August 28, 2022:   Things you would never know if you did not browse the
    tabloids  while waiting for your wife at the counter in the supermarket
    – this week's headlines
:

hed22084.jpg What he's hiding from America, Biden too sick to run again, Two cases of Covid taking terrible toll, losing memory and struggling to walk, turns 80 in November (Globe); Shatner, 91, dementia nightmre (Enquirer); Britney finally talks, 'I love my new life,' How therapy & faith saved her, marriage, music & trying for baby (Life & Style); Bride Britney falls off the wagon, tragic new meltdown (Enquirer); Greedy Charles took $1.2 M, Bin Laden bribe after 9/11 attack, denied blood money backwash warnings, laundered cash through his own charity (Enquirer)
hed22084.jpg What he's hiding from America, Biden too sick to run again, Two cases of Covid taking terrible toll, losing memory and struggling to walk, turns 80 in November (Globe); Shatner, 91, dementia nightmre (Enquirer); Britney finally talks, 'I love my new life,' How therapy &
faith saved her, marriage, music & trying for baby (Life & Style); Bride Britney falls off the wagon, tragic new meltdown (Enquirer); Greedy Charles took $1.2 M, Bin Laden bribe after 9/11 attack, denied blood money backwash warnings, laundered cash through his own charity (Enquirer)
hed220842.jpg MIA for 6 weeks, Why Miley Disappeared (L&S)
hed220842.jpg MIA for 6 weeks, Why Miley Disappeared (L&S)

Dumb news from Indiana:
"If you see it, kill it!" is the slo-
gan  applied  to the spotted lan-
ternfly
, haunting Indiana  from
Vevay  to  Huntington.    It's  a
problem for wineries and orch-
ards as it sucks sap from vines
and trees,  slowing  growth  of
fruit  and  mutating  the acidity
of grapes.
spotfly.jpg
                                                                       [courtesy Indianapolis Star]
johnruth.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers): John Ruth, WM, 6'1", 210 lbs, altering death scene; John Fountain, BM, 5'6", 150 lbs, intimidation; Mya Hershberger, WF, 5'4", 170 lbs,, meth; Wynter Thompson, BM, 5'10", 160 lbs, felon with handgun; Bruce Pfeifer, BM, 5'9", 150 lbs, coke
johnruth.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers): John Ruth, WM, 6'1", 210 lbs, altering death scene; John Fountain, BM, 5'6", 150 lbs, intimidation;
Mya Hershberger, WF, 5'4", 170 lbs,, meth; Wynter Thompson, BM, 5'10", 160 lbs, felon with handgun; Bruce Pfeifer, BM, 5'9", 150 lbs, coke
Dumb news from Kentucky:
Madisonville police arrested a male North Hopkins County High
School English teacher on 11 counts of distributing obscene mat-
ter to minors for an  animated  video  shown  to a class;  and  the
county sheriff arrested another male teacher,  at Hopkins County
Central High,  for sexual abuse of a female student.

                                                            [courtesy WKYU-FM radio]

Burglars took $25,000 from the Pulaski County Sheriff's evidence
room.
                                                                             [courtesy LEX18]
joshuada.jpg Busted in Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette): Joshua David Byrnes, 38, Livingston, probation violation; Shawn Michael Cecil, 48, Bardstown, meth; Kimberly Michelle Downs,WF, 31, Bardstown, heroin, paraphernalia; Joseph Christopher Donahue, WM, 56, Bardstown, DUI, mariuana, etc.; David Lee Bradshaw, WM, 43, Bardstown, FTA
joshuada.jpg Busted in Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette): Joshua David Byrnes, 38, Livingston, probation violation; Shawn Michael Cecil, 48, Bardstown, meth; Kimberly Michelle Downs,
WF, 31, Bardstown, heroin, paraphernalia; Joseph Christopher Donahue, WM, 56, Bardstown, DUI, mariuana, etc.; David Lee Bradshaw, WM, 43, Bardstown, FTA
Quotations of the week:
    
                                       "Vote one, two, three times, whatever."
                                                                                                                –  Marjorie Taylor Greene
        "Fuck off, you fuckwads!"
                                                        – Peterborough, Ontario, Mayor Dianne Therrien
                                                            to QAnon Covid-19 protesters

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):

"I'm humble, and proud of it."
 
                                                      – Leonard Simon


stevknob.jpg Arrested in Wicita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (by the Sedgwick County Sheriff): Steven A. Koob, WM, 57, 5'10", 150 lbs, arson, aggravated assault; Mark Rochazy Sonsena, AM, 23, 5'10", 170 lbs, Ag. assault; Osvaldo Herrera, HM, 45, 6', 180 lbs, ag. assault; Curtis Lee Clark, WM, 43, 5'11", 175 lbs, scars, rt shoulder & knees, prob. viol.
stevknob.jpg Arrested in Wicita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (by the Sedgwick County Sheriff): Steven A. Koob, WM, 57, 5'10", 150 lbs, arson, aggravated assault; Mark Rochazy
Sonsena, AM, 23, 5'10", 170 lbs, Ag. assault; Osvaldo Herrera, HM, 45, 6', 180 lbs, ag. assault; Curtis Lee Clark, WM, 43, 5'11", 175 lbs, scars, rt shoulder & knees, prob. viol.
Birthdays:
                     
August 22:  Diana Nyad, 73
                                          Cindy Williams, 75
                                          Duane "Bill" Parcells, 81
                                          Carl Yastrzemski, 83
                                          Valerie Harper (1939-2019)
                       August 23:  Mark Russell, 90
                                           Barbara Eden, 91
                                           Vera Miles, 93
                                           Kobe Bryant (1978-2020)
                       August 24:  Marlee Matlin, 57
                                           Cal Ripken Jr., 62
                                           Mike Huckabee, 67
                                           Mason Williams, 84
                        August 25:  Billy Ray Cyrus, 61
                                            Declan Patrick McManus
("Elvis Costello"), 68
                                            Rollie Fingers, 76
                                            Sean Connery (1930-2020)
                                            Regis Philbin (1931-2020)
                                            Ivan the Terrible (1533-1584)
                        August 26:  Macaulay Culkin, 42
                                            Leon Redbone (1949-2019)
                        August 27:  Paul Rubenfeld ('Pee-wee Herman"), 70
                                            Susan "Tuesday" Weld, 79
                                            Daryl Dragon (1942-2019)
                        August 28:  Lee Ann Rimes, 40
                                            Eileen Regina Edwards ("Shania Twain"), 57
                                            Lou Piniella, 79
Tabloid deadlines
:
                                Jerry Allison, 82
                                Joe E. Tata, 86
                                Len Dawson, 87
                                Virginia Patton, 97

