found  the
Boston Red Stockings of the new National Association  in 1871.
By  1876,  when they became a charter member of the National
League (as a new Cincinnati Red Stockings team was also), they
were known as the Boston Red Caps. They became the Beaneat-
ers in 1883. The Boston team in the new American League, form-
ed in 1901, wore dark blue stockings and had no official name un-
til 1908,  when it changed its name and apparel to  Red  Sox,  the
Beaneaters having abandoned their red socks  (for  their  health!)
and becoming the Doves (with whites) in 1907. They became the
Rustlers in 1911 and finally, in 1912,  the Braves.  But they chan-
ged their name again in 1936, by popular vote of fans and sports-
writers,  to the Boston Bees.  They became the Braves again five
years later and kept the name through moves to Milwaukee in 19-
53 and Atlanta in 1966.

Here's more:  The Chicago Cubs (not the White Sox) were the or-
iginal Chicago White Stockings,  and the St. Louis Cardinals (not
the Browns) were the original St. Louis Browns (having begun as
the Brown Stockings).  More next week.
                                                                                      [Wikipedia]

Recently at a funeral at our church, in accord with the family's
wishes,  a friend of the deceased  was  allowed  to speak a few
minutes.  He proceeded to tell inappropriate stories.   After  he
had spoken for quite some time, I asked him to allow others to
talk;  but he refused  to  yield.  Finally a family member asked
him to step down,  but the damage had been done.

May I offer three rules for speaking at a funeral?

1.  Keep your remarks brief – less than seven minutes.   Write
     and rehearse what you're going to say.

2.  This is not a comedy club.  Though you may share a funny
     story about the deceased,   do not say anything that would
     humiliate that person or their family.

3.  Do not brag about yourself.  The service is not about you.

                                                                       Grieving Pastor

DISCUSSION GROUP:      Don't  forget!   Readers  interested  in  intellec- tual dissection of important current events  are in- vited to attend the Weekly World News Round Ta- ble at the offices of Borf Books  outside  Browns- ville,  Kentucky,  just after church  every  Sunday. Guest  speakers  lined up for meetings in the near future include  Lisa  Desjardins  (go to 4:14 in the video clip).

Obama tells Hillary, quit now, you won't beat Trump (Globe); Pope Jorge Francis endorses Shroud of Turin (Examiner); Judge admits Tom Brady on his NFL fantasy team (Borowitz Report)

Publius Leget wrote Sun 9/13/15 @10:22 CDT:

Hey, you male chauvinist pigs!  Where do you get
off calling women tennis players "hot" or "ugly?

It's according to how they look, fuck face.  Did you never
notice that Anna Kournakova was a porn star,  that Billie
Jean King  was a dog,  and that Chris Evert  is  still  hot?
Google your own celebrity lookalikes on  this  one:  Ro-
berta Vinci, U.S. Open runner-up,  and Robert De Niro.

Anthony Dean wrote Mon 9/14/15 @02:16 CDT:

My advice to the grandparents of the club-footed girl
is to tell those well-meaning folks to mind  their  own
fucking  business.

One woman stabbed another in the eye with a fork in a fight
over the last barbecued rib at a party in Muncie.

                                                     [courtesy Huffington Post]

A 16-year-old boy agreed to serve 45 years in prison for the
murder of a 14-year-old boy in Elkhart (Jwan shot DezJuan).

                                                          [courtesy Elkhart Truth]

Most wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Deondra Lamar McDowell, BM, domestic violence; Jameisha Danyell Crafton, BF, assault with a dangerous weapon; Dorothy Jean Pulliam a/k/a Dorothy Seals, BF, interference with electronic communication causing injury or death; Dayshaun Tywone Spears, BM, home invasion (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

A woman was hit by a flying brisket as competing chefs quarrel-
ed at a barbecue festival in Danville.
                                                              [courtesy New York Post]

Marriage licenses now being issued in Rowan County have the
name of the County deleted  and  identify the deputy clerk issu-
ing them only as a notary public, feeding speculation that Coun-
ty Clerk Kim Davis may be headed back to  federal  court  (ac-
cording to a columnist for the Arizona Republic she chose fame
over conscience,  and she was attended by clowns according to
a columnist for the Lexington Herald-Leader.

