Steve Yates wrote Sun 12/20/20 @08:48 CST:

Suggestions for new names for the former Cleve-
land  Indians:  The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame  is
in  Cleveland,  so:  The  Rocks!   Or . . .
    The Natives
    The Redskins   

    The Reds (or Whites or Blues)

    The Warriors

    The Squaws

    The TePees

    The Arrowheads

    The Americans (or 'Mer'cans)

    The Big Foots

    The Wigwams

    The Tribe

    The Sons of Geronimo

    The Moccasins
    The Moroccans
    The A-rabs

    The Tomahawks

    The Tom-Toms

    The Fire Water

    The Scalpers

    The War Cry

    The Wild Things

    The Buckskins

    The Eagle Feathers

    The Rock Stars

    The Hall of Famers
    The Hall of Farmers

Tested positive, 494,967; died, 7,801.
                                                                     [courtesy N.Y. Times]

tinaand.jpg Rustled up in Rushville (MugshotsOnline): Tina Ann Dixon, 25, probation viol. (fail. to appear); Crystal Dawn Hall, 25, probation viol.; Katina Marie Childers, 30, p.v.; Alyssa Renée Wiiliams, 21, battery; Cheyenne Nicole Adkins-Schmidt, 24, theft

University of Evansville trustees entertained a proposal to elimi-
nate the school's music department. . . .

Execution of the only woman on death row at the federal prison
in Terre Haute was delayed because her attorneys contracted the
virus at the prison.
                                                       [courtesy Columbus Republic]

Tested positive, 254,098; died, 2,784.
                                                                [courtesy N.Y. Times]

Wildlife officials used robotic deer  in Taylor County to catch
illegal hunters.
                                        [courtesy Lexington Herald-Leader]

deamonsr.jpg Wanted in Grayson County (by the Grayson County Sheriff): Deamon Ray Selby, 48, fail. to register; Jacob W. Cutcher, 28, burglary; Richard A. Witten, 26, meth; Brandi N. Bush, 27, meth; Willaim Agrinsonni-Gonzalez, 33, meth

Dog of the week:  dorgi A mixed breed of dachshund and corgi.  The one pictured is Queen Elizabeth II's late dorgi Vulcan.

Dr. Fauci reassured the world's children that he had vaccinated Santa
Claus. . . . An insurance study found that drivers of Dodge Ram 2500
pickup trucks had more than double the national average of DUI's  of
motor vehicle owners . . . A West Point sophomore cadet and 72 fresh-
men were accused of cheating on a calculus test administered "virtual-
ly." . . . A former California Congresswoman sued her ex-husband and
two newspapers for pornography.
                                                                           [courtesy Harper's, AP]

garfmaur.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Garfield Maurice Wilson, BM, 32, 5'8", 140 lbs, probation violation (aggrav. domestic battery); Randy Joel Keeney, WM, 38, 5'11", 130 lbs, indecent liberties w/child; Andrea Lynn Steele, WF, 52, 5'04", 120 lbs, burglary; David Erin Wilbur, WM, 42, 5'7", 160 lbs, probation violation (opiates); Donnie Ray Barry Jr., BM, 40, 5'7", 190 lbs., p.v. (dom. bat.) (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

yvonalva.jpg Locked up in San Angeloe (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Yvonne Alvarez,46, ctrld. substs.; Amber Molina, 32, DUI; Teeanna Lorta, 20, DUI; Q'vontus Lyte, 23, mj., paraph.; Monica Garcia, 29,marijuana; Latrresa Guerrero, 33, DUI; Aldreya Caldeeron, 37, joy riding

People who invited us to be their "friends" on Clutterbook Facebook in the last week included
         

lifeanoy.jpg List of things that might offend people 2020 Facebook edition Life Saver Dude: Hay! One more thing! . . .

 

Publius Leget wrote Sun 12/13/20 @09:38 CST:

You reckon Cherokee Couch was any kin to Cheyenne Cook?

