February 27, 2022:  Things you would never know if you did not
      browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife  at  the coun-
      ter in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
:


hed22024.jpg $32 million bribe probe,Biden's grand jury cover-up (Enquirer); Devastated Kate, Showdown w/William's mistress, Rose denies affair ongoing, Kate & William leave London to avoid scandal (In Touch); Inside Kim K's house of horrors, changes locks & hires 24/7 security; Kanye claims kids held hostage, Denies hiring hit man to kill her (Star); Palace maid tells all, Prince Andrew lazy & nasty (Star); How we stay young! Dick Van Dyke, 96, Gene Hackman, 92, Tippi Hedren, 92, Clint Eastwood, 92, James Earl Jones, 91, Rita Moreno, 90, Barbara Eden, 90, William Shatner, 90 (Examiner)
hed22024.jpg $32 million bribe probe,Biden's grand jury cover-up (Enquirer); Devastated Kate, Showdown w/William's mistress, Rose denies affair ongoing, Kate & William leave London to avoid scandal (In Touch); Inside Kim K's house of horrors, changes locks & hires 24/7 security; Kanye claims kids held hostage, Denies hiring hit man to kill her (Star); Palace maid tells all, Prince Andrew lazy & nasty (Star); How we stay young! Dick Van Dyke, 96, Gene Hackman, 92, Tippi Hedren, 92, Clint Eastwood, 92, James Earl Jones, 91, Rita Moreno, 90, Barbara Eden, 90, William Shatner, 90 (Examiner)

LETTERS to the EDITOR:
J. Ewing wrote Tuesday 2/22/22 @2:22 a.m.:
It's TWOSday!
                        And again @10:22 p.m. = 22:22, military time.
Malachi wrote Sun 2/20/22 @10:10 CST:
It's "Ukraine,"  not "the Ukraine."  The phrase "the Ukraine"
mirrors  "the U.S.,"  "the UK"  and "the U.S.S.R."   and goes
back to a time it was just a colony, or area, of Russia.  Think
Uganda, Uruguay and Uszbekistan.

Dumb news from Indiana:
Tested positive, 1,684,310; died, 22,800.
                                                                    [courtesy N.Y. Times]


An 11-year-old South Bend girl collected 500 4-leaf clovers in
a year.

                                                   
[courtesy South Bend Tribune]

hobsonjo.jpg South Bend's most wanted: (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.) Jonathan Hobson, BM, 5'5", 145 lbs, auto theft; Tiana Wiles-Hlawicz, WF, 5'2", 180 lbs (Yorkshire hog), syringe, coke & mj; Mia Hayes, BF, 5'4", 135 lbs, res entry
hobsonjo.jpg South Bend's most wanted: (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.) Jonathan Hobson, BM, 5'5", 145 lbs, auto theft; Tiana Wiles-Hlawicz, WF, 5'2", 180 lbs (Yorkshire hog), syringe, coke & mj; Mia Hayes, BF, 5'4", 135 lbs, res entry

Dumb news from Kentucky:
Tested positive, 1,285,192; died, 13,824.
                                                                        [courtesy N.Y. Times]

State SenatorRick Girdler and Rep. WalterThomas were criticized
by the Kentucky Jewish Council for saying "Jew them down" in a
discussion of a lease. . . .

pet  possum  in Laurel County was moving around on a wheel-
chair. . . .

Medina Spirit (now deceased), who
tested positive after the race for
a steroid,
was stripped of her victory in last year’s Kentucky Derby;
and  Mandaloun was declared the winner in a ruling by racing stew-
ards.
                                                                                  [courtesy Lex18]

dishmanc.jpg Crystal did meth, Crystal Dishman, 47, for latest mug shot in Letcher County Jail (J. Ewing)\
dishmanc.jpg Crystal did meth, Crystal Dishman, 47, for latest mug shot in Letcher County Jail (J. Ewing)

Quotations of the week:
                                       "I got a job feeding giraffes at the zoo, but I wasn't up to it."

                                                                                                                                        – Richard Lederer

Birthdays:
                   February 21:  Charlotte Church, 36
                                          Mary Chapin Carpenter, 64
                                          Kurt Cobain (1967-1994)
                                          Nina Simone (1933-2003)
                                          Erma Bombeck (1927-1996)
                                          Robert Mugabe (1924-2019)
                  
February 22:  Julius Erving, 72
                                          Tom & Dick Van Arsdale, 79
                                          Teddy Kennedy (1932-2009)
                                          Marni Nixon (1929-2016)

                   February 23:  Dakota Fanning, 28
                                          Naruhito, 62
                                         
Ed "Too Tall" Jones, 71
                                          Fred Biletnikoff, 79
                    February 24:  Edward James, Olmos 75
                                          Joe Lieberman, 80
                                          Fred Dean (1952-2020)
                   February 25:  Sally Jessy Raphael, 87
                                          George Harrison (1943-2001)
                    February 26: 
Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, 68
                                          Michael Bolton, 69
                                          Johnny Cash (1932-2003)
                                          Antoine "Fats" Domino (1928-2017)
                   February 27:  Josh Groban, 41
                                          Chelsea Clinton, 42
                                          Charlayne Hunter-Gault, 80
                                          Ralph Nader, 88
                                          Joanne Woodward, 92
Tabloid deadlines:
                                Sally Kellerman, 84
                                Zoe Sozo Bethel, "Miss Alabama," 27

Crossword puzzle clue of the week:

                                                                  49A:  "Tiny crustacean herald?"
    Answer:  KRILLTHEMESSENGER                                                               [L.A. Times 12/5/21]


cheyeneh.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Timothy Michael Campbell, WM, 23, 5'9", 185 lbs, assault on police; Wanted In Waco: Mallory Kristen Cortinas, WF, 30, 5'3", 125 lbs, violation of protectiveorder; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Andrea Lynn Steele, WF, 54, 5'4", 120 lbs, burglary; Cheyene Hampton, WF, 31, 5'7', 170 lbs, probviol (interference w/LEO) (law enforcem. ofcr.); Richard Harold Smallwood, WM, 31, 5'10", 185 lbs, aggr indecent liberties with a child (Abilene Crime Stoppers, City of Waco,Sedgwick County (Kans.) Sheriff
cheyeneh.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Timothy Michael Campbell, WM, 23, 5'9", 185 lbs, assault on police; Wanted In Waco: Mallory Kristen Cortinas, WF, 30, 5'3", 125 lbs, violation of protectiveorder; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Andrea Lynn Steele, WF, 54, 5'4", 120 lbs, burglary; Cheyene Hampton, WF, 31, 5'7', 170 lbs, probviol (interference w/LEO) (law enforcem. ofcr.); Richard Harold Smallwood, WM, 31, 5'10", 185 lbs, aggr indecent liberties with a child (Abilene Crime Stoppers, City of Waco,Sedgwick County (Kans.) Sheriff

Borf 's weekly BONUS:
Queen Elizabeth and Justin Bieber tested positive.  .  .  .  Tuesday was
not only TWOSday  but also National Margarita Day. . . . A $100,000-
a-year Georgia state official was indicted for  faking  two  pregnancies
for paid leave benefits. .   .  .  A Tennessee pastor threatened to expose
six witches. .  .  . Thailand promised not to rename Bangkok,  the capi-
tal,
Krung Thep Maha Nakhon, its local name. 

                                                            [courtesy Harper's,
LEX18, AP]
Dear Eleanor:
                            ​​How do I approach my 21-year-old stepdaughter
                            about not dressing and undressing in front of her
                            father?    She also walks around the house in just
                            bra and panties; she says it’s OK because it’s like
                            a bathing suit.    Her other sisters cover up and've
                            told her to cover up;  so  I  know  it's  no  "family
                            norm." My husband says he doesn't want to make
                            her feel ashamed and says nothing. I feel that this
                            is not healthy at all for her or my husband.

                                                                                            Prudence
Dear Prudie:
                         Chill the fuck out!  She's a free spirit.  Just because
                         the rest of you are a bunch of prudes does not mean
                         she has to be.

delriobl.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County Sheriff): Delrio Blanca, WF, 50, trespass; Sabrina Guerra, WF, 40, assault; Amy Nichols,WF, .52, assault. littering; Megan Vasquez, WF, 27, DUI; Paula Morse, WF., 62, ctld. substs.; Suzanne Durham, WF, 49, trespass; Heather Plumley, WF, 33, injury to child
delriobl.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County Sheriff): Delrio Blanca, WF, 50, trespass; Sabrina Guerra, WF, 40, assault; Amy Nichols,WF, .52, assault. littering; Megan Vasquez, WF, 27, DUI; Paula Morse, WF., 62, ctld. substs.; Suzanne Durham, WF, 49, trespass; Heather Plumley, WF, 33, injury to child

DISCUSSION GROUP:

    Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectu-
al dissection of important current events are invi-
ted to attend the  Weekly World News Round Ta-
ble at the offices of Borf  Books outside Browns-
ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every  Sunday.
Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the  near
future include Crystal Dishman.

The sports:
                    Michigan and Wisconsin football coaches
                    went into a brawl in a postgame hand-sha-
                    king ceremony.


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lifecivi.jpg "What anti-maskers think they look like" "What anti-maskers really look like" Life Saver Dude: "Either way, good reason to wear one"
lifecivi.jpg "What anti-maskers think they look like" "What anti-maskers really look like" Life Saver Dude: "Either way, good reason to wear one"

"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" – €“Karen Crockett


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Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



February 20, 2022:   Things you would never know if you did not
      browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife  at  the coun-
      ter in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
:


hed22023.jpg Biden nightmare comes true,Hillary v. Trump 2024 rematch (Globe); Harry begs Queen: 'Let us come home!' (Enquirer); Hefner celebrity blackmail scandal explodes! Sex! Drugs! Cheating! George Clooney, Charlize Theron, Ryan Seacrest, Jane Seymour (Enquirer); What Kennedy clan is hiding, JFK's explosive White House tapes exposed, Bobby's frantic White House raid, Truth about Monroe & Castro, Who's controlling the cover-up (Examiner); Bobby Kennedy Jr. marriage on the rocks (Globe)
hed22023.jpg Biden nightmare comes true,Hillary v. Trump 2024 rematch (Globe); Harry begs Queen: 'Let us come home!' (Enquirer); Hefner celebrity blackmail scandal explodes! Sex! Drugs! Cheating! George Clooney, Charlize Theron, Ryan Seacrest, Jane Seymour (Enquirer); What Kennedy clan is hiding, JFK's explosive White House tapes exposed, Bobby's frantic White House raid, Truth about Monroe & Castro, Who's controlling the cover-up (Examiner); Bobby Kennedy Jr. marriage on the rocks (Globe)

LETTERS to the EDITOR:
J. Ewing wrote Sun 2/13/22 @09:17 EST:
Now  hold  on  here.   The Kentucky Bar Association should
have Melania Trump as their speaker on cyber bullying.  Af-
ter all,  she's the "expert" on the topic.  Besides,  I  hear she's
desperate enough to be selling her personal clothing on line.

