Henry Velenosi wrote Sun 5/22/16 @07:54 PDT:

Tell Jane Etta Darrig that "transgender" does not mean
"attracted to your own sex."    Carol  (formerly  Carl),
with whom I worked for several years,  had been a  6'
1" linebacker  who adamantly pointed out to everyone
who questioned his choice  that  he  never  was  "gay"
but was a woman trapped in a man's body.   After sur-
gery he continued to like women and ended up lesbian.

See how confusing it gets when we begin to disregard birth cer-
tificates?
                                                                                       – Editor

The Wheat wrote Mon 5/23/16 @13:17 CDT:

So, can bison and buffalo use the same bathroom?

Honkin de Spain wrote Mon 5/23/16 @13:18 to suggest
Czechórepú  as the new name  for  the  Czech  republic
(with vocal stress on the accented vowels):

I first thought of Czechrep, but it sounds like an an-
tivirus software salesman.

A&E's TV "reality show" 60 Days In,  in which "innocent" vol-
unteers became jailbirds with the consent of the jailer, exposed
nine officers at the Clark County Jail in Jeffersonville,  five  of
whom were fired and four of whom resigned.

                                      [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

South Bend's most wanted: Heather Rach, WF, 5'7", 115 lbs, coke, false informing, failure to appear; John Goldner, WM, 5'11", 225 lbs, rape; Ameka Welch, BF, 5'5", 230 lbs, forgery, probation violation (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

The South Shore Line commuter railroad planned to offer "quiet
cars" on its rush hour runs between Michigan City (Indiana) and
Chicago, on which passengers would have to refrain from phone
use and keep conversation subdued. . . .

Indiana Black Expo will present its  Living  Legend  award this
year to Dionne Warwick (née Marie Dionne Warrick – only one
W) – who is from East Orange, New Jersey. . . .

Florence  Henderson  (of the Brady Bunch),  who was born and
grew up in Dale, in Southern Indiana, was named grand marshal
of this year's 100th running of the Indianapolis 500-Mile Race. . . .

Indiana University filed suit to block enforcement of a new law
requiring burial or cremation of aborted fetuses,  which  would
prevent acquisition of some fetal tissue for research. . . .

The bobkitten hit by a car near Bloomington late last fall was
released back into a forest after surgery repairing her broken
pelvis.
                                                    [courtesy Columbus Republic]

Side saddle horse riding was making a comeback  at  the  High
Hope Steeplechase in Lexington, called the  "Downton  Abbey
effect." . . .

Nineteen persons escaped neck-deep water in a flash flood in
Hidden River Cave,  part of the Mammoth Cave system at the
town of Horse Cave. . . .

A columnist for the Lexington Herald-Leader called the Donald
Trump-headlined National Rifle Association convention in Lou-
isville a "parade of paranoia."
                                                              [courtesy Herald-Leader]

  

Lexington's most wanted: Issamary Hernandez, HF, 22, 5'4", 120 lbs, attempted mobery (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)

"JFK wanted to send a man to the moon.  Obama wants to send a man to the
 women's room."
                                  – Greg Abbott, Governor of Texas

"HB2 has already been remarkably successful in turning North Carolina into
  one long Woolworth's counter."
                                                            – Jelani Cobb, in the New Yorker

Quotations of the Wheat: "Live fast, die young, and don't grow old, or you'll live to regret it." – Leonard Simon

                    
The party of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau introduced
legislation in Canada to prohibit discrimination against
"transgenders," on the International Day Against Homo-
phobia, Transphobia and Biphobia;  and  teen-agers  in
Chester, Vermont, wore "Straight Pride" T-shirts protes-
ting a new school policy allowing "transgenders" to use
the bathrooms of their choice. . . .Clarence Thomas, the
only black on the U.S. Supreme Court, was the lone dis-
senter in a case overturned for the prosecution's system-
atic exclusion of blacks  from  a  criminal  trial  jury. . . .
Police  staged  a rally in Paris denouncing cop hatred  as
counterdemonstrators set fire to a patrol car  and  chant-
ed,  "Police everywhere, justice nowhere!" . . .Tempera-
tures rose to a record  123.8° F.  in India's desert state of
Rajasthan, where a man's tied-up, untended camel bit his
head off when he went to relieve it. . . . A Louisiana leg-
islator briefly sponsored a bill to limit  strippers'  ages  to
29 and weights to 160 pounds. . . . Zoo guards in Santiag-
o, Chile, shot and killed two lions into whose cage a man
had jumped to  commit  suicide. . . . An 86-year-old man
shot his 78-year-old wife in the head  in  Port  St.  Lucie,
Florida, saying he could no longer afford her medication.
. . . European scientists suggested that trees sleep at night.
. . . Memorial Day will fall on Decoration Day tomorrow.