Tested positive, 460,766; died, 7,338.
                                                                [courtesy N.Y. Times]

A Lafayette woman was sentenced to a year in prison for neg-
lect after her pit bull dog mauled her baby son to death. . . .

The U.S. Supreme Court declined a case challenging a federal
court ruling in Indiana allowing both mates in a same-sex mar-
riage to be listed as parents on their child's birth certificates. ...

Two men on death row at the federal prison in Terre Haute test-
ed positive for the coronavirus.
                                                    [courtesy Columbus Republic]

rosilene.jpg Fort Wayne's most wanted: Zaid Torres Bernal, WM (sic), 27, 6'2", 180 lbs, sexl. misconduct w/minor; Allison Hunter Puntoon, WF, 29, 5'4", 190 lbs (Yorkshire hog), fraud; Ruben Garcxia-Velaquez (sic), HM, 28, 5'11", 180 lbs, rape; Rosilene (sic) M. Taylor, BF, 29, 5'5", 190 lbs (Yorkshire hog), forgery, theft; Gustavo A. Beteta, HM, 41, 5'8", 180 lbs, sexual misconduct w/ minor (Fort Wayne Crime Stoppers)

Tested positive, 243,047; died, 2,637.
                                                               [courtesy N.Y. Times]

A snow leopard tested positive at the Louisville Zoo.

                                                        [courtesy Huffington Post]

The state Supreme Court ruled that PokerStars.com must pay
more than $1 billion for Kentuckians' gambling losses, noting
that gambling on line is illegal in Kentucky.
                                                                        [courtesy LEX18]

 

joneherb.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Herbert Jones, BM, 67, 5'11", 165 lbs, exploiting adult (Blue Grass Crime Stoppers)

Dog of the week:  dachshund One of approximately 143  subbreeds  of  the hound dog, a German breed, sleek, with short legs,  long body,  and  long  ears.  Etymology, "dachs"= "badger," "hund" = "hound."

tessaren.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Jason Michael Henderson, WM, 24, 5'9", 250 lbs, aggravated assault; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Jose Cesar Palacios, HM, 29, 5'5", 145 lbs, contraband traffic in a correctional facility; Tessa Renée Brown, WF, 34, 5'6", 140 lbs, tattoos rt. wrist & arm, rt. leg & ankle, back, heroin; Mordekay Kashengula, BM, 28, 6', 140 lbs, DUI, attempt to flee; Markus Wayne Totten, WM, 41, 5'10", 175 lbs, tattoos on arms also, felon with firearm, paraph. (Abilene Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County Kas. Sheriff)

Attorney General William Barr resigned. . . .  A woman in New York set
a record for the largest female Afro, with hair measuring 4 feet 10 inches
in circumference. . . . Television  host  Jimmy Fallon  got viewers to ruin
Christmas carol titles by adding one word  –  e.g.,  "Rudolph Giuliani the
Red-Nosed Reindeer," "Carol Channing of the Bells," "Oh, Come, All Ye
Faithful Electors," "I'll Be Home Schooled for Christmas," "White Power
Christmas," and  "All I Want for Christmas  Is  You  Dead." . . .  Florida's
Disney World  was reported to have photoslopped face masks onto riders
in promotional photos. . . . A Michigan woman discovered by a DNA test
that her family doctor was her father;  and the doctor,  now 104,  admitted
that he had sired hundreds of children by  artificial   insemination. .  .  .  A
man who lived with his parents in Grand Haven,  Michigan,  after  his  di-
vorce won a lawsuit against them for destroying his  pornography  collec-
tion. . . . A one-term South Carolina Congressman, defeated in his bid for
re-election, opened a can of beer on the House floor in a farrewell speech.
.  .  .  Fire destroyed three barns and  250,000  chickens  in  Pasco County,
Florida. .  .  .  Eight nuns in the same convent in Wisconsin died of Covid-
19 in a week.
                                                 [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, HuffPost, AP]

beclarue.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas,Sheriff): Felix Joshua, 36, crim. tres.; Rebecca Larue, 54, DUI; Jodie Dixon, 43, family assault; BAILED OUT or ESCAPED; James Ridgway, 28, DUI; Chelsea Kading, 38, DUI; Macy Watson, 28, joy riding; Martinez d'Angelou, 20, marijuana; Rosie Herick, 26, controlled substs., paraph.; Rrebecca Doan, 40, marijuana