Maybe the KBA can arrange for both Melania and Monica to
appear?    Maybe even arrange a cage match between them to
make it more interesting?  (I got dibs on popcorn concession.)

Dumb news from Indiana
:
Tested positive, 1,687,232; died, 22,529.
                                                                    [courtesy N.Y. Times]

blakemor.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Blake Morgan, WM, 5'10", 170 lbs, parole viol (burglary); Alyono Knonuchuk, WF, 5'1", 105 lbs, narcs; Leon Underwood, BM, 5'7", 140 lbs, parole viol (rape, burglary); Tashara Harrison, BF, 5'7", 230 lbs (Yorkshire hog), counterfeiting; Robert Stilley, BM, cocaine or narcotic
blakemor.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Blake Morgan, WM, 5'10", 170 lbs, parole viol (burglary); Alyono Knonuchuk, WF, 5'1", 105 lbs, narcs; Leon Underwood, BM, 5'7", 140 lbs, parole viol (rape, burglary); Tashara Harrison, BF, 5'7", 230 lbs (Yorkshire hog), counterfeiting; Robert Stilley, BM, cocaine or narcotic
sextonty.jpg Tommy Sexton, WM, parole vi (DUI);Tamela Taylor, BF, 5'6", 250 lbs (Y. hog), theft, resisting; Joahua Troxel, WM, 6', 215 lbs, parole violation (child molesting); Lasean Green, BM, 5'7", 155 lbs, felon with firearm; Andrew Warren, WM, 5'7", 185 lbs, parole viol (coke or narc)
sextonty.jpg Tommy Sexton, WM, parole vi (DUI);Tamela Taylor, BF, 5'6", 250 lbs (Y. hog), theft, resisting; Joahua Troxel, WM, 6', 215 lbs, parole violation (child molesting); Lasean Green, BM, 5'7", 155 lbs, felon with firearm; Andrew Warren, WM, 5'7", 185 lbs, parole viol (coke or narc)

John Cougar Mellencamp released his 25th solo album.

                                                    [courtesy Columbus Republic]

Police rescued three emaciated dogs from a residence in Vermil-
lion County.
                                                           [courtesy Terre Haute Star]

Dumb news from Kentucky:
Tested positive, 1,269,321; died, 13,606.
                                                                        [courtesy N.Y. Times]
cooperbr.jpg Busted in Bardstown (courtesy Nelson County Gazette): Brandon Lamont Cooper, 28, failure to appear; William Glenn Fulkerson, 53, nonpayment of costs; Duane Alan O'Brien, 53, Wanton endangermt.; Austin Michael Darst, 24, Wanton end., meth; Stephen Trevor Hicks, 40, forgery; Eric Michael Lott, 34, probation violation
cooperbr.jpg Busted in Bardstown (courtesy Nelson County Gazette): Brandon Lamont Cooper, 28, failure to appear; William Glenn Fulkerson, 53, nonpayment of costs; Duane Alan O'Brien, 53, Wanton endangermt.; Austin Michael Darst, 24, Wanton end., meth; Stephen Trevor Hicks, 40, forgery; Eric Michael Lott, 34, probation violation
codygene.jpg Cody Gene Kidd, 24, promoting a minor for sex; Joe Carl Hardin, 41, felon w/gun; Britnee Cheyenne Creason, 24, contempt of court; William Todd Rowlett, 32, contempt; Ashley Hiller, 34, failure to appear; Jason Phillip McGill, 44, evading police
codygene.jpg Cody Gene Kidd, 24, promoting a minor for sex; Joe Carl Hardin, 41, felon w/gun; Britnee Cheyenne Creason, 24, contempt of court; William Todd Rowlett, 32, contempt; Ashley Hiller, 34, failure to appear; Jason Phillip McGill, 44, evading police
Quotations of the week:
                                              "I tried being a fireman, but I suffered burnout."
                                                                                                                                – Richard Lederer
        "Life is far too important ever to talk about seriously."

                                                                                                 
– Oscar Wilde

        "I once wanted to be an atheist, but I gave up:  They have no holidays."
                                                                                                                             – Henny Youngman

Quotation of the weak:
                                        "
Now we have Nancy Pelosi’s gazpacho police spying on members of
                                          Congress
."
                                                              – Marjorie Taylor Greene

Birthdays:
                    February 14:  Carl Bernstein, 78
                                           Michael Bloomberg, 80
                                           Edzard I Cirksena, the Great (1462-1528)

                    February 15:  Ron Cey, 74
                                          Susan Brownmiller, 87
                    February 16:  LeVar Burton, 65
                                          
Salvatore "Sonny" Bono (1935-1998)
                    February 17:  Paris Hilton, 41
                                          Tuesday Knight, 53
                                          Michael Jordan, 59
                                          Jim Brown, 86
                                          Huey Newton (1942-1989)
                                          Hal Holbrook (1925-2021)
                    
February 18:  Molly Ringwald, 54
                                           Vanna White, 65
                                           John Travolta, 68
                                           Judy 
"Juice" Newton, 70
                                           Cybill Shepherd, 72
                                           Yoko Ono, 89
                     February 19:  Eric Yates, 55
                                           Hana Mandlikova, 60

                     February 20
 
Cindy Crawford, 56
                                            Patty Hearst, 68
                                            Mitch McConnell, 80
                                            Phil Esposito, 80
                                            Buffy Sainte-Marie, 81
                                            Sidney Poitier (1927-2022)
Tabloid deadlines
:
                                Ian McDonald, 75
                                P. J. O'Rourke, 74