                                                    [courtesy Harper's, AP]

Today was Mothers Day,  and the prison chaplain came around
the dorms with a present for each woman.  In past years the gift
has been a bar of soap or a little bag of candy; but this time the
chaplain (a new one) passed out Christian devotional books.

I accepted my gift, but as soon as I read enough to see what it
was I ran down the aisle to return it.   The chaplain knew full
well that I'm a Buddhist, and I thought it was a bit rude of him
to foist this upon me.  But I thought also he might like to have
the book back to give someone else.

But he was angry!  He said,  "OK,  then give back my shampoo
and soap!" (gifts a group of Christian woman had come around
with the day before).  The soap and shampoo did not have the
word Christian or any insignia stamped on them!   What  was
he thinking?

Then he bombarded me with homilies and asked why I hadn't
just thrown the tract in the trash.

Was I wrong?   Should I have just kept my mouth shut and pit-
ched the thing in the trash?  The  incident  just gave me anoth-
er reason to be Buddhist.  Mothers Day is not a religious hol-
iday to begin with.

P.S.  Some of my cellmates found a gal who wanted the book;
so it wasn't wasted.  But I was wondering if I should not have
given her some Buddhist literature instead.

                                                        Kamara Siddhartha in Stir

Mishawaka  High  School  sold the naming rights to its
football field to a bank for $400,000, its baseball field
to an auto dealer, its softball field to a law firm, its ten-
nis court to a philanthropic couple,  and its concession
stands to a tire and auto care company and a restaurant. . . .

A Richmond High School student won a car for perfect
attendance.
                                      [courtesy Columbus Republic]

South Bend's most wanted: Jeremy Cudney, WM, 5'6", 300 lbs, violation of a court order; Rachel Wilson, WF, 5'2", 120 lbs, coke, firewater; Tige Fennessee, BM, 5'9", 160 lbs, forgery, phony name; Andrea Strong, BF, 5'7", 230 lbs, theft; Vincent Isaac, WM, 6'3", 220 lbs, failure to appear on theft charge

               

Most wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Dion Montrell Bell, BM, assault by strangulation, carrying concealed weapon; Alonzo Jr. Newby III, BM, identity theft; Dustin Jason-Lamont Jones, UM, assault on police officer, probation violation; Lee Andrew Murphy Jr., BM, assault on police officer, failure to register as sex offender (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

A jury found a motorist not guilty in a road rage shooting death.

                                              [courtesy Lexington Herald-Leader]

Lexington's most wanted: Ronald Giffin, WM, 43, 6'0", 160 lbs, looking askance; Dana Kirkland, WF, 5'3", 37, 160 lbs, underdone (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)

"I don't understand:  If the 'transgender's' 'sexual orientation' amounts to being attracted to mem-
  bers of his or her birth sex, shouldn't s/he want to enter the bathroom of that sex? Are the 'tran-
  sies' not failing to take advantage of a good deal in their favor with the status quo?"

                                                                                                                           – Jane Etta Darrig

Quotations of the Wheat: "A bought lesson is a taught lesson." – Leonard Simon

The  bison  was declared the U.S. national mammal. . . .
A bison calf died after tourists  at Yellowstone National
Park put it in the back of their car because they thought it
was cold. . . . Sinead O'Connor went missing on a bicyc-
le ride in a north suburb of Chicago and then, once found
several hours later,  hit out at her family in a Clutterbook
Facebook post ("You left me to die"). . . . Russia warned
Jehovah's Witnesses within the country  to  stop  "extrem-
ist" activities. .  .  .  A customer at a Lowe's store in Den-
ver, North Carolina, was bitten by a copperhead snake in
a tree. . . . Rodrigo Duterte,  president-elect of the Philip-
pines,  promised to kill  "5 criminals a week"  and  to  re-
store hanging in public. . . . ISIS executed a 7-year-old boy
for swearing in a soccer game. . . . A pastor in North Car-
olina was arrested for putting his tongue in the ear of a pa-
rishioner. . . . A sinkhole sucked up a car in London. . . . A
Virginia  teacher  made second graders stick their heads in
a bucket of urine. . . . Now Lourdes calls herself LuLu. . . .