                [courtesy Park City Daily News, Bowling Green, Ky.]

A 31-year-old man who blocked a school bus he said was tailga-
ting him in Somerset was charged with 20 counts of kidnapping.

                                             [courtesy Lexington Herald-Leader]

Boiling Spring(s): Whether you live in Boiling Spring or Boiling Springs might depend on your faith. These two churches face each other from opposite sides of the road in Warren County.

                                                                                                            [Tabloid Headlines photos]

A Kroger supermarket in Bowling Green has 217 different magazines on the
rack not including the Atlantic,  Esquire,  Harper's,  the New Republic, New
York or the New Yorker  (but including National Geographic).

                                                                       [a Tabloid Headlines exclusive]

 

Celebrity lookalikes: Klara  Soderberg, of the Swedish sister folksinger duo First Aid Kit; Anne Pyterek, former mistress of Tabloid Headlines' editor, Natty Bumppo

"It's as though God had taken hold of the United States at the tip of Maine, lifted it and shook
  it, and all the unstable elements fell into Southern California."
                                                                                                                 – Frank Lloyd Wright

"So . . . .  So . . . .  So . . . .  So . . . ah, huh! huh! huh!"

                                                           – aerospace engineer Anita Sengupta   (you  know,  "So, . . . "
                                                              is the new "Like, . . . " – if you want to hear the whole stupid
                                                              26½-minute interview, go here and click "Download MP3")

"I'm not a heartless, racist, children-kicking camerawoman."

                                                                – Petra László, television videographer filmed kicking two chil-
                                                                   dren and tripping a man at a refugee gathering in Hungary

"Sharma . . . insists that the criteria of what belongs in the
  museum is elastic."
                                              – Julie McCarthy, NPR (this was corrected in the transcript)

"Bolin's dad backs U of L QB, whomever it is."
                                                                                                    – headline in Louisville Courier-Journal

"Do you want someone who appears to still be in grade school to be in charge of the
  nuclear arsenal?"
                                                – Rant Pol (speaking of Donald Strump)

Quotations of the Wheat: "Hell, yes, I'd marry a robot – if she could fuck!" Leonard Simon

                     

The Georgia Poison Center  reported a 400 per cent in-
crease since 2010  in children under 12 getting high on
hand sanitizer. . . .  A man in Michigan's Upper Penin-
sula  became  the fourth person in the United States  to
be diagnosed with bubonic plague this year. . . . A  car
driven by a teacher knocked a school bus off  an  over-
pass in Houston, Texas, killing two girls. . . . A man on
trial  for  murder  was  put in a holding cell in the Allen
County Courthouse in Lima, Ohio, with one of the wit-
nesses against him, and fisticuffs (but no serious injury)
ensued.
                                                [courtesy Raw Story, AP]

Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Kimberly New, WF, 35, 5'6", 115 lbs, forgery; Julie Garcia, HF, 25, 5'1", 105 lbs, theft; Tiffanie Sells, WF, 31, 5'0", 135 lbs, debit card abuse; Deborah Hermis, HF, 29, meth & firewater (Abilene Crime Stoppers)

The Kansas State University marching band formed a phallic
symbol pointed at the mouth of the University of Kansas Jay-
hawk. . . .

The second round  of  Republican  Presidential  debates  was
not  on  TV.   But those of our readers favored  with  satellite
and cable  saw or heard the most horrendous rendition of the
National  Anthem  since the Super Bowl.  The alleged singer
was Natalie Hill,  whoever she is.  "What so proudly we hate"
was bad enough (does that remind you of Christina Aguilera's
"twilight's last reaming"?), but her departure from the melody
on "our flag was still there" was worse. . . .

