April 24, 2022:  Things you would never know if you did not browse
      the tabloids while waiting for your wife  at  the  counter in the su-
      permarket –“ this week's headlines
:


hed22044.jpg Demi Moore was love of his life, Bruce Willis' emotional good-bye, His heartbreaking final days, Secretly battling illness for years, Giving $250 million fortune away (In Touch); Bruce's battle & his family's love, Beloved superstar retires with speech & cognitive difficulties (People); Bruce Willis' medical crisis, 'It's worse than anyone knows' (Star); Bruce Willis, 67, brain damage tragedy (Enquirer); Bruce Willis: Inside the fight of his life (Life & Style); Will & Jada secretly hated in Hollywood? 'They've made a lot of enemies' (Star)
hed22044.jpg Demi Moore was love of his life, Bruce Willis' emotional good-bye, His heartbreaking final days, Secretly battling illness for years, Giving $250 million fortune away (In Touch); Bruce's battle & his family's love, Beloved superstar retires with speech & cognitive
difficulties (People); Bruce Willis' medical crisis, 'It's worse than anyone knows' (Star); Bruce Willis, 67, brain damage tragedy (Enquirer); Bruce Willis: Inside the fight of his life (Life & Style); Will & Jada secretly hated in Hollywood? 'They've made a lot of enemies' (Star)
hed22042.jpg Who should play Dolly in biopic? Miley Cyrus? Nicole Kidman? Dove Cameron? Kristen Chenoweth? Christina Hendricks? (In Touch); Who hates who? (sic: whom), TV anchors at war! Gayle King, Tucker Carlson, Rachel Maddow, Geraldo Rivera, Don Lemon, Savannah Guthrie, Jake Tapper (Examiner - who the fuck is Jake Tapper?); Loretta Lynn toughest gal in showbiz! Why she refuses to retire after 90+years, how she triumphed over tragedy & disease, why she contacts ghosts in creepy seances (Examiner); Harry & Meghan's separate lives, why she's hiding (Life & Style); Ten Star couples you never knew, Cher & Tom Cruise, Keanu Reeves & Diane Keaton, Leonardo DiCaprio and Gisele Bundchen (Examiner)
hed22042.jpg Who should play Dolly in biopic? Miley Cyrus? Nicole Kidman? Dove Cameron? Kristen Chenoweth? Christina Hendricks? (In Touch); Who hates who? (sic: whom), TV anchors at war! Gayle King, Tucker Carlson, Rachel Maddow, Geraldo Rivera, Don Lemon, Savannah Guthrie, Jake Tapper (Examiner - who the fuck is Jake Tapper?); Loretta Lynn toughest gal in showbiz!
Why she refuses to retire after 90+years, how she triumphed over tragedy & disease, why she contacts ghosts in creepy seances (Examiner); Harry & Meghan's separate lives, why she's hiding (Life & Style); Ten Star couples you never knew, Cher & Tom Cruise, Keanu Reeves & Diane Keaton, Leonardo DiCaprio and Gisele Bundchen (Examiner)

LETTERS to the EDITOR:
Stephen Yates, our roving reporter, wrote Sun 4/17/22 @13:44 CDT:
I saw "Jake Boone" on "social media" some years ago.     I've lived
in Sunfish for over 20 years and owned the Sunfish Mall (a country
general store), but I've never heard of this family; and we never had
any Boone folk come into the store that I'm aware of.    I think John
A. Durbin,  the previous owner of the Mall  (and "mayor,"  like me),
knew Daniel Boone; but that would have been a few decades ago.  I
have no idea who these folks  are  or  where  in Sunfish they live,  if
they live here.  Just sayin' . . . .
Netta Sekretarka, our secretary, wrote Tues 4/19/22 @10:04 CDT:
You  didn't  do  much  roving.  My handheld took me immediately to
"Everything's Jake,"  which identified the boy as Todd Johnson Logs-
don, a great-grandson of the late Jerome "Jake" Logsdon, one of Sun-
fish's grand masters.
and Steve wrote back immediately:
Well, if he'd used his real name, there'd have been no issue. . . .

Dumb news from Indiana:
Police in Lafayette smashed a window to rescue a 2-year-old girl who had
locked herself in a pickup truck playing with a handgun.

                                                        [courtesy Lafayette Journal & Courier]

A young boy was found dead in a suitcase in the woods in Southern Indiana's
Washington County,  not matching the description of any child reported miss-
ing in Indiana.
                                           [courtesy LEX18, Louisville (Ky.) Courier-Journal]

Six people were shot, one fatally, at a birthday party in Indianapolis.

                                                                   [courtesy Independent Global News]

roybebou.jpg Conictedi in Evansville: Jacob Bengert,29, murder; Samuel Newbold, 42, meth; Mario Watkins, meth; Clint Loehrlein, murder; Boy Bebout, 46, kidnap. att. rape (Vanderburgh County Prosecutor)
roybebou.jpg Conictedi in Evansville: Jacob Bengert,29, murder; Samuel Newbold, 42, meth; Mario Watkins, meth; Clint Loehrlein, murder; Boy Bebout, 46, kidnap. att. rape (Vanderburgh County Prosecutor)
Dumb news from Kentucky:
In the Republican primary election in Edmonson County  (pop.
12,150), James E. Vincent is running for Sheriff; Todd Vincent
is running for Jailer  (to replace Hank Vincent,  who is not run-
ning for re-election);  Gregory  Vincent   is running for re-elec-
tion as County Attorney;  Jason Vincent is running for 5th Dis-
trict Magistrate  (like County Commissioner or Councilman in
other states) and James C. Vincent is running for re-election as
6th District Magistrate.   Three Sanderses and two Lindseys al-
so are running for office  (one  Republican  and one Democrat-
ic Sanders for 5th District Magistrate).   None of them is close-
ly related to any of the others.
                                                         [courtesy Edmonson Voice]

A jury in Covington awarded a $450,000 verdict against a com-
pany that gave an employee a birthday party he didn't want.