                                                        [courtesy Harper's, AP]

                         

Wanted in Waco: Francesa Givens, BF, 4'11", 100 lbs, theft under $2,500 3rd offense (City of Waco)

I have been with my partner for two years and we get on really
well, but I still think about my ex from three years ago.

I had a short-term fling after splitting with my ex, before I met
my current partner, and I thought I'd done the rebound thing and
was ready to move on to a more committed relationship.

However, I bumped into my ex recently, and it brought all those
feelings flooding back.  Now I don't know what to do about it.

I've spoken to my partner and told him how I feel, and it's put us
on a bit of a rocky path.

I want to be with this newest partner, and I wish these feelings a-
bout my ex would go away; but he's always in my thoughts.

As much as I love my partner, things are boring in the bedroom.

I have really passionate feelings for my ex, although the relation-
ship wasn't as good.
                                                                                            Help!

J. Ewing wrote Sun 5/8/16 @11:39 EDT re all the shootings by toddlers this year: OMG!  Deport them! Lock up Rover, too! I found only one case of a cat shooting its owner, back in 2005.  Which is why I prefer cats to dogs and toddlers.

A black man from Clarksville,  waving two guns on  a  You-
Tube video as he threatened Donald Trump,  was arrested in
New Albany.
                                                                    [courtesy WLKY]

A policeman being  dragged  by a van suspected of drug run-
ning in Muncie pulled his gun and shot the driver (both went
to the hospital, where the cop was in better shape). . . .

"Climate controlled" boxes for mothers to dump unwanted ba-
bies debuted in Woodburn and Michigan City  (baby dumping
at police and fire stations and hospitals has been  legal  in  In-
diana for several years). . . .

The sword was stolen from the statue of Gen. Marquis de La-
fayette outside the Tippecanoe County Courthouse in,  Lafay-
ette. . . .

A slab of concrete, a mail box and a gallon jug of windshield
washer fluid were tossed on cars  traveling  the  Indiana  Toll
Road near Elkhart.
                                                  [courtesy Columbus Republic]

South Bend's most wanted: Beonica Hopson, BF, 5'1", 145 lbs, theft, failure to appear; Dawn Young, WF, 5'5", 145 lbs, burglary; Most wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Tina Darlene Rogers, WF, embezzlement; Kevin Terrel Castleberry, BM, tampering with an electronic monitoring device; Joann Cleveland Stanage, WF, assault with a dangerous weapon, absconding propabtion (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

Two billboard companies rejected atheists' $10,000 offer for a
sign protesting the "Ark Encounter" at the Answers in Genesis
theme park in Grant County,  which would have shown people
drowning around Noah's Ark and the message, "Genocide and
Incest Park: Celebrating 2,000 years of myths."

                                                        [courtesy Associated Press]

Lexington's most wanted: Richard Dunnr, WM, 41, 5'8", 170 lbs, "featured fugitive of the week," manufacturing meth; Charlotte Smith, WF, 28, 5'4", cruising in the passing lane; Steven Hawkins, WM, 20, 6'2", 200 lbs, dork (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)

A 52-year-old woman missing from a houseboat on Lake Cum-
berland  was  found  dead  a day-and-a-half later  (it was not re-
ported whether Robert Wagner was on board).

                                                              [courtesy Herald-Leader]

"A 101st Airborne Division soldier died of injuries sustained in a live fire training exercise
  at Fort Polk, Louisiana."
                                                – Lisa Autry, WKYU-FM (putting one little word after another
                                                   suggests that if one died of his injuries,  he did not "sustain"
                                                   them – compare the OED's definition 1.3  with its definition
                                                   No. 2;  see also the American Heritage Dictionary)

"I didn't aks."
                            – Lezley McSpadden,  author,  Tell the Truth and Shame the Devil:
                               The Life, Legacy, and Love of My Son Michael Brown (at 3:58)

Quotations of the Wheat: "A buddy will help you move.  A friend will help you move a body." – Leonard Simon

Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Amanda Grant, WF, 39, 5'6", 220 lbs, theft enhanced (Abilene Crime Stoppers)

