Glyfada Gawjarone wrote Fri 6/26/20 @11:31 CDT:

The Curse of 2020 is upon us.

Todd Martin wrote Weds 6/24/20 @08:53 EDT from central Ohio:

They are taking down statues of Christopher Columbus
in Columbus, Ohio, and Sacramento and San Francisco,
California;  and they want to rename the city here in O-
hio.  What about The Columbus Book of Euchre?

The Columbus Book of Euchre  is  based on how the card game
euchre is played in Columbus, Indiana.   We have already filed
a "cease and desist" letter with the central Indiana city (most in-
ternet sites say "Southern Indiana," but it isn't)  demanding that
it not change its name without our permission.

                             Natty  Bumppo,  Editor of Tabloid Headlines
                             and author of The Columbus Book of Euchre

P.S.  Where does all this leave Columbus, Georgia?

Tested positive, 44,140; died, 2,595. . . .

Old Ben, the world's largest stuffed steer,  and his sycamore stump
in Kokomo made the list of the top twenty Hoosier roadside attrac-
tions.
                                                               [courtesy Kokomo Tribune]

gbetoudo.jpg South Bend's most wanted:: Gage Ramer, WM, 6'0", 180 lbs, meth, Koscisusco County; Charles Koffi Ghetoudor, BM, 5'8", 200 lbs, counterf; Deonte Stutsman, BM, 5'8", 175 lbs, robbery (Michiana Crime Stoppeers)

Tested positive, 15,167; died, 554. . . .

All Lexington district polls were moved to the University of Ken-
tucky football stadium,  Kroger Field,  for  primary  election  day
last Tuesday,  and  all  Louisiville  polls  were moved to the Ken-
tucky Exposition Center.
                                                                          [courtesy LEX18]

vernonsh.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Vernon Wilson, BM, 56, 5'10", 188 lbs, perceived as black; Brian Hines, WM, 32, 6'0", 180 lbs, perceived as white; Brian Dobson, WM, 49, 6'0", 220 lbs, perceived as rough' Troy Spencer, BM. 29, 5'8", 150 lbs, perceived a . . . , James Turner, BM, 53, 6'2", 175 lbs, no fucking doubt (dragged kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):     "Excuse me, miss, but I'm going to have to ask you to       leave – you're making all the other girls look bad."                                                                 – Leonard Simon

chondral.jpg Wanted in Waco: D'Monte K. Davis, BM, 18, 5'9", 140 lbs, organized crime; Angela Marie Carpenter, WF, 43, 5'6", 145 lbs, exploitation ofelderl; Chondra Ann Lang,WF, 46, 5'8", 150 lbs, meth; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas), Ashanika Marie Holloman, BF, 29, 5'6", 115 lbs, probation viol. (domestic battery); Ronald Newton Sweetwater, WM,52, 6'4", 300 lbs,, ag. battery (City of Waco, Sedgwick County (Kansas) Sheriff)

American Idol winner Laine Hardy tested positive. . . . Tom Petty's
survivors gave a "cease and desist" demand to the Trump campaign
to quit playing Petty's song "I Won't Back Down." . . .  Eskimo  Pie
was being renamed  (but, what?  "Native Alaskan poop"?).  Not  to
mention Darlie toothpaste,  already  renamed  from  Darkie.. . . The
municipality Saint-Josse-ten-Noode of Brussels, Belgium,  allowed
brothels to reopen July 1  except  on  Sundays .  .  .  A North Myrtle
Beach, South Carolina,  strip club was allowed to reopen,  but  only
for service of food and drink,  not  stripping.  .  .  . A Scotsman was
fined £280 (in Scotland) for calling his former girl friend's Irish new
boy friend a leprechaun.  .  .  .  A 65-year-old woman demonstrating
for animal rights was run over and killed by a truck  full  of  pigs  in
Burlington,  Ontario.. . . A drunken monkey in  Mirzapur, India, see-
king another drink bit some 250 persons, killing one (he was senten-
ced to life in a zoo). . . . More  than  half  the states  have found gun
shops  "essential businesses"  that should be allowed to stay open in
the pandemic. . . . The Dixie Chicks dropped the "Dixie" from their
name.
                                                          [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

jyzharma.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): John Schelly, 47, DUI 3x; Apatsone Saeung, 23, marijuana; Teresa LaSater, 56, marijuana; Dezarae Enriques, 30, paraphernalia; Jyzharnae & Gabreal Greenwood (l. to r.), both 20, marijuana; Dewey Bingham, 56, parole viol.