American League baseball's Cleveland Indians de-
cided to change their name  –  but  to  what?   The
Naps? . . . President Frump called the move the la-
test example of "cancel culture." . . . Vanderbilt U-
niversity's Sarah Fuller, 21,  became the first girl/-
woman to score in a "Power Five"  (whatever that
is)   college  football  game  by  kicking two extra
points in her team's 42-17 loss to Tennessee  – but
what does that 17 tell you?   That's  right!   Vandy
had a field goal; and it was kicked by one Pierson
Cooke, not by Sarah; the 38 yards was "out of her
range" (and she was not the first girl or woman to
score in a college football game). . . . College foot-
ball's Rose Bowl next New Year's Day was mov-
ed from Pasadena,  California,  to  Dallas,  Texas.
. . . The National Football League will invite vac-
cinated health care workers to the Super Bowl.

DISCUSSION GROUP:     Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectu- al dissection of important current events are invi- ted to attend the Weekly World News Round Ta- ble at the offices of Borf  Books outside Browns- ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday. Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the near future include Mr. Toad.

lifeches.jpg What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts roasting in an open foyer Life Saver Dude: Sounds like Mel Tormé

Carole Otis wrote Sun 12/6/20 @10:34 CST:

I have a Labradoodle.  He was left in my dog run
seven years ago.  He's the neediest animal I've ev-
er known.  His needs are far greater than my own.
Does that make me the pet therapy practitioner?

Lower case L, please.  Although "Labrador" is usually capitalized, its
subbreed labradoodle tends not to be.

And, no.  To practice pet therapy, you have to be a pet.    – Editor

Fred Dean wrote Sun 12/6/20 @10:26 PST re last week's letter from
Rollie Renfrow:

Who dat?

Dis guy.    – Ed.

Tested positive, 422,368; died, 6,758.
                                                                [courtesy N.Y. Times]

allanrob.jpg Fort Wayne's most wanted Allan Robert Peotter, WM, 29, 6'1", 10 tattoos incl pistol tuckedinto pants on left thigh, "Amy" on neck, praying hands on right arm, "God's gift" on face, "wagger" on left arm, "Snitches must die" on right shoulder, meth, family strangulation; Austin Taylor Bassett, WM, 20, 5'11", 140 lbs, rioting; Pedro Sama, HM, 26, 5'6", 155 lbs, six tattoos, cruelty to animal; Michael Joseph Ames, WM, 24, 5'11", 210 lbs, battery, DOC; Paul Dominic Larry, Alaskan M, 53, 5'9", 315 lbs, 11 tattoos incl "Ride Hard Live Free," "Paul-April," cross, "Wizard," "Bulldog," spide web, tear drop under left eye, devil and spider, controlled substances (TheMostWanted.net)

City workers in Logansport dug through nine tons of garbage to
find a man's unintentionally discarded wallet.. . .

The state Supreme Court disqualified a Hamilton County  judge
for buying meth and biting the hand of a policeman who tried to
force his mouth open to surrender it. . . .

State police in Porter County found a $2 million dollar cocaine
stash in a truck hauling garlic from California, after being alert-
ed by weigh station workers.
                                                    [courtesy Columbus Republic]

Tested positive, 224,155; died, 2,446.
                                                                [courtesy N.Y. Times]
    

russantl.jpg Lexington's most wanted, Russell Anthony, WM, 32, 6'2", 215 lbs, meth, drug paraphernalia (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)

Dog of the week:  corgi  A/k/a "Welsh corgi"; etymology "cor," Welsh for "dwarf";  "gi," Welsh for dog.   A favorite house dog of British royalty.   Originally bred for herding cattle, like the collie.