Crossword puzzle clue of the week:

                                                              35A:  "Festival for dugong relatives?"
        Answer:  MANATEEAFFAIR                                                                      
[L.A. Times 12/5/21]

jerrylyn.jpg Arrested in Abilene: (Texas not Kansas) Jerry Lynn Meeks, WM, 60, 5'9", 180 lbs, aggr. assault; Shawn Matthew Bennett, WM, 36, 6', 185 lbs., burglary; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Justin Macormac, WM, 25, 5'8", 135 lbs, felon w/gun; Teresa Blalock, WF, 53, 5'2", 164 lbs, possession of opiate; Kenama Carter, BM, 25, 5'8",150 lbs, robbery (Abilene Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County (Kans.) Sheriff)
jerrylyn.jpg Arrested in Abilene: (Texas not Kansas) Jerry Lynn Meeks, WM, 60, 5'9", 180 lbs, aggr. assault; Shawn Matthew Bennett, WM, 36, 6', 185 lbs., burglary; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Justin Macormac, WM, 25, 5'8", 135 lbs, felon w/gun; Teresa Blalock, WF, 53, 5'2", 164 lbs, possession of opiate; Kenama Carter, BM, 25, 5'8",150 lbs, robbery (Abilene Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County (Kans.) Sheriff)
Borf 's weekly BONUS:
Duchess Camilla tested positive. .  .  .  Whoopi Goldberg was allowed
back on the View. . . . 
At "Have a Heart: Stop for Pedestrians,"  an an-
nual pedestrian safety event in Las Vegas, a car hit a van that had stop-
ped for someone crossing the street .  .  .  A priest in Phoenix, Arizona,
resigned after being accused by his Diocese of
performing invalid bap-
tisms
for more than two decades. .   .  .  Sarah Palin lost her libel suit a-
gainst the New York Times. . . . 
More than 100 vehicles piled up in the
snow on Interstate 39 in central Illinois. . . .  The capital of the Ukraine
changed its name (and pronunciation) from  Kiev  ("key-eff")  to  Kyiv
("keeve")  three years ago  to avoid Russian overtones.


                                            [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, Wikipedia, AP]

wayspath.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Wayne Spath, 61, mobery; Arianna Castilleja, 18, mj; Molly Hutchison, 45, c.s.; Terry Hidalgo, 53, mob.; Kennedy Buxton, 25, DUI; Maria Diaz-Rivera, 36, DUI; Jordan Sheen, 26, U.S. hold; Matthew Johnston, 21, marij.
wayspath.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Wayne Spath, 61, mobery; Arianna Castilleja, 18, mj; Molly Hutchison, 45, c.s.; Terry Hidalgo, 53, mob.; Kennedy Buxton, 25, DUI; Maria Diaz-Rivera, 36, DUI; Jordan Sheen, 26, U.S. hold; Matthew Johnston, 21, marij.
Dear Eleanor:
                            I'm a 45-year-old divorced woman who goes by a very common
                            nickname to my more formal name (think "Jenny"/"Jennifer"). I
                            know some people use both formal and nicknames.  I don’t.  My
                            closest friend from childhood goes by "Jennifer";  and so I really
                            don’t think about Jennifer as my name at all.  I am dating a terrif-
                            ic guy who, for some reason, insists on calling me "Jennifer."   I'-
                            ve  asked  why  and  pointed out that I don’t call myself Jennifer,
                            but it's sticking.  Indeed, we went out for dinner with friends last
                            night for the first time; and he introduced me as "Jennifer."

                            Not sure how to proceed.  I asked him, and he sort of blew it off.

                                                                                  Don’t Know What My Name Is
Dear Dunno:
                          Perhaps he is concerned that the dictionary definition of "Jenny" is
                          "female donkey."



DISCUSSION GROUP:

    Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectu-
al dissection of important current events are invi-
ted to attend the  Weekly World News Round Ta-
ble at the offices of Borf  Books outside Browns-
ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every  Sunday.
Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the  near
future include Kamila Valievak.
valievak.jpg

The sports:
                    U.S. Olympic skier Mikaela Shiffrin, failing to win a
                    medal this year,  was  called  "dumb blonde,"  "dumb
                    bitch," "choker," "narcissist" and "disgrace"

lifewisk.jpg "That's it. The cat has to go." Life Saver Dude: Try it again, Whiskers - in E
lifewisk.jpg "That's it. The cat has to go." Life Saver Dude: Try it again, Whiskers - in E

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cial filter to detect that.)



"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" – €“Karen Crockett


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



February 13, 2022: Things you would never know if you did not
      browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife  at the coun-
      ter in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
:


hed22022.jpg Prince Andrew's nightmare, $25 million settlement, stripped of all royal titles, sells $22 million Swiss chalet to pay Queen back, 'I made a mistake but I'm not a monster' (Star); Prince Andrew guilty! Nervous breakdown as raging royals deliver rape trial verdict (Globe); Charles paying for trip, Queen reunites with Harry, son & Meghan flying to London for platinum jubilee (In Touch); 'Don't call me skinny!' Princess Kate hits back at weight shamers as she shrinks to 95 lbs. (OK)
hed22022.jpg Prince Andrew's nightmare, $25 million settlement, stripped of all royal titles, sells $22 million Swiss chalet to pay Queen back, 'I made a mistake but I'm not a monster' (Star); Prince Andrew guilty! Nervous breakdown as raging royals deliver rape trial verdict (Globe); Charles paying for trip, Queen reunites with Harry, son & Meghan flying to London for platinum jubilee (In Touch); 'Don't call me skinny!' Princess Kate hits back at weight shamers as she shrinks to 95 lbs. (OK)

hed22022.jpg America in total crisis, Biden's inflation disaster, Blindsided prresident admits he blew it; Fears stock market crash is next (Enquirer); John Wayne & Marlene Dietrich's forbidden romance (Examiner); $28 billion divorce from Hell, Kim Kardashian: 'It's all falling apart' (US Weekly)
hed22022.jpg America in total crisis, Biden's inflation disaster, Blindsided prresident admits he blew it; Fears stock market crash is next (Enquirer); John Wayne & Marlene Dietrich's forbidden romance (Examiner); $28 billion divorce from Hell, Kim Kardashian: 'It's all falling apart' (US Weekly)