Crossword puzzle clue of the week:
                                                              52d "Mustard, for one: Abbr."
                                  Answer:  COL                                                         [New Yorker 8/8/22]

benjamin.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff) (Texoma's most wanted): Benjamin Graves, WM, 53, 6'2", 220 lbs, prob. viol. (abandoned child); Amanda Kay Gourley, HF, 30, 5'6", 138 lbs, contr'l'd substances; Manuel José Cruz, HM, 22, 5'9", 250 lbs, evad. arrest; Lindsey Mae Collins, WF, 35, 150 lbs, abadoning child; Mitchell Ray Alexander, BM, 31, 5'9", 150 lbs, fraud
benjamin.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff) (Texoma's most wanted): Benjamin Graves, WM, 53, 6'2", 220 lbs, prob. viol. (abandoned child); Amanda Kay Gourley, HF,
30, 5'6", 138 lbs, contr'l'd substances; Manuel José Cruz, HM, 22, 5'9", 250 lbs, evad. arrest; Lindsey Mae Collins, WF, 35, 150 lbs, abadoning child; Mitchell Ray Alexander, BM, 31, 5'9", 150 lbs, fraud

Borf 's weekly BONUS:
Wendy’s pulled lettuce from sandwiches in restaurants in Michigan, Ohi-
o and Pennsylvania after customers reported  falling  ill. 
.  .  .   Finland's
prime minister,  Sanna Marin,  took a drug test to quiet protests of videos
showing her singing and dancing with stars. . . . A woman was denied an
abortion in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, even after an X-ray showed that her
fetus had no skull. . . . Argentine police linked Placido Domingo to a set
involved in sexual traffic with minors. . . . A pastor in Kansas City,  Mis-
souri,  apologized for calling his parishioners  "poor,  broke,  busted  and
disgusted" for not buying him a Movado watch.  .  .  .  A Chinese woman
won a lawsuit against a man accused of breaking  three  of  her  ribs  in a
hug.  .  .  .  A woman in Tennessee was charged with murder for  a  meth-
laced kiss
to a jailed inmate who died.  . . .  A Welsh woman was ordered
to replace  "SLUT  HO"  (or something like that)  from her automobile li-
cense plate.  .  .
  .  Abortion opponents in Michigan south to block a state
constitutional amendment to allow abortions on account of typographical
errors
in the referendum,  including  missing  spaces  in  "ORALLEGED-
PREGNANCYOUTCOMES" and "DECISIONSABOUTALLMATTERS-
RELATINGTOPREGNANCY." .  .  .  A pack of five dogs killed a woman
postal carrier in Putnam County, Florida. . . . 
An 8-year-old boy in Menom-
onie, Wisconsin, advanced to the U.S.A. Mullet Championship. . . . Naomi
Judd's death was said to be a gun suicide.

                                                                    [courtesy Harper's,
LEX18, AP]

dougchek.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Doug Cheek, 50i, felon with firearm; Destini Casey, 21, assault of p.o., parapher.; April Sanchez, 29, trespass; Kimber Bradley, 19, controlled substs.; Chelsie Martinez, 31, mobery; Kayla Browne, 31, controlled substs.; Monica Hogeda, 42, trespass

          tangumam.jpg Timothy Mitchell, 53, failure to ID fugitive; Emerald Medina, 34, no insurance; Whitney Walker, 26, theft; Kennedy Counts, 22, ctrl. substs., parole violation; Crystal Beck, 43, wrong way on 1-way; Manuel Tanguma, 52, trespass
dougchek.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Doug Cheek, 50i, felon with firearm; Destini Casey, 21, assault of p.o., parapher.; April Sanchez, 29, trespass; Kimber Bradley, 19, controlled substs.; Chelsie Martinez, 31, mobery; Kayla Browne, 31, controlled substs.;
Monica Hogeda, 42, trespass; tangumam.jpg Timothy Mitchell, 53, failure to ID fugitive; Emerald Medina, 34, no insurance; Whitney Walker, 26, theft; Kennedy Counts, 22, ctrl. substs., parole violation; Crystal Beck, 43, wrong way on 1-way; Manuel Tanguma, 52, trespass
Dear Eleanor:
                                I live out in the country and have found a wonderful kennel
                           for my dog.  The owner and two helpers all are kind and ef-
                           ficient and obviously dog lovers.     The kennel costs $40 a
                           night.   My question is,  how big a tip to leave?  Sometimes
                           one of the helpers is working  when I pick up my dog,  and
                           sometimes it's the owner.  Should  I tip  differently  for  the
                           helpers versus the owner?  Please advise. I want to do right
                           by them!
                                                                                   Asking for a Tip on Tips
Dear Tippy:
                          Never tip an owner;  s/he sets the prices.  As for the others,
                          give a dog a bone.  Forty dollars is more than it might cost
                          you and your dog to stay in a motel.


 

DISCUSSION GROUP:

        Don't  forget!    Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to   attend   the  Weekly  World
News  Round  Table  at the offices of Borf Books  outside  Browns-
ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.    Guest   speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include Vladimir Putin.


lifebutt.jpg "I really didn't mean to push all your buttons; I was just looking for mute!" Life Saver Dude: You can hit my buttons any old time, cunty honey!
lifebutt.jpg "I really didn't mean to push all your buttons; I was just looking for mute!" Life Saver Dude: You can hit my buttons any old time, cunty honey!

HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

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"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" – €“Karen Crockett


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Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



August 21, 2022:   Things you would never know if you did not browse the
    tabloids  while waiting for your wife at the counter in the supermarket
    –“ this week's headlines
:

hed22083.jpg Trump v. Fox: New feud! Why furious ex-prez brands old pals traitors, What anchors saying about January 6 (Globe); How they do it all! Kelly Clarkson, Reese Witherspoon, Kate Hudson, Secrets, strategies, &  sacrifices they had to make to rear strong children (US); Caroline Kennedy marriage crisis, moves 10,500 miles from hubby Edwin Schlossberg (Globe); Terrible sores, monkeypox pandemic night mare(Globe); 30 years after cancer diagnosis, Olivia Newton-John: 'My wonderful life' Olivia Newton-John (Examiner); Charlize Theron, 47: 'Why I'll always be single' (Star)
hed22083.jpg Trump v. Fox: New feud! Why furious ex-prez brands old pals traitors, What anchors saying about January 6 (Globe); How they do it all! Kelly Clarkson, Reese Witherspoon, Kate Hudson, Secrets, strategies, &  sacrifices they had to make to rear strong children (US);
Caroline Kennedy marriage crisis, moves 10,500 miles from hubby Edwin Schlossberg (Globe); Terrible sores, monkeypox pandemic night mare(Globe); 30 years after cancer diagnosis, Olivia Newton-John: 'My wonderful life' Olivia Newton-John (Examiner); Charlize Theron, 47: 'Why I'll always be single' (Star)
LETTERS to the EDITOR:
Fred Dean wrote Sun 8/14/22 @11:07 PDT:
Amazing coincidence!
Eddie Fisher (1928-2010)
Jimmy Dean (1928-2010)
They were born the same day – August 28 – but they did
not die the same day:  Fisher, September 22, Dean, June
13.  – Editor

Dumb news from Indiana:
centrin1.jpg Wanted in central Indiana (Central Indiana Crime Stoppers): Alejandro Batana, HM, 5'6", 186 lbs, child molesting; Jameica Atkinson, BF, 5'9", 150 lbs, welfare fraud; Alasa Adams, BF, 5'5", 160 lbs, theft; Richard Allen, BM, pointing a firearm; Nathaniel Anders, WM, 6', 160 lbs, syringe; William Anthony, 5'9", felon w/firearm; Angel Lopez, WM, 6', 155 lbs, meth
centrin1.jpg Wanted in central Indiana (Central Indiana Crime Stoppers): Alejandro Batana, HM, 5'6", 186 lbs, child molesting; Jameica Atkinson, BF, 5'9", 150 lbs, welfare fraud; Alasa Adams, BF, 5'5", 160 lbs, theft; Richard Allen, BM, pointing a firearm; Nathaniel Anders, WM, 6', 160 lbs, syringe; William Anthony, 5'9", felon w/firearm; Angel Lopez, WM, 6', 155 lbs, meth
centrin2.jpg Thomas Baduria, WM, 5'7", 185 lbs, battery; Shavonna Dorsey, BF, 5'3", 120 lbs, syringe; Leslie Atkins, WF, 5'10", 200 lbs (Yorkshire hog), forgery; Michael Alvey, WM, 5'9", 155 lbs, battery by body waste; Jesus Avila, HM, 5'5", 145 lbs, battery; James Mulgannon, WM, robbery; Emeterio Islas , HM, 5'8", 135 lbs, sex with a minor
centrin2.jpg Thomas Baduria, WM, 5'7", 185 lbs, battery; Shavonna Dorsey, BF, 5'3", 120 lbs, syringe; Leslie Atkins, WF, 5'10", 200 lbs (Yorkshire hog), forgery; Michael Alvey, WM, 5'9", 155 lbs, battery by body waste; Jesus Avila, HM, 5'5", 145 lbs, battery; James Mulgannon, WM, robbery; Emeterio Islas , HM, 5'8", 135 lbs, sex with a minor
centrin3.jpg Edward Averitte, BM, 61, 240 lbs, sex offender failure to register; Carlos Vergara, WM, 5'7", 155 lbs, robbery; Paulina Corrales, HF, theft; Xavier Rys Jones, BM, 6'3", 205 lbs, murder; Louis Deberry, BM, counterfeiting; Juan Palacios, W[sic]M, recklessness
centrin3.jpg Edward Averitte, BM, 61, 240 lbs, sex offender failure to register; Carlos Vergara, WM, 5'7", 155 lbs, robbery; Paulina Corrales, HF, theft; Xavier Rys Jones, BM, 6'3", 205 lbs, murder; Louis Deberry, BM, counterfeiting; Juan Palacios, W[sic]M, Racketeering
Indiana  and  Purdue  universities were undoing their combina-
tion IUPUI university in Indianapolis ("Ooey-Pooey") – it was

not clear what would become of IUPUC ("Ooey-Puck")  in Co-
lumbus.
                                                     [courtesy Columbus Republic]

A grandmother drowned in a creek in Brownsburg trying to res-
cue her grandchildren, who survived.
                                                                       [courtesy wthr.com]
      bardwed1.jpg Nelson County Fair baby contest winnters: multiple births, 12-24 months: Emery & Everett Miles, Bardstown     lifebutt.jpg "I really didn't mean to push all your buttons; I was just looking for mute!" Life Saver Dude: You can hit my buttons any old time, cunty honey!
bardwed1.jpg Nelson County Fair baby contest winnters: multiple births, 12-24 months: Emery & Everett Miles, Bardstown
      bardwed2.jpg Girls 12-17 months, Karsyn Cox, Bardstown,Claire Crepps, Cox's Creek, Lilana Mitchell, Bardstown; boys, 12-17 months, Tranton Cissell, Luke Durbin, Bardstown, Alexnder Cornish, Chaplin  
bardwed2.jpg Girls 12-17 months, Karsyn Cox, Bardstown,Claire Crepps, Cox's Creek, Lilana Mitchell, Bardstown; boys, 12-17 months, Tranton Cissell, Luke Durbin, Bardstown, Alexnder Cornish, Chaplin
      bardwed3.jpg Girls, 18-24 mos.: Dani Coulter, Cox's Creek; Preslee Colema, Bardstown; Jolie Clark, Lorretto; Boys, 18-24 mos., Jackson Wright, Anakin Moss, Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette)
bardwed3.jpg Girls, 18-24 mos.: Dani Coulter, Cox's Creek; Preslee Colema, Bardstown; Jolie Clark, Lorretto; Boys, 18-24 mos., Jackson Wright, Anakin Moss, Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette)
Kentucky schools are back in session (one started as early as
August 2).