Axl Rose became the lead singer of AC/DC. . . .  A Univer-
sity of Pennsylvania professor's airliner was returned to the
gate to question him on suspicion of terrorism after another
passenger saw him writing differential equations  on a note-
pad. . . . Scientists in India,  in an effort to reduce carbon e-
missions, were seeking feed formulas to make cows less flat-
ulent. .  .  . Justin Bieber smashed the I-Phone of a man vide-
oing the Beebs' failure to negotiate a beer bong. . . . The Chi-
nese Culture Ministry prohibited videos of women eating ba-
nanas. . . . George Zimmerman was auctioning off the 9-mm.
pistol  that killed Trayvon Martin. . . . Queen Elizabeth said,
on camera,  that the Chinese were very rude on President Xi
Jinping's visit to the UK last year. . . . Critters shut down the
Large Hadron Collider  and 40,000 homes in Seattle,  Wash-
ington  (beware the cybersquirrels).  . . . National Public Ra-
dio  changed foreign correspondent  Lourdes  Garcia-Navar-
ro's name to Lulu Garcia-Navarro  (but she still  "signs"  her
reports "Lourdes" – listen at the end of the sound clip, if you
care). . . . Budweiser beer changed its name to America  (no,
not "America beer," just "America").

                                                [courtesy Harper's, JAEL, AP]

Serena Williams admitted eating dog food.

I have been in a relationship with my high school sweetheart for
six years.  He is only the second person I have slept with. I love
him and am pretty sure that we will end up marrying; neither of
us has ever cheated.

But I have doubts about my lack of experience with other men.
I'm not saying I want to sleep around, but I would like to expe-
rience intimacy with someone else so I won't wonder "what if"
when I am older and married. Am I wrong?
                                                                         Confused in Southern Cal

Dave Surtees wrote Mon 5/2/16 @13:23 PDT:

Hey!  Guess what!  The regular 'issue' worked just fine this
week.  Go figger.

Bruce Mitchell wrote Mon 5/2/16 @15:47 PDT:

Oh, good, thanks.  I thought I'd have to go digging through the
bushes looking for it yet again.

Keith Durbin wrote Tues 5/3/16 @07:28 CDT:

"Prince is completely over."   – the internet

Publius Leget wrote Sun 5/1/16 @11:55 CDT:

Whomever/whoever?  What's the deal? 

"Whomever," in both phrases quoted, is the subject of the subordinate
clause that is the object of the verb.  Nominative case.  "Whoever."  It
was the clause, not the pronoun whomever,  that was the object of the
preposition "for,"  in the first case,  and the verb "support,"  in the sec-
ond.

"Whomever"  would have been proper in this construction:  "I'll  sup-
port whomever they nominate."   Even  there  the  object  of the verb

"support" is the clause, not the pronoun; but the pronoun is the object

of the verb "nominate."
                                                                                                  – Editor

A car rear-ended an Amish buggy in Wayne County, which
then was sideswiped by a second car,  ejecting  a  17-year-
old passenger from the buggy into the road,  where he was
run over (and killed) by a third car. . . .

A 44-year-old man in Evansville, pissed off at his Great
Dane for pissing on the carpet in his home, tied the dog
to the back of a pickup truck, which another man drove
for five miles until the animal died.

                                               [courtesy Columbus Republic]

South Bend's most wanted: Meranda Sandefur, WF, 5'2", 110 lbs, cocaine; Joshua Karamalegos, WM, 6'4", 200 lbs, dealling in meth; Terri Martin, BF, 5'6", 270 lbs, fraud, theft (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

     

Most wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Julie Kay Mitchell, WF, larceny in a building; Kasey Holmes, WM, 5'7", 150 lbs, robbery; Patricia Ann Montgomery, BF, retail fraud (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

A Republican candidate for Congress obtained an injunction
against the removal of a Confederate monument by the City
and University of Louisville,  from a site adjoining  the  uni-
versity – and before hearing was held,  he  and co-plaintiffs
amended their complaint to aver that the monument was on
state highway  right of way,  and not subject to city and uni-
versity jurisdiction.
                                                        [courtesy WKYT, WDRB]

The nesting of  ospreys,  a federally protected species,  has
prevented the demolition of an abandoned bridge over Ken-
tucky Lake,  leaving an obstruction of river traffic  between
the old bridge and the new bridge (the construction of which
was delayed by ospreys).
                                                                    [courtesy WKMS]

Lexington's most wanted: Timothy Sherd, WM, 28, 5'9", 220 lbs, treason; Anthony Cross, WM, 36, 6'3", 240 lbs, general incompetence; Richard Dunnr, WM, 41, 5'8", 170 lbs, mass infanticide (239 babies, one at a time) (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)

"If Trump's as concerned as he says he is by all the 'people that are from all over and they're
 killers and rapists and they're coming into this country,' he might consider building a wall a-
 round his pants."
                                – Lauren Collins, in the New Yorker, referring to the Donald's
                                   two wives, immigrants from Czechoslovakia and Slovenia