Dumb news from Indiana:
Tested positive, 1,668,288; died, 22,123.
                                                                   [courtesy N.Y. Times]

The former Ohio band A Girl Named Tom will perform in Ship-
shewana April 23.
                                                      [courtesy South Bend Tribune]

rolandoz.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.): Rolando Ruiz, BM, 6'5", 215 lbs, strangulation; Armando Castillo, HM, 5'11", 145 lbs, robbery; Steven Lane, BM, 5'10", 145 lbs, handgun w/o lic.; Pierre Bates, BM, 5'8", 155 lbs, robbery
rolandoz.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.): Rolando Ruiz, BM, 6'5", 215 lbs, strangulation; Armando Castillo, HM, 5'11", 145 lbs, robbery; Steven Lane, BM, 5'10", 145 lbs, handgun w/o lic.; Pierre Bates, BM, 5'8", 155 lbs, robbery
Dumb news from Kentucky:
Tested positive, 1,234,992; died, 13,349.
                                                                        [courtesy N.Y. Times]

Kentucky Congressman Hal Rogers apologized to Ohio Congress-
woman Joyce Beatty for telling her to  "kiss my ass"  after she ask-
ed him to wear a face mask on a train to the Capitol in Washington.

 
               
                                                              [courtesy LEX18]


Monica Lewinsky will be one of the speakers at the Kentucky Bar
Association convention in June.  Her topic is "social activist in the
battle against on-line harassment."
                                                            [courtesy Bench & Bar Mag.]

gilmorea.jpg Lexinton's most wanted: Andrea Gilmore, BM, 23, 5'9", 200 lbs, fentanyl (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)

gilmorea.jpg Lexinton's most wanted: Andrea Gilmore, BM, 23, 5'9", 200 lbs, fentanyl (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)

Quotations of the week
:
                                         "I was a printer for a while, but I wasn't the type for the job and
                                            didn't have an inkling of what to do."
                                                                                                            – Richard Lederer

        "Tooting a horn is not a
n expression of any great thought I'm aware of."

               
Judge Hugh McLean, enjoining truckers from honking their horns in an Ottawa protest

        "The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.  I mean,  life  is  tough.  It takes up a lot of
          your time   What do you get at the end of it?   A death!   What's that,  a bonus?  I think the life
          cycle is all backward.  You should die first,  get
it out of the way.  Then you live in an old age
          home.  You get kicked out when you're
too young; you get a gold watch; you go to work. You
          work forty years until you are
young enough to enjoy your retirement.   You do drugs and alco-
          hol; you party; you
get ready for high school.  You go to grade school;  you become a kid; you
          play;  you
have no responsibilities; you become a little baby; you go back into the womb;  you
          spend your last nine months floating there – and you finish off with an orgasm.
                    
                                                                                                                           – George Carlin

Birthdays:
                  February 7:  Garth Brooks, 60
                                       Burt Hooton, 72
                                       Sir Thomas More (1478-1535)
                    February 8:  Flo, 52
                                        Mary Steenburgen, 69
                                        Nick Nolte, 81
                                        Ted Koppel, 82
                                        "England Dan" Seal (1948-2009)
                                         James Dean (1931-1955)
                                         Jack Lemmon (1925-2001)
                                         Lana Turner (1921-1995)
                    February 9:  Joe Ely, 75
                                         Maria "Mia" Farrow, 77
                                         Carole King, 80
                                         Roger Mudd, 94
                    February 10:  Roberta Flack, 85
                                          Robert Wagner, 92
                                          Leontyne Price, 95
                    February 11:  Sarah Palin, 58
                                          Sheryl Crow, 60
                                          John Ellis "JEB" Bush, 69
                                          Sergio Mendes, 81
                                          Gene Vincent (1935-1971)
                                          King Farouk (1920-1965)
                                          George Washington (1732-1799)
                    February 12:  Moe Bandy, 78
                                          Ehud Barak, 80
                                          Bill Russell, 88
                                          Charles Van Doren (1926-2019)
                                          Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
                                          Charles Darwin (1809-1882)
Tabloid deadlines:
                                Bobby Bowden, 91
                                Mary Wilson, 76


Crossword puzzle clue of the week:
                                                                17A:  "Woman's name hidden in the phrase "bird's-eye view"
                            Answer:  EVIE
                                                         [New Yorker 1/28/22]

kwamainr.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Kansas, not Wichita, Kansas): Kwamain Rakem Martell, BM, 23, 6'3", 150 lbs, Pro. viol (burglary); Sonya Wilene Jones, BF, 37, 5'6", 134 lbs, prob. viol. (accident involving injury); Mandy Diane Sepuladea, HF, 42, 4'9", 95 lbs (legal midget), bond forf., Michele Anne Reopke, WF, 28, 140 lbs, bond forf. (c.s.); James David Black, WM, 39, 5'9", 186, aggravated assault (Texoma Crime Stoppers)
kwamainr.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Kansas, not Wichita, Kansas): Kwamain Rakem Martell, BM, 23, 6'3", 150 lbs, Pro. viol (burglary); Sonya Wilene Jones, BF, 37, 5'6", 134 lbs, prob. viol. (accident involving injury); Mandy Diane Sepuladea, HF, 42, 4'9", 95 lbs (legal midget), bond forf., Michele Anne Reopke, WF, 28, 140 lbs, bond forf. (c.s.); James David Black, WM, 39, 5'9", 186, aggravated assault (Texoma Crime Stoppers)