                                                                          [courtesy LEX18]

coljacob.jpg Busted in Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette): Gary Lee Wilson, 47, Louisville, public drunk, c.s.; Jo Ann Atwell, 55, Bardstown, meth, controlled substs.; Cole Jacob Chesser,27, Williamsburg, DUI; Leona Mabis Ebel, 59, Boston, nonpaym. of ct. costs; Taylor Brooke Blanton, 29, Nortonville, probation violation
coljacob.jpg Busted in Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette): Gary Lee Wilson, 47, Louisville, public drunk, c.s.; Jo Ann Atwell, 55, Bardstown, meth, controlled substs.; Cole Jacob Chesser,27, Williamsburg, DUI; Leona Mabis Ebel, 59, Boston, nonpaym. of ct. costs; Taylor Brooke Blanton, 29, Nortonville, probation violation
Quotations of the week:
                                             "I once was a farmer, but problems cropped up; and I wasn't
                                               outstanding in my field."
                                                                                         – Richard Lederer

        "My wife and I got remarried:  The divorce didn't work out."
                                                                                                            – Henny Youngman

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):
"I'm in a tight spot.  Send lawyers, guns and money
  to Sunfish."
                                                  – Leonard Simon
Birthdays:
                   April 18:  Conan O'Brien, 60
                                   
Poonam Dillon, 61
                                    Hayley Mills, 77
                   April 19:  Ashley Judd, 54
                                    Ali Hosseini Khamenei, 83
                                    Jayne Mansfield (1933-1967)
 
                  April 20:  Don Mattingly, 61
                                    Ryan O'Neal, 81
                   April 21:  James Osterberg ("Iggy Pop"), 75
                                    Queen Elizabeth II, 96

                   April 22:  Jack Nicholson, 85
                                    Glen Campbell (1936-2017)
                                    Bettie Page (1923-2008)
                                    Charles Mingus (1922-1979)
                   April 23:  Bernadette Devlin, 75
                                    Harvey Lee Yeary ("Lee Majors"), 83
                                    Sandra Dee (1942-2005)
                                    Roy Orbison (1936-1988)
                   April 24:  Kelly Clarkson, 40
                                    Barbra Streisand, 80
                                    Shirley MacLaine, 88
Tabloid deadlines
:
                                Robert Morse, 90
                                Orrin Hatch, 88
                                Guy Laflleur, 70
                                DJ Kay Slay, 55

Crossword puzzle clue of the week:
                                                            18A:  "More desirable entanglement"
        Answer:  BETTERKNOT                                                                        
[L.A. Times 4/15/22]
dalortiz.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Dallas Ortiz, WM, 25, 5'11", 125 lbs, probation violation (narcotics); Rose Marie Hart, WF, 37, 5'11", 150 lbs, probation violation (criminal threat); Jonathan Ray Bonilla Jr., WM, 26, 5'7", 135 lbs, prob. viol. (burglary) (Sedgwick County Sheriff); Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Catherine Marie Dorsey, BF, 51, 5'9", 130 lbs, injury to elderly (Abilene Crime Stoppers)
dalortiz.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Dallas Ortiz, WM, 25, 5'11", 125 lbs, probation violation (narcotics); Rose Marie Hart, WF, 37, 5'11", 150 lbs, probation violation (criminal threat); Jonathan Ray Bonilla Jr., WM, 26, 5'7", 135 lbs, prob. viol. (burglary) (Sedgwick County Sheriff); Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Catherine Marie Dorsey, BF, 51, 5'9", 130 lbs, injury to elderly (Abilene Crime Stoppers)
Borf 's weekly BONUS:     
A dolphin died at Quintana Beach south of Houston, Texas,  after people
tried to ride it. .  .   .   TobyKeith, a 21-year-old Chihuahua in Greenacres,
Florida, was declared by the Guinmess Book of Records to be the world's
oldest dog. . . . John Hinckley was booked for a concert in Brooklyn. . . .
A member of the British ISIS group the Beatles was convicted in Virginia
of kidnapping and murder. . . .The Times New Roman, Arial, Verdana, Ta-
homa and Helvetica fonts were withdrawn from Russia. . . .  A book titled
It's Okay To Be a Unicorn  was  banned  by the school board of Delaware,
Ohio, for promoting a gay life style. . . . A man in Dallas,  Texas,  was ar-
rested for beating up his roommate in an argument over what  mosquitoes
look like.
                                                                    [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

donovang.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Donovan Gonzales, 21, DUI; Ariana Ruiz, 30, family assault; Mandy Lange, 25, child abandonment; Shanandoah Sanders, 52, ctrld. subs.; Savannah Pedergrass, 27, mj, paraphern.; Sally Stewart, 56, indecent exposure; Whitney Smith, 35, theft, paraphernalia
donovang.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Donovan Gonzales, 21, DUI; Ariana Ruiz, 30, family assault; Mandy Lange, 25, child abandonment; Shanandoah Sanders, 52, ctrld. subs.; Savannah Pedergrass, 27, mj, paraphern.; Sally Stewart, 56, indecent exposure; Whitney Smith, 35, theft, paraphernalia
Dear Eleanor:
                            When my ex and I were married,  we  had  trouble  conceiving
                            and years of heartache.   I thought our marriage was strong e-
                            nough to survive this, but then I discovered he was having an
                            affair with my sister.  We had a huge, traumatic confrontation
                            and we decided to move and make a fresh start.  A few weeks
                            after we moved my sister gave the news that – surprise! – she
                            was pregnant.  My husband then divorced me to start a family
                            with her.

                            Because I'd just started a new job and had a mortgage,  it was
                            financially impossible for me to leave.  I stayed in the new ci-
                            ty by myself and eventually made friends and settled.  My pa-
                            rents also
were hurt and angry;  but when the baby came, they
                            mellowed and reconciled.  My niece is now 5.  and I've never
                            met her.  My sister and I take turns attending family functions
                            because I can't bear to be in the same room with them. Recent-
                            ly my parents gently asked if I would consider having a Christ-
                            mas dinner with my sister.    I told them I would think about it,
                            and I really did.    I took a deep breath and went on my sister's
                            Facebook page for the first time.  There I saw hundreds of hap-
                            py pictures of her family – my ex-husband kissing her after she
                            just gave birth, photos of the happy first birthday party,  family
                            trips, etc.  She was tagged in a status update from my ex: "Cel-
                            ebrating another amazing anniversary  with my beautiful wife,
                            thank  you  for giving me so much happiness  and  our  perfect
                            daughter."  I vomited.

                            After five years is it time for me to get over it and force myself
                           
at least to tolerate their company?
                     
                                                                                         Unwanted Sister
Dear Unwanna:
                                No!   Keep  on  truckin'!   When your niece grows up and gets her
                                first boy friend, seduce the young fucker!

The sports:
                    The Brooklyn Nets' Kyrie Irving was fined $50,000 for
                    giving the middle finger to
Boston Celtics fans cursing
                    him in National Basketball Association playoff game 1
                    at Boston
(who won, 115-114; but Irving, a former Cel-
                    tic, was the top scorer, with 39 points).


DISCUSSION GROUP:

        Don't  forget!    Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to   attend   the  Weekly  World
News  Round  Table  at the offices of Borf Books  outside  Browns-
ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.    Guest   speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include Elon Musk.


lifeeast.jpg "Maybe we should try a cross" Life Saver Dude: The "first" Easter?
lifeeast.jpg "Maybe we should try a cross" Life Saver Dude: The "first" Easter?

HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:


      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But  remember  also,  you  have  to  spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks,  and  without  that
redundant  "Re: "  that  appears in so many subject lines  or  you'll  keep
getting  this  shit!  ("Cut and paste"  won't  work,  either.  We have a spe-
cial filter to detect that.)
 

"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" – €“Karen Crockett


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



April 17, 2022:  Things you would never know if you did not browse
      the tabloids while waiting for your wife  at  the  counter in the su-
      permarket –“ this week's headlines
:


funtime1.jpg Funny Times May 2022 Be vewy careful Internet-
funtime1.jpg Funny Times May 2022 Be vewy careful Internet-


hed22042.jpg William's shocking confession, 'Why I'll never be king,' feuding w/Charles over succession, plot for monarchy to be abandoned, Kate to follow in Diana's footsteps (US Weekly)
hed22042.jpg William's shocking confession, 'Why I'll never be king,' feuding w/Charles over succession, plot for monarchy to be abandoned, Kate to follow in Diana's footsteps (US Weekly)

hed220432.jpg Supreme Court nominee Jackson refuses Kavanaugh invitation to beer-pong ritual (Borowitz): Palin blasts Wordle for using long words (Borowitz); Senate Republicans punish Susan Collins by making her sit next to Rand Paul (Borowitz); Cher fucks Chris Rock & bitch-slaps him as he comes (Tabloid Headlines bonus)
hed220432.jpg Supreme Court nominee Jackson refuses Kavanaugh invitation to beer-pong ritual (Borowitz): Palin blasts Wordle for using long words (Borowitz); Senate Republicans punish Susan Collins by making her sit next to Rand Paul (Borowitz); Cher fucks Chris Rock & bitch-slaps him as he comes (Tabloid Headlines bonus)


LETTERS to the EDITOR:
J. Ewing wrote Weds 4/13/22 @08:08 EDT:
If your publication is truly a source of stellar news
reporting,  then why have you not featured the bits
of  wisdom  from your own county's  Jake  Boone?
E.g.:   "I'm Poor, Ain't I?"  and  "Giving Directions
in the Country
."

Jake is from the community of  Sunfish,  Kentucky.
It's in the  northwest  corner  of  Edmonson County,
near the Grayson County line.
Thanks!  Your  Editor's  first  Edmonson County  residence
was in Sunfish; some of his best friends still live there; and
our roving reporter,  Steve Yates,  is the present "mayor" of
Sunfish.  We'll ask him to report on Jake Boone.
                                                                                 – Editor


Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 4/10/22 @21:06 PDT:

Edward VIII.  There, fixed it.
Thanks.
                – Editor
Dumb news from Indiana:
Students at St. Patrick School in Terre Haute joined the Sis-
ters in Providence in praying for peace in Ukraine.

                                                    [courtesy Terre Haute Star]

kenzeiht.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.): Kenzei Heath, WF, 5'8", 170 lbs, coke; Martin Ruiz-Vazquez, HM, 5'8", 170 lbs, DUI; Jennifer Scott, WF, 5'8", 185 lbs, forgery
kenzeiht.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.): Kenzei Heath, WF, 5'8", 170 lbs, coke; Martin Ruiz-Vazquez, HM, 5'8", 170 lbs, DUI; Jennifer Scott, WF, 5'8", 185 lbs, forgery
Dumb news from Kentucky:
See DISCUSSION GROUP below.

bettneat.jpg Busted in Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette): Bettie Carole Neat,.56, Bardstown, contempt of court; Cheyanne Dawn Gutknecht, 23, Springfield, probation violation; Thomas Andrew Sharp, 23, Bloomfield, domestic assault; Katherine Elizabeth Rogers, 31, Bardstown, controlled substances; Amber Dawn Lyvers, 30, Bloomfield, violation of protective order
bettneat.jpg Busted in Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette): Bettie Carole Neat,.56, Bardstown, contempt of court; Cheyanne Dawn Gutknecht, 23, Springfield, probation violation; Thomas Andrew Sharp, 23, Bloomfield, domestic assault; Katherine Elizabeth Rogers, 31, Bardstown, controlled substances; Amber Dawn Lyvers, 30, Bloomfield, violation of protective order
Quotations of the week:
                                            "I don't look good naked any more."
                                                                                                            Snake Oil Willie

        "I once was a farmer, but problems cropped up; and I wasn't outstanding in my
          field."
                      – Richard Lederer

        "Whenever I date a guy I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their
          weekends with?' "
                                            – Rita Rudner

Crossword puzzle clue of the week:
                                                            27D:  "Drinks that follow tequila"
        Answer:  CHASERS                                                                           
[New Yorker, 3/31/22]

Birthdays:
                   April 11:  Joel Grey, 91
                                    Ethel Kennedy, 95
                   April 12:  Vince Gill, 65
                                    David Letterman, 75
                                    Herbie Hancock, 82

                    April 13:  Nellie McKay, 40
                                    Al Green, 76
                                    Jack Casady, 78
                                    Lowell George (1945-1979)
                    April 14:  Pete Rose, 81
                                    Julie Christie, 82
                                    Loretta Lynn, 92 (she says 90)

                    April 15:  Dave Edmunds, 78
                                    Elizabeth Montgomery (1933-1995)
                                    Roy Clark (1933-2018)
                    April 16:  Cat Osterman, 39
                                    Lara Dutta, 44
                                    Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, 75
                                    Queen Margrethe II of Denmark, 82
                                    Bobby Vinton, 87
                                    Pope Benedict, 95
                                    Mary Isobel Catherine Bernadette O'Brien ("Dusty Springfield," 1939–1999)
                                    Louis the Pious (778-840)
                   April 17:  Victoria Beckham ("Posh Spice"), 48
                                    Norman Julius "Boomer" Esiason, 61