                                                                      [courtesy WKYT]

Quotations of the week
:

                                            "This cheese is so good, I'd like to edam;
                                              but this cheese is even gouda."
                                                                                                 – John M. Greer

       
"Nobody was more surprised than me that I was able to walk unimpeded directly
          to the Capitol."
                                      Thomas Robertson, Virginia cop sentenced in Jan. 6 riot

        "I just learned that Merrick Garland is a Jew.  Therefore I withdraw all my previous
          criticism of him.  I cannot withstand another wave of charges of anti-Semitism."

                                                                             – former Iowa Congressman Steve King

rickphil.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita
        Falls,Texas): Ricky Phillip Thomas-Orr, BM, 6'4", 190 lbs,
        tattoos hands & arms, abdomen, probation violation
        (opiates); Brandon Keith Smith, BM, 47, 5'7", 240 lbs,
        upside down ears, tattoos arms& chest, prob. viol. (aggr.
        dom. battery); Freddie Lee Hooks Jr., BM, 52, 6', 175 lbs,
        tattoos arms & chest, robbery; Eric Breion Bowen, BM, 42,
        5'10", 215 lbs, tattoos arms, back, burglary

Birthdays:
                    August 15:  Jennifer Lawrence, 32
                                        Ben Affleck, 50
                                        Melinda Gates, 58

                                        Jimmy Webb, 76
                                        Stephen Breyer, 84
                                        Bobby Helms (1933-1997)
                       August 16:  Rumer Willis, 34
                                           Madonna, 64
                                          Julie Newmar, 89
                                          Ann Blyth, 94
                                          Tony Trabert (1930-2021)
                    August 17:  Sean Penn, 62
                                        Robert De Niro, 79
                                       
John "Boog" Powell, 81
                                        Maureen O'Hara (1920-2015)
                     August 18:  Robert Redford, 86
                                         Roman Polanski, 89
                                         Rosalynn Carter, 95
                                        
Molly Bee (1939-2009)
 
                      August 19:  Tipper Gore, 74
                                          
Bill Clinton, 76
                                           Eddie Raven, 78
                                           Debra Paget, 89
                                        Ginger Baker (1939-2019)
                    August 20:  Robert Plant, 74
                                        Ron Paul, 87

                                        Don King, 91
                                        "Sneaky" Pete Kleinow (1934-2007)
                     August 21:  Usain Bolt, 36

                                         Amy Fisher, 48
                                         Jackie DeShannon, 81
                                         Kenny Rogers (1928-2020)

 
Tabloid deadlines
:
                                Anne Heche, 53
                                Nicholas Evans, 72

Crossword puzzle clue of the week:
                                                            30D  "Heavens to Betsy!"
             Answer:  GEEZLOUISE                                                     
[L.A. Times 8/16/22]

brennanb.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green
          County, Texas,Sheriff); Brennan Bell, 31, public drunk;
          Jasmine Franco, 20, fam. assault, paraph.; Cynthia Garcia, 44,
          DUI; Juanita Delacruz, 41, speeding; Maribel Fernandez, 24,
          lake-glass containers in park; Rachel Whitehead, 30,
          exploiting children; Amber Banks, 39, controlled substs.;
          Dawson Taylor, 29, drug paraophernalia; Christian Udesen, 22,
          fam. assault

Borf 's weekly BONUS:     
Jill   Biden  tested positive. . . . Factor by which best sellers about Donald
Trump outsold those about Joe Biden  in the first two years of their terms:
10. .  .  .  Percentage by which women are more likely to be interrupted in
their testimony to Senate committees:  10.  .  .  .  Factor by which men are
likelier than women to claim having had sex on an airplane: 4. . . .  A hog
weighing 300 pounds was reported "at large" in Carter County, Tennessee.
.  .  .  An elephant that killed a 70-year-old woman in India returned to her
funeral to trample her again.  .  .  .  The Kettle Moraine School District  of
Wisconsin  prohibited  the  use of transgender pronouns in its e-mail.  .  .  .
The governor of Pennsylvania prohibited conversion therapy. . . . A couple
were arrested for having sex on an amusement park ride in Sandusky, Ohi-
o. . . .  A pissed-off copilot jumped out of an airplane to his death in North
Carolina. . . . A 42-year-old Iowa woman's five great danes bit her to death.

                                                                    [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

brandona.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita,
          Kansas): (Texoma's most wanted): Brandon Alan Smith, WM, 22,
          5'6", 135 lbs, injury to child; Renisha Shadae Wallace,
          BF, 27, 5' 7", 260 lbs (Yorkshire hog), robation
          violation (assault of public servant; José Norberto Gonzalez,
          HM, 46, 5'9", 180 lbs, burglary; Jennifer Morataya, WF,
          35, 5'4", 135 lbs, probation violation (DUI); Jalen
          Ta-Darrius Smith, BM, 23, 5'4", 107 lbs, family assault
Dear Eleanor:
                            Many years ago my husband, "Sam," and I divorced.
                            I started seeing someone else  and  became pregnant.
                            That man left me,  saying he didn't want more child-
                            ren.   Sam and I began dating again,  and he said we
                            could  remarry  if  his name went on the baby's birth
                            certificate.  The biological father didn't care, and I a-
                            greed.   Three months after the baby was born,  Sam
                            and I remarried.

                            That was 13 years ago.  The problem is,  sometimes
                            Sam and I will argue,   and he'll say, "Just take your
                            daughter and get out" and other hurtful things,  indi-
                            cating he's not her real father  and so there's nothing
                            to tie us together.

                            I'm worried that our daughter will find out about her
                            parentage and be hurt.  Should we tell her about her
                            biological father?
 I know he recently got out of pris-
                            on from a year sentence for child molesting.   I don't
                            know where he's living,  but I don't want him around
                            my daughter.  Any suggestions?

                                                                                                  Living a Lie
Dear Liar:
                        Funny way to spell "fucking" ("seeing").  Funny way
                        to spell "our" ("my").

                        Yes!  Tell the little bitch when she's old enough to deal
                        with it.  She's entitled to know.

                                                                      
DISCUSSION GROUP:

        Don't  forget!    Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to   attend   the  Weekly  World
News  Round  Table  at the offices of Borf Books  outside  Browns-
ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.    Guest   speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include Brennan Bell.



lifesqua.jpg "I suddenly feel uncool""In a place like this we're just a couple of squares" Life Saver Dude: Who'd-a-thunk squares woulda been in uneven numbers?
lifesqua.jpg "I suddenly feel uncool""In a place like this we're just a couple of squares" Life Saver Dude: Who'd-a-thunk squares woulda been in uneven numbers?