Novak Djokovic tested positive.  .  .  .  A semiprofessional soc-
cer team in Tulsa, Oklahoma, abandoned tha National Anthem
for Woody Guthrie's "This Land Is Your Land."

DISCUSSION GROUP:    Don't forget!  Readers interested in intellectu- al dissection of important current events  are in- vited  to attend the Weekly World News Round Table  at  the  offices  of   Borf   Books  outside Brownsville,  Kentucky, just  after church every Sunday. Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the near future will include Molly Seavy-Nesper.

lifebagc.jpg Life Saver Dude: She went to the Humane Society to volunteer and foound an intense bag check

:

Publius Leget wrote Sun 6/14/20 @10:27 CDT:

Why did I see a portrait of Hank Lindeman on your Kentucky ballot
last week and a 10-minute taped interview,  but  not  his name on the
ballot?

We superimposed his bio on the graphic of the ballot.  Why you did not
see his name on the ballot is that he is unopposed in the Democratic pri-
mary for 2nd District Congressman from Kentucky.   You will note that
Kathleen Free is running against the incumbent, Brett Guthrie, in the Re-
publican primary.  We can tell you also that Robert Lee Perry is running
unopposed in the Libertarian primary and that Poet Tribble is running as
a write-in.    – Editor


Anthony Dean wrote Sun 6/14/20 @10:28 CDT:

What's criminal about swallowing?

Concealment  of evidence.    – Ed.

Tested positive, 43,215; died, 2,536. . . .

A 4-year-old shot and killed his 1-year-old brother in South Bend. . . .

A wildlife center in Charlestown was prohibited by a court from ta-
king in 46 new animals, including four monkeys, a grizzly bear and
a python.
                                                             [courtesy Columbus Republic]

jerechad.jpg Wanted in Lawrence County, Indiana; Jeremy Chad Mann, 45, driving on susp. lic.; Brandy Nicole Mitchell, 37, possession of drug paraphernalia; Harold Cooper, 67 (sic), criminal trespass; Tricia Falls, 48, theft; Barbara Alison Haper, 30, deliv. ctrl. substs.; Randy Lester May, 45, controlled substs. (SpotCrime)

   A young crowd formed outside Senator Mitch McConnell's house in
   Louisville to protest police violence (Breonna is a woman shot eight
   times,  and dead,  in her bed by police executing a "no knock" arrest
   warrant for a woman other than her).
                                                                       [courtesy Courier-Journal]
   Tested positive, 13,630; died, 524.
                                                              [courtesy LEX18]

guyhouse.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Guy House, WM, 41, 6'2", 240 lbs, He'll give "House arrest" a new meaning; Stevie (not Ray) Vaughan, WM, 28, coppin' the blues; Franklin Price, WM, 30, 180 lbs; Freddie Price, WM, 29, 135 lbs; You've not heard of the notorious Price fixers? Mark Winkle, WM, 37, 5'10", 175 lbs: Rip Van's great-great-grandson, Guy House' cousin (pulled kicking & screaming from the Herald-Leader)

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):     "Excuse me, miss, but, do you have an inhaler?       Because you took my breath away!"                                                                    – Leonard Simon