"You don't go on TV as a presidential candidate and talk about the size of your hand.  You don't
 do it. It's so fucking juvenile and stupid. You think I want that person next to that red button?  I
 don't freaking think so."
                                             – Cyndi Lauper

"I wish there was a thing like Shabbat . . . that was kind of a worldwide day where we’re not
 on our phones."
                                    – Katy Perry

"Data . . . shows. . . . a majority of 29-year-olds are either married or living full time
 with a partner, so-called cohabitating."
                                                                                        – National Public Radio's Here & Now;
                                                                                           Derek Thompson, the Atlantic

"Exactly, that's exactly right. . . . Exactly. . . . That's right."

                                                                                                        –   Shankar Vedantam

Quotations of the Wheat: "You should never trust a woman who doesn't fart:  Who knows what  else she might be holding back?" – Leonard Simon

"Did you ever have to make up your mind?"
                                                                               – Ted Cruz (backup vocal by John Kasich)

                                

This evening I went to the local YMCA to swim.  When I was
through,  I showered,  as always.  As I removed my swimsuit I
saw a boy about 8 looking through the curtain at me.  I  yelled
at him,  and  a few seconds later  a  woman  (I think it was his
grandmother)  looked  in.   I got out of there as fast as I could.
That boy was too old to be in the women’s locker room!

                                                                  Not an Exhibitionist

Toddlers under 3 have shot 23 persons in America this year,  up 5  from
this time last year.  .  .  .  A Scotch teen-ager was unable to open a bank
account because (s)he would not identify as male or female. . . . An el-
ephant in Cambodia collapsed and died after  carrying  passengers  for
40 minutes in 104° heat. . . .  Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Cir-
cus abandoned elephants to animal rightsers. . . .The Globe apologized
to Michael J. Fox for reporting he was in bad health. . . . Malia Obama,
the President's daughter who will graduate from high school in June, is
taking a "gap year" before entering Harvard College in the fall of 2017.
. . . A 10-year-old boy in Pakistan was fined $7,000 for having an affair
with a married woman. . . . A  lawyer  in Kyzyl,  Russia,  ate his client's
breathalyzer report. . . . Hokkaido, the northernmost island of Japan, re-
quested tourists not to burp, fart or talk loud in public.  . . . Twenty-five
baby cockroaches and their mother were removed  from  a  Chinaman's
ear. . . . A high school student in Mesa, Arizona, was arrested for expo-
sing himself in the football team photo in the school yearbook.  . . .  An
8th-grader in Houston, Texas, was sent to the "police office"  for trying
to buy her school lunch with a $2 bill. . . . Ashley Nikole Weir,  31,  of
Austin, Texas, was arrested for letting her 13-, 10- and 9-year-old chil-
dren get tattooed.

                  [courtesy Harper's, Frisky, AP]    

Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Natalie M. Wiechman, WF, 30, 5'2", 130 lbs, battery, possession of drug paraphernalia, damage to property, resisting, etc.; Heidi S. Swinney, a/k/a Sabrina Jones, WF, 37, 5'0", 105 lbs, petty theft, resisting arrest possession of marijuana and hallucinogenics, probation violation; Nancy M. Frazier, WF, 21, 6'0", 180 lbs, petty theft, sale of sexual relations (City of Wichita)

          

Sabrina M. Sanchez, a/k/a Sabrina Cade, WF, 22, 5'6", 160 lbs, petty theft by deceptions; Reahn D. West, BF 24, 5'4", 180 lbs, use of financial card without consent

Kentucky Derby:

1. Nyquil Nyquist 2. Eggbeater Exaggerator 3) Gum Plumber Gun Runner 3) And Now This Suddenbreakingnews Also ran:   Out of work   Shadrack Shagaf   Morbid Mor Spirit   Maestro Majesto   Body's Pause Brody's Cause

Motorman Mo Tom My Ma'am Man Sam Oscar de la Nominated Delaney Lani Dustin Destin Whitesore Whitmore Creature Creator Tom Collins Tom's Ready Trojan Condom Nation Mohawker Mohayme Danzig Dandy Danzing Candy

A Whiteland, Indiana, dairy farmer won the honor of handing
a bottle of milk  to the owner of the winning car in this year's
classic auto race in Indianapolis.

Fred Dean wrote Fri 4/29/16 @09:02 PDT:"

"Czechpoint" is my favorite!