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"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" – €“Karen Crockett


Previous issue

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Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



August 14, 2022:   Things you would never know if you did not browse the
    tabloids  while waiting for your wife at the counter in the supermarket –
    this week's headlines
:



hed220782.jpg His friends blast Meghan, Prince Harry liing a lie? Misery, money problems, missing William, humiliated by UN speech protesters, wants to return to England (L&S); Puppetmaster Meghan destroying Harry, how she pulls his strings to get exactly what she wants Globe); Ben: 'J-Lo saved my life,", overcoming addiction, and a second chance (Star); Hollywood's most amazing transformations, Clark Gable changed his voice, Lucille Ball hid secret hair color (blonde), Marily Monroe stole her look, John Wayne was coached to act tough (Closer); Hollywood's 15 biggest cheapskates, Lady Gaga, Leonardo DiCaprio (Examiner)
hed220782.jpg His friends blast Meghan, Prince Harry liing a lie? Misery, money problems, missing William, humiliated by UN speech protesters, wants to return to England (L&S); Puppetmaster Meghan destroying Harry, how she pulls his strings to get exactly what she wants Globe); Ben: 'J-Lo saved my life,",
overcoming addiction, and a second chance (Star); Hollywood's most amazing transformations, Clark Gable changed his voice, Lucille Ball hid secret hair color (blonde), Marily Monroe stole her look, John Wayne was coached to act tough (Closer); Hollywood's 15 biggest cheapskates, Lady Gaga, Leonardo DiCaprio (Examiner)
hed220822 The Queen hates Meghan! What Her Majesty says behind closed doors, How Harry's wife got under Elizabeth's skin, Why miffed monarch will never forgive her (Enquirer); Cut deal to squeal! Epstein madam sashed in prison country club (Enquirer)
hed220822 The Queen hates Meghan! What Her Majesty says behind closed doors, How Harry's wife got under Elizabeth's skin, Why miffed monarch will never forgive her (Enquirer); Cut deal to squeal! Epstein madam sashed in prison country club (Enquirer)

LETTERS to the EDITOR
:
Fred Dean wrote Sun 8/7/22 @08:28 PDT:
It appears that Indiana has not lost its distinction as the
only Southern state north of the Mason-Dixon line.
Actually,  only about two-thirds of Indiana   is  north  of  the Mason
Dixon line, which, if extended,  would run through your home town
of Rushville,  Indiana.  Check it out  on  a  map.  Mason's & Dixon's
line defines the boundary  between Maryland  and Pennsylvania.

                                                                                                – Editor
Dumb news from Indiana:
gemauryk.jpg South Bend's mot wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.): Joseph Cooke, BM, 5'6", 160 lbs, battery of safety offl.; Samuel Scott, WM, 5'9", 160 lbs, meth; James McClellan, WM, 5'10", theft; Ge'Maury Kelly, BM, 6'3", 185 lbs, probation violation (domestic battery)
gemauryk.jpg South Bend's mot wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.): Joseph Cooke, BM, 5'6", 160 lbs, battery of safety offl.;
Samuel Scott, WM, 5'9", 160 lbs, meth; James McClellan, WM, 5'10", theft; Ge'Maury Kelly, BM, 6'3", 185 lbs, probation violation (domestic battery)

The  Bartholmew County  Prosecutor  was charged with two
felonies and four misdemeanors in a dispute with a neighbor
over two dogs and a BB gun.
                                                 [courtesy Columbus Republic]


Three persons were killed in the unexplained explosion  of a
house in Evansville that damaged 39 other houses, rendering
11 of them uninhabitable.
                                                                       [courtesy Lex18]

Dumb news from Kentucky:
A crying woman apologized to the Breathitt County librarian
that flood waters carried away her checked-out books.

                                                                      [courtesy LEX18]

A Budweiser Light truck overturned on an interstate highway
ramp in Louisville,  spilling its entire load – hundreds of cans
of beer.
                                                                          [courtesy UPI]
sylviapr.jpg Busted in Bardstown:: Gwen Lanette Crowe, 47, Bardstown, contempt of court; Morries Gordon Judd, 49, Louisville, DUI; Ghristopher Garret, Phillips,38,Bardstown, theft; Joseph Stephen Graves, 65, Nicholasville, theft; Sylvia Pricilla Fiers, 35, Smithland, failure to appear (Nelson County Gazette)
sylviapr.jpg Busted in Bardstown:: Gwen Lanette Crowe, 47, Bardstown, contempt of court; Morries Gordon Judd, 49, Louisville, DUI; Ghristopher Garret, Phillips,
38,Bardstown, theft; Joseph Stephen Graves, 65, Nicholasville, theft; Sylvia Pricilla Fiers, 35, Smithland, failure to appear (Nelson County Gazette)

Quotation of the week:
                                        "I told her that was the least of her concerns."

                                                    – Breathitt County librarian Mr. Bowling, to the Eas-
                                                        tern Kentucky woman
who lost books to a flood
Birthdays:
                    August 8:  Roger Federer, 41
                                      Connie Stevens, 84
                                      Dustin Hoffman, 85

                   
August 9:  Chris Cuomo, 52
                                       Bob Cousy, 94

                                       Whitney Houston (1963-2012)
                                      
Dollie Mae Nicely Krahenbuhl, (1909-2020)
                   
August 10: 
Kylie Jenner, 25
                                     
John Conlee, 76
                                       Rocky Colavito, 89
                                       Eddie Fisher (1928-2010)
                                       Jimmy Dean (1928-2010)
                                       Rhonda Fleming (1923-2020)
                   August 11:  Terry Bollea ("Hulk Hogan"), 69
                                       Arlene Dahl (1925-2021)
                    August 12:  Pete Sampras, 51
                                        Mark Knopfler, 73
                                        George Soros, 92
                                        Porter Waggoner (1927-2007)
                    August 13:  Janet Yellen, 76
                                        Dave "Baby" Cortez, 84
                                        Fidel Castro (1926-2016)
                    August 14:  Halle Berry, 56
                                        Gary Larson, 71
                                       
Maddy Prior, 75
                                        Susan Saint James, 76
                                        Connie Smith, 81
                                         David Crosby, 81
                                      