                                                                                [Louisville Courier-Journal]

danasarg.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Joshua Garacia, 21, diorderly (fighting), public intoxication; Carol Turner, 60, DUI; Cheyenne Cook, 20, Mj, paraph.; Joe Luna, 41, fam. assault; Dana Sargent, 62, family assault; Megan Stewart, 27, fam. asslt.; Eliz. Barrera, 57, fam. as.; Jeremy Lerma, 26, disorderly (fighting), public intoxication

Rudy Giuliani farted twice at a post-election hearing in Michigan, and was
hospitalized after  testing  positive. . . . Four lions tested positive at the zoo
in Barcelona,  Spain. . . . Ellen tested positive. . . . Walking  was prohibited
in Los Angeles, California, but not golf. . . . High school wrestling was per-
mitted in Ohio,  but not shaking hands before or after a match. .  .  .  A man
in Grass Valley,  California,  rescued his pit bull dog from  the  mouth  of  a
black bear. . . . Mount Everest grew by three feet.

                                                                     [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

kyleevan.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Kyle Evan Hammond, WM, 27, 5'7", 160 lbs, tattoos, arms & left shoulder, Opiates; Tina Marie Keithley, @ Madison, WF, 49, 5'5", 130 lbs, tattoos back, leg & shoulder, aggravated assault; Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Jacob Knight Winters, WM, 44, 6'4", 300 lbs, burglary; Derek Anthony Mills, BM, 22, 6'2", 100 lbs, DUI, family assault; Justin Wayne Sudberry, WM, 33, 5'10", 185 lbs, continuous violance against family (Sedgwick County (Kansas) Sheriff; Abilene Crime Stoppers)
mozingod.jpg Donald Ray Mozingo Jr.,31, 5'11", 180 lbs,tattoos back, shldrs, legs, probation viol (burglaary); Larry Richardson,BM, 32, 5'9", 175 lbs, probation violation (theft); NicolasRyan Guzman, HM, 21, 6'1", 200 lbs, tattoos chest, hands, shoulders, felon with firearm; Xavier Nathaniel Jordan, BM, 33, 5'10", 140 lbs, felon w/firearm; Aaron Isaac Favela, HM, 28, 6'1", 180 lbs, prob. viol. (opiates)

lifeorgn.jpg "Would you like to be an organ donor, sir?" "Actually I'm more of a collector" Life Saver Dude:: Cuts both ways

Rollie Renfrow wrote Sun 11/29/20 @08:52 CST:

Unsubscribe me ASAP.

OK, Rollie, OK!   – Editor

Tested positive, 377,790; died, 6,207.
                                                                [courtesy N.Y. Times]

A  labradoodle  became Howard County's newest pet therapy
practitioner and was introduced in a courtroom in Kokomo. ...

The  state's  attorney  general  appealed  to  the U.S. Supreme
Court a federal Court of Appeals ruling that allows  both  par-
ties in a same-sex marriage to be listed as their child's parents.

                                                  [courtesy Columbus Republic]

ezradian.jpg Bluffton's most wanted: Ezra Leon Schwartz, WM, 44, 5'7", 140 lbs, dealling, sked 2; Deanna Renée Sultz, WF, 24, 5'6", 160 lbs, tattoos, l. arm Kurt Cobain, hip moon & stars, abdomen dragonfly, right hand Scorpio and smiley face, narcs: Mason Scott Landis,WM, 25, 5'11", 150 lbs, tattoos all on arms clown, Grim Reaper, demoon faces, dead man, D.J., Faith, Saaf, Family where life begins, child molesting Dustiny Denise Sewell a/k/a Allen, a/k/a Wells, 5'5", 250 lbs (Yorkshire hog) Meth; Michael Allen Randalle, WM, 38, 5'11", 165 lbs, tattoos arms, DOC, demonic face, biohazard, legs, MR, Kia Randall, chest, outlaw, shoulder, skeleton, back, skull, Player S, meth (TheMostwanted.net)

