Your wife's two favorite shades of lipstick are light green and loam.

You go to a barbecue and insist that your family feed in a tactical chow line at five meter intervals.

Before you hit the road on vacation you conduct rehearsals, backbriefs, PCI, and cover your convoy checklist.

Your children clear their hand receipt and housing before they go to college.

Your wife has more jumps than most LTs in the company.

Your kids call the yard their MWR area.

You require your mechanic to replace the sandbags in your floorboard as a part of a tune-up.

Your station wagon is equipped with blackout lights, OVE, OVM, and has to be properly dispatched.

Your kids call their mother "Household 6."

Your kids use the "F" word at least five times in every sentence.

Your kids volunteer to pull air guard on the school bus.

Your doorbell sounds off with the current challenge and password.

Your house has sector sketches posted by every window.

You give the command "Fix Bayonets" at Thanksgiving Dinner.

Your kids show their meal cards at the kitchen door, except the oldest, who is on separate rations.

You make your daughter sign out on pass on Prom Night.

Your kindergartner calls recess "smoke break."

Your wife calls foreplay "prepping the objective."

Your wife conducts an AAR after sex.

Your wife "takes a knee" in the checkout line at the Food Lion.

You do your "back to school" shopping at the U.S. Cavalry store.

Your kids call the tooth fairy "Slicky Boy."

Your son fails the third grade but tells everyone he was a "phase three recycle."

Your kids salute their grandparents.

Your wife's "high-n-tight" is more squared away than your commander's.

Your kids get a LES for their allowance.

Your grandmother won "All American Week" and "Best Ranger."

All your kids have names that start with AR, FM, TM, or DA Form.

Your pick-up has your name stenciled on the windshield.

Your kids are hand-receipt holders.

Your older kids call the youngest one "Cherry."

Your kids recite their ABCs phonetically.

Your wife keeps Mermites in the China cabinet.

You DX'd your wife and then you held a "Change of Command" ceremony.

You call your in-laws the "Slice Elements."

Your dog's name is "Ranger."

All your possessions are military issue.

Your kids call their sandbox "NTC or CMTC"

You have pull-up bars outside the kitchen door.

Your daughter's first haircut was a flattop.

Your kids pull fireguard.

Your newborn's first words were "all OK Jumpmaster."

You "bum dips" from your four year old daughter.

The only channels you get are CNN, and ESPN.