  Arcangela Felice Assunta "Lina" Wertmüller von Elgg Spañol von Braueich
                                           (1928-2021)

Tabloid deadlines
:
                                David McCullough, 89
                                Holland Lamont Dozier, 81
                                Olivia Newton-John, 73

sylviapr.jpg Busted in Bardstown:: Gwen Lanette Crowe, 47, Bardstown, contempt of court; Morries Gordon Judd, 49, Louisville, DUI; Ghristopher Garret, Phillips,38,Bardstown, theft; Joseph Stephen Graves, 65, Nicholasville, theft; Sylvia Pricilla Fiers, 35, Smithland, failure to appear (Nelson County Gazette)
savanhal.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita,Kansas) (Texoma's most wanted): Michael Douglas Brown, WM,60, 6'2", 240 lbs, prob. vi. (stalking); Kimberly Elaine Gibson, BF, 61, 5'11", 158 lbs, ctrld. substs.
 Jorge Alexander Gonzalez, HM, 23, 5'11", 230 lbs, family viol.; Savanha Linderman, WF, 20, 5'5", 190 lbs (Yorkshire hog), burglary; Robert Lee Hargrove, BM, 39,5'4", 130 lbs, burglary

Crossword puzzle clue of the week:
                                                           19A "Taking inventory?"
            Answer:  SHOPLIFTING                                                   [New Yorker 8/1/22]

Auditory thought of the week:

If U.S. Secretary of State Anthony Blinken shortened his first name to an ini-
tial, like National Public Radio's A. Martinez',
he'd be known as Abe Lincoln.

How old stars look today:

oldstars.jpg Willie Nelson, 87

Borf 's weekly BONUS:     
Jim Morrison led the list of the 25 most overrated singers of all time (Britney
Spears
, Axl Rose, Miley Cyrus and Bob Dylan were in there,  and
Katy Perry
brought up the bottom). .  .  . Governor Gretchen Whitmer of Michigan tested
positive. . . . Lightning killed three people in a park abutting the White House.
. . . Death Valley, California, got 94 per cent of its annual rainfall in 24 hours,
stranding more than 1,000 visitors. .  .  .  Scientists noted that June 29 was the
shortest day in history,  1.59  milliseconds  less than the typical 24-hour cycle;
horologists called for a negative leap second to keep clocks aligned, and Meta
fretted that such a correction could wreak havoc on tech systems. . . . A couple
were indicted in Charlotte, North Carolina, for the murder of a hotel clerk after
their pet rabbit went missing.. . . The most  beautiful  women  of all time (may-
be you agree;  we don't). . . .  The World Health Organization was condsidering
a name change for monkeypox, which some find racist.

                                                                            [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

shantazr.jpg Wante4d in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls,Texas): Michael Scott Kendall, WM,40, 5'7", 165 lbs, probation viol. (dom. assault); Kayce Ellen Arnold, WF, 42, 5'7", 180 lbs, probation violation (burglary); Wanted in Waco, Texas: Michael Scott Kendall, WM, 40, 5'7", 165 lbs, probation viol (dom. assault); Kayce Ellen Arnold, WM, 42, 5'7", 180 lbs (Y. hog., pro. vi. (burglary); Wanted in Waco (Texas): Shantazur Gaines, BF, 24, 5'4", 100 lbs, org. crime; Treyvon Norwood, BM, 20, 6'1", 175 lbs, organized crime (Sedgwick County (Kansas) Sheriff, Waco Crime Stoppers)
shantazr.jpg Wante4d in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls,Texas): Michael Scott Kendall, WM,40, 5'7", 165 lbs, probation viol. (dom. assault); Kayce Ellen Arnold, WF, 42, 5'7", 180 lbs, probation violation (burglary); Wanted in Waco, Texas: Michael Scott Kendall, WM, 40, 5'7", 165 lbs, probation viol (dom. assault);
Kayce Ellen Arnold, WM, 42, 5'7", 180 lbs (Y. hog., pro. vi. (burglary); Wanted in Waco (Texas): Shantazur Gaines, BF, 24, 5'4", 100 lbs, org. crime; Treyvon Norwood, BM, 20, 6'1", 175 lbs, organized crime (Sedgwick County (Kansas) Sheriff, Waco Crime Stoppers)
Dear Eleanor:
                            My wife and I have a 23-year-old son who is  a  heroin
                            addict.  "Rob" has been to rehab twice and has relapsed
                            again.   We've been attending Nar-Anon meetings eight
                            weeks  and  find them helpful,  and Rob has not
yet. hit
                            rock bottom.  He still has income from odd jobs and un-
                            employment that won't last much longer.   He has a pre-
                            scription for Suboxone  and still sees a psychologist ev-
                            ery month as part of his treatment.  Inour Nar meetings
                            we are learning that others have it much worse. We also
                            are learning that we are  "textbook  enablers."
  My wife
                            manages our son's finances and dispenses his Suboxone,
                            and we allow him to live with us, making sure he is fed
                            and clothed.


                            Nar-Anon says to cut all ties until he gets clean.  But we
                            are afraid that he will go off the deep end  and  we'd lose
                            him forever.  This kind of tough love scares me.  As bad
                            as things are,  we are afraid to put the hammer down and
                            throw him out.  We also have two younger children,  and
                            this isn't doing them any good. What do you think?

                                                                                           Dad in Wisconsin
Dear Dad:
                     Nar  is  right.  Turn the little fucker in to the police.  Think of
                      the youngsters.

The sports:
                    According to definition.org, National Football League quar-
                    terbacks not highly rated by their teammaates  included  Joe
                    NamathMatthew StaffordBernie Kosar, Boomer Esiason
                    and Phil Simms,

quantavi.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas,Sheriff): Quantavis Mason, 21, fam. assault; Christina McGuirre [sic], parole viol.; Heather Herrara,40,, trespass; Witney Smith, 35, public intox., paraph.; Trinity Bushner, 47, public drunk; Janie Whiteker, 34, DUI; Tyler Sanchez, 26, ctrl. subs.
quantavi.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas,Sheriff): Quantavis Mason, 21, fam. assault; Christina McGuirre [sic], parole viol.;
Heather Herrara,40,, trespass; Witney Smith, 35, public intox., paraph.; Trinity Bushner, 47, public drunk; Janie Whiteker, 34, DUI; Tyler Sanchez, 26, ctrl. subs.