     

Tennis hottie Monica Puig

I'm a 63-year-old man living with a 28-year-old woman, and I am
beginning to suspect that she is after my money.
                                                                              Pops in Palo Alto

     Herlinda Linda

Kylie: Meanest girl in Hollywood, lied about being pregnant, calls Khloe her 'ugly sister,' threw 18th birthday gifts in garbage (OK); Kylie: 'My wild birthday!' (US Weekly); Queeen confesses: Charles killed Diana (Globe)

Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 9/6/15 @19:34 PDT:

  Instead of all the ugly mugs, how about including that
  pretty tractor,  which  is  indeed  a work of art,  in  the
  front yard in  Elkhart,  Indiana?   That face could be a
  cartoon character – like Thomas the Train.

Publius Leget wrote Sun 9/6/15 @10:22 CDT:

Hey, you boobs, it's Mount Denali, not Mount Denial.

Intentional typo.    – Editor


Len Zanger wrote Tues 9/8/15 @06:00 EDT:

Kim Davis ought to review her decision not to do her job in light
of Numbers 30:2, Deuteronomy 17:12 and Proverbs 28:9.

Celebrity lookalikes: Kim Davis, Dick Cheney

A cheetah escaped at the Indianapolis Zoo.

                                                  [courtesy Columbus Republic]

A pastor was arrested for battering children at a church board-
ding school in Sellersburg.
                                                                      [courtesy WDRB]

Most wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Sarah Lynn Turner, WF, absconding parole; Terri Earline Rawson, WF, assault by strangulation; in South Bend: Gerald McKinney, BM, 5'10", 230 lbs, robbery (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

Both Mike Hucksterbe and Tez Crud appeared at the rally out-
side the Carter County Jail  in  Grayson  when Kim Davis was
freed,  but Hucksterbe aides blocked  Crud's  attempt  to  take
the stage.
                                                  [courtesy MSNBC, Raw Story]

Hundreds of women marched topless through Louisville in a
national FREETHENIPPLE movement.
                                                                                   [courtesy WHAS]

        

Lexington's most wanted: Antanette Jones, BF, 24, 5'1", 160 lbs, trafficking in controlled substance (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)

Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Cameo Dugan, WM (sic), 29, 5'2", 120 lbs, DUI; Candice Herridge, WF, 28, 5'0"", 115 lbs, Theft, meth, firewater; John Borrego, HM, 71, 5'9", 160 lbs, Meth, firewater; Melinda Ditmore, WF, 53, 5'6", 150 lbs, debit card abuse (Abilene Crime Stoppers)

"Kim Davis' attorneys have compared her to Martin Luther King, but she is more reminiscent
 of fellow Democrats Orval Faubus and George Wallace. King fought against the government
 and its racist laws.  Like Faubus and Wallace, Davis is the government."

                                                                                         – Joseph Gerth, Louisville Courier-Journal

"I can't sing with you.  I have the worst voice."
                                                                                    – Randy Newman, to Judy Collins

"That one has big breasts, but I want a Yazidi with blue eyes and pale skin. . . .  I am willing to
  pay the price."
                                         €“– an Islamic State captor quoted by an 18-year-old Yazidi sex slave
                                            who escaped IS (ISIS, ISIL) and wrote a book about her experience

" . . . for she and her daughters . . . ."
                                                                – Alison Meuse, National Public Radio

A quimwit who reads a promotion for the lender TIAA-CREF on National Public Radio
pronounces the first set of  initials (which stand for Teachers Insurance and Annuity As-
sociation)  not "T-I-A-A"  but  "Tee-Yi  [as in 'Whoopee-Ti-Yi-Yo,' or 'Ee-Yi-Ee-Yi-Oh']
Ay-Yay"  ("CREF," €“pronounced "cref," stands for "College Retirement Equities Fund").

"Look at that face!  Would anyone vote for that?"
                                                                  €“€“                      – Donald Strump, re Charly Fiorentina

YourClassical.org:  "Every moment composed."