Next year's Academy Awards presentations were rescheduled from Febru-
ary to April. .  .  .  Those  rallying with Donald Trump in Tulsa,  Oklahoma,
June 20   (the day after Juneteenth)  had  to sign waivers of covid-19 infec-
tion. .  .  .  The U.S. military conducted surveillance  in  New York,  Ohio,
Minnesota, Colorado, Arizona, Tennessee and Kentucky. . . . France aban-
doned choke holds for stun guns.. . .  Band-Aid announced a new product
line to match various skin tones. . . . Aunt Jemima was on the way out. . . .
"WLM" ("white lives matter")  was spray-painted on the base of a a statue
of Arthur Ashe in Richmond, Virginia. . . . The Christopher Columbus sta-
tue at City Hall in Columbus, Ohio, was to be taken down, along with Co-
lumbus statues in San Francisco and Sacramento, California, in an epidem-
ic of racist cleansing (and a petition was circulating to rename the Ohio city
Flavortown). . . . Florida reported 3,207 new coronavirus cases and 43 new
deaths in one day. . . .
                                                                    [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

becaolgu.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Kristofer Murdoch, 33, poss.; Agelica Nunez, 35, paraphern.; Natividad Delarosa, 36, joy riding; Juanita Samaniego, 30, theft; Robin Collins, 30, theft; Rebeca Olguin, 26, DUI; Daniel Cantu, 31, a/k/a Jesus, PI

Cleveland Browns quarterback Baker Mayfield said he
would not kneel for the National Anthem for this year's
National Football League season (if there is one).  . . .
Tiz the Law won the Belmont Stakes horse race,  cros-
sing the finish line before empty grandstands.

DISCUSSION GROUP:    Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectu- al dissection of important current events   are  in- vited  to  attend  the Weekly World News Round Table  at  the  offices  of    Borf    Books   outside Brownsville,  Kentucky,  just  after church  every Sunday.   Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the near future will include the editor of the news- paper who juxtaposed this article and ad.

lifeaccu.jpg "Ed's 1-second accupuncture treatment - Ready?" Life Saver Dude: Not quite

:

LETTERS to the EDITOR: Anthony Dean wrote Sun 6/7/20 @10:27 CDT: Alexa Aldrich is the scariest looking perp you have ever posted.

Malachi Dean wrote Weds 6/10/20 @20:00 CDT:

I'm confused by the news:  I thought the Police already had been
disbanded – when Sting went solo, 35 years ago.

De do do do, de da da da . . . .    – Editor

So who will be the first out with a hit folk song about Mr. Floyd"?

HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

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Tested positive, 40,535; died, 2,413.  Theaters, bars, museums and
amusement parks were allowed to reopen.

                                                         [courtesy Columbus Republic]

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):     "Excuse me, miss, but – are you from Tennessee?      Because you're the only 10 I see."                                                                 – Leonard Simon

New Zealand declared itself coronavirus-free. . . .  A German shepherd
in New York tested positive. . . .  In public protests in the United States
in the last two weeks,  police arrested more than 10,000 people, assault-
ed  173  journalists.  used tear gas  in  Seattle,  Washington,  after it was
banned by the city,  pulled down a man’s face mask to pepper-spray him
in Brooklyn, shoved a 75-year-old Buffalo activist to the ground, groped,
beat and handcuffed a woman in Indianapolis, knee-choked a man for vi-
olating a curfew in Columbia, South Carolina,  broke into a woman’s car
and knee-choked her in Chicago, Illinois,  fractured the skulls of two stu-
dents by firing "less lethal" ammunition  into a crowd  in  Austin,  Texas,
fatally tear-gassed an environmentalist in Columbus, Ohio,  and shot and
killed the Rastafarian owner of a barbecue restaurant  in Louisville,  Ken-
tucky  (much more  in Harper's Weekly Review). . . .Plans were announc-
ed in Austria, to turn the house in which Adolf Hitler was born into a po-
lice station. .  .  .  Two West Virginia men claimed in a lawsuit  that  they
were switched at birth in 1942 and brought up by the wrong families. . . .
A black woman with a recent degree in law, politics and society convinc-
ed Merriam-Webster to broaden its definition of racism. . . . A Christoph-
er Columbus statue was beheaded in Boston. . . . The  country  trio  Lady
Antebellum dropped all but one letter of its surname (it will now be Lady
A). . . .  A woman died after her head got stuck inside a clothing donation
bin in Atlanta, Georgia.
                                                                  [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

DISCUSSION GROUP:    Don't forget!  Readers interested in intellectu- al dissection of important current events  are in- vited  to attend the Weekly World News Round Table  at  the  offices  of   Borf   Books  outside Brownsville,  Kentucky, just  after church every Sunday. Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the near future will include Judy Woodruff.