DISCUSSION GROUP:

        Don't  forget!    Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to   attend   the  Weekly  World
News  Round  Table  at the offices of Borf Books  outside  Browns-
ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.    Guest   speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include Merrick Garland.

lifepolk.jpg "Pokageists are WAY more annoying than the regular kind" Life Saver Dude: A-one, and a-two, and-a . . . let's dance!
lifepolk.jpg "Pokageists are WAY more annoying than the regular kind" Life Saver Dude: A-one, and a-two, and-a . . . let's dance!

HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But  remember  also,  you  have  to  spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks,  and  without  that
redundant  "Re: "  that  appears in so many subject lines  or  you'll  keep
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"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" – €“Karen Crockett


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



August 7, 2022:   Things you would never know if you did not browse the
    tabloids  while waiting for your wife at the counter in the supermarket –
    this week's headlines
:


hed22081.jpg Mass shootings, violent mobs, economic terror! America's 2nd Civil War erupts (Enquirer); Meghan wins, Why Harry's becoming a U.S. citizen (Globe); Judd family feud over Naomi's $25M will (Enquirer); Hollywood's eight hottest cougars, Sharon Stone 64, Demi Moore 59, Susan Sarandon 75, Halle Berry 55, Kim Kardashian 41, Madonna 63, Olivia Wilde 38, Courtney Cox 58 (Enquirer); Trump family feud explodes, Ivanka & Jared are out! (Globe); Jennifer Lopez battling paralysis (Enquirer)
hed22081.jpg Mass shootings, violent mobs, economic terror! America's 2nd Civil War erupts (Enquirer); Meghan wins, Why Harry's becoming a U.S. citizen (Globe); Judd family feud over Naomi's $25M will (Enquirer); Hollywood's eight hottest cougars,
Sharon Stone 64, Demi Moore 59, Susan Sarandon 75, Halle Berry 55, Kim Kardashian 41, Madonna 63, Olivia Wilde 38, Courtney Cox 58 (Enquirer); Trump family feud explodes, Ivanka & Jared are out! (Globe); Jennifer Lopez battling paralysis (Enquirer)

Dumb news from Indiana:
Indiana became the first state to enact  an  anti-abortion  act
since Roe v. Wade was overturned.
                                                                    [courtesy LEX18]

Muncie author Jason R. Jamison was nominated for an Indi-
ana Authors award for his book Hillbilly Queer:  A Memoir. . . .

Northern Indiana Congresswoman Jackie Walorski and three
other persons  were killed  in an Elkhart County motor vehic-
le accident.
                                                   [courtesy Muncie Star Press]
canarecc.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Allen Johnson, WM, 5'4", 130 lbs, armed robbery; Adrienne Canarecci, WF, 5'4", 210 lbs (Yorkshire hog): Meth, syringe; Patrick Austin, BM, 5'10", 170 lbs, pro. viol. (fam. bat.); Joseph Wingo, BM, 6', 270 lbs, robbery; Berrien County, Michigan's: Kenneth Acklin, BM, embezzlement, tamper. (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.)
canarecc.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Allen Johnson, WM, 5'4", 130 lbs, armed robbery; Adrienne Canarecci, WF, 5'4", 210 lbs (Yorkshire hog): Meth, syringe; Patrick Austin, BM,
5'10", 170 lbs, pro. viol. (fam. bat.); Joseph Wingo, BM, 6', 270 lbs, robbery; Berrien County, Michigan's: Kenneth Acklin, BM, embezzlement, tamper. (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.)

Dumb news from Kentucky
:

A Breathitt County woman tied her 11-year-old daughter and
3-year-old son to her to protect them from a flood. . . .

A Frankfort couple who dumped a seriously injured dog in a
dumpster were charged with torturing the animal.

                                                                    [courtesy LEX18]

slonejoe.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Joseph Gage Slone, WM, 5'7", 195 lbs, marijuana (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers); Jennifer Tolson, WF, 36, 5' 5", 145 lbs., escape; Darrion Saliford,BM, 19, 5'3", 130 lbs, wanton endangerment, rsp
slonejoe.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Joseph Gage Slone, WM, 5'7", 195 lbs, marijuana (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers); Jennifer Tolson, WF, 36, 5' 5", 145 lbs., escape; Darrion Saliford,BM, 19, 5'3", 130 lbs, wanton endangerment, rsp

Quotations of the week
:
                                            "Jesus Christ!  I'm so glad I was wrong!"

                                                    – The late Edwin Kagin, National Legal Director of American A-
                                                       stheists and founder of Camp Quest, looking down from Heaven



Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):

"I had to give up my dreams of starting my own business.  It seemed that
  everyone in Sunfish already had a stripping pole."
 
                                                                                          – Leonard Simon
shauntil.jpg Wanted in Wichita (IKansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (Sedgwick County Sheriff): Mitchell Lamont Lewis Jr., BM, 53, 5'1", 170 lbs, prob. (battery); David Lee Crawford,WM, 37, 5'11", 195 lbs,felon w/firearm; Jacob Steven Clark, WM, 18, 5'9", 160 lbs, libertis w/a child;  Heather Leann Leonard, WF, 34, 5'4", 130 lbs, offender act violation; Markle Arie Henderson, BM, 19, 6', 160 lbs, aggravated robbery; Bryan Isidro Zuniga, HM, 20, 5'8", 140 lbs, aggravated robbery; Ja-Shaun Tyrell Ginn, BM, a/k/a Baby Heavy, Jay, Shauntil, Woo, Tony Dias, 18, 5'8", 140 lbs, robbery
shauntil.jpg Wanted in Wichita (IKansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (Sedgwick County Sheriff): Mitchell Lamont Lewis Jr., BM, 53, 5'1", 170 lbs, prob. (battery); David Lee Crawford,WM, 37, 5'11", 195 lbs,felon w/firearm; Jacob Steven Clark, WM, 18, 5'9", 160 lbs, libertis w/a child;
Heather Leann Leonard, WF, 34, 5'4", 130 lbs, offender act violation; Markle Arie Henderson, BM, 19, 6', 160 lbs, aggravated robbery; Bryan Isidro Zuniga, HM, 20, 5'8", 140 lbs, aggravated robbery; Ja-Shaun Tyrell Ginn, BM, a/k/a Baby Heavy, Jay, Shauntil, Woo, Tony Dias, 18, 5'8", 140 lbs, robbery