Borf 's weekly BONUS:     
An 80-year-old nun was sentenced to a year in prison in Los Angeles
for stealing $835,000 from a school fund to feed a gambling habit. . . .
A Las Vegas man accused of driving on the wrong side of a major belt-
way testified that the ghost of Dale Earnhardt Sr. had instructed him to.
. . .
                                                                          
[courtesy Harper's, AP]

moncibiz.jpg Arrrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): James Lee Moncibaiz, BM, 52, 5' 11", 205 lbs., indecency w/child; Eliaabeth Garcia Del Rio, HF, 46, 5'4'; 225 lbs (Yorkshire hog), meth; Wanted in Wihita (Kansas, not Wichta Falls, Texas): Jessica Ruth Cruz, WF, 5'5", 159 lbs, endangering a child; Ernest Washington, BM, 6'1", 150 lbs, aggr. robbery (Abilene Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County (Kass.) Sheriff)
moncibiz.jpg Arrrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): James Lee Moncibaiz, BM, 52, 5' 11", 205 lbs., indecency w/child; Eliaabeth Garcia Del Rio, HF, 46, 5'4'; 225 lbs (Yorkshire hog), meth; Wanted in Wihita (Kansas, not Wichta Falls, Texas): Jessica Ruth Cruz, WF, 5'5", 159 lbs, endangering a child; Ernest Washington, BM, 6'1", 150 lbs, aggr. robbery (Abilene Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County (Kass.) Sheriff)

Dear Eleanor:
                            I often get bitten when I'm having sex,  and  I  get the
                            urge to bite back.  Would that make me a bad person?

                                                                                                   Wheatley
Dear Wheat:
                           It sort of depends on what part of your body gets bitten
                           and what part of the body you bite back on.

spencerr.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County Sheriff): Roger Spencer, 63, c.s.; Guadalupe Guttierez, 64, DUI 2d; Mariah Marquez, 27, paraphernalia; Christina Portwood, 49, assault; Haley Wynn, 27, trespass; Courtney Seymour, 29, c.s.; Rosy Bryant, 42, mobery; Lucio Solano, 26, DUI, assault, family violence
spencerr.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County Sheriff): Roger Spencer, 63, c.s.; Guadalupe Guttierez, 64, DUI 2d; Mariah Marquez, 27, paraphernalia; Christina Portwood, 49, assault; Haley Wynn, 27, trespass; Courtney Seymour, 29, c.s.; Rosy Bryant, 42, mobery; Lucio Solano, 26, DUI, assault, family violence

DISCUSSION GROUP:

        Don't  forget!    Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to   attend   the  Weekly  World
News  Round  Table  at the offices of Borf Books  outside  Browns-
ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.    Guest   speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include 
Rosalynn  & Jimmy
Carter
.

lifejena.jpg "Lockdown has affected every one of us"- Jennifer Aniston; Life Saver Dude: "Feeling a little Iggy, are we, Jen?"
lifejena.jpg "Lockdown has affected every one of us"- Jennifer Aniston; Life Saver Dude: "Feeling a little Iggy, are we, Jen?"

HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
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TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But  remember  also,  you  have  to  spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks,  and  without  that
redundant  "Re: "  that  appears in so many subject lines  or  you'll  keep
getting  this  shit!  ("Cut and paste"  won't  work,  either.  We have a spe-
cial filter to detect that.)



"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" – €“Karen Crockett


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



February 6, 2022:  Things you would never know if you did not
      browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife  at the coun-
      ter in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
:


hed22021.jpg The Queen, 95, finally says enough!, priince takes legal action, Queen hits back and refuses to help, told she will never meet great-granddaughter Lilibet (US); Scientology's desperate last stand, ripped apart by rape trial, Hollywood A-listers quit, churhces closing (Enquirer); Lying Fauci's manic meltdown (Enquirer); Jamie Lynn Spears sells out Britney for $20 million (In Touch); New nightmares after hospital emergency, Bill Clinton heart transplant crisis, fears surgery last hope for dying ex-president, 75 (Globe)
hed22021.jpg The Queen, 95, finally says enough!, priince takes legal action, Queen hits back and refuses to help, told she will never meet great-granddaughter Lilibet (US); Scientology's desperate last stand, ripped apart by rape trial, Hollywood A-listers quit, churhces closing (Enquirer); Lying Fauci's manic meltdown (Enquirer); Jamie Lynn Spears sells out Britney for $20 million (In Touch); New nightmares after hospital emergency, Bill Clinton heart transplant crisis, fears surgery last hope for dying ex-president, 75 (Globe)
hed220212.jpg $2 billion divorce from Hell, Kim Kardashian "It's all falling apart!', humiliated by Kanye's latest public breakdown, crazy for Pete Davidson who just spent the night w/Miley, At war with her sisters over storytimes & money (US); 30 years after tragic disgnosis, Olivia Newton-John: 'How I'm beating cancer!' Homeopathic cures that work, power of positive thinking, what she learned from Travolta (Examiner)
hed220212.jpg $2 billion divorce from Hell, Kim Kardashian "It's all falling apart!', humiliated by Kanye's latest public breakdown, crazy for Pete Davidson who just spent the night w/Miley, At war with her sisters over storytimes & money (US); 30 years after tragic disgnosis, Olivia Newton-John: 'How I'm beating cancer!' Homeopathic cures that work, power of positive thinking, what she learned from Travolta (Examiner)

Dumb news from Indiana:
Tested positive, 1,650,853; died, 21,712.
                                                                   [courtesy N.Y. Times]
ballentn.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Rickey Ballentine, BM, 6'1", 175 lbs, coke, auto theft; Madonna Papa, WF, 5'3", 110 lbs,meth; Heather Hanna, WF, 5'10", 165 lbs, burglary; Eric Williams, 6', 170 lbs, domestic battery (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.)
ballentn.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Rickey Ballentine, BM, 6'1", 175 lbs, coke, auto theft; Madonna Papa, WF, 5'3", 110 lbs,meth; Heather Hanna, WF, 5'10", 165 lbs, burglary; Eric Williams, 6', 170 lbs, domestic battery (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.)

The name of a Johnson County preacher seeking the Democrat-
ic nomination for Congressman was placed on  the  Republican
ballot
.
                                                      [courtesy Columbus Republic]
Dumb news from Kentucky:
Tested positive, 1,204,194; died, 13,089.
                                                                        [courtesy N.Y. Times]

Buzzards with iced wings were falling out of the trees  in  Lexing-
ton (like lizards in Florida) as animal control officers reheated and
released them. . . .

For a $10 donation to the Lexington Humane Society,  you can get
an adopted cat with a litter box with your ex-spouse's name printed
on it. 

    
                                                               [courtesy WKYT, LEX18]

ronnally.jpg Busted in Bardstown: Ronald Allen Nally, 44, Bardstown, probation viol.; Melena ann Allen, 28, Louisville, meth, her.; John Matthew Roberts, 36, Bardstown, contempt; Tina Renée Bailey, 41, Bardstown, prob. viol.; Angel Gonzalez Alvarez, 37, Chaplin, Speeding, no ins.,no license; Kaylea Chenne Lowe, 20, Somerset, prob. viol. (Nelson County Gazette)
ronnally.jpg Busted in Bardstown: Ronald Allen Nally, 44, Bardstown, probation viol.; Melena ann Allen, 28, Louisville, meth, her.; John Matthew Roberts, 36, Bardstown, contempt; Tina Renée Bailey, 41, Bardstown, prob. viol.; Angel Gonzalez Alvarez, 37, Chaplin, Speeding, no ins.,no license; Kaylea Chenne Lowe, 20, Somerset, prob. viol. (Nelson County Gazette)
Birthdays:
                  January 31:  Justin Timberlake, 41
                                       Nolan Ryan, 75
                                       Philip Glass, 85
                  February 1:  Ronda Rousey, 35
                                       Lisa Marie Presley 
Keough Jackson Cage Lockwood, 54
                                       Don Everly (1937-2021)
                                       Boris Yeltsin (1931-2007)
                  February 2:  Graham Nash, 80
                                       Fran Tarkenton, 82
                                       Tom Smothers, 85
                                       Farrah Fawcett (1947-2009)
                  February 3:  Retief Goosen, 53
                                       Morgan Fairchild, 72

                  February 4:  Lawrence Taylor, 63
                                       Vincent Furnier ("Alice Cooper"), 74
                                      
Dan Quayle, 75
                  February 5:  Roger Staubach, 80
                                       Hank Aaron (1934-2021)

                  
February 6:  Axl Rose, 60
                                     
Fabian Forte, 79
                                      Tom Brokaw, 82
                                     
Joan Lucille Olander ("Mamie Van Doren"), 91
                                      Natalie Cole (1950-2015)
                                      Bob Marley (1945-1981)
                                      Elmore Rual "Rip" Torn Jr. (1931-2019)
                                     
Zsa Zsa Gabor (1916-2016)

Tabloid deadlines:
                                Bill Fitch, 89
                                Howard Hesseman, 81

                                Milltown Mel, 10

collasod.jpg Denton Daniel Colasso, HM, 41, 5'9", 130 lbs, ctld substs; Krystal Gillespie, BF, 32, 5'7", 220 lbs (Yorkshire hog), assault of public svt.; Tammi Michelle Stewart, WF, 34, 5'7", 124 lbs, ctld. substs.; Jonathan James Sparks, WM, 28, 5'10", 235 lbs, ctld. substs.; Kenneth Matthew Powell Jr., BM, 25, 5'11", 150 lbs, ctld. substs.; Wanted in Wichita Falls, Texas (not Wichita, Kansas) (Texoma Crime Stoppers)ornelasf.jpg Frank Ornelas, HM, 21, 6', 160 lbs, prob. viol. (ctl. subs.); Cherissa Sayles, BF, 26, 5'6", 150 lbs, org. crime; Clyde Roy Jones, WM, 39, 6', 190 lbs, ag. assault; Alisa Rogers, WF, 60, 5'2", 120 lbs, pro. fi. (c.s.); Herbert Daughtery, BM 51, 5'11", 175 lbs, bond forfeit.
collasod.jpg Denton Daniel Colasso, HM, 41, 5'9", 130 lbs, ctld substs; Krystal Gillespie, BF, 32, 5'7", 220 lbs (Yorkshire hog), assault of public svt.; Tammi Michelle Stewart, WF, 34, 5'7", 124 lbs, ctld. substs.; Jonathan James Sparks, WM, 28, 5'10", 235 lbs, ctld. substs.; Kenneth Matthew Powell Jr., BM, 25, 5'11", 150 lbs, ctld. substs.; Wanted in Wichita Falls, Texas (not Wichita, Kansas) (Texoma Crime Stoppers); ornelasf.jpg Frank Ornelas, HM, 21, 6', 160 lbs, prob. viol. (ctl. subs.); Cherissa Sayles, BF, 26, 5'6", 150 lbs, org. crime; Clyde Roy Jones, WM, 39, 6', 190 lbs, ag. assault; Alisa Rogers, WF, 60, 5'2", 120 lbs, pro. fi. (c.s.); Herbert Daughtery, BM 51, 5'11", 175 lbs, bond forfeit.
Quotations of the week:
                                              "I was a masseur, but I rubbed people the wrong way."
                                                                                                                                    – Richard Lederer
        "Life is not a cabaret, it's a dive bar."
                                                                      – Woody Paige