Quotations of the Wheat: "Hell, yes, I'd marry a robot –€“ if she could satisfy my wants and needs!" Leonard Simon

Alecia Beth Moore ("Pink"), 36
                                                 Neko Case, 45
                                                 Bernie Sanders, 74
                                                

A judge in Chattanooga, Tennessee,  denied a divorce,  sought by
both husband and wife, saying he must wait for the United States
Supreme Court to say what is  not  a  marriage,  since it ruled re-
cently on what is a marriage.  . . .  An airline pilot passenger was
videoed "texting" on takeoff in Charlotte, North Carolina. . . . A
Fox News anchor, Harris Faulkner, sued Hasbro toys for $5 mil-
lion for giving a toy hamster her name  and physical characteris-
tics. . . .  A Danish company pulled a  video  game  called  Slave
Tetris, in which players stack bodies in a slave ship. . . . Chris,  a
domestic sheep missing from a herd just north of Canberra, Aus-
tralia,  came home wearing approximately  40.45 kilograms  (89
lbs.)  of  wool,  and still weighed approximately 40.45 kilograms
after being shorn. . . . Randy Newman declined Judy Collins' in-
vitation to sing his song "Feels Like Home" with her on her new
album of duets with men, out this week  (Jackson Browne step-
ped in for him). . . . Reek Berry quit  running for President.

Former  University  of Kentucky  and  Arizona  Suns  white
basketball star Rex Chapman pleaded guilty to felony shop-
lifting from an Apple store in Scottsdale, Arizona. . . .

A student-made drone crashed into an unoccupied section
of the University of Kentucky stadium in Lexington as sky
divers parachuted onto the field  carrying  American  flags
at the start of the football season, against the University of
Louisiana-Lafayette,  two  days  after a drone crashed into
empty seats in the  Flavia Pennetta  -  Monica Niculescuat
match  at the U.S. Open tennis tournament in  the  Queens,
New York. . . .

Natty Bumppo and Patricia Moulton wrote to ESPN Mon 9/7/15
@11:18 CDT:

Why can we not "hear"  (see)  the grunts and screams of the
women tennis players on "closed captions"?  We have both
recently gone deaf, and we miss those. They're the most im-
portant element of the women's game.

The tournament, with the upset of Serena Williams in the semifi-
nals,  descended to its first all-Dago final, pairing the ugliest two
women ever to play tennis on television.   But  neither  of  them
oinked or grunted through the first set – although Roberta Vinci,
the player who ousted Williams,  began to squeak in the second
and final set,  and Flavia Pennetta,  the eventual champion,  be-
gan to breathe out loud.   Pennetta,  the prettier of the two,  an-
nounced her retirement in her trophy acceptance speech  (noth-
ing like quitting when you're ahead).
                                 

My beautiful 6-year-old granddaughter has club feet.  Al-
though she's had several surgeries,  her ongoing treatment
requires her to wear her shoes on the opposite feet.

Every time we go out,  well-intentioned people seem com-
pelled to let us know she has her shoes on wrong. She gets
embarrassed when we explain,  and I don’t blame her.  Do
you have any suggestions?
                                                                      Nana in Penna.

Read more here: http://www.kansascity.com/living/advice-columns/article34036893.html#storylink=cpy

three messages from "Zach"
         titled "Need your reply."


People who invited us to be their "friends" on Clutterbook Facebook in the last week included
                Angel Kyousuke 


DISCUSSION GROUP:

     Don't  forget!   Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to attend the Weekly World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky, just after church every Sunday.  Guest  speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include

 

GPS is wrong: Commercial vehicles, do not turn left, go straight for Brownsville, there is a bridge and curve you cannot get through (Tabloid Headlines photos); you'll need an actual map, MapQuest and Yahoo! won't work either

Honkin de Spain wrote Thurs 8/20/15 re "Christian erotica":

Is there such a thing?   Shame  on  those "holy rollers
in the hay."

Jeanetta Girard wrote Mon 8/31/15 @09:19 CDT about the
prohibition of photographing your ballot in Indiana:

How dumb is that?

It's not so dumb:  Its purpose is to preserve the  "secret bal-
lot," which was introduced in the U.S. more than a  century
ago (more than two centuries ago in France)  to  thwart  in-
timidation and outright vote buying.  Modern "selfies" and
such would give buyers and intimidators new ways to  po-
lice their purchases.