Birthdays:
                    August 1:  Ramblin' Jack Elliott, 91
                                      He, Claudius (10 BC - 54 AD)
                    August 2:  Lennon sister Kathy, 79
                                     
Isabel Allende, 80
                                      Garth Hudson, 85
                                      James Baldwin (1924-1987)
                    August 3:  Tom Brady, 45
                                      Martha Stewart, 81
                                      Ramon Estevez ("Martin Sheen"), 82
                                      Tony Bennett, 96
                   
August 4:  Evvy "The Pill" Yadadada, 18
                                     
Meghan Markle,41
                                     
Barack Obama, 61
                                      Frank Guzzo ("Frankie Ford," 1939-2015)
                    August 5:  Marine Le Pen, 54
                                      Wendell Berry, 88
                                      Neil Armstrong (1930-2012)
                    August 6:  Soleil Moon Frye, 46
                                      JonBenét Ramsey (1990-1996)
                    August 7:  Rodney Crowell, 72
                                      Garrison Keillor, 80
                                      B. J. Thomas, (1942-2021)
                    Correction correction:  Cy Young in the July 24 edition wasn't wrong after all.
                                                          Cy Young the baseball  pitching  ace  was born March
                                                          29, 1867,  and died in 1965;  but Cy Young the javelin
                                                          thrower was born July 23, 1928,  and died in 2017.
 
Tabloid deadlines
:
                                Vin Scully, 94
                                Nichelle Nichols, 89
                                Bill Russell, 88



Crossword puzzle clue of the week:
                                                           40A "Good gravy!"
            Answer:  JEEZLOUISE                                            [l..A. Times 7/23/22]

mccampbl.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas) (Texoma's most wanted) : John David McCampbell, BM,35, 6'1", 270 lbs, probation viol.; Mary Jo Camacho, HF, 55, 5', 110 lbs, forgery; Mary Zollicoffer, BF (sic), 54, 5'4", 130 lbs, probation vi.; Regina Martin, WF, 45, 5'4", 145 lbs, prob. viol.; Dalton Lee Fields, WM, 30, 5'7", 170 bs, burglary
mccampbl.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas) (Texoma's most wanted) : John David McCampbell, BM,35, 6'1", 270 lbs, probation viol.; Mary Jo Camacho,
HF, 55, 5', 110 lbs, forgery; Mary Zollicoffer, BF (sic), 54, 5'4", 130 lbs, probation vi.; Regina Martin, WF, 45, 5'4", 145 lbs, prob. viol.; Dalton Lee Fields, WM, 30, 5'7", 170 bs, burglary

Borf 's weekly BONUS:     
And here's more on one of the headlines above:  Naomi Judd left nothing
to daughters Wynona or Ashley in her last will, but everything to her hus-
band, Larry Strickland, as executor, to do with as he pleased. .  .  . Taylor
Swift
's private jet has produced 8,293.54 metric tons of CO2 this year, 1,-
184.8 times higher than an average person's. .  .  .  
French President Em-
manuel Macron decried Russia as an "imperial colonial power" while on
tour of West African countries that were once French colonies. .  .  . Con-
gressman Glenn Thompson (R-Pa.) attended his gay son's wedding to an-
other man less than a week after he voted against a bill that  would  have
allowed such marriages.
                                                                 [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]
Dear Eleanor:
                            I have had all I can take from your female readers
                            who complain about lack  of  intimacy  from their
                            husbands.     You tell them to have their husbands'
                            testosterone checked and seek counseling.  Allow
                            me to give you a better answer.

                            It's true that  men,  as they get older and live with
                            their partners for years, might not be as excited a-
                            bout intimacy as in their younger days. This does
                            not mean they are not  interested  in  intimacy.  It
                            means they are no longer interested in  their  part-
                            ners.

                            Here are  my  questions  for those female readers:
                            How big is your rear end?  Do you have health is-
                            sues that make your partner think he is living in a
                            nursing home?   Are  you  out of shape  and  over-
                            weight because you sit, eat and watch TV all day?
                            Do you snore, keeping your partner up most of the
                            night?

                            I could go on, but I think you get the point.  In my
                            opinion, 80 per cent of females over the age of 30
                            are  overweight,  and a good percentage are obese.
                            Let's face it.  Not sexy.

                            So,  after 30-plus years of marriage,  you  look  at
                            your spouse; and what else can I say? I know men
                            have issues, too,  but we don't all need to have our
                            testosterone checked  if we are not intimately exci-
                            ted by our mates.   This doesn't mean we don't still
                            love them.
                                                        Bob (location secret for reasons)

Dear Hide-o Bob:
                                  So,  "You fat asses quit griping and spruce up,"
                                  huh?  OK, Bob, I'll tell 'em.  Thanks.

conchita.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Conchita Bermea, 39, c.s.; Jaime Eckert, 33, mobery; Chelsei Martinez, 37, mobery; Rosamaria Romero, 49, parole violation; Cristina Sibilboro, 35, parole violation; Cherisa Hudson, 37, driving w/o lic.; Angel Sanchez, 52, ctrld. sub.; Lisa Pacheco, 50, mobery
conchita.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Conchita Bermea, 39, c.s.; Jaime Eckert, 33, mobery; Chelsei Martinez, 37, mobery;
Rosamaria Romero, 49, parole violation; Cristina Sibilboro, 35, parole violation; Cherisa Hudson, 37, driving w/o lic.; Angel Sanchez, 52, ctrld. sub.; Lisa Pacheco, 50, mobery
DISCUSSION GROUP:

        Don't  forget!    Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to   attend   the  Weekly  World
News  Round  Table  at the offices of Borf Books  outside  Browns-
ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.    Guest   speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include Alex Jones.


lifedown.jpg "Lay down" "It's 'lie down,' not 'lay down,' Stupid" LIfe Saver Dude: Some owners just don't get it
lifedown.jpg "Lay down" "It's 'lie down,' not 'lay down,' Stupid" LIfe Saver Dude: Some owners just don't get it

HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But  remember  also,  you  have  to  spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks,  and  without  that
redundant  "Re: "  that  appears in so many subject lines  or  you'll  keep
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cial filter to detect that.)



"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" – €“Karen Crockett


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