Tabloid deadlines
:
                                Gilbert Gottfried, 67

TH2205.html#220501gregorio.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (Sedgwick County Sheriff): Gergorio M. Banuelos Jr., WM, 39, 5'9", 140 lbs, kidnapping; Banha Pom Philavong, Asian Female, 45, 5'1", 115 lbs, tattoos back, rt. arm, shoulder, finger, & chest, probation violation and escape; Eduardo Ray Martinez, WM, 29, 5'10", 210 lbs, p.v. (burg.); Breann Denise Burley, BF, 30, 4'11", 130 lbs, assault with a deadly weapon; Michael Schell, WM, 54, 5'8", 165 lbs, tattoos chest and left shoulder, rape
gregorio.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (Sedgwick County Sheriff): Gergorio M. Banuelos Jr., WM, 39, 5'9", 140 lbs, kidnapping; Banha Pom Philavong, Asian Female, 45, 5'1", 115 lbs, tattoos back, rt. arm, shoulder, finger, &
chest, probation violation and escape; Eduardo Ray Martinez, WM, 29, 5'10", 210 lbs, p.v. (burg.); Breann Denise Burley, BF, 30, 4'11", 130 lbs, assault with a deadly weapon; Michael Schell, WM, 54, 5'8", 165 lbs, tattoos chest and left shoulder, rape
   devontem.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Anthony Devonte Manley, BM, 27, 6'3", 255 lbs, prob. viol. (retal.); Jenny Dawn Page, WF, 34, 5'6", 210 lbs, cont. subs.; Syprena Ledesma, HF, 44, 5'10", 138 lbs, prob. viol. (tamp. w/records); Armando Hernandez, HM, 39, 5'10", 138 lbs, probation viol. (Texoma's most wanted fugitives, Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers)
devontem.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Anthony Devonte Manley, BM, 27, 6'3", 255 lbs, prob. viol. (retal.); Jenny Dawn Page, WF, 34, 5'6", 210 l
s, cont. subs.; Syprena Ledesma, HF, 44, 5'10", 138 lbs, prob. viol. (tamp. w/records); Armando Hernandez, HM, 39, 5'10", 138 lbs, probation viol. (Texoma's most wanted fugitives, Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers)
Borf 's weekly BONUS:     
Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez became re-engaged. . . . An unused ticket
to a 1984 Chicago Bulls basketball game sold at auction for  $468,000  (it
was for Michael Jordan's first game with the Bulls). .  .  . An Amish buggy
driver was arrested for DUI in Brookville, Pennsylvania. .  .  .  Ninety-two
of the 100 most-watched television shows of 2021 were  National Football
League
games (whatever became of the "National Pastime"?). . . .  Britney
Spears posted on Instantspam  Instagram  that she is married and pregnant.
. . . Barry Manilow tested positive. . . . California's 88-year-old Senator Di-
anne Feinstein's mental capacity was questioned by fellow Democrats.

                                                          
[courtesy Harper's, Funny Times, AP]

elvisjon.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, sheriff): Elvis Johnson, 64, fam. ass.; Kasi Guy, 40, ctrld. substs.; Sierra Valles, 25, public drunk; Frances Arispe, 42, DUI; Serenity Torres, 21, mobery; Olga Guerrero, 33, ctrld. subs; Monica Hogeda, 41, paraphernalia, abusive language
elvisjon.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, sheriff): Elvis Johnson, 64, fam. ass.; Kasi Guy, 40, ctrld. substs.; Sierra Valles, 25, public drunk; Frances Arispe, 42, DUI; Serenity Torres, 21, mobery; Olga Guerrero, 33, ctrld. subs; Monica Hogeda, 41, paraphernalia, abusive language
Dear Eleanor:
                            A few months ago I joined an on-line group discussing perso-
                            nal relationship problems. I've  foound  that griping about my
                            husband to anonymous people  on  line  is better than venting
                            my frustrations at him.  But  lately  he's  been  really  good  at
                            changing behaviors that have driven me up the wall,  and now
                            I know why.  I happened to notice him logged in on his laptop
                            as a member of my group!  He created a fake persona  and has
                            seen every gripe I ever typed about him!   I haven't confronted
                            him on this,  and, to be honest, it has been a convenient way to
                            indirectly communicate to him.  So,  should  I  tell  him I know
                            who he is and quit the group,or just let this be?
                                                                                                                   Blogger
Dear Bloggere:
                               Obviously you have found the way to communicate
                               with your spouse.  Let it be.


DISCUSSION GROUP:

    Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectu-
al dissection of important current events are invi-
ted to attend the  Weekly World News Round Ta-
ble at the offices of Borf  Books outside Browns-
ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every  Sunday.
Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the  near
future include Jake Boone.
jakeboon.jpg
lifescal.jpg "Yeah, I've tried that before, doesn't work" Life Saver Dude: "Try the left foot . . ."
lifescal.jpg "Yeah, I've tried that before, doesn't work" Life Saver Dude: "Try the left foot . . ."

"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" – €“Karen Crockett

Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



April 10, 2022:  Things you would never know if you did not browse
      the tabloids while waiting for your wife  at  the  counter in the su-
      permarket –“ this week's headlines
:


hed22042.jpg JESUS! An illustrated life (National Geographic); Funny money & shady deals, Biden criminal cover-up, FBI protects Joe & crooked son Hunter, shocking truth Feds don't want known (Enquirer); Michelle/Hillary brawl explodes, inside their dirty fight to be first female Prez, why Obamas & Clintons hell-bent on revenge (Globe); Ronald Reagan's private pain, childhood abuse, suicide attempt, domestic hell (Examiner); Queen horrified, King Edward III exposed as Nazi spy (Globe), Three shocking tell-alls, Destroying the Kardashians, Kris 'basically hates' Klohé, botched plastic surgery / DNA, who's in debt, who's spying on her ex (Enquirer)
hed22042.jpg JESUS! An illustrated life (National Geographic); Funny money & shady deals, Biden criminal cover-up, FBI protects Joe & crooked son Hunter, shocking truth Feds don't want known (Enquirer); Michelle/Hillary brawl explodes, inside their dirty fight to be first female Prez, why Obamas & Clintons hell-bent on revenge (Globe);
Ronald Reagan's private pain, childhood abuse, suicide attempt, domestic hell (Examiner); Queen horrified, King Edward III exposed as Nazi spy (Globe), Three shocking tell-alls, Destroying the Kardashians, Kris 'basically hates' Klohé, botched plastic surgery / DNA, who's in debt, who's spying on her ex (Enquirer)
hed220422.jpg Will & Jada's marriage hanging by a thread, 'He's scared to death of her' (In Touch); Celebrity love child scandals, babies Hollywood dads hid from world, Mel Gibson, Clint Eastwood, Hugh Grant, Jack Nicholson, Eddie Murphy, Tom Jones, Arnold Schwarzenegger (Examiner); Inside their whirlwind Caribbean vacay, Kate & William's 2nd honeymoon, romantic dinners, SCUBA diving & dancing until 2 a.m. in Jamaica, Kate's showdown with beauty queen (Star)
hed220422.jpg Will & Jada's marriage hanging by a thread, 'He's scared to death of her' (In Touch); Celebrity love child scandals, babies Hollywood dads hid from world, Mel Gibson, Clint Eastwood, Hugh Grant, Jack Nicholson, Eddie Murphy,
Tom Jones, Arnold Schwarzenegger (Examiner); Inside their whirlwind Caribbean vacay, Kate & William's 2nd honeymoon, romantic dinners, SCUBA diving & dancing until 2 a.m. in Jamaica, Kate's showdown with beauty queen (Star)

Dumb news from Indiana:
It's snowing in Indianapolis (and Bowling Green, Ky.).
                                                                                             [various]

Elton John credited Kokomo AIDS victim Ryan White and his fam-
ily with saving his life. . . .