:

Tested positive, 36,997; died, 2,292. . . .

A Chesterton town councilman resigned after taking heat for jo-
king on  Clutterbook Facebook  that a friend who's a plow truck
driver should "straightblade" protesters blocking his route. . . .

The State Fair was canceled. . . .

A  lady  jailer  was arrested for driving into protesters at a George
Floyd riot in Kokomo. . . .

A former Indiana University football player known as  "Mr. India-
napolis" was one of two persons shot and killed in a George Floyd
riot in Indianapolis.
                                                         [courtesy Columbus Republic]

misshavn.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Nicholas Robertson, WM, 6'3", 295 lbs, Meth, misshaving; Alexa Aldrich, WF, 5'3", 145 lbs, Nick's barber, meth, misshaving; Dantell Gregory, BM, 5'9", 200 lbs, criminal mischief (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

Tested positive, 11,287; died, 470. . . .

chrismil.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Christopher Miller, WM, 35, 6'2", 220 lbs, incompleete mustache; Juquisha Beasley, BF, 31, 5'6", 140 lbs, evil eyes; Nathan Burns, WM, 26, 5'11", 167 lbs, thinking evil thoughts; Kelly Crouch, WF, 34, 5'4", 120 lbs, triplping Christopher Miller into a sewer (dragged kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)

Louisville's police chief, with a month to go until retirement,  was
fired after a popular restaurateur was killed by police in a George
Wright riot and the cops were not wearing body cameras. . . .

                                                                          [courtesy LEX18]

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):     "Excuse me, miss, but, are you cake?  Because I want       a piece of that!"                                                                 – Leonard Simon

ashleylo.jpg Locked up in San Angelo by the Tom Green County (Texas) Sheriff (left to right) Ashley Lopez, 30, driving w/o lic.; Jessica Villa, 41, marijuana; Crystal Martinez, 33, federal warrant

    Corona virus victim of the week

A turtle hit the windshield of a car in Georgia. . . . A woman in Santa Rosa,
California, used a leaf blower to spray glitter on police at the end of a high-
speed chase. . . . A policeman in Sarasota, Florida was suspended for kneel-
ing on a suspect's neck. . . . A policeman was fired in Denver, Colorado, for
posting a photo on  InstantSpam  Instagram  with the caption  "Let's  start  a
riot." . . . Taco restaurant workers refused to serve state troopers in a George
Floyd riot in Columbus, Ohio. . . . Drive-in movies were making a comeback.

                                                                      [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

sontariu.jpg Wanted in Waco: Sontarius Derrien Williams, BM, 35, 5'5", 160 lbs, continuous violence agst. family; Ember L. Palacios, HF, 24, 4'3", 120 lbs, pro. vi. (meth); Mackenzie C. Niemeyer, WF, 23, 5'2", 100 lbs, probation viol. (meth); Krissy James, BF, 39, 5'4", 224 lbs, p.v. (food stamps); Ronnie Leslie Pankonien, WM, 41, 5'6", 150 lbs, probation viol. (heroin) (City of Waco)

kadezias.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (Sedgwick County Sheriff): Matthew Ralph Thornton, WM, 40, 5'10", 150 lbs, tattoos "Tribal" on rt. arm & ankle, cross on l. ankle & abdomen, Savannahv" on back, burglary,paraphernalia; Dakota Gott, WM, 26, 5'10", 240 lbs, probation viol. (narcotics); Kadezia Samone Godfrey, BF, 26, 5'9", 130 lbs, tattoos on right arm "Dibs," "Milly 2015," Thshawn," "Carebear 2016 Anoni", probation violation (opiates); Charles Joseph James Wiley, BM, 40, 6', 230 lbs, chest tatoo "Shy", promot. sale of sex rels; Colton Nicolas Forester, WM, 24, 5'10", 165 lbs, pro. viol. (marijuana)

Arrogate, 7, America's richest race horse, was euthanized.

lifehere.jpg "Are we there yet?" "Almost." Life Saver Dude: I see what you did there