Publius Leget wrote Thurs 4/28/16 @13:00 CDT:

How 'bout "CzechorSlovakia"?  It reunites the two
countries but gives you a choice.  You know,  sorta
like The King or I,  or "Me or Mrs. Jones."

Lexington's most wanted: Brianeeka Day, BF, 27, 115 lbs: What is she sought for? You don't say? Well, let's just say sluttery. Source: The Lexington Herald-Leader publishes 12 to 15 pittures each week, with name, race, sex, age, height and weight, of criminal suspects "most wanted" in the city; but the offense for which the suspect is wanted is printed for only one, the "featured fugitive of the week." Readers are left to speculate and guess as to the others, and we regard this policy as libel per se, considering the vast range of charges available to the imagination triggered by the phrase "most wanted" – from "forced orgy," say, to massive acts of terrorism. By guessing and speculating on those photos we reprint, we at Tabloid Headlines actually are trying to limit the libel, not enhance it. – The Editors

A fully loaded school bus was stranded for an hour at an intersec-
tion in Lexington after its rear-view mirror engaged a power line.

                                                                [courtesy Herald-Leader]

A 26-year-old Ohio woman got killed by a train playing on a tres-
tle in Louisville (she and her boy friend, who survived, were look-
ing for the legendary "Pope Lick Trestle Monster").

                            [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal, Raw Story]

Sign posted illegally on utility pole at offices of Borf Books, Edmonson County:

 

                            
                                                                                                             nettafotos for Tabloid Headlines

Super Fast Satellite internet 844-203-0831 www.blusatky.com plans up to 15 MPBS super fast; can't fix stupid

"It's not traditionally a country that has had to deal with these kinds of external security threats."

               – Lourdes Garcia-Navarro, National Public Radio (it's "this kind," Lulu, not "these kinds")


"This is clearly going to be an issue for whomever is the Democratic nominee."

               – Lourdes Garcia-Navarro, National Public Radio (that's "whoever," honey)

"Indiana Governor Mike Pence . . . indicated he'll support whomever becomes the GOP nominee."

               – Shay Stevens, National Public Radio News (ditto)

"ARAMCO – that's a company senior Saudi officials think is worth as much as 3 trillion dollars –
  'trillion' with a 'T,' as in 'trillion'."
                                                                – David Brancaccio, radio's Marketplace Morning Report

"I've specifically told  the Rhoden family that I would be armed, and I would use what extent they
 have to to protect theirselves and their family."
                                                                                                       – Charles Reader, Sheriff of Pike County, Ohio

Quotations of the Wheat: "Just send lawyers, guns and money." – Leonard Simon

Police in Tehran deployed 7,000 "morality agents" looking for loose
hijabs, hip hair styles and men wearing necklaces. . . .  North Korea
prohibited body piercing. . . . China warned women working for the
government not to date handsome foreign men. . . . Michigan Gover-
nor Rick Snyder,  who promised to drink  filtered  tap  water  for  a
month,  was off on a trip  to  Europe. . . . A 70-year-old Englishwo-
man got a suspended sentence  for  beating her 78-year-old husband
with a meat cleaver for watching pornography. . . . The pop-up post
office at the Coachella campground in California  refused to mail in
tax returns. . . .  Some British companies were offering employes as
much as three weeks of "caternity" leave  to settle in with new pets.
. . .  An ostrich freed by animal rights activists from a circus in Mu-
nich, Germany,  was run over and killed on the street 10 minutes la-
ter. . . . Police were called to a home in Brighton, Ontario, Canada,
to break up a domestic dispute between a man and his parrot.  .  .  .
Here's all you need to know about what's been going down between
Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan in case you can't stand not knowing
any longer (we couldn't).
                                                          [courtesy Harper's, Frisky, AP]

Wanted in Waco: Victoria Torres Salazar, HF, 23, 5'2", 183 lbs, evading arrest; Lisa Kay Saito a/k/a Lisa Kay Lasiter, WF, 38, 5'5", 200 lbs, forgery; Britney Bryant, WF 30, 5'9", 189 lbs, meth, firewater, misspelled first name (Waco Crime Stoppers)

For the last five months I've been talking to a guy I met via a dating app.
We live a few states apart and have yet to meet in person.

I'd like to do something for me with my tax refund this year. He suggested
I visit him.  I don't get any red flags from this guy, and I'm sure I'd be 100
per cent safe while I'm there.  But I'm anxious about taking the trip by my-
self.  I've thought about offering to pay his way here instead.  Huh.  Wha.

                                                                                 Crushed and Confused