Tested positive, 202,135; died, 2,241.
                                                                [courtesy N.Y. Times]

Fifteen aspirants who had been told they had passed the state
bar exam learned that they had failed,  and  three  who'd been
told they failed passed.
                                                       [Lexington Herald-Leader]
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     willsant.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Anthony Willis, BM, 45, 6'1", 240 lbs, probation violation (ho slappin') (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)

jesuope.jpg Jesus 2020 our only hope; Trump alternative found in Warren County (Tabloid Headlines photo)

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said): "Dear Eleanor  last week  asked me to answer a letter from a 60-year-  old man 'Embarassed' by his 'inadequate endowment.'  My first ques-  tion to the guy is, do you have a tongue?  Next I would direct him to  Marcy Sugar & Kathy Mitchell's answer,  in  their  'Annie's Mailbox'  column, in which they pointed out that the organ that matters most to  women is 'the one between the ears.' Finally just imagine yourself  as  a young, powerful, good-looking, rich white boy,  like  me.  It's all in  the self-confidence."                                                                                     – Leonard Simon

Dog of the week:  collie  Though Lassie  and most famous collie dogs are orangish in color,  the name is said to derive from colly black,  an  an- cient English spelling  of  "coal  black"; and  the black-and-white  Welsh  sheep- dog is considered a collie. It's a herding dog.  Subbreeds include also the border collie and the toy collie.

cruzance.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas not Kansas): Alvin Mike Garza, HM, 34, 5'9", 230 lbs, sexual assault; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas: Isabelle Marie Cruzan-Ceballos, WF, 21, 5'0", 130 lbs, tattoo on chest, aggr. battery, obstruction; Amanda Lynn Heese, WF, 28, 5'3", 120 lbs, distribution of heroin & marijuana; William Albert Niswanger, WM, 42, 5'8", 225 lbs, cr. damage to prop. (Abilene Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County (Kansas) Sheriff)

Merriam-Webster and Dictionary.com declared  "pandemic"  the word of
the year. . . . Oxford Languages, publisher of the Oxford English Diction-
ary,  declined to choose a word of the year, citing overwhelming changes
to the way people use English amid the pandemic  –  a word whose use is 
up 57,000 per cent this year  (it's an old word, but what's wrong with "epi-
demic"?). . . . But Oxford did  choose "bushfire,"  "acquittal,"  "covid-19,"
"lockdown,"  "social distancing,"  "Black Lives Matter,"  "cancel culture,"
"BIPOC,"  "mail-in,"  "Belarusian,"  "moonshot,"  "net zero"  and  "super-
spreader"  as  words  of the year. . . .  Donald Trump was reported to have
raised $170 million in campaign funds since Election Day. . . . The Austri-
an town  Fucking,  across the border from Germany's Petting,  changed its
name  to  Fugging. . . .  California Governor Gavin Newsom again denied
parole to Leslie Van Houten,  who has been in jail and prison for 51 years
now. .  .  .  Actor Elliot Page,  formerly known as Ellen Page,  came out as
"trans." .  .  .  Kamala Harris confirmed that her husband will take the title
"Second Gentleman"  if and when she becomes the country's  first  female
Vice President.
                                                                   [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, 

        Sitty Humayroh   and Agustinasuccasenang Ongkiyciepesek Agustinasusahsenang.

chabaria.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Sidney Benson, 19, Mj (2 oz.); Jyzharnae Greenwood, 20, DWOL; Monica Chabarria, 35, theft; Rosa Martinez, 38, crim. misc.; Clayton Dunn, 50, DUI, posing as Willie Nelson; April Barela, 38, ctl. sub.; Marie Jones, 23, family assault, DUI; Seleste Robles, 20, publ. intox.

A Texas high school football player  tackled  a
referee who had ejected him from the game for
repeated instances of unsportsmanlike conduct.

lifealth.jpg "Or as we call it, Alternative Heaven" Life Saver Dude: Hey, Dude! We've got even more alternatives for ya!