The Koko-Go Ride bike sharing program opened in Kokomo.  . . .

Harley Poe released a new horror folk punk album "Horrorful."


   
                                                             [courtesy Kokomo Tribune]


The Columbus Republic celebrated its 150th anniversary.

                                                [discourtesy Columbus Republic]

kriegerj.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crimer Stoppers): Jeffrey Krieger, WM, 6'2", 210 lbs, meth; Holly Stanton, WF, meth; Alyssa Sanchez, HF, 5'3, 130 lbs, burg., meth, DUI; Nikki Gibson, WF, 5'1", 130 lbs, theft; Lawanda Carver, BF, 5'2", 120 lbs, robbery; Montrell Butler, BM, 5'10", 160 lbs, absence
kriegerj.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crimer Stoppers): Jeffrey Krieger, WM, 6'2", 210 lbs, meth; Holly Stanton, WF, meth; Alyssa Sanchez, HF, 5'3, 130 lbs, burg., meth, DUI; Nikki Gibson, WF, 5'1", 130 lbs, theft; Lawanda Carver, BF, 5'2", 120 lbs, robbery; Montrell Butler, BM, 5'10", 160 lbs, absence

          edrickel.jpg Edrick Elie, BM, 5'9", 190 lbs, domestic battery, strangulation; Chekir Bowers, BM, 5'9", 160 lbs, meth; Lanieer Hardin Jr., BM, 6', 150 lbs, nonsupport; Bryan Morrow, WM, 5'11", 175 lbs, burg, auto theft
edrickel.jpg Edrick Elie, BM, 5'9", 190 lbs, domestic battery, strangulation; Chekir Bowers, BM, 5'9", 160 lbs, meth; Lanieer Hardin Jr., BM, 6', 150 lbs, nonsupport; Bryan Morrow, WM, 5'11", 175 lbs, burg, auto theft
Dumb news from Kentucky:
Kentucky Senator Rand Paul voted from a cloakroom on the
Supreme Court nomination, and nearly half an hour after all
other senators; and he and North Carolina's Lindsey Graham
were reported to  have  voted without wearing suits.

                                      [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

Guests at Lexington's Elwood Hotel are invited to bring their
house plants with them.
                                                                          [courtesy CNN]

cissellj.jpg Busted in Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette): Jennifer Nicole Cissell, Bardstown, 34, shoplifting; Adonis Figuredo Tomes, 41, Louisville, forgery; Lauren Elizabeth Berryman, 34, Bardstown, contrband; Kristopher Holmes Gilreath, 35, McCreary, contempt; Jacob Lynne Marshall, 2, New Haven, parole viol.; Sarah Beth Johson, 34, Bloomfield, heroin, DWOL; William Edward Kennedy, 57, Bardstown, meth; Kenneth S. Mitchell, 35, Bardstown, endangermt.
cissellj.jpg Busted in Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette): Jennifer Nicole Cissell, Bardstown, 34, shoplifting; Adonis Figuredo Tomes, 41, Louisville, forgery; Lauren Elizabeth Berryman, 34, Bardstown, contrband; Kristopher Holmes Gilreath, 35, McCreary, contempt; Jacob Lynne Marshall, 2, New Haven, parole viol.; Sarah Beth Johson, 34, Bloomfield, heroin, DWOL; William Edward Kennedy, 57, Bardstown, meth; Kenneth S. Mitchell, 35, Bardstown, endangermt.
  chadedtp.jpg Chad Edward Tipton,34, Bardstown, contempt; Tyrone Shakur Raehame, 22, Radcliff, contempt; Amber Marie Elzy, 36, Bardswotn, traffickin;g John Francis Clark, 55, New Haven, contempt; Troy Lloyd Foster, 29, Bloomfield, mobery; Travis Shane Keeling, 34, Lebanon, contempt; Teri Lynn Carter, 48, Springfield, ID theft; Chris Allen Wiggington, violation of protecr. ord.
chadedtp.jpg Chad Edward Tipton,34, Bardstown, contempt; Tyrone Shakur Raehame, 22, Radcliff, contempt; Amber Marie Elzy, 36, Bardswotn, traffickin;g John Francis Clark, 55, New Haven, contempt; Troy Lloyd Foster, 29, Bloomfield, mobery; Travis Shane Keeling, 34, Lebanon, contempt; Teri Lynn Carter, 48, Springfield, ID theft; Chris Allen Wiggington, violation of protecr. ord.
jermoned.jpg Ronald Jermone Dones, 55, Boston, traffickingl Reid Shacoi Young, 27, Bardstown, theft; Hunter Bradley Bode, 20, Metter, Ga., marij.; Gary Frank Walker, 65, Bardstown, publ. intox.; Alexis Nichole Nichols, 18, Bardstown, receiving stolen prop.; Roseanne Lee Woolet, 43, Bardstown, meth; Doris Nicole Lutes, 33, Chaplin, DUI; Joshua Aaron Spalding, 33, theft
jermoned.jpg Ronald Jermone Dones, 55, Boston, traffickingl Reid Shacoi Young, 27, Bardstown, theft; Hunter Bradley Bode, 20, Metter, Ga., marij.; Gary Frank Walker, 65, Bardstown, publ. intox.; Alexis Nichole Nichols, 18, Bardstown, receiving stolen prop.; Roseanne Lee Woolet, 43, Bardstown, meth; Doris Nicole Lutes, 33, Chaplin, DUI; Joshua Aaron Spalding, 33, theft
  wmjasonr.jpg William Jason Riley, 37, Bardstown, DUI; Michael Dale Johnsn, 35, Crab Orchard, theft; Kimberly M. Downs, 33, Bardstown, rcvg. s.p.; Anthony Nich. Bobbitt, 34, Bardsgown, public intox.; Harriet J. Norvell, revcg, stolen prop.; Davie Turney Baker, 34, Bardstown, public intox.; Tonya Marie Hutchins, 43, Bardstown, burglar; Justin Ryan Smith, 32, Bardstown, Rx unwrap
wmjasonr.jpg William Jason Riley, 37, Bardstown, DUI; Michael Dale Johnsn, 35, Crab Orchard, theft; Kimberly M. Downs, 33, Bardstown, rcvg. s.p.; Anthony Nich. Bobbitt, 34, Bardsgown, public intox.; Harriet J. Norvell, revcg, stolen prop.; Davie Turney Baker, 34, Bardstown, public intox.; Tonya Marie Hutchins, 43, Bardstown, burglar; Justin Ryan Smith, 32, Bardstown, Rx unwrap
                          ronnijam.jpg Ronnie James King, 46, Bardstown, DUI; BrandonE. Humphrey, 39, Bardstown, contempt; Paul Jarvis, 59, Boston, prob. viol.; Ju' Quintis Faizon Amez Mason,B-town, P.s.; Charles David Foster, 53, prob.viol.(meth); Justin Anth,. Miles, 32, Cox's Creek, H
ronnijam.jpg Ronnie James King, 46, Bardstown, DUI; BrandonE. Humphrey, 39, Bardstown, contempt; Paul Jarvis, 59, Boston, prob. viol.; Ju' Quintis Faizon Amez Mason,B-town, P.s.; Charles David Foster, 53, prob.viol.(meth); Justin Anth,. Miles, 32, Cox's Creek, H
Quotations of the week:
                                             "I trained for ballet, but I was seldom on point."
                                                                                                                         – Richard Lederer
Birthdays:
                   April 4:  Jamie Lynn Spears, 31
                                  Christine Lahti, 72
                   April 5:  Agnetha Fältskog, 72
                                  Colin Powell (1937-2021
)
                   April 6:  Princess Haalah, 15
                                