It would be like voting on a machine  that  allowed you to
print out your ballot and take it home with you,  or one of
those that scan a paper ballot you have filled in by hand if
you could take it with you (maybe some polls allow such).    – Editor

And Jeanetta wrote Mon 8/31/15 @09:22 CDT about the
Nyquil slogan "Sleep is a beautiful thing":

Yeah, they need videos of sleepers going "SNORT-
TTTTT!" and drooling and walking into doors . . . .

Steve Yates wrote Mon 8/31/15 @19:21 CDT re unisex names:

Yeah, you got your Sue and your Angels and your Jesses,
but what about Ashley?  Ashley Wilkes  was  Scarlett O'-
Hara's true love in Gone with the Wind,  remember?   In
the movie played by Leslie Howard (there's an'er'n' uni-
sex name!).  No Ashley Judd,  he.

And you left out the epitome:  Pat.

A fisherman caught a Peruvian red-bellied pacu,  related to
the piranha,  in Mississinewa Lake, near Peru (Indiana). . . .

A woman jailed for armed robbery in LaPorte fled after giv-
ing birth in a hospital (but was rearrested a day later). . . .

A woman was made to remove her great-grandfather's 1961
Case  830  farm  tractor  from the front lawn of her home in
Elkhart under an ordinance prohibiting parking commercial
vehicles in residential zones  (it was memory  and  "art"  to
her,  not commerce).
                                                [courtesy Columbus Republic]

South Bend's most wanted: Latricia Emerson, BF, 5'3", 125 lbs, battery; Robert Werntz, WM, 6'2", 185 lbs, coke; Cassandra Jordan, WF, 5'4", 120 lbs, burglary with a deadly weapon (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

Lucy Lou, mayor of Rabbit Hash since 2008 and third (and lon-
gest serving) dog in succession to hold the office, was entering
the Presidential race.
                                                    [courtesy Cincinnati Enquirer]

Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis,  despite losing in the United
States Supreme Court, continued to refuse issuing marriage li-
censes,  "under God's authority."  She was jailed for contempt
of court  (but the only way to get her out of office,  except by
death  or  resignation,  is by impeachment by the state legisla-
ture).  Five of her six deputies, in order to avoid contempt, is-
sued eight marriage licenses the next day, including six to gay
couples.
                                           [courtesy  Washington   Post,  USA
                                           Today,  Louisville Courier-Journal]

Not all Kentuckians supported Kim Davis.
                                                                        [Courier-Journal]
 
    

Steve Yates wrote Tues 9/1/15 @15:55 CDT, what about Jacob Yoder, Mullett County Circuit Court Clerk, refusing to isssue driver's licenses?

"I will follow the statutes of this office to the letter."
                                                                                            – Kim Davis,  upon her election as
                                                                                               Rowan County (Kentucky) Clerk

"God needs your sorry ass to do his bidding?"
                                                                                – TV's Young Turks host Cenk Uygur, to Kim Davis

"Queerly beloved, . . . ."
                                                – anonymous preacher at his first gay wedding ceremony

"We should make it possible for believers, such as Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis in Kentucky,
 to hold government jobs without having to violate their religious beliefs."
                                                                                                                            – Tez Crud

"I spoke with Kim Davis . . . to offer my prayers and support.  I let her know how proud I am of
 her for not abandoning her religious convictions."
                                                                                    – Mike Hucksterby

"People who do stand up and are making a stand to say that they believe  in something is an
 important part of the American way."
                                                                         – Rant Pol

"I don’t think anyone should have to choose between following their conscience and religious
 beliefs and giving up their job."
                                                              – Bobble Hindi

"There should be a way to protect the religious freedom and conscience rights of individuals
 working in the office."
                                                 –€“ Marco Rubicon

"There ought to be a big enough space for her to act on her conscience."
                                                                                                                        – Jub Push

"I read that the Constitution is very clear, that people have the freedom of religion."
                                                                                                                                          – Scout Runner

"In America we should not have to choose between keeping our job and practicing
 our faith."
                            – Rick Sanctimonium