tynorwod.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas,not Kansas): Tyler Norwood, WM, 25, 5'9", 165 lbs, aggr. sexual assault; Alexandria Sky Williams, BF, 26, 5'5", 160 lbs, injury to disabled; Corvin Ghant, BM [sic], 27, 5'5", 300 lbs, deadly conduct; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Shalyn Jo Caswell, WF, 21, 5'4", 120 lbs, probation violation (theft); Chase Michael Kado, WM, 30, 5'8", 150 lbs, tattoos oon arm, back & chest, probation viol. (aggr. domestic battery) (Abilene Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County (Kans.) Sheriff)
tynorwod.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas,not Kansas): Tyler Norwood, WM, 25, 5'9", 165 lbs, aggr. sexual assault; Alexandria Sky Williams, BF, 26, 5'5", 160 lbs, injury to disabled; Corvin Ghant, BM [sic], 27, 5'5", 300 lbs, deadly conduct; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Shalyn Jo Caswell, WF, 21, 5'4", 120 lbs, probation violation (theft); Chase Michael Kado, WM, 30, 5'8", 150 lbs, tattoos oon arm, back & chest, probation viol. (aggr. domestic battery) (Abilene Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County (Kans.) Sheriff)
Crossword puzzle clue of the week:
                                                             58D:  "Toilets for T.S. Eliot (abbr.)"
                            Answer:  ANAG                                                                           
[L.A. Times 1/19/22]


Borf 's weekly BONUS:     
Justin Trudeau tested positive. . . . Police in Sioux Falls, South Dako-
ta,  completed an Arby's food delivery  after stopping and arresting a
DoorDash driver. .  .  .  A  same-sex  couple of penguins (males)  are
rearing a chick together at the Syracuse, N.Y., zoo.

                                                          
[courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

riohasro.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Robert Riojas, DUI; Ashley Perez, 34, burglary; Michael Perales (F) 39, Exp. MVIS; Kailtlyn McGuire, 27, DUI; Clara Pena, 41, forgery; Tresa Releford, 54, prostitutn.; Chelsy Cuellar, 38, parole viol.; Monica Hogeda, 41, disoderly
riohasro.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Robert Riojas, DUI; Ashley Perez, 34, burglary; Michael Perales (F) 39, Exp. MVIS; Kailtlyn McGuire, 27, DUI; Clara Pena, 41, forgery; Tresa Releford, 54, prostitutn.; Chelsy Cuellar, 38, parole viol.; Monica Hogeda, 41, disoderly
Dear Eleanor:
                            I'm a 65-year-old woman  who has never
                            enjoyed sex.  I've had lovers,  and  I’m  a
                            very affectionate person, but the act itself
                            has never been comfortable for me.  Now
                            that I’m post-menopausal,  it's  practically
                            impossible.

                            I have never been married, but I do want to
                            find someone.  In fact I yearn for a life part-
                            ner.

                            I’m on dating sites,  and my question is,  how
                            should I describe myself?   It seems most men
                            want sex.  Should I include my lack of interest
                            in sex in my profile so they know what they're
                            getting?     I don't want to waste anyone's time,
                            especially not my own.  But this feels so weird
                            and awkward to address.

                                                    Everything but That in New York

Dear Not That:

                             Part of your problem is you are a little too des-
                             perate – maybe you need to come off  of  some
                             of that pussy.


The sports:
                    Tom Brady retired. . . . The Washington
                    Football Team,  formerly  the  Redskins,
                    changed its name again, to the Comman-
                    ders. . . . Austin, Texas, and Birmingham,
                    Alabama, are among candidates for a Na-
                    tional Football League expansion team.


DISCUSSION GROUP:

    Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectu-
al dissection of important current events are invi-
ted to attend the  Weekly World News Round Ta-
ble at the offices of Borf  Books outside Browns-
ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every  Sunday.
Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the  near
future include Pauline Bartolone.
bartelon.jpg

HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But  remember  also,  you  have  to  spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks,  and  without  that
redundant  "Re: "  that  appears in so many subject lines  or  you'll  keep
getting  this  shit!  ("Cut and paste"  won't  work,  either.  We have a spe-
cial filter to detect that.)
 
lifefeli.jpg Yes it is obvious now that the unniverse is made up of protons, neutrons, electrons and morons Life Saver Dude: and felons and felinons
lifefeli.jpg Yes it is obvious now that the unniverse is made up of protons, neutrons, electrons and morons Life Saver Dude: and felons and felinons

"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" – €“Karen Crockett


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