Young Man Kang, 56
                                 
Daniel Kortchmar, 76
                                  James Watson, 94
                   April 7:  
Jackie Chan, 68
                                  Janis Ian, 71
                                  Francis Ford Coppola, 83
                                  Jerry Brown 84
                                  Bobby Bare, 87
                                  Daniel Ellsberg, 91
                   April 8:  Julian Lennon, 59
                                  Peggy Lennon, 81
                                  Seymour Hersh, 85
                                  Kofi Annan (1938-2018)
                   April 9:  Tom Lehrer, 94
                                  Jean-Paul Belmondo (1933-2021)
                 April 10:  Ken Griffey (Sr.), 72
                                  John Madden (1936-2021))
Tabloid deadlines
:
                                   Nehemiah Persoff, 102
                                    Estelle Harris, 93
                                    Bobby Rydell, 79
                                    Terry Walls, 57
                                    Dwayne Haskins, 24

Crossword puzzle clue of the week:
                                                              37A:  "Endorse certain property barriers?"
        Answer: COMMENDFENCES
                                                                        [L.A. Times, 4/3/22]
bridgesal.Arrested in Abilene (not Texas, not Kansas) Alvin Joe Bridges, BM, 62, 5'7", 210 lbs, aggrav. assault); Tanner Michael Smithbrick, WM, 31, 5'7", 155 lbs, prob. viol. (dom. assault); Roger Allan Collins Jr.,BM, 56, 5'10", 150 lbs, probation violation (fled); Preston Michael Pierce, 41, 6', 160 lbs, probation violation (DUI); Robert Jason Murray Jr., WM, 47, 5' '1", 235 lbs, prob. viol. (dom.viol.)
bridgesal.Arrested in Abilene (not Texas, not Kansas) Alvin Joe Bridges, BM, 62, 5'7", 210 lbs, aggrav. assault); Tanner Michael Smithbrick, WM, 31, 5'7", 155 lbs, prob. viol. (dom. assault); Roger Allan Collins Jr.,BM, 56, 5'10", 150 lbs, probation violation (fled); Preston Michael Pierce, 41, 6', 160 lbs, probation violation (DUI); Robert Jason Murray Jr., WM, 47, 5' '1", 235 lbs, prob. viol. (dom.viol.)
Borf 's weekly BONUS:     
Donald Crump endorsed Sarah Wailin's candidacy for Congress. .  .  .
Martha Stewart posted news on Instantspam   Instagram  that her four
dogs
had killed one of her cats.  .  .  .   Burger  King  was sued for not
whopping up its  Whoppers.  .  .  .  A 67-year-old female Swedish su-
preme court justice
was fined for  shoplifting  a  Christmas  ham  and
meatballs (and she has resigned). . . . Nancy Pelosi and Susan Collins
tested positive. . . . Wind blew a shopping cart corral into a customer's
car in Colorado Springs, and the supermarket's insurance company de-
nied coverage.
                                                              [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

ketcher2.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County Texas Sheriff) Dalton Ketcherside, 24, armed felon; Henry Falveerde, 29, ctld. subs.; Debra Thompson, 64, DUI; Irene Gonzales, 35, DUI; Amber Jiminez, 29, theft; Abdulia Huerta, 26, interference w/public duties; Paige Sandoral, 51, forgery; Jamey Perkins, 59, mobery; William Wright, 54, mj
ketcher2.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County Texas Sheriff) Dalton Ketcherside, 24, armed felon; Henry Falveerde, 29, ctld. subs.; Debra Thompson, 64, DUI; Irene Gonzales, 35, DUI; Amber Jiminez, 29, theft; Abdulia Huerta, 26, interference w/public duties; Paige Sandoral, 51, forgery; Jamey Perkins, 59, mobery; William Wright, 54, mj
Dear Eleanor:
                            I moved into my apartment  three years  ago,
                            and up until a few months ago I've been
pret-
                            ty much
the only person living in  this  build-
                            ing  (there are three other apartments).   New
                            neighbors  recently  moved in next door,  and
                            they have a dog.   The poor pup started howl-
                            ing most of the day  while  his  owner  was at
                            work,  and I hear  his  happy  barks  when the
                            neighbor comes home.The howling and barks
                            don’t bother me most of the time. I’ve always
                            had multiple pets while growing up; so I hard-
                            ly noticed it.  But on my days off I spend most
                            of my time in my living room and that's where
                            I hear the pitiful howls.


                            Now, I don't know why I did this;  it still puz-
                            zles me why I thought this would be a good i-
                            dea;   but one day  when he was howling non-
                            stop for almost an hour  I  felt like I had to do
                            something.   So,  I barked.   I barked at a poor
                            howling dog  that was on the other side of my
                            living  room  wall.   For a minute or two there
                            was silence.  But,  then,  he barked!   And  his
                            was  a  curious  and  unsure  bark.  It  sounded
                            like those happy barks he does every day when
                            his owner comes home.  So I kept it up!  Every
                            day, the neighbor dog and I would have a bark-
                            off;  and I noticed that his howling was coming
                            less and less often.  I  really  think  my barking
                            was  helping!    My thinking is that the pup felt
                            less alone when having someone  – even some-
                            one he can't see – interact with him a few times
                            during  the  day.  And since no one else lives in
                            the  building  currently,  I  don't  think we were
                            bothering anyone.

                            But one day,  the neighbor came home when his
                            dog and I were having a bark-off; and he did not
                            like  it,  one  bit.  He knocked aggressively at my
                            door  and told me  to  stop  "teasing"  his  dog.  I
                            tried  to explain how this all started,  but he look-
                            ed at me like I was crazy.    I even offered to dog-
                            sit for him on my days off,  so  the  pup wouldn't
                            have to be alone for more than three days a week;
                            but he didn't like that, either.  I wanted to suggest
                            that maybe he should get his dog a friend,  but I'd
                            already pissed this guy off;  so  I  just  apologized
                            and agreed not to do it again.