Charly Firoentina and Whiner Graham said Davis should comply with the law or re-
sign.  Christy Christie waffled,  and Donald Strump was caught speechless – saying
he did not know enough about Davis' case to comment.  But Strump did say:

"I'm not a fan of Hitler. . . .  I'm the most militaristic person. . . .  I have the blood pressure of a great
 athlete. .  .  . I love the Bible, evangelical Christians, Japanese people, Chinese people, Mexican im-
 migrants, Ukraine and the New York Times. . . . You read the papers; you say, oh, how could this be
 happening? . . . Why do we need an election?  We don't need an election."

"He'll be the first President to visit America's Artic [sic].  And another goal is to rally domestic
 support to build Artic infrastructure.   The U.S. is down to just one heavy icebreaker  and  has
 no Artic ports."
                                – Liz Ruskin, Alaskan Public Media

"Mr. President, get out of Alaska; you have bigger mountains to climb."
                                                                                                                            – Bristol Palin

"Peter Greste was deported and sentenced in abstentia in this retrial."

                                             – Scott Simon, National Public Radio's Weekend Edition Saturday

"The average price of a gallon of gasoline was $2.71 a gallon."
                                                                                                           – Windsor Johnston, NPR news

Quotations of the Wheat: "I like a little cocaine and heroin once in a while.  I hope that doesn't   make me a bad person." Leonard Simon

                                                                               

Mount  McKinley,  the U.S.' tallest mountain,  was re-
renamed Mount Denial. . . .  Nicki Minaj called Miley
Cyrus a bitch,  Miley Cyrus flashed  her  left  tit,  and
Taylor Swift gave  Kanye  West  (who said he would
run for President in 2020) an award at the MTV Vid-
eo Music Awards show. . . .  A covered wagon over-
turned on a bridge in Little Rock, Arkansas, blocking
traffic on I-30. . . . A man was bitten by a rattlesnake
he had picked up for a few "selfies" in Lake Elsinore,
California. .  .  .  U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin
Scalia has not ruled on Rowan County Clerk Kim Da-
vis' case,  but his previous writings  indicate  a  belief
that public officials should do their jobs  or  quit. . . .
Scientists reported that civil wars,  political  uprisings
and the spread of the Islamic State have improved air
quality in the Middle East. . . . A 19-year-old father of
two in Houston, Texas, took a "selfie" fatally shooting
himself in the head. . . . Dis Pussy,  Dat Ass  and Dem
Balls joined the run for President, and Deez Nuts pick-
ed Limberbutt the Cat for his running mate. . . . A Chi-
nawoman barred from boarding a flight  with  a  bottle
of champagne drank the whole thing at checkpoint and
was then refused passage  for  being  drunk. .  .  .  Five
polar  bears  seized a Russian weather research station
in the Arctic. . . . Tajikistan claimed that a small planet
in the solar system had been named Tajikistan.

             [courtesy Harper's, HuffPost, Raw Story, AP]

Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Richard Frogue, WM, 52, 5'7", 165 lbs, fraud; Latricia Allen, BF, 37, 5'1", 230 lbs, forgery (Abilene Crime Stoppers)

Cheatin' football quarterback Tom Brady's four-game sus-
pension was overturned by a federal judge. . . .

Two Kansas City Royals baseball stars came down with the
chicken pox,  and  fans  were worrying that the whole team
might be infected. . . .
                                              

Tennis hottie: Monica Puig, of Puerto Rico, lost to Venus Williams in the first round of the U.S. Open

I am a lesbian,  still in high school,  who has not  "come  out"
to any friends or family.  I want them to know,  but I'm afraid
to tell them. I'm pretty sure this is who I am, and I don't want
them to dismiss  my  identity.  I also don't want them to think
of me differently – I want to be the same person in their eyes
as I was before I came out.  They aren't homophobic,  to  my
knowledge,  but I feel "stuck."

I have fairly bad social anxiety, so it's difficult for me to say
anything.  I'd be grateful for any advice you have.

                                                               Hiding in Colorado