                            But  now  the dog  is  confused.  He barks happily
                            throughout  the  day,  and I have to  ignore  it  and
                            not partake in our old game  any  more,  and  then
                            he  just  sounds  so  sad.    He's back to howling a-
                            gain,  and I feel like maybe  I  made  the  situation
                            worse  from  the  start.    Should I try to talk to my
                            neighbor again?  Or do I just ignore the howls and
                            barks and try  to  pretend  I'm  not  here?  Maybe I
                            should just move and start someplace new and not
                            ever bark back?

                                                                                      I Barked Back
Dear Back-Bark:
                                 If you're as wordy in your barking as you are in
                                 your writing,  I'd be happy not to be your neigh-
                                 bor.  Just shut the bark up!


DISCUSSION GROUP:

    Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectu-
al dissection of important current events are invi-
ted to attend the  Weekly World News Round Ta-
ble at the offices of Borf  Books outside Browns-
ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every  Sunday.
Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the  near
future include phallusian artist Yayoi Kusama.
yayoikus.jpg


HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But  remember  also,  you  have  to  spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks,  and  without  that
redundant  "Re: "  that  appears in so many subject lines  or  you'll  keep
getting  this  shit!  ("Cut and paste"  won't  work,  either.  We have a spe-
cial filter to detect that.)

lifebrus.jpg "Looks like he had a stroke" Life SaverDude: "A brush with death"
lifebrus.jpg "Looks like he had a stroke" Life SaverDude: "A brush with death"

"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" – €“Karen Crockett


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



April 3, 2022:  Things you would never know if you did not browse
      the tabloids while waiting for your wife  at the counter in the su-
      permarket –“ this week's headlines
:


hed22041.jpg FBI probes sex creep Andrew (Globe); Sally Field prowling for a man! (Globe); Harry & Meghan - it's OVER! Torn apart by ugly lies & vicious family feud, he's going home to Britain; she's keeping the kids (Enquirer); Queen's emotional final intervieew, 'I was wrong about Diana', plus: The night Charles confessed to affair (Star); Exclusive interview, Connie Francis, fame, heartbreak & finding happiness, how enduring 4 divorces & horrifying violence forced the '50's singing legend to start all over again (Closer)
hed22041.jpg FBI probes sex creep Andrew (Globe); Sally Field prowling for a man! (Globe); Harry & Meghan - it's OVER! Torn apart by ugly lies & vicious family feud, he's going home to Britain; she's keeping the kids (Enquirer); Queen's emotional final intervieew, 'I was wrong about Diana', plus: The night Charles confessed to affair (Star); Exclusive interview, Connie Francis, fame, heartbreak & finding happiness, how enduring 4 divorces & horrifying violence forced the '50's singing legend to start all over again (Closer)

LETTERS to the EDITOR:
J. Ewing wrote Thurs 3/24/22 @ 16:50 EDT re
the lawsuit by Donald Trump vs.Hillary Clinton:
We need a new law about abuse of the courts and the filing
of frivolous lawsuits.  Something akin to a judicial form of
justifiable homicide.
Steve Yates wrote Tues 3/29/22 @12:21 CDT:
Don't be Chris Rockin' me or I'll go Will Smith on yo' ass.

Dumb news from Indiana:
chloebro.jpg
You have to pay to read about Chloe Brookbank. . . .

Health officials were expecting an increase in COVID-19 infec-
tions.
                                                      [courtesy Columbus Republic]

Among vanity license plate messages rejected in 2021 were "
yoda-
666
,"
"D00BIE," "DENIED1," "I POOPED" and "4SA-TAN."

                                                        [courtesy Evansville Courier]

A 30-year-old native of Logansport explained  how  to  become
a contestant on Jeopardy.
                                                           [courtesy Kokomo Tribune]

 alleshac.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.) Edward Coleman, BM, 5'9", 140 lbs, coke, mj, felon w/handgun; Allesha Carter, BF, 5'5", 140 lbs, battery of a public safety official; Jackson Outlaw, WM, 5'5", 145 lbs, syringe, resid. entry
alleshac.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.) Edward Coleman, BM, 5'9", 140 lbs, coke, mj, felon w/handgun; Allesha Carter, BF, 5'5", 140 lbs, battery of a public safety official; Jackson Outlaw, WM, 5'5", 145 lbs, syringe, resid. entry
Dumb news from Kentucky:
PETA offered a $5,000 reward for the arrest and conviction of
whoever killed the cat with a dart in Jessamine County.

                                                                        [courtesy LEX18]

Nature produced a spectacle in the Mohawk community of Ed-
monson County on Wednesday, March 30:  Before the outdoor
temperature hit an unseasonal high of 80°, a dozen black wasps
congregated  on Borf Books' 200-gallon white propane tank,  a
huge limb fell from a tree outside Borf's window, and a murder
of crows was eating a live possum  on the bridge over the creek
at the bottom of the hill.
                                                    [a Tabloid Headlines exclusive]
waldecks.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Waldeck Sampson, WM, 34, 6'5", 200 lbs, shoplifting, crim. misch., c.s.; Nicole Powers, WF, 47, 5'4", lbs. unknown, wanton endangerment, rcvg. stolen property; Christopher Brown, WM, 39, 5'8", 140 lbs, forgery (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)
waldecks.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Waldeck Sampson, WM, 34, 6'5", 200 lbs, shoplifting, crim. misch., c.s.; Nicole Powers, WF, 47, 5'4", lbs. unknown, wanton endangerment, rcvg. stolen property; Christopher Brown, WM, 39, 5'8", 140 lbs, forgery (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)
Birthdays:
                     March 28:  Stefanni Joanne Angelina Germanotta ("Lady Gag-a"), 36
                                       Reba McEntire, 67
                                       Rodrigo Duterte, 77
                                       Rick Barry, 78
                    
March 29:  Lucy Lawless, 54
                                       Earl Campbell, 67
                                       Walt Frazier, 77
                                       Denny McLain, 78
                                       Eric Idle, 79
                                       Astrud Gilberto, 82
                     March 30:  Eric Clapton, 77
                                       Jerry Lucas, 82
                     March 31:  Al Gore, 74
                                       David Eisenhower, 74
                                       Christopher Walken, 79
                                       Barney Frank, 82
                                       Herb Alpert, 87
                                       Shirley Jones, 88
                                       Alphabet Soup the race horse (1991-2022)
                      April 1:  Rachel Maddow, 49
                                     Ali MacGraw, 83
                      April 2:  Emmylou Harris, 75
                                     Marvin Gaye (1939-1984)
 
                                    Charlemagne (742-814)
                      April 3:  Paris Jackson, 24
                                     Tony Orlando, 78
                                     Jane Goodall, 88
 
Tabloid deadlines
:
                                  Paul Herman, 76
jodywade.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas) Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week: Jody Wade, WM, 50, 5'8", 180 lbs, hindering secured creditors; Heidi Michelle Emerson, 28, 5'7",185 lbs (Yorkshirehog), prob. viol. (c.s.); Robert Earl Mitchell, BM,, 34, 5'8", 160 lbs, p.v. (agg. ass.); Amber Lashell Griggs, BF, 34, 5'9", 150 lbs, p.v. (c.s.); Alejandro Sanchez, HM,, 34, 5'6", 207 lbs, probation viol. (evading arrest)
jodywade.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas) Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week: Jody Wade, WM, 50, 5'8", 180 lbs, hindering secured creditors; Heidi Michelle Emerson, 28, 5'7",185 lbs (Yorkshirehog), prob. viol. (c.s.); Robert Earl Mitchell, BM,, 34, 5'8", 160 lbs, p.v. (agg. ass.); Amber Lashell Griggs, BF, 34, 5'9", 150 lbs, p.v. (c.s.); Alejandro Sanchez, HM,, 34, 5'6", 207 lbs, probation viol. (evading arrest)

Crossword puzzle clue of the week:
                                                            26D & 33D:  "Palindromic 33D song"
        Answers:  SOS  ABBA                                                                               
[L.A. Times, 3/16/22]


Quotations of the week:
                                          "Oh!  Foolish day!"
                                                                            – Jadwiga, on Friday, April 1

        "I tried teaching, but I quickly lost my principal, my faculties and my class."
                                                                                                                                    – Richard Lederer
rositaqu.jpg Locked up in San Angelo by the Sheriff of Tom Green County, Texas: Rosita Quesada, WF, 40, forgery and drug paraphernalia
rositaqu.jpg Locked up in San Angelo by the Sheriff of Tom Green County, Texas: Rosita Quesada, WF, 40, forgery and drug paraphernalia
gonzatom.jpg Thomas Gonzalez, 27, family assault; Anton Hernandez, 30, drunk; Shannon Clark, 18, burglary; Angelica Evans, 34, assault officer; Bonnie Lopez, 35, forgery; Natalie Torres, 39, theft, mj; Got away shile we weren't lookin'; Cody Blair, 40, DUI; James Baker, 28, ch. sex abuse
nzatom.jpg Thomas Gonzalez, 27, family assault; Anton Hernandez, 30, drunk; Shannon Clark, 18, burglary; Angelica Evans, 34, assault officer; Bonnie Lopez, 35, forgery; Natalie Torres, 39, theft, mj; Got away shile we weren't lookin'; Cody Blair, 40, DUI; James Baker, 28, ch. sex abuse
 caitnels.jpg Caitlyn Nelson, 31, c.s.; Samantha Payne, 47, ctld. substs.; Jennifer Sanchez, 32, paraphernalia; Shannon Castaneda, 45, fail. to signal; Pamela Ramirez, 30, fam. assault; bailed or broke out before we could ID them; Breanna Williams, fugitive
caitnels.jpg Caitlyn Nelson, 31, c.s.; Samantha Payne, 47, ctld. substs.; Jennifer Sanchez, 32, paraphernalia; Shannon Castaneda, 45, fail. to signal; Pamela Ramirez, 30, fam. assault; bailed or broke out before we could ID them; Breanna Williams, fugitive
Borf 's weekly BONUS:     
A woman who had recently tweeted "I'm the best drunk driver ever" ran
over and killed two state troopers and a pedestrian they  were  trying  to
help on I-95 in Pennsylvania. . . . Vladimir Putin complained that Tchai-
kovsky, Shostakovich and Rachmaninov were victims of cancel culture.
.  .  .  Taylor Swift will deliver the commencement address at New York
University  in  May  and  receive an honorary doctor of fine arts degree.
. . .  A Nebraska state legislator apologized for repeating a debunked ru-
mor that some schools place litter boxes in restrooms for  students  who
self-identify as cats. . . .  A flamingo that fled a zoo in Wichita,  Kansas,
in 2005 has been spotted in Wisconsin, Louisiana and now Texas  (iden-
tified by its leg band). .  .  .  A road was closed in Marquette,  Michigan,
to protect migrating salamanders. . . . Soccer star Hope Solo was arrest-
ed for DUI and child abuse in South Carolina. . . . A Navy oiler was be-
ing named for Ruth Bader Ginsburg. .  .  .  National  Park  ranger  Betty
Reid Soskin
retired in California at 100.

                                                                 [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

freddied.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Freddie Dewayne Simpkins, BM, 42, 5'9", 175 lbs, aggravated assault; Catherine Marie Dorsey, BF, 51, 5'9", 130 lbs, injury to elderly, viol. of EPO; Jose Luis Rodriguez-Rios, HM, 42, 5'4", 160 lbs, solicitation of prostitution (Abilene Crime Stoppers); Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Gabriel Villa, WM, 40, 5'9",  165 lbs, theft; Elihah Nehemiah Reed, BM, 20, 6'2", 150 lbs, robbery (Sedgwick County Sheriff)
DISCUSSION GROUP:

    Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectu-
al dissection of important current events are invi-
ted to attend the  Weekly World News Round Ta-
ble at the offices of Borf  Books outside Browns-
ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every  Sunday.
Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the  near
future include Chris Rock and Will Smith.
chriswil.jpg

Dear Eleanor:

                            I have a colleague  who  is  genuinely  unhappy
                            with her job and our company.   I am her mana-
                            ger and have to instruct her.   She responds neg-
                            atively to everything she is asked to do.   She e-
                            ven whines that it's affecting her mental health. 

                            She sent in her resignation and is leaving at the
                            end of May, but she's unbearable.   She’s a gray
                            cloud hanging over the office when she's there.

                            Any tips on how deal with her until she leaves?

                                                                Enduring Debby Downer
Dear Debby-Doter:
                                    Take a two-month vacation.

HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But  remember  also,  you  have  to  spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks,  and  without  that
redundant  "Re: "  that  appears in so many subject lines  or  you'll  keep
getting  this  shit!  ("Cut and paste"  won't  work,  either.  We have a spe-
cial filter to detect that.)


lifemeow.jpg Did you know that the word "homeowner" has the word "meow" in it? Good luck pronouncing it correctly ever again Life Saver Dude: Mrawr!
lifemeow.jpg Did you know that the word "homeowner" has the word "meow" in it? Good luck pronouncing it correctly ever again Life Saver Dude: Mrawr!

"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" – €“Karen